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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Aurora, Colorado. Apparently bozo Angelique Ramirez was up for a job interview, and part of the qualifications for the job required a passing a urine test. And one of the qualifications of a urine test is that it be at body temperature, to insure that it is “real” sample. Knowing she couldn’t pass the test with her own urine, our bozo acquired some “clean” urine. Now, how to get it to body temperature. Well, there was a 7-Eleven right next door. How about using their microwave to warm it up just a bit. Bad idea. Apparently she hit the “cook” rather than the “warm” button, as the 7-Eleven employee reported hearing a loud bang and then saw a yellow liquid leaking from the microwave. Yuk. Yep, our bozo had tried to warm the urine in the microwave and the bag it was in had burst. The cops were called and our bozo just didn’t see what the problem was, as she had offered to clean up the mess. She’s been ticketed with damaging the 7-Eleven microwave.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 223338: During an escape attempt, the goal is to actually “escape.” Bozo Michael Norris was among a group of inmates being transferred from the county jail to another facility when he somehow managed to sneak away from the group. But instead of getting the hell out of there, our bozo chose to stick around the jail parking lot, hiding behind a car. And did we mention he was also handcuffed and in his jail uniform? Yep, he was pretty easy to spot. He was arrested as he attempted to climb up a fire escape on a building across the street.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Leicester, Massachusetts, where bozo Dennis Lucas had come up with the ideal crime. He thought he could circumvent the anti-theft devices at the local Walmart by covering them in Play-Doh. So, he smeared the gooey stuff all over the sensors and headed for the exits. Unfortunately, the plan didn’t work, as the alarms sounded anyway. Thinking better of things, our bozo fled, leaving the items, and the Play-Doh behind. What he didn’t realize was that Play-Doh is an excellent medium for taking fingerprints. Yep, he left behind a perfect print in one of the globs of Play-Doh. Cops used the print to identify him and place him under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Michael McPherson for sending in today’s report from Knoxville, Tennessee. We all know some people feel the need to report every single thing they do on Facebook, and that was the case with bozo Stephanie Newman who used a baseball bat to break a sliding door at her neighbor’s home. Once inside, she stole a 42 inch television, over $2000 in cash and other items. And, since the neighbor was away on vacation at the time and there were no witnesses, she might have gotten away with it. Except for one small thing. For reasons known only to the Bozo Mind she decided to tell everyone about the theft on her Facebook page. Bad idea. She could get three to six years behind bars for the burglary charge and two to four years each on the theft and vandalism charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Springfield, Oregon, where an officer pulled into an Albertson’s parking lot looking for a stolen vehicle. He didn’t find the car, but he did spot a motorcycle with some rather interesting vanity plates, “XFELON.” And those plates were expired, way expired, from 1993. Then, he recognized the guy on the bike as a prior felon, so he ran a quick check on him and, sure enough, he was wanted on an arrest warrant. He called for a marked patrol unit to serve the warrant, and that’s when the fun began. Our bozo led them on a high speed chase through city streets until he made a mistake and turned on to a dead end street. So, he did what any bozo would do. He got off the bike and walked away, claiming it wasn’t him that had been on the bike. That excuse didn’t work. He’s busted! And charged with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle, reckless driving and possession of methamphetamine.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami, Florida, where bozo Charles Clark was dropped off at Miami International Airport to make a job application. When he realized he was in the wrong place, he decided to take a shortcut. Unfortunately the shortcut involved jumping over the fence and running across the runway. Bad idea. He was quickly captured by security. His bozo excuse? He can’t read so he didn’t understand the warning signs.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Clairsville, Ohio, where bozo Kiana Matthews needed to pass a court ordered drug test really, really bad. So, she did what any bozo would do, she borrowed someone else’s urine. Problem solved, right? Wrong. Guess she should have asked her friend what she had been doing the last couple of days. The “borrowed” urine tested positive for drugs. So, you can add tampering with evidence to her violation of probation charges. She’ll be doing 18 months.

Bozo criminal for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 9940234: Even if you think the camera is jammed, it’s not a good idea to give a police speed camera the finger, especially if you’re driving a distinctive car, with personalized license plates. That’s exactly what happened to bozo Timothy Martin who had his Land Rover equipped with a device that would supposedly jam police speed cameras. And every time he sped by one he would gleefully shoot the finger at the camera. While the device did prevent the cops from measuring his speed, they did get a shot of him shooting the finger. He was quickly tracked down and arrested, charged with “perverting the course of justice” which carries an eight month prison term.

Bozo criminal for today from the International File in Suzhou, China, seemed to have come up with the ultimate bozo plan. When she needed a place to park, she would simply park in a no parking zone, get out of the car, place a fake parking ticket on her window and go about her business, figuring any cop that was going to stop to ticket her would see the slip under the wiper blade and assume another officer had gotten there first. We’re not sure how long she had gotten away with this scheme, but last week she was foiled by bad luck and Modern Technology. She parked her car directly in front of an unmarked police car. While the car was unattended, the dash cam was turned on and recorded everything, including our bozo placing the fake ticket on the windshield. Oops. She’s busted! She should get time off for creativity, though.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pasco County, Florida, where Sheriff’s officers pulled over our bozo for speeding on U.S. Route 41. After a short chase, our bozo jumped out of the vehicle and ran into a nearby swamp. A bad idea on so many levels. No, he wasn’t eaten by a gator. But he did manage to get himself stuck up to his neck in thick mud. Officers heard his cries for help and it took the efforts of several of them to pull him out. He’s been charged with fleeing to elude, aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and violation of probation.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Troy, Michigan, where the local cops were conducting training for their K-9 corps in a field behind the local Holiday Inn Express. One of the officers had just hidden a ball for one of the K-9 officers to find when a bozo shouted at him from a hotel room window, asking him what was going on. The officer told him he was training his dog and advised our bozo not to touch anything on the field. The officer then led the dog away from where the toy was hidden and, when he was a proper distance away, released the dog. The K-9 officer followed the scent, but when he arrived at the correct spot, the ball was nowhere to be found. Hmmmm….A quick search turned up the ball in the cup holder of a Ford Econoline van in the Holiday Inn parking lot. And who should come down to complain as the cops were impounding the vehicle but our bozo. Yep, the guy who had asked what was going on had, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, decided to steal the K-9 officer’s ball. Busted! And charged with larceny of police property.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Marys, Georgia, where our bozo had big plans for robbing the local GameStop. But he needed a disguise. Having nothing, he improvised. He grabbed the plastic wrapping that covers big 24 packs of drinking water and put it over his head. Guess he forgot one important fact. This plastic wrap is totally clear, giving security cameras a perfect picture of his ugly mug. Armed with this evidence, cops expect to make an arrest shortly.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the great state of Texas where police in Fort Bend County pulled over a bozo in a van with a rather unusual license plate. It was a brown piece of cardboard with the numbers CV5Y901 scrawled on it in Magic Marker. Sorry, Pal, even in Texas you have to have REAL license plates. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from the International File in Manchester, England. Our bozo held up a travel agency, getting away with an undetermined amount of cash which he simply stuffed into the pockets of his baggy pants. An OK idea, right? Wrong. Guess he didn’t account for it being a windy day. CCTV cameras show him walking out of the agency and the money almost immediately blowing out of his pockets. He’s lost quite a bit of cash before he even notices it, and when he does realize what’s going on, even more blows out as he tries to chase after the wind borne loot. Seeing the error of his ways, he eventually just gives up and leaves the money blowin’ in the wind.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Lifford, County Donegal, Ireland. The cops arrived for work in the morning and found quite a mess on their hands. Apparently our bozo had broken in overnight and stolen several items of police gear, including a hat, some handcuffs and a couple of police radios. But steal wasn’t all he did. For reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he decided to take a poop on the front counter. DNA from what he left behind as well as CCTV footage quickly led to our bozo’s arrest. And he really couldn’t plead not guilty, as he was wearing the hat at the time of his capture. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where an internal investigation found a half a ton of confiscated marijuana missing from the police storage warehouse. Suspicion fell upon the former police commissioner who had resigned about a year earlier. When the former commissioner was called to testify, he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He said the missing half ton of marijuana had been “eaten by mice.” The investigation continues while the cops look for some very happy, and fat, rodents.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Pierce, Florida, where the cops pulled over bozo Keneshia Lucas for driving erratically. As the officer approached the vehicle, he noticed the smell of marijuana wafting from inside. A quick check of the purse that our bozo had in her lap found two seperate baggies, one with marijuana, and one containing what appeared to be cocaine. She immediately owned up to the marijuana, saying it was hers, but said she didn’t know anything about the cocaine. It was then she offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. She told the cop, and we quote, “It’s a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse.” Right. She was booked into jail on on felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor count of marijuana possession.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Belleville, Illinois, where bozo Sandra Brown stopped at a convenience store to fill up her car. Unfortunately, she locked the doors with the keys in the car. Uh-oh. So, she went inside the store and asked to borrow a hammer to break the glass, saying she didn’t want to call the cops. This seemed a little strange to the clerk, who went ahead and called the cops anyway. And when they arrived, we discovered why she didn’t want to call them. A quick check found the car was stolen. Oops. She’s under arrest.

No criminal activity involved in today’s report, but 911 was called so it deserves mention. Police in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, were dispatched after receiving calls about a “crazy person” talking to herself on the side of busy Route 30. When they arrived, they found an attractive young woman who did indeed appear to be carrying on a conversation with herself. Upon further investigation, they found that she was actually a reporter for KDKA-TV who was hosting a Facebook Live chat on her phone from the side of the road. Oh. No charges were filed but she was cautioned to stay out of the roadway.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Oakland, Maine, where our bozo learned the hard way that you can’t believe everything you read on the internet. Our unidentified bozo had just read in the New Maine News that burning rubber in your car is constitutionally protected freedom of speech. Armed with this new information, he just couldn’t resist peeling out in front of a police officer. Not surprisingly, he was immediately pulled over. Defending himself, he showed the officer the news article. The cop pointed out that the New Maine News is a satire site. In other words, it’s fake news. Oops. He’s busted!