Bozo criminal for today comes from Allentown, Pennsylvania, where bozo Steve Farr was on trial for robbing 10 convenience stores when he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He denied committing the crimes in spite of the fact that his face was clearly shown on several surveillance tapes. He said it was in fact his “evil twin” that pulled off the heists. The jury wasn’t buying it. He’s been sentenced to 62 to 124 years.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Denham Springs, Louisiana, where bozo Jake Ward saddled up his trusty steed Sugar and headed down to the local daiquiri shop. After downing a few refreshing beverages, he climbed back aboard Sugar and headed for home. Bad idea. The cops spotted him and issued him a citation for disturbing the peace by public intoxication. And as for the reason he decided to use the horse as his means of transportation, his Bozo Excuse was ,”The horse knows his way home.”
Bozo criminals for today come from Columbus, Ohio, where a team of bozos had a plan. They used large rocks to break the glass of the back door of a Verizon store. Once inside, they cut or ripped numerous cellphones from the store’s displays. Obviously they had big plans to sell the valuable phones. What they didn’t realize was that all the phones they took are for display purposes only and don’t actually work. Oops.
Bozo Criminals for today come from Roswell, Georgia, where three bozos donned masks and gloves and broke into the local pharmacy around 3:30 am. Things quickly went awry went the burglar alarm was tripped. An officer on patrol heard the alarm and arrived in time to apprehend one of our bozos, while the other two got away. They didn’t get very far, as their escape route led them to a locked gate. The gate was the rear of the parking lot of the Roswell Police Department. Oops. They’re under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Twin Falls, Idaho, where the cops were called to a report of a break-in at a residence. The cops found a strange car parked behind the property and a cellphone and a set of keys laying on the bed. Things got even easier for the police a few minutes later when someone dropped off bozo Caleb Furr at the scene. He walked up and offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the police he had loaned his car to a friend and the keys got locked inside. After he had no explanation for why his cellphone and his keys were inside the house, he confessed to the crime and two other burglaries.
Our bozos for today again weren’t involved in any criminal activity but once again prove that the combination of selfie and bozo can be a dangerous one. From New Haven, Connecticut, comes the story of a pair of bozos who spotted a raging fire in a dumpster. Carefully positioning themselves for the perfect shot, they were taking a selfie video when the fire department arrived in the background to extinguish the blaze. And as luck would have it, they were also directly in line for an errant squirt from the fire department’s hose, which brought the selfie video to a quick and unexpected end.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Royalton, Vermont, where a trooper almost couldn’t believe his eyes when he clocked bozo Robert Hampton pass him on the Interstate doing 112 mph and weaving in and out of traffic. When the cop finally got him pulled over and told him the speed limit there was 65, the Bozo Excuse of the Week was offered up. He told he officer he was late for an appearance in court…to take care of a speeding ticket. He should mark his calendar. He’ll be making another trip to court.
Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Magnitogorsk, Russia where a pair of bozos had a plan. They obtained a couple of garden spades and, over the course of several days, were able to dig a tunnel under a security fence and escape custody. Once they squeezed through the narrow passageway, they needed transportation. So, they headed to the local Jaguar dealership and told the salesperson they were in the market for a “grown up car.” Now, a Jaguar definitely fills that bill. But instead of taking them for a test drive, the suspcious salesperson called the cops. Why? Did we forget to tell you that our bozos were a couple of five-year-olds and the facility they tunneled out of was their kindergarten? They were released into protective custody of their parents and the “warden” of the kindergarten has been given administrative notice.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Laurel, Delaware, where 19-year-old bozo Michael Carson thought it would be fun to break into a local middle school after hours. He had fun riding down the hallways on a buffing machine and even grabbed a letterman jacket and put it on. He was having so much fun that he thought he’d go and explore upstairs. So, he hopped on the elevator and hit the “up” button. And that’s when his troubles began. The elevator malfunctioned and he was stuck between floors. Seeing no way out, he did what any bozo would do. He called 911 for help. Our bozo was freed, and also charged with third degree burglary, criminal mischief and theft.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Anchorage, Alaska, where troopers acting a tip showed up at a pawn shop where a man wanted on parole violations was reported to be shopping. Their tip was correct and they placed him under arrest and loaded him into the patrol car. End of story, right? Wrong. A passing motorist stopped and the passenger got out and started talking to the officers. While they were distracted, the driver, who also happened to be our bozo’s wife, jumped behind the wheel of the police cruiser and sped away. Not the smartest plan. Cops were able to track down the abandoned vehicle and received another tip as to our bozo’s whereabouts. He’s under arrest and she’s been charged with vehicle theft, hindering prosecution and criminal mischief
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in St. John’s, Nefoundland, Canada, where police officers were called to a report of a disturbance at the courthouse. When they arrived, they found something out of a Grade B horror movie. Bozo Jason Carter was standing outside the building with a revving chainsaw. He was taken into custody before he could do any damage to himself or the courthouse. After it was determined that he was upset about a pending court date, he was charged with possession of a dangerous weapon and assaulting an officer.
Our bozo criminal for today is indeed not a criminal and in fact gets a tip of the ol’ Bozo hat. From Grand Rapids, Michigan, comes the story of a prostitution sting set up by the local cops, with an officer posing as a hooker. Much to their surprise, who should strike up a conversation with the fake undercover cop but our 87 year old bozo. He was given a citation by the cops but the county prosecutor refused to prosecute, saying an 87 year old man “earned a pass.” And we should give credit where it’s due. This information comes to us courtesy of the local TV station, appropriately named WOOD-TV.
Day three of Selfiegate continues on the Bozo Criminal Report with this one from St. Charles, Illinois. It seems our unidentified bozo had been “conditionally” offered a job at a local company. While he was waiting on the official word that he had the job our bozo texted a nude photo of himself to the human resources manager. The HR person didn’t have the cell number so he had no idea where the picture came from until our bozo used the phone to call him and ask about the status of the job. Oops. Even though he said the picture was intended for someone else and the company decided not to press charges, they did rescend the offer of employment.
Another day, another selfie problem for our Bozos. From Norwalk, Connecticut, comes the story of bozos Renny Abraham and Julia Lopez who picked up a bag of fast food burgers and headed down to a nearby marina to enjoy them. Once there, however, their attention turned from the burgers to the boats. They found one particularly good looking yacht and decided they would sneak on board, enjoy their burgers and take a few selfies. What they didn’t count on was the family of five that was asleep on board. The flash awakened one family member who startled our bozos and they left in such a rush that they left their sack of burgers behind. Police officers were able to use the receipt, which was still inside the bag, to track down and arrest our bozos, charging them with criminal trespass and breach of peace.
Our bozo for today is not a criminal but what he did was so monumentally stupid that we just had to include him. From Lake Elsinore, California, comes the story of a bozo who shall remain unnamed. He found a rattlesnake in his backyard so he took care of it with a hoe, right? Wrong. Instead, he draped the snake around his neck and took a selfie of himself. Our camera shy Mr. Snake responded by biting our bozo’s hand. After being rushed to the hospital, doctors say he will recover. No word on the fate of the snake.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from University City, Missouri. Bozo Cameron Brown walked into a bank and handed the teller a note requesting her to hand over all the cash. She complied, but apparently “all the cash” was just too much for our bozo to handle. Almost immediately upon leaving the bank our bozo began lightening his load by first dropping his red baseball cap and then tossing bills out of the sack of money as he ran. The cops had the easiest arrest ever as they simply followed the trail of bills from the bank to his hiding place in a stariwell of a nearby parking garage. After starting with thousands of dollars, he had only about $100 in dollar bills left when the officers caught him.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in a report this morning of a bozo who perhaps was guility of nothing but poor judgment. Very poor judgment. It seems our bozo from Sevierville, Tennessee, cruised into Washington, D.C. in a pickup full of weapons and carrying a propane tank. Then, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he flagged down a police officer and asked for directions to the White House. Noticing the truck’s contents, the officer became suspicious and asked him to wait while he ran his license plate. When it was determined that he did not have a license for the weapon he was carrying the truck was searched and a .44-caliber revoler, a .22-caliber rifle with a scope, a 7mm rifle, a knife with a 12 inch blade, ammunition boxes filled with hundreds of rounds, three percussion caps and the tank of propane were found in the vehicle. He told the cops he was moving and had everything he owned in the truck. And since he was in the area, he thought it would be interesting to visit the White House. The cops could find no reason to believe he was lying and he was charged with carrying a gun without a license and ordered to stay away from all federal buildings. Maybe he can pick up a nice brochure on his way out of town.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Stanford, Kentucky, where a police officer noticed some unusual activity going on at the local graveyard. He approached the man and told him to “step back into the light”. Our bozo replied for him to “step back into the dark.” Not a good idea. Upon further investigation the cop discovered that our obviously impaired bozo was trying to dig up a grave. He then told the cop that the grave was his father’s and he was trying to get him above ground so it would be easier for him to get to heaven. In spite of his intentions, what he was doing is illegal. He’s been charged with violating a grave, possession of marijuana and public intoxication.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Apopka, Florida, where a police officer noticed a small child left alone in a parked car. When he saw our bozo exit Frogger’s Bar and Grill he began questioning her about the dangers of leaving her little boy inside the car while she went into the bar for a beer. But it was what happened next that landed her in the Bozo Hall of Fame. Since she had numerous issues with drinking and driving, her car had a built in breathalyzer that had to be blown into before the car could be started. Right in front of the officer, she asked her four-year-old to blow into it so she could start the car. Bad, bad idea. She’s now in rehab and the little boy and his father have moved out of state.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Winter Haven, Florida, where a public transit bus stopped at a terminal about 11:35 a.m. Our bozo got off but quickly decided he was a the wrong place and wanted to go somewhere else. One problem, the additional ride would cost $2 more. So, he dug around in his pockets and came up with the two bucks, right? Wrong. Instead, he backed up like an angry bull and ran headfirst into the glass doors of the bus. The glass was shattered and our bozo was temporarily knocked out. Video surveillance cameras show him getting up and walking away a short time later. The cops are looking for a bozo with a big goose egg on his forehead.