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Bozo criminal for today comes from Northern Cambria, Pennsylvania, where bozo Jeffery McIntyre planned to rob a bank. And he succeeded. But he also succeeded in getting himself arrested. He handed the teller a note demanding $1 in cash. After the teller confirmed he wasn’t joking, she handed over the buck. Our bozo then thanked her and said he would just wait for the police. Don’t know if he had a hankering for that delicious jail food or maybe it’s just those comfy prison beds, but he got his wish.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New Castle, Delaware, where police were called to the scene of an accident on I-295. The driver, who suffered only minor injuries, admitted to smoking marijuana dipped in PCP and offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the cops he hit the guardrail when he swerved to “avoid an elephant in the road.” He’s been charged with DUI.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mike McPherson for sending in today’s report from Memphis, Tennessee, where police couldn’t believe what they saw. The cops spotted a red pickup truck driving down the highway with the hand lettered words “Meth Lab” written in what appeared to be white shoe polish on the rear window. And since the truck had an expired license plate, they decided to pull him over to check things out. It turns out he wasn’t kidding. The truck actually had chemicals for making methamphetamine inside. He’s busted!

Our bozo for today comes from New Orleans, Louisiana, where a city attorney,who shall remain nameless, was in court and talking to a police officer when something fell from his pocket. Before he could scramble to pick it up, the item in question was identified as a marijuana cigarette. Oops. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today from St. Petersburg, Florida, proves once again that honesty is not necessarily the best policy if you’re a bozo. Police received a 911 call from our bozo who was outside a Wells Fargo bank and said he needed help. When the officers arrived, they discovered the help he was asking for was rather unusual. He told the cops that he was planning to rob the bank to get money for drugs, but didn’t really want to. While talking to the officers, he also admitted that he had robbed two banks previously. The officers helped him… by placing him under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Tega Cay, South Carolina, where a group of teenage bozos broke into a home while the family was on vacation and threw a big party. Apparently the kids came back the next day and thoroughly cleaned the house. And they did such a good job, the homeowners didn’t notice anything amiss when they returned home. So, how did they end up in the bozo report? It seems at least one of them posted pictures of the party on his Facebook page. And the homeowner was looking at the pictures when he recognized his house. Oops. They’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Indianapolis, Indiana, where police were called to a report of an assault. When they arrived, they found a man with a bruise on his face and a cut on his hand. He said his girlfriend attacked him with a fan and then cut him with a steak knife. His crime? She said he had been cheating at dominoes. She’s been charged with felony battery, domestic battery and criminal recklessness.

Bozo criminals for today from the International File in Gothenburg, Sweden, forgot Bozo Rule Number 226758: Before stealing a car, be sure someone isn’t in the back seat. It seems two bozos stole a car in Norway and drove across the border into Sweden before one of them noticed the drunken owner of the car asleep in the back seat. They pulled over, unloaded the man and drove away. When he realized what was going on, he called the cops who allowed him to spend the night at the police station. The following morning, as they were taking him to the train station to return home, who should they meet on the road, but our two bozos in the stolen car. They’re busted!

Our bozo for today provides yet another example of a bozo foiled by modern technology. From Delray Beach, Florida, comes the story of bozo Jonathan Carter who robbed a cellphone store, getting away with a phone and $2000 in cash. The owner, who had previously dealt with our bozo as a customer, reported the crime to the cops but also decided to do a little high tech detective work on his own. He plugged the cellphone number that he had for our bozo into Facebook and discovered he lived in a nearby city and had a picture of himself posted with the caption “Crime Pays.” He then did a Google search for the city and the bozo’s name and turned up a mug shot from a previous arrest. A little more snooping among his Facebook friends turned up a Twitter account with our bozo’s real name. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fleming Island, Florida, where bozo Warren Means was pulled over by the cops after they observed him crossing the center line, then veering back to the right, running off the road and almost hitting a parked vehicle. It was when they questioned him about the reason for his reckless driving that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the deputies that he was being eaten by the squirrel inside his shirt. Upon further investigation, the cops found that our bozo did indeed have a squirrel inside his shirt, but his claims of being “eaten” were greatly exaggerated. He was arrested and charged with DUI. Police say the vehicle and the squirrel were turned over to our bozo’s girlfriend for safe keeping.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New Castle, Delaware, where Bozo David Hansen had a dispute with a repair shop over work that had been done on his truck. The shop had been holding the vehicle because our bozo had refused to pay. So, he did what any bozo would do. He broke into the impound lot and stole his own car. It was the method that he used to steal it that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. Driving a front-end loader , he broke through the fence and picked it up and drove away. Guess he didn’t think that a truck being carried by a front end loader would attract much attention. It did. He was arrested after leading the cops on a 35 minute chase down a highway, through a housing development, into a corn field, and finally ending up in a pond.

Bozo criminal for today obviously forgot Bozo Rule Number 100900: Finders Keepers is not an acceptable defense. From Tamarac, Florida, comes the story of bozo Michael Fletcher who was in the local Home Depot when he noticed another customer had dropped some money on the floor. He quickly scooped up the $29 and headed for the store’s exit, shouting “Finders keepers” when he was confronted by a store employee. Police were called and tracked our bozo to his home where they found him in possession of a small crack rock he said he had purchased with the cash he “found” at the store. He’s been charged with aggravated battery, petit theft, possession of cocaine and resisting a police officer.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today’s report, which highlights a violation of Bozo Rule Number 554389: Always take a nap before pulling a Bozo job. From Rock Creek, Oregon, comes the story of Bozo Cristian Carrera who apparently broke into a residence, ransacked the place and began gathering items to steal. Obviously, this is hard work, and our bozo just wasn’t prepared for such a workout. He quickly became exhausted and felt the need to lie down on the kitchen floor and take a little nap. That’s where the homeowner found him. And he was still snoozing when the police arrived. He’ll have plenty of chances to catch up on his sleep on a nice jailhouse bed.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Charles, Missouri, where bozo Travis Moore was pulled over by the cops on a traffic violation. When the cop asked our bozo for his name, he gave him a fake one. Which could have been a good idea except for the fact that man whose name he gave was wanted in connection with an armed robbery. Obviously realizing the error of his ways, our bozo sped off while the officer was waiting for backup to arrive. He didn’t get very far, however, as he drove his car off the road and into a creek. He’s now been charged with resisting arrest by fleeing, driving with a suspended license and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami Beach, Florida, where bozo David Watkins walked into a local watering hole and ordered up a beer, handing the bartender a credit card. The bartender noticed something awfully familiar on the card…his own name. It would seem our bozo broke into a car in a nearby parking garage and stole the credit card. And, as luck would have it, the car that the broke into belonged to the bartender. The cops were called and our bozo was arrested on charges of theft and fraud.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Putnam Township, Michigan, where an unidentified couple was sleeping soundly in their bed when they were disturbed by someone crawling in beside them. The couple leapt up and called 911, leaving our tired and drunk bozo to sleep it off until the police came. When the officers arrived, our bozo woke up, took an look around and said, “This isn’t my house.” No kidding. Apparently he lives a few doors down and, after a night of drinking, got the houses mixed up. He’s been charged with illegal entry.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Port St. Lucie, Florida, where 18-year-old bozo Michael Harvey spotted a handgun he really wanted at a party, so he made an offer for it and the owner sold it to him. When he got it home and was looking it over, he accidentally shot himself. And it wasn’t just a flesh wound, either. The poor bozo shot himself in the penis and testicle. Ouch. Ouch. He at first tried to lie to the cops, telling them someone shot him while walking down the street. But after the cops took a look around and found marijuana in the house he decided to ‘fess up. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Jose, California, where bozo Juan Cortez led police on a high-speed chase after officers tried to pull him over for speeding. Our bozo eventually crashed his car and fled from the officers on foot. Perhaps thinking he could find a hiding place between a couple of buildings, he soon found himself in a tight spot. Far too tight, it would seem, as he became stuck in an 18-inch space between the two buildings. Not able to go forward or backward, our stuck bozo was eventually freed by police using ladders and ropes. When extracted, the police were surprised to discover our bozo was clad only in a trash bag. He’s been charged with hit and run and driving with a suspended license.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Windber, Pennsylvania, where bozo Bobby Swan went down to the local home improvement store and took a look around the toilet department. Finding one he liked, he headed, not for the checkout lane, but for the returns department. Yep, he didn’t even bother to pay for the thing before trying to exchange it for $600 in gift cards. Unfortunately for him, the clerks thought something “smelled” and checked the security cameras which captured the whole episode. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the four-legged department in Lesogorsk, Russia. Police were called to an apartment building where there was a report of an intruder on the fifth floor. And when they arrived they discovered an angry looking bull pawing the ground outside the front door of the building. Once inside the building, the found the place in disarray with furniture overturned and many items broken. But it was not until they climbed up five flights of stairs that they discovered the source of the problem. A very distressed cow who had rejected the amorous intentions of the bull downstairs and had climbed five flights of stairs to get away from him. Understandably, she wasn’t interested in leaving, either. The cops had to lasso Old Bossy and drag her, mooing in protest, down the stairs and through the lobby, while another group of cops corralled the bull. The story had a happy ending, for the cow anyway, as she was safely returned to her pasture. No charges have been filed as yet against the bull.