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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Norman, Oklahoma, where two masked bozos stormed into a T-Mobile store and began threatening employees with a baseball bat. They then ordered the store’s two employees to fill a large trash bag with their most expensive phones, escaping with a bag full of phones valued at nearly $30,000. Nice haul, huh? Well, not really. One of the quick thinking employees had placed a cell phone with a GPS tracker into the bag. The cops were called and our bozos were arrested within minutes.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Fairfield, Connecticut, where an officer went to assist our bozo who flagged him down on the side of the road. Our bozo told the officer he needed directions to the highway but before the officer could help him, he noticed the familiar scent of marijuana wafting from inside the car. Bozo then handed the cop a plastic baggie containing a green leafy substance which he admitted was marijuana. After taking a look inside the vehicle and asking the other three bozos to step out, the officer found 23 unopened boxes of Rogaine, a package of Prilosec, three packages of Ducolax and four bottles of Aleve for a total value of $1279.78. Further investigation found that they had just stolen these items from a CVS Pharmacy nearby and were asking for directions to aid in their getaway. Busted!

Our bozos for today come from Deland, Florida, where a 911 operator received a call from a concerned neighbor. She said she could hear a man and woman next door yelling at each other, saying things like, “That is my gun, give it to me” and “Please don’t kill me.” Officers were dispatched and instead of finding a domestic disturbance, they found the couple completely caught up in the video game “Call of Duty.” Oh. Officers cautioned them to keep the noise down and perhaps close the windows when playing the game.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Jensen Beach, Florida, where the cops were called to a report of a break-in at a residence. There they found bozo Brendon Graham who began telling them a story that just didn’t seem to add up. Our disheveled bozo told them that he had “worked for a high government official in China for 30 years.” He then said that someone, probably his former girlfriend, had broken into his house and had placed marijuana, cocaine and a bong inside. After inviting the cops in, he clammed up, saying he would only talk to an FBI agent. As the cops looked around, they found no evidence of a break-in, but they did find more than $100,000 in cash, several unlicensed firearms, marijuana, cocaine and other drug paraphernalia. He’ll have to tell his story to the judge. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon, where security cameras caught our bozo red-handed…or maybe it was another part of his anatomy that was red. It seems our bozo was trying to syphon gas from a U-Haul truck when something went terribly wrong. Somehow, he managed to catch his pants on fire. Footage shows him running from the scene with his pants ablaze. Cops are checking local hospitals for someone with burns on a rather tender area.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Gulfport, Mississippi, where the cops were called to a report of an accident at the County Courthouse. When they arrived, they found that bozo Keith Caldwell had crashed his pickup truck into the front door of the building. So maybe he lost control of his vehicle? Nope. Swerved to miss an animal and crashed? Nah. Purposely drove into the courthouse to let authorities know his drug paraphernalia had been stolen? Yep. He’s been charged with DUI and malicious mischief.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Milford, New Jersey, where bozo Christopher Graham rear-ended another vehicle about 5:15 pm Sunday. The cops found an open bottle of whiskey and what was believed to be marijuana in his car. An open and shut case of a DUI accident, right? Well, yes, but we must also mention that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week for being drunk. He told the cops, “I drank too much because the Jets suck.” His beloved Jets had lost earlier in the day to the Buffalo Bills, 41-10. The officers were sympathetic, but he was arrested anyway.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pasco county, Florida where a traffic officer couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Fred Flintstone just speeded past him in his famous “footmobile.” It was only after the cop pulled Fred over that it became clear that the “footmobile” was actually a tricked out Smart car that looked just like the Flintstone original. And behind the wheel, our bozo, in a full Fred Flintstone outfit. Even though the whole thing was amusing, speeding is speeding and our bozo was ticketed and released with a notice to appear.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Xuzhou, Jiangsu province, China. The cops had set up a field sobriety test checkpoint and were stopping all cars and that’s when our bozo panicked. He abandoned his van, hopped over the median, and tried to hail a cab. Failing that, he decided the best thing to do was jump off the overpass. Bad idea. He broke his leg in the process and was taken to the hospital where a sobriety test was administered and his blood alcohol content was found to be zero. So, why did he flee? He explained to the cops that he had been drinking the night before and was worried that the alcohol was still in his system.

Bozo criminals for today come from the Internal Affairs Division in the International File in Toronto, Canada. Our bozo officers were involved in a raid at the Community Cannabis Clinic, where they allegedly kept a couple of marijuana laced chocolate bars for themselves. Maybe they planned to enjoy them on their own time, right? Nope. A couple of hours later they were assigned to surveillance duty, and, feeling hungry, they decided to eat the chocolate. Now, marijuana edibles are very potent and it takes quite a while for them to take effect. Which, led the cops to, shall we say, overindulge. About two hours later, dispatch received a call for help, with the officers reportedly “in distress.” They were rescued and taken to the hospital and now face charges of misconduct and tampering with evidence. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from North College Hill, Ohio, where the Girls Scouts reported a $1500 order of cookies had gone missing. The cops tracked the sweet treets to our bozo, Nora Hicks, who refused to either return or pay for the cookies, probably because she had always eaten them. When she showed up at court on “unrelated charges” she was placed under arrest on the cookie theft charges. Guess you could say, “That’s the way the cookie crumbles.”

Bozo criminal for today comes from Indio, California, where our bozo thief’s activities were all caught on the security cameras at the local YMCA. He is seen kicking through the ductwork of the YMCA Child Development Center. He drops to the floor, opens the cash register, steals all the money inside and makes a quick exit. A successful crime, right? Well, not exactly. Remember if you will that this was the Child Development Center. The cash register he opened was a toy one and the cash inside…play money. Oops. We only wish there would have been cameras on his face when he tried to spend the phoney money.

Our bozo for today comes from the International File in Tredegar, South Wales. It seems bozo Christopher Foster climbed onto the roof of a building and mooned bystanders and taunted police officers who came by to get him to stop. And that’s when the local police sprang into action. More than 100 officers, armed police and a $4000 drone were dispatched to the scene in what became a 45-hour standoff. All totaled, over $23,000 was spent and 900 hours of police time wasted before our bozo finally sobered up and came down on his own. He said he had been drinking beer and had taken 56 sleeping tablets and a box of Nurofen before the incident. He’s busted and jailed for six months on charges of criminal damage and outraging public decency.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Daytona Beach, Florida, where the cops had set up a sting operation in an area known for prostitution. Our bozo approached an undercover officer and asked for sex, but admitted that he did not have any cash. But, um, he did have a salad. Would she accept that in exchange? Offer accepted. Dressing on the side. You’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Antonio, where bozo David Barrera had a new job at the local McDonalds. And being a bozo, he showed up late the first day, and after showing very little willingness to work, the manager promptly fired him. So what did our bozo do? He headed five miles down the road to another McDonalds and walked in, still wearing his uniform, and told the manager there he was there to help with the evening rush. When the manager took him into his office, he threatened him with a gun and got away with around $1500 in cash. He didn’t get very far, as employees at the first McDonalds recognized him from security camera footage. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today for today comes from historic Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky, where the Breeder’s Cup race was held this weekend. Somehow or other drunk bozo Michael Rody made his way to a restricted area at the track. He found an unattended horse, mounted it and headed toward the track. Fortunately for all involved, security spotted him and got him off the horse before anything happened. He’s been charged with public intoxication and disorderly conduct.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bedford, Nova Scotia, Canada where our bozo was in the line at a fast food place when he noticed a RCMP mountie in line behind him and told the employee at the window that he wanted to pay the officer’s bill. The officer declined the gesture but our bozo was insistent. The mountie then parked his vehicle and walked up to talk to our good-hearted bozo directly. And, surprise! He discovered he was drunk, twice the legal limit. He’s busted, charged with drunk driving, driving with a suspended licence and operating an unregistered vehicle.

From the International File in Khoi Yai National Park, Thailand, comes today’s story which is lacking somewhat in criminal activity but has an abundance of bozo-ness. A 41-year-old French tourist was touring the park when she came upon a very large crocodile. Now, what do you do when you encounter a crocodile? Squat down and pose for a selfie with him, of course. And what did the croc do? Chomped down on her thigh, of course. She was quickly rescued and taken to a hospital where her condition remains unknown. The crocodile remains at large.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number #3344765: Hold off on the drinking if your escape vehicle is a bicycle. From the International File in Birmingham, England, comes the story of bozo Jay Lane who was spotted by police responding to a burglar alarm. He was pedaling away on his bicycle, clutching a flat screen TV. It was obvious he was impaired as he was swerving and struggling to stay upright before eventually crashing into a police car. When questioned by the cops, he told them that he had drunk 24 beers and a shot of Jagermeister before attempting to pull off his heist. And his reason for the theft? He had just recently been released from prison and was “bored.” He won’t be bored any longer. He’s headed back to jail.

With Halloween approaching, thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in this one from Shippensburg Township, Pennsylvania. Cops were called to the local Walmart on a report of a disturbance inside the store. Upon arrival, they found our bozo in the produce department, smashing pumpkins all over the floor. We’re not sure what his reasoning was here, maybe he just doesn’t like pumpkins. He was intoxicated and possibly under the influence of an unknown substance and was taken to a hospital for evaluation. Let’s hope pumpkin pie is not on the hospital menu.