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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Greg Peet for sending in today’s report from Van Buren County, Michigan where police officers showed up at the home of bozo Kenneth Porter on an outstanding felony warrant. While they were there they noitced a small package on a table. Unwrapping it, they discovered it was methamphetamine wrapped in the business card of local parole officer. And who should have been seeing that parole officer, but a second bozo who was visiting the residence at the time. Busted! Both bozos are being held in the county jail.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from West Palm Beach, Florida, where police observed bozo Robert Phillips riding in a stolen vehicle. As they tailed him, they observed him engage in what appeared to be a drug transaction and then flee on foot through a hobby store before being captured. He didn’t do himself any favors when listing his occupation on his police report as “drug dealer.” He’s under arrest on numerous charges and being held on $242,000 bail.

Bozo criminals for today come from Rexburg, Idaho, where Leland Duke and Craig Harper found themselves in a bit of a jam. They were transporting 20 pounds of marijuana from California to Montana and they were concerned that undercover officers had learned their secret. So, what to do? How about stopping in Idaho and calling 911? Fine, except there were no undercover cops and the Idaho police had no idea that the men were transporting marijuana until they placed the call. They’re busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Birmingham, England, where our bozo had champagne tastes on a beer budget. Or, more accurately, Ferrari tastes on a Honda budget. Bozo cop Osman Hussein worked for the West Midlands PD and aroused suspicions when he showed up for work one day driving a $250,000 Ferrari 458 Italia. The counter-corruption unit decided to investigate and found he was a very hard working officer. Unfortunately, most of his work was on the wrong side of the law. He’s been charged with laundering “hundreds of thousands of pounds” from brothels in the area and also running a limo service to take the johns to and from the clubs and sell them drugs.. The Ferrari is impounded and he’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Troy House for sending in today’s report from Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, which contains a step-by-step process to guarantee you get yourself arrested. One: Walk into police station. Two: Walk around station talking gibberish. Three: Light up a marijuana cigarette. Four: Pull down pants and poop on the floor. Five: Smear said waste on the walls of your holding cell. Six: Get ready to spend some time in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Donald Grimes for sending in today’s report from Fargo, North Dakota. It seems bozo Steven Adams had a little too much to drink before showing up for work at his job with Fargo Parks. His level of intoxication might have gone unnoticed if he had any job other than the Zamboni driver at the local hockey rink. Several people in the audience noticed he was having difficulty keeping it between the lines and called the cops. He’s busted and charged with DUI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Renea Lopez had some drugs she needed to sell. So, she did what any bozo would do, she started calling people in her cellphone contacts list to inquire if they would like to make a purchase. She got a “Yes” from one of her calls and setup a delivery. When she reached into her bra to pull out the heroin she got a big surprise. Her “customer” was a detective who knew her from a prior criminal case. She’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joanne for sending in today’s report from Pittsfield, Massachusetts, where police have broken up a burglary ring responsible for more than 130 break-ins. And bozo Jamie Thompson almost made it too easy for them. He was wearing a court-ordered electronic monitoring device when he committed the crimes. All the cops had to do was match up the dates and times from the burglaries to the information contained on his “bracelet.” That, combined with his cellphone records and over 200 stolen items found at his residences, adds up to one thing: Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today’s report which is a little short on criminal activity but has plenty of bozo to go around. Police in Daytona Beach, Florida, received a 911 call from Bozo John Alexander who claimed he and his girlfriend, Amber Costello, were trapped in a janitor’s closet at the Marine and Enviornmental Science Center. An officer tracked the phone’s location and freed our bozos, who claimed to have been trapped in the closet for two days. Only problem, the officer said the closet door wasn’t locked. Hmmm. After finding no drugs in the closet, our bozos were charged with two counts of illegal trespassing and one parole violation.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today’s report from Clackamas County, Oregon. Bozo Don Carson approached a woman around 8 a.m. and asked her for a cigarette. When she refused he got very upset and started yelling at her, eventually throwing a peach pie he was carrying at her. She called 911 and the cops arrived just in time to see him charge at her again. One of the deputies hip tossed our pie throwner to the ground and he was charged with harassment, criminal mischief, parole violation, and assault with a sugary weapon.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Louisville, Kentucky. Bozo Tonya O’Brien was arrested by the cops and charged with burglary of a residence after she attempted to pawn some stolen items. The story might have ended there, with just one charge of burglary had our bozo not made a terrible fashion mistake when she appeared in court. She wore several other items of jewelry, including rings, that one of her victims was able to indentify and she confronted her outside the courtroom. Oops. She now faces several other theft charges.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas, where bozo Charles Harper wanted some cigarettes. Being a little short of cash, he formulated a bozo plan. He would climb a tree near the local Family Dollar store, jump onto the roof and break in under early Sunday when the store was closed. Maybe not the best plan, but sounds like it could work. Except for a couple of problems. Someone noticed him and called the cops who were inside the store investigating when our bozo came crashing through the ceiling, landing right in front of them. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report which contains a violation of Bozo Rule Number 767452: When fleeing the cops, run AWAY from your residence. Bozo Michael Green of Buffalo, New York, was caught removing a ceiling mounted TV from a vehicle. He dropped the TV and took off, with the cops in hot pursuit. He ran directly to his house and weny inside where he immediately dialed 911 to report a false shooting in an effort to distract the police. Didn’t work. He’s now been charged with grand larceny, criminal trespassing, falsely reporting and incident and second-degree obstruction of governmental administration. On a positive note, the jail does have a TV.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Toledo, Ohio, where bozo Jason Deen was pulled over by the cops for a traffic violation. But instead of showing them his license and registration, our bozo sped away, crashing through a gate and making a right turn into a parking lot. But, it was no ordinary parking lot. He had turned into the parking lot of the Toledo Correctional Institution. Oops. He’s been charged with vandalism of government property, drug possession and failing to use his turn signal.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mike McPherson for sending in today’s report from Knoxville, Tennessee, where the police were called to a report of a robbery at a downtown bank. When they arrived, the suspect had fled, but they discovered he had left a piece of paper behind, and, no, it wasn’t a hold-up note. Instead, it was a piece of paper that contained his identification, including his home address. After a brief standoff at his residence, our bozo was arrested and charged with bank robbery.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New Kensington, Pennsylvania, where police were called to a local bank after a report of a hold-up. Several witnesses described the robber and a couple of them said they thought they saw him run into a nearby chicken and biscuits restaurant. The cops were familiar with the business and knew they had a video surveillance system set up so they went inside hoping to take a look at it. Instead they took a look at something much more interesting. Our bozo sitting a a booth enjoying a chicken dinner. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Kissimmee, Florida. Police officers attempted to pull over a vehicle after it nearly was involved in an accident with their cruiser. The cops turned on their lights and shined a spotlight on the car, which kept moving. It was then that the officers noticed the car’s sun roof open and a baggie come flyng out. Unfortunately, our bozo’s aim for the ditch was off, and the baggie landed squarely on the hood of the police car. Oops. The baggie turned out to contain cocaine and our two bozos were busted for possession of narcotics and tampering with evidence.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Riviera Beach, Florida, where police received a garbled 911 call from bozo Shane Morrison. Not sure what the problem was, police rushed to the scene, where they found our bozo sound asleep behind the wheel of his car with the engine running and his foot firmly on the brake. The cops woke sleeping beauty up and asked him to step out of the car to take a field sobriety test. And that’s when things went terribly wrong. First, his pants fell to the ground, leaving him standing in his boxers, in which, according to the cops, he “had an accident.” Test failed. Arrested and charged with DUI and abuse of 911.

Bozo criminals for today from Spokane Valley, Washington looked pretty suspicious to a local deputy sheriff. He saw two men walking down a street carrying large black garbage bags Santa-style over their shoulders. Upon further investigation he found the bags to be full of…lamb chops. Our bozos offered up the excuse that a woman nearby had given the chops to them since she was moving. One problem, the deputy contacted the woman and she denied the story. So, the cop decided to do a little backtracking and follow our bozos’ footprints in the snow, which led directly to another home that had been broken into. Missing from that home: lots of lamb chops. They’re busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Westlake, Ohio, where bozo Richard Ferguson had just been released after serving six and a half months in prison for being involved an accident in which the passenger of his vehicle was killed. So, what did he do immediately after gaining his freedom? He made a Facebook post showing him with both middle fingers extended and the caption “Prison didn’t break me, it MADE me” He then went on to give a shoutout to his homies behind bars and told them how much he missed them. He didn’t have to miss them long. His judge saw the post, ruled it disrespectful and sent him back to jail as a violation of his probation.