Recent Posts

As this long, cold winter finally comes to an end, we thought we would treat you to one final wintry story, courtesy of Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney. From Fargo, North Dakota, comes the story of bozo Todd Raines who was fed up with clearing snow out of his front yard. It was his alternative method of snow blowing that got him in trouble. He obtained a flamethrower, referred to by the cops as a “high-powered fire-breathing weapon”, and went to work on the snow. Neighbors noticed a bright orange cloud and could hear what they termed “puff the magic dragon spewing mayhem all over hell” and called the cops. While the cops could understand our bozo’s frustration, his methods were illegal. He was arrested and charged with reckless endangerment.

Our bozo for today from the Feathered Division comes from in the International File in Manchester, England where the owners of a garden center thought it would be a nice touch to have a beautiful African Grey parrot on display among the lovely flowers and plants. Ruby was moved to a prominent position near the register where the kids could enjoy seeing her. A couple of problems…no one bothered to check Ruby’s vocabulary, which was pretty much non-stop swearing. And she also would take a bite out of anyone’s finger who happened to get to close to the cage. Ruby has been sent to parrot rehab with the hopes that her language and behavior can me improved and she can once again return. We’re not holding our breath.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hillsborough County, Florida, where police received a call from a homeowner who reported a burglary at his residence. He told the cops that several items were missing, and his TV was on the ground in the front yard. He even went so far as to describe a vehicle that he saw pulling away from the scene. The officers thought somethng didn’t ring true in his story and interviewed the neighbors who provided conflicting information to what he was claiming. It was after they confronted him again that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told them that his wife was insisting that he go to work, and he didn’t want to, so he made up the break-in so he could stay at home for the day. He got his wish, sort of. Instead of going to work, he got to spend the day in jail.

Bozo criminal for today, Daniel Herrera, had a few too many, and, like many folks in the same condition, decided to head to the nearest Taco Bell. He got himself a big beefy burrito and headed back out into the streets, where he was seen driving erratically. An eyewitness saw him weaving before coming to a stop at a traffic light. And it was a long stop, too, as he had been parked there for 15 minutes when the cops arrived. They found our bozo with the burrito in one hand and and his foot planted firmly on the brake, sound asleep. After banging on the car window for almost 10 minutes, deputies broke into the car, woke up our bozo and placed him under arrest for DUI.

Bozo criminal for today from the International File in Dublin, Ireland may have been foiled by that old nemesis, Daylight Saving Time. Police surveillance footage shows our mad bomber attempting to plant an explosive device in a Volvo SUV. Unfortunately the bomb literally blew up in the face of our bozo bomber who somehow was able to stagger away and flag down a taxi. Police note that clocks in Ireland were changed to Daylight Saving Time on Sunday and speculate that he may have failed to reset the clock on his explosive device. Oops.

Bozo criminal for today learned that “when you gotta go, you gotta go” does not necessarily hold true if you’re a bozo. From Pittsfield, Michigan, comes the story of bozo Thomas Harper who was going for a drive when he felt the call of nature. He pulled over and went inside a public building and asked the person at the front desk if he could use their restroom. Two problems here. First, the public building was the local Department of Public Safety. And, second, he was drunk at the time. After he failed a field sobriety test, he was locked up to sober up. Hopefully, he was allowed to use the facilities first.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Daniel Pierce for sending in today’s report from Troutdale, Oregon. It seems bozo Nathaniel Martinez was arrested by the cops for shoplifting. After booking, he was released, but he cops decided to confiscate his skateboard. This didn’t sit well with our bozo, and it let him to formulate his bozo plan to get it back. He returned to the police station and, finding the front door to be locked, began tugging on the handle. Surveillance cameras caught him putting his legs up against the door for extra leverage and tugging with all his might. When the handle snapped, he went flying backward, landing roughly on the ground. He then staggered to his feet and walked away, taking the broken handle as a souvenir. Unfortunately for him, the cops got a good look at his face during the attempted break-in and attempted burglary, criminal mischief and theft charges were added to the shoplifting charge.

Our bozo for today from San Mateo, California is a charter member of the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. Keveen Garcia visited a local restaurant and struck up a conversation with the lovely bartender who worked there. After talking for a while, our smitten bozo gave the bartender his phone number before leaving. Apparently, the bartender was not the only thing he saw that he liked, as he returned later and broke in through the back door. Security cameras caught him stacking a TV and other electronic items by the back door. The bartender recognized our bozo and gave the cops his phone number. The cops then set up a “date” with him and when he showed up he was arrested by plainclothes officers.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Tom’s River, New Jersey, where bozo Christopher Morton was released from jail after serving a 15 year sentence for robbing a shoe store. So, what was the first thing he did upon his release? Spend some quality time with his family? Nope. Maybe head to a favorite restaurant for a celebration meal? No way. Go to a bar and get drunk? Nah. Head back to the very same shoe store he had robbed 15 years earlier and rob it again? Yep. He took a bus from the prison to Tom’s River where he headed straight to the Stride Rite store and threatened the clerk, getting away with $389. He didn’t get very far, however. Cops caught up with him a few blocks away. He’s headed back to prison.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in today’s report from southern Manitoba, Canada. It seems our unidentified bozo was traveling from British Columbia to Ontario when she apparently ran afoul of her GPS system. Instead of taking her to her destination in Ontario, the GPS directed her to the Emerson border port. Confused, she asked border guards for directions to Ontario. Which would have been fine, except for the contraband she was carrying. After noticing her acting a little strange, guards decided to search her vehicle and found six Ziploc baggies full of marijuana. Oops. She’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Deltona, Florida, where bozo Ramon Garcia had a thriving marijuana growing operation. Things were going so well, in fact, that our bozo kept adding on to his grow rooms, adding more and more plants and powerful lights to make the plants thrive. Guess he finally added one light too many, as power company crews were called to the neighborhood after a report of a power outage. The crews replaced a blown transformer fuse only to have the new one blow moments after the installation. They then traced the source of the big power drain to our bozo’s residence where they dicovered a small fire in the home’s meter box and several extra wires siphoning more power into the home. Cops were called and our bozo was busted as he tried to dispose of part of the 51 plants he had growing inside by throwing them over a fence in his back yard. He’s busted!

Again today we have another example of a bozo foiled by modern technology. From the International File in Rotherham, England, comes the story of bozo Ashley Carson who broke into a residence and stole a car, electronics and some jewelry. Not content with just making a clean getaway, our bozo took a SIM card stolen from the house and used it to take a “selfie” with his own phone during the robbery. He then posted the photo on the whatsapp messenger application. Unfortunately, he also unknowingly sent the picture to some of the victim’s friends. The friends recoginzed the stolen merchandise and called the cops. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clarendon, Virginia, where bozo Charles Harper was booked into jail. But Charles isn’t the bozo here. Instead, it’s his wife, Mary, who showed up at the jail for a little visit. Which would have been OK, except she showed up at the jail naked and drunk. When the officers told her to put clothes on or get in a cab and go home, she refused. Bad idea. She’s been charged with indecent exposure and being drunk in public. And, no, she didn’t get to see her husband.

There is no criminal activity involved in today’s story, and it’s even questionable whether there are any bozos involved, but it’s a story we just couldn’t pass up. Tree removal workers in Norridgewock, Maine, called the cops to report that a man armed with a gun had threatened them and ordered them to get off his property. The workers said the shirtless man, with a gun tucked into the waistband of his pajama bottoms, had come out of his house and yelled at them to leave. The cops, armed with assault rifles and talking through megaphones, approached the house and knocked on the door of the residence. They were greeted by a shirtless man with a gun tucked into his pajama bottoms. Except the “gun” was a tattoo of a weapon strategically placed as waist level so it looked like a real gun was tucked into his pants. Oops. No harm, no foul. Cops told him to go back to bed.

Bozo criminal for today from Newington, Connecticut proves that some people will do just about anything to get a banana. Store surveillance footage shows our bozo drive his Ford Freestyle up to the front door of a convenience store and repeatedly ram the doors until he was able to crash through. He then got out, picked up a single banana, ate it, and drove away. Police say nothing else was taken. They’re looking for a car with damage to the rear bumper and a driver with bananas on his breath.

Today we check the to-do list of bozo Te’Mon Martin from Hamilton, New Jersey. 1. Get up early, brush teeth, take shower. 2. Find something to wear to scheduled court appearance. 3. After getting dressed, grab other things you might need…keys, ID, $400 in cash, 43 bags of heroin. Well, maybe he should have re-thought at least part of number 3. After arriving at court, officers discovered his contraband and he was placed under arrest.

Our bozo criminal for today proves once again that honesty is not the best policy if you’re a bozo. From Fort Pierce, Florida, comes the story of bozo Alberto Martinez who was pulled over by the cops for speeding. When the cop asked him why he was going so fast, our bozo replied that he was “on his was to kill his friend for screwing him over”. Sorry, but that’s not on the list of acceptable excuses. And he added to his problems when he fell out of the truck when asked to step out to perform a field sobriety test. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Houston, Texas. Our bozo walked up to a man in a Cadillac and tried to shake him down for money. To emphasize he was serious, he lit a molotov cocktail and then proceeded to stand over it while continuing to demand cash. Not a good idea, as the cocktail soon burst into flames, sending our bozo scurrying away. Based on information given to them by the vicitm, cops hope to arrest our singed bozo soon.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bay City, Michigan, where bozo Jules Boyd pulled off a series of bank robberies after threatening the tellers with an imposing automatic weapon. It was what he did after the successful robberies that got him busted. Apparently he was so proud of his big gun that he just couldn’t resist posting a selfie of himself with the weapon on his Facebook page. He also mentioned that he had purchased the gun recently in the area. Bad idea. Cops looking at the picture realized the weapon matched a description of the one used in a bank robbery in Bay City the previous day. Oops. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Paris, France, where two bozos followed the manager of a jewelry store to her home, tied her up and demanded that she give them the codes to the store’s alarm system and safes. After the terrified woman gave them the information, our bozos untied her, and, as they were leaving, one of them gave her a kiss on the cheek. The woman called the cops and, after telling the story, one of the officers swabbed her cheek to see if our bozo had left a DNA sample. He had. And it turns out he was a wanted man and his DNA was in the national genetic database. They’re busted!