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The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Seattle, Washington. Bozo Harvey Phillips figured it would be an easy job to hold up the corner convenience store for some quick cash. He was right, the cashier gave him the small amount of cash in the register and the bozo was out the door. When he got to his getaway car, however, Harvey discovered a problem that most of us have encountered–he had locked his keys in the car! He checked all four doors and all were locked. The Bozo was trying unsuccessfully to kick in the windshield when the police arrived.

The Bozo Criminals for today come from Starkville, Mississippi. Three Bozos decided they would rob the green oaks superette there. They walked in and demanded the clerk turn over all the cash in the register. When the clerk was hesitant to do so, the only Bozo with a weapon began waving it around and tried to fire a warning shot only to have the gun jam. When this happened, the clerk pulled a gun of his own, which scared the bozos so much that they went running for the door, two of them tripping over each other in the process They jumped in their getaway car and barely pulled out of the parking lot before smoke began pouring from the car’s engine. Yes, our Bozos had blown the motor on their getaway car. They had the hood up and were trying to get it going when the police arrived.

From Athens, Ohio comes a Bozo story that proves dog may not be man’s best friend–if you’re a Bozo. Shawn Slater, our Bozo criminal took his dog with him as he went downtown to browse thru a record store. The store had a no pets policy, so the Bozo tied him to a parking meter in front of the store. Bozo must have found a lot to look at in the store, because he stayed there long enough that someone became concerned about the dog tied to the parking meter. A neighbor came out to check on the dog and noticed he had a "fanny pack" around his neck. Inside the fanny pack there was no identification, but there were four ounces of marijuana and $720. The police were called and the dog was taken downtown for safe keeping. Our Bozo was arrested for marijuana possession a short time later when he went down to the police station to report his dog had been stolen.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from New York, New York, where Bozo Timothy Hough pulled off a bank heist…he got the cash but it was his getaway that got him into trouble. The Bozo left the bank with his loot but had no getaway vehicle. Instead, he planned on hailing a cab. A couple of cabs stopped, but refused to let him in because he seemed too nervous and shifty. So, he tried to jump on a metro rail train. He got on, but dropped his money in the process! The police were waiting for our empty handed Bozo at the next stop.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Midland, Texas. Bozo Jimmy Wallace decided to hold up a small mom and pop grocery on the outskirts of town. He pulled off the robbery but was quickly apprehended. The problem was his disguise–or lack of one. The Bozo was completely naked. After getting his money, Jimmy fled on foot. A naked man running down the streets of Midland, Texas draws a little attention. In fact, several people called to report him and he was quickly apprehended. What confirms his status as a true bozo is his reasoning behind stripping. He said he thought if he wore clothes, it would make him more easily identifiable.

Bozo criminals for this morning are a couple of brothers from Quitman, Texas. James Earl Phleps and his brother Joe burglarized a storage building, taking most everything from inside and loading it into their pickup truck. A police officer was passing by about the time they were finishing up the job. He spotted them and they took off down a winding country road. The police officer gave pursuit. In a scene out of a bad movie, the bozos began tossing stolen items out of the truck and into the path of the officer in an attempt to slow him down. Objects hurled into the road included two car jacks, a chain hoist, a weed eater, a jack handle, a carburetor and a tool box loaded with socket tools. Obviously, the bozos didn’t steal a kitchen sink or they would have thrown that at the officer, too. The chase ended when the country road the bozos were fleeing down suddenly came to a dead end. The bozos were apprehended and charged with theft. They are lucky they weren’t charged with littering, too.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Skokie, Illinois. Bozo Sam Wallace hailed a cab and asked him to take him home. When the cab arrived at the bozo’s house, Sam said he didn’t have the money for the fare on him, but if the cabbie would wait, he would go in the house and get the money. Cabbie said that was fine, it happened all the time. When the bozo reappeared a few moments later, he was brandishing a gun. He walked up to the cab and said, "I couldn’t find any money, but I found my gun, so you’re going to give me your money." There wasn’t much the cabbie could do, so he gave the bozo the money and the bozo went back inside his house. The cabbie picked up his cellular phone and called 911. The police arrived in a couple of minutes and told the cabbie all they would need to arrest the guy would be a positive ID. So, the police and the cabbie walked up to the bozo’s door and rang the bell. When the bozo answered, he was given a free ride to jail.

Bozo criminal this morning comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Bozo criminal Ralph Simpson walks into a convenience store there. Instead of using a weapon to demand money, our bozo used a rather unusual threat. He walked in and told the cashier that if she didn’t hand over the money, he’d hold his breath until he passed out and then he’d sue the store for being injured on the premises. The attendant simply laughed at the bozo. He held his breath until he turned red, probably more from embarrassment than lack of oxygen. When it became obvious his plan wasn’t working, he headed for the door where he ran smack into an off duty police officer stopping by to pick up a cup of coffee.

Today’s bozo criminal comes from Green Bay, Wisconsin. Lots of cold weather and snow in Packerland this winter. And that snow leads to our bozo’s downfall. Police received a call from Bernie’s Barbershop where there was a report of a robbery on Super Bowl Sunday. When police arrived, they saw the front window had been broken out. There wasn’t much to steal in the barbershop except for a new portable color TV, which was missing. Detectives looking in the freshly fallen snow noticed a pair of footprints leading from the broken window, around the back of the shop and directly to an apartment complex nearby. Police followed the footprints up to the door of an apartment and knocked on the door. When the door opened, the police noticed wet footprints on the carpet leading up to a large sofa where our bozo was relaxing, watching the Packers on Bernie’s color TV. Unless they have a TV in the Green Bay jail, he missed the victory celebration.

Bozo criminal this morning is from the International File. From Calgary, Alberta, Canada comes twenty year old Jacques Lepointe…in jail for breaking and entering. The bozo did his time and was released in mid-november. He left behind several items in his cell when he got out… perhaps the most important being a diary listing the dates and locations of 150 homes he planned to burglarize when he got out. The police were on hand to greet him at the first home on the list.

The Bozo Criminal for this morning comes from Syracuse, New York. This Bozo had the potential to be a good businessman if only he hadn’t been so stupid. Jacob Martin was apprehended when the police saw him driving by neighborhood businesses and smashing glass windows and doors with a slingshot. His excuse–his glass repair company wasn’t doing so well and this was his way of drumming up business.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Pensacola, FL. Bozo Jimmy Brown scribbled a note demanding money on a piece of paper, walked into a liquor store and handed the note to the cashier. Cashier read the note and handed over all the cash in the drawer. The Bozo headed out the door and was gone, apparently pulling off the heist without a hitch. Only one problem. That piece of scrap paper the bozo had written the holdup note on. On the back of it was a letter written to our bozo by his probation officer complete with the bozo’s name and home address.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Andover, MD, where police feel sure they have solved a string of vending machine robberies. Bozo Sam Frabian was arrested and charged with robbing vending machines. He promptly paid his four hundred dollar bail–entirely in quarters.

Bozo Criminal Ralph Johnson was sentenced to ninety day in jail for disorderly conduct. Ralph thought of himself as a smart Bozo, though, and felt that no jail cell could hold him. Days passed in jail and every day the Bozo planned his escape. On the 89th day of his 90 day sentence, Ralph put his plan into action–he broke out of jail! He made good his escape-for about five minutes. The Bozo was then re-arrested and sentenced to 18 months.

Today’s Bozo crime team comes from Kansas City, MO, where a couple of Bozos got the idea to rob a convenience store. They didn’t have a weapon, just walked up to the cashier and demanded money. They obviously didn’t look too frightening as the attendant just laughed at them and told them to get out. As they were heading out the door, one of the bozos decided he was going to steal something and grabbed a hot dog off the rotisserie near the door and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth. They hadn’t taken more than three steps outside the door when the bozo fell to the ground, choking on the hot dog. The other bozo rushed back into the store and asked the clerk to call 911. She did. Cops helped the bozo cough up the dog before loading them both up and taking them in.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Brunswick, GA. Bozo Bob Hall snatched a woman’s purse in a shopping center parking lot. The woman was able to give a good description to the police and so the police were quickly able to pick up Bob as a suspect. The police explained to the Bozo that they were going to take him back to the shopping center so that they could get a positive ID out of the victim. When they arrived at the scene, the Bozo did exactly as he was told. He stepped from the car, looked at the victim and said, "yeah, that’s her. That’s the woman I robbed."

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Virginia Beach, VA. Bozo Allen Hansen was due in court to face charges of auto theft. Police detectives watched in amazement when the Bozo pulled up in front of the courthouse driving a beautiful new Volvo with New York license plates. Since the cops knew the Bozo couldn’t afford a new car and wasn’t living in New York, they decided to run a license plate check on the auto. Sure enough, our Bozo had stolen a new car to drive to his court appearance on the auto theft charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Suzanne Williams for tipping us off to today’s Bozo. From Fort Worth, Texas comes the story of Bozo criminal Jerald McClothin who is now under arrest and charged with nine burglaries in and around the metroplex. McClothin would kick in the back door of the residence and ransack the home of valuables. At his last robbery, Bozo McClothin left behind a very important piece of evidence… an unpaid traffic ticket with his name and address on it.

The Bozo criminal today comes from Saratoga Springs, New York. Police there say that Gary Pruett was in the process of burglarizing an insurance office when he was spotted by a passing patrol man. Bozo Gary fled the scene and the patrol man gave chase. Looking for a place to hide, the Bozo ducked into a nearby restaurant, which turned out to be the worst thing possible for him to do. He found himself surrounded by 150 policemen attending a retirement party.

Bozo criminal this morning comes from Valdosta, Georgia, where in recent days they have been experiencing some unseasonably cold weather. Bozo criminal Billy Tyrone Williams escaped from prison there on wednesday. By thursday he was going door to door in the neighborhood asking residents to call the police and come pick him up and return him to jail. The reason–the weather was just too cold and he wanted back in the warmth of his cozy cell. The police were glad to accommodate him.