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Bozo criminal for today from Seattle, Washington, got a little more than she bargained for when she stole a cell phone. It all started on a city bus when our unidentified bozo spotted a man napping with his cell phone on his lap. She grabbed the phone and fled along with her boyfriend, with the man in hot pursuit. He caught up with them and, after a brief scuffle, our bozo did something that would only make sense to the bozo mind. She called 911 to report that the man she had stolen a cell phone from wouldn’t leave her alone. Investigating officers found her to be in possession of the stolen phone, along with three grams of crack. She’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stratford, Connecticut, where bozo Nick Carlton was booked on charges of stealing a car and was released on bail. It must have been a very exhausting experience for our bozo, as he walked out of the police station and immediately began searching for a place to take a nap. The first thing he came across was an empty police car parked in front of the station house. Finding it unlocked, our bozo climbed in, stretched out and was soon fast asleep. His peaceful slumber didn’t last long, as officers noticed him and drug him back inside the station. You can add new charges of breaking and entering to his rap sheet.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Elizabeth City, North Carolina, where Bradley Haynes got wind of a big donut eating contest that was being sponsored by the local police department. And since he was a big fan of the tasty treats, he decided to enter. He quickly downed eight donuts in the two minutes time frame, easily defeating everyone else, including several police officers who also took part. End of story, right? Wrong. It seems bozo Bradley was a wanted man. The cops had been trying to find him for nine months on suspicion of break-ins at two local businesses. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today from Woodbridge, New Jersey forgot Bozo Rule Number 101096: The old “if at first you don’t succeed” adage doesn’t apply to bozos. James Perdue entered the Forge Inn armed with a knife and attempted to rob the clerk. He ran off without getting any money. Undaunted, he went to the La Bonbonniere bakery, and, again failing in his robbery attempt, stole $2 from the tip jar. He regrouped the next day and went to the Hess gas station, again armed with a knife. Again, he left empty handed. He then headed over to a 7-11 store. Same result. Left empty handed. But this time, the cops were in the vicinity and were able to apprehend our hopeless bozo. The final score: Take: $2; Bail: $50,000.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where Patrick Silva walked into a convenience store. That much we know, the other details are sketchy. Our bozo says he asked for change and the clerk handed him $1600. The clerk says he threatened her with a gun if she didn’t hand over the money. Our bozo’s explanation? He says he was just scratching his stomach, not reaching for a gun. After receiving the cash, he ran from the store. Our bozo’s explanation? He says anyone handed a lot of cash would take the money and run. He didn’t get far. Police found him at a nearby gas station hiding in the bed of a pickup. He offered no explanation for his hiding place. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hollywood, Florida, where Wayne Palmer broke into a residence, getting away with a number of items, but leaving one very important item behind. His cell phone. That was bad enough, but our bozo just couldn’t leave it alone. He called the phone in an effort to retrieve it and gave his name to the police detective who answered it. Adding to his problems, his fingerprints were found on the phone and the homeowner recognized him as the man she saw leaving the residence. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where bozo Ria Brown proudly announced her plans to steal a police car. After leaving a club, she jumped into the cruiser, which was parked out front, and said she was going to take it and drive the vehicle to her car. She may or may not have noticed there was a passenger in the front seat and another passenger in the back. And she may or may not have realized the two passengers were plainclothes police officers. Oops. She’s been charged with public intoxication and attempted robbery.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Freddy Smith broke into a residence through a window. After rummaging through the house, he stopped at the refrigerator and grabbed a Sprite. Apparently exhausted from his exploits, he then headed to the master bedroom where he took off all his clothes and climbed into bed, where he quickly fell into a deep sleep. The homeowners returned home and found our bozo sawing logs and immediately called the cops. Sleeping beauty continued to sleep soundly until one of the officers took matters into his own hands, ripping the blankets off him. It was then that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the officers that he thought he was in his girlfriend’s house. That story didn’t fly. He’s been charged with breaking and entering.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mike McPherson for sending today’s report which finds our bozo foiled by, of all people, Mother Nature. Folks in Kingsport, Tennessee were victims of a strong tornado, and as the residents were inspecting the damage, one man noticed a welder, a compressor and a weed eater that looked awfully familiar. It seems those items had been stolen from his residence and now they showed up in the debris at his neighbor’s house. Yep, his neighbor had taken the stuff and hidden it in his garage, where he thought it would be safe. Thanks to Mother Nature, he’s now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Melbourne, Florida, where bozo Julius Lucas was pulled over by the cops for speeding. Desperate to get out of the ticket, when the officer walked back to his squad car, our bozo picked up his cell phone and called…his lawyer? Nope. A bail bondsman? Nah. 911 to report a murder in progress? Yep. He called the emergency service to report a “murder any second” at a nearby street corner, hoping the officer would be called to the scene and would leave without writing him a ticket. Didn’t work. The officer noticed him on the phone and the dispatcher was able to trace the call to our bozo’s cell phone. Busted! He’s now been charged with a felony for misuse of the 911 system and could get up to five years in jail. And that $209 ticket for speeding? He still owes that as well.

Bozo criminal for today from Denver, Colorado, had big plans for robbing a bank, but was lacking somewhat in the details. First, he drove his own car to the robbery and parked where witnesses were able to get a good look at the license plate. The second issue was his wardrobe. To wear to his heist, he selected a nice polo shirt, which unfortunately had his name embroidered on it. Police officers report it took less than five hours to track down our bozo and place him under arrest.

Our bozo for today from Phoenix, Arizona, gets our Bozo Bad Choice award. Cesar Barrera was looking for a house to break into. He found a nice one that apperared to have no one at home and went about his business. Unfortunately, the homeowner and his wife returned while he was still inside. Even more unfortunately, the home belonged to WWE Champion Daniel Bryan and his wife, who is also a WWE star known as Brie Bella. Not surprisingly, our bozo was no match for the champ who subdued him with a choke hold and held him until the cops arrived. Busted!

Our bozo for today from Rice Lake, Wisconsin, had a problem. He was deep in debt because of a number of court fees and was in danger of going to jail if he couldn’t pay them. So, he got a second job, right? Nope. Maybe took out a second mortgatge? No. Robbed a bank to get the cash? Yeah, that’s the plan. He held up the Sterling Bank and got away with an undisclosed amount of money, but was quickly apprehended. Meanwhile, those court fees just keep on growing.

Our bozo for today from Gainesville, Florida proves the old adage that what goes around, comes around. It seems bozo Joseph Carpenter had been drinking and rear-ended another vehicle at a stop light. He jumped out of his truck and ran up to the car he hit and began banging on the window. The driver of the other car, frightened, simply drove away. End of story. Except for one thing. In his haste to confront the other driver, our bozo had failed to put his truck into park. When she drove away, the truck rolled forward, running over his foot. After being treated for his injuries, he was arrested and charged with DUI and DUI property damage.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Brandon, Alberta, Canada, where bozo Kate McIntosh had a really fun time at a bar with two female friends. Her problems began when she decided to skip out on their $160 tab, which included a pitcher of beer, chicken wings, nachos and 23 shots. The ladies did manage to walk out of the bar, but our bozo left one very important piece of evidence behind. Her purse. She was placed under arrest when she came back looking for it.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Biloxi, Mississippi, where Roger Brown was pulled over by the cops for speeding. Seeing a large building with lots of cars parked in front of it nearby, our bozo decided he’d be better off making a run for it. As the officer approached his car, our bozo made a break and started running toward the nearby building. We can only assume he thought there would be someplace he could hide inside. He was wrong. Apparently he didn’t notice most of the cars parked out front were police cars. Guess he also didn’t notice the big sign on the building that said, “Harrison County Law Enforcement Training Academy.” Yep, he fled from the cops by running into a police academy. He’s busted, charged with possession of cocaine, resisting arrest and careless driving.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Costa Mesa, California, where bozo Daniel Sanders drove up to the local El Pollo Loco restaurant and and demanded cash from the drive-thru window. He got away with an undisclosed amount of money, and also left with something else. A powerful craving for some of that El Pollo Loco food, which must have smelled really good while he was waiting in the drive-thru lane. So, he did what any bozo would do. He returned a short time later to purchase a meal. Unfortunately he didn’t bother to change out of the clothes he wore during the robbery, including a unique cap with a bright pink cartoon character on it. Employees recognized him and called the cops. He was arrested while standing in line waiting for his food.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lakewood, Washington, where bozo Kenneth Carlson had a simple request of his girlfriend. Please clean my ears. The cops were called to their trailer park residence after she refused and violence ensued. Apparently her refusal so angered our bozo that he broke a door off the hinges and poured water on her, damaging her hearing aid. But, there’s more! He then chomped down on her arm with his toothless mouth, not breaking the skin, but “still enough to hurt.” He’s been charged with assault by gumming.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the “seemed like a good idea at the time” department. From Corbin, Kentucky, comes the story of bozo Charles Baker who was being booked into the county jail on charges of shoplifting. Somehow, our bozo got a moment alone and called the local pizza shop and ordered five pizzas delivered to the station for “Officer Wilson”, who just happened to be the officer who arrested him. Nice gesture, but bribery by pizza doesn’t work. He now faces additional charges of impersonating a police officer and theft by deception.

Over the years on the Bozo Criminal Report, we’ve reported bozos placed under arrest for any number of reasons, but today we have a first. From Thomaston, Connecticut comes the story of bozo Carmine Carillo who was going through a nasty divorce. His wife busted him by turning in to the cops containers or prescription pills and marijuana she found hidden in his tool box. He retaliated by placing a watermelon on her kitchen table and stabbing it with a butcher knife, which apparently is illegal in Connecticut. The cops were called and our bozo was charged with misdemeanor counts of threatening and disorderly conduct.