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Our bozo for today comes from Waukesha, Wisconsin, where the 911 operator took a rather unusual call. The man on the other end of the line said that he wanted “a female removed from his bed.” He said he was not sure how she had gotten into his apartment but she was “snoring like a train” and he needed help in getting her out. Uncertain exactly what the situation was, police officers were dispatched to the residence where they did indeed find a snoring woman in the man’s bed. However, after further questioning the man admitted that he did know the woman, and had shared some drinks with her before she crawled into his bed and started sawing logs. The officers reminded our bozo that no crime had been committed since he did invite her into his home. They advised him to take to the couch for the evening and work things out in the morning.

Although the cops were called to this residence in Stromstad, Sweden, we can’t call the residents crooks, but we certainly can relate to their predicament. At 1 AM, police were dispatched to a residence after a report of banging sounds, screaming, and a baby crying. Fearing the worst, the cops entered the house only to discover a family attempting to put together furniture from an IKEA store. Completely understandable. No charges were filed and when the cops left the man was still trying to figure out where all the parts went.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report from Lake Worth, Florida, where sheriff’s deputies were called to the scene of a burglary. While they were investigating, a cell phone began ringing. Noticing the phone’s screen identified the caller as “Mom”, one of the cops answered it. After hearing the officer’s explanation, “Mom” was more than happy to give the cops her son’s name and address, where they found numerous items stolen from the home. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 726280: When you steal something to re-sell, its usually a good idea to take something that’s not easily traceable back to its owner. From Redlands, California comes the story of Bozo Robert Tarver who broke into a restaurant and stole several items. Now, what to do with those items? Put them up for sale on Craigslist, of course. Which might be a good idea…unless the items you are trying to sell are immediately recognizable as symbols of the restaurant you just robbed. Our bozo offered for sale, for $350 apiece, the black and white cow suits that are used to beckon customers into Chick-fil-a restaurants. An officer noticed them and when our bozo offered to sell them to him just in time for Halloween, he was busted!

We’ve had any number of bozos who were caught after leaving fingerprints at the scene of the crime, but today’s bozo from Glendale, Arizona took it to a whole new, and very uncomfortable, level. It seems bozo Joshua Grier spotted a big spool of copper wire on the back of an air conditioning installer’s truck. Knowing it was worth about $300, he pulled the big spool off the truck and drug it about 20 feet before things went terribly wrong causing him to leave the spool behind and flee the scene. Investigating officers soon found the reason for his hasty exit. Somehow, his finger had gotten caught up in the spool of wire and had been severed. Ouch! Forensic technicians were able to match the fingerprint to our bozo, who offered the lame excuse that he had lost the finger while working on a car. After he couldn’t explain how the finger ended up in the wire, he was placed under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in today’s report that once again proves that bozos and technology just don’t mix. From Ottawa, Canada comes the story of two bozo motorcyclists that where reported to the cops for reckless driving. When the cops caught up with them, they were surprised to discover that our bozos were carrying around evidence of their crimes. Apparently they had been recording themselves driving at high speeds and committing various infractions. Twenty one infractions, total. Each. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Borensberg, Sweden, where the cops were called to the scene of a massive traffic jam. The officers quickly discovered the cause of the problem. There was a big felled tree blocking the entire roadway. Perhaps the result of an accident, with a car knocking down the tree? Nope. Maybe the tree was dead and had fallen on its own? No. Maybe a busy beaver had brought it down, resulting in the blockage? Yep. After determining the beaver was just doing what beavers do, no charges will be filed.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas, where bozo Johnny Dorrough was in need of some quick cash. Seeing a deli parking lot full of nice cars, he sprang into action. He went from car to car, stealing the nicest looking hubcaps. As you might expect, this attracted the attention of some of the customers inside the deli. In fact, it attracted the attention of most of the customers inside the deli. You see, a police retirement party was being held at the restaurant and the cars he was stripping belonged to the off duty cops. Oops. About 30 deputies took part in placing him under arrest.

In honor of Halloween, we have a frightfully scary bozo story for you. From Clawson, Michigan, comes the story of a not so loving couple who donned their Halloween costumes and headed to the local bar. Somewhere along the way something went wrong and our bozo couple began screaming at each other with the woman finally being seen hitting her male companion over the head with her purse. Police officers were called and, after investigating, placed the woman under arrest on domestic violence and public intoxication charges. So what makes this incident qualify for the Bozo Criminal Report? It was the not so loving couple’s choice of Halloween costume. She was dressed as an abusive wife and he was an abused husband. Yikes!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Melbourne, Florida, where police were called to a report of a burglary in progress at the local CVS Pharmacy. When they arrived, they could see that someone had been inside, but it appeared the thief had made his getaway. Then, one of the officers noticed a scratching sound coming from the ceiling. It was either the world’s largest rat or…our bozo! Before the cops had time to figure out what was going on, he came crashing through the ceiling, falling to the floor at the feet of the surprised officers. He’s busted!

It’s our first sure sign that winter is on the way. Nope, it’s not geese flying south for the winter. It’s a bozo getting arrested because he left footprints in the snow. From the International File in Boden, Sweden comes the story of our early bird bozo who burglarized a psychiatric ward. Police were called and immediately noticed footprints in freshly fallen snow leading from the facility to a nearby apartment. And inside, a pair of snowy boots and a busted bozo!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from the International File in Stoke-on-Trent, England. It seems our bozo scammed taxpayers out of $1900 in housing and tax benefits by claiming he was single and out of work. His scam might still be going on except for that one mainstay of modern society that is so often the downfall of bozos everywhere…Facebook. It seems he posted a picture of himself on his wife’s facebook acount showing him signing a marriage register. It was then discovered he lives with his wife, who has a steady job. Oops. He’s been charged with theft.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Memphis, Tennessee. It would seem Bozo Danny Sanders was upset with a transaction he made at a local convenience store. He felt the store overcharged him by a penny on a 16-ounce Heineken he purchased. After failing to resolve the issue with the clerk, he did what any bozo would do. He called 911. The 911 operator told him the emergency line was not to be used to settle disputes over being overcharged for beer. Our bozo ignored her and continued to call. After the third call, officers were dispatched and our bozo was placed under arrest. Bonding out of jail cost him $250. He probably thought it should have been $249.99.

Bozo criminal for today from Boca Raton, Florida, thought he had come up with a perfect shoplifting plan. He would check out cars in the parking lot of a local fitness facility, looking for any that were unlocked. He would then reach in and grab what he wanted, stuffing the items into his pants. What he didn’t notice was the police officer who was keeping an eye on the lot. When he got into his sport utility vehicle and attempted his getaway, the cop pulled him over. Oh, did we fail to mention the one other thing our bozo forgot? He failed to zip his pants and the officer could see the stolen items peeking out of the slit in his underwear. He’s been charged with theft of a light fixture, smartphones, jewelry, money and mail. Hew was also found to be in possession of marijuana and a stolen drivers license.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Greg Peet for sending in today’s report from the International File In Bucharest, Romania. Bozo Radu Dogaru is on trial along with five accomplices accused of stealing masterpieces by Gauguin, Monet and Picasso from the Kunsthal museum in Rotterdam. While this crime is certainly no laughing matter, it was a statement made by our bozo’s attorney that merits inclusion into the Bozo Hall of Shame. He said that he and his bozo client were considering suing the Dutch museum because lack of security made his robbery too easy. Sounds like the judge’s job may be easy in this case! Guilty!

Bozo criminal for today from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, must have really been hungry. Bozo Daniel Haynes walked into a Subway around 10am, flashed a gun, and demanded…not money but a sandwich. Just a sandwich, nothing else, not even chips or a drink. Employees prepared the sandwich to his specifications and he took it and ran out of the store. Unfortunately for him, the cops were nearby and he was quickly spotted and arrested. His next sandwich will be of the bologna variety served at the local jail.

Bozo criminals for today from Nashville, Tennessee were a classic case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Our unfortunate crooks attempted to snatch a purse in a shopping center parking lot at the same time as Franco Scaramuzza pulled in. So, why did this cause a problem? Well, Scaramuzza just happens to be a fencing coach. And he just so happened to have his equipment with him. He whipped out his epee and charged our bozos and before you could say “En garde”, they dropped the purse and fled. The cops caught up to them shortly thereafter.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pekin, Illinois, where a police officer clocked bozo Adam Lawry speeding on his motorcycle across the McNaughton Bridge with a female passenger on the back. And we mean really speeding. The gun showed him to be doing 140 MPH, so fast that the officer checked the gun twice to confirm. After verifying, he gave chase and observed our bozo continue to speed and blow through a red light at the end of the bridge. He finally caught up to him when he pulled his bike over and parked between two vehicles. It was when he was asked to explain that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the officer he really, really needed to pee. Sorry, you’re busted! Charged with speeding, fleeing and attempting to elude police, endangering the safety of a minor, reckless driving and disobeying a traffic control device.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Seabrook, New Hampshire, where police were called to a report of a convenience store robbery. The crime scene was somewhat unusual. The store had indeed been robbed, and the getaway car was still outside, but our bozo thief was nowhere to be found. A K-9 team picked up the scent and led the officers to a black backpack, a key that appeared to go to the getaway car, a silver cell phone, a pair of sunglasses, and a piece of shirt that had been used as a mask. Just when it seemed that our thief had vanished into thin air, the dogs turned their attention to a nearby tree. Sure enough, there was our bozo, holding on for dear life. When he came down, he explained how he got into such a situation. It seems that during his hasty exit from the convenience store, he managed to lose his keys, so he did the logical thing. He climbed the nearest tree. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 787890: Delete the history in your computer before pulling your crime. From Weymouth, Massachusetts comes the story of three bozos who were arrested by the cops in connection with a bank robbery. Following leads, the cops tracked our bozos to an address only a few blocks from the bank. After taking them into custody, the cops decided to look for any further incriminating evidence and they found just what they were looking for on one of the computers in the house. The history showed several internet searches for “if you’re going to rob a bank” and “what happens if you rob a bank.” Busted!