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The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Washington, D.C. and for a change this Washington Bozo isn’t a politician. Bozo Reggie Brown broke out of a D.C. jail and sought refuge at his girlfriend’s apartment. This seemed to be a good idea, because several days passed and the fugitive bozo still had not been caught. Then, the bozo’s girlfriend had to appear in court on a robbery charge. She asked the Bozo to accompany her to court, which he did. At the lunch recess, the Bozo went out for a sandwich. While he was gone, the girlfriend needed to see him, so she had him paged, using his real name, over the courthouse public address system. Police officers recognized Reggie’s name and arrested him as the Bozo returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Great Fassl, Montana, where Tina Rae Beavers (yes, this is her real name) was arrested for writhing around naked on the lawn between the local courthouse and the county jail. The reason for such actions, according to Ms. Beavers: her husband was locked up in the jail and on one of her last visits, he told her how bored he was. So…she thought she’d put on a little show for him. Police locked her up for indecent exposure and moved him to a cell without a view.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stamford, Connecticut, where Bozo Archie Arantino was trying to dial the pager number for his favorite drug dealer when he dialed the wrong number. Boy, did he dial the wrong number. Instead of paging his dealer, he paged a cop who took his order for two baggies of marijuana and promptly delivered him to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Staton Island, NY, where Bozo Yolanda Watson had locked herself in her bedroom. Unable to get out, she called 911 for help. The police arrived promptly and first let the Bozo out of the bedroom and then arrested her. The reason–they found 195 marijuana plants growing in her living room!

Bozo criminals for today come from Albany, Georgia, where police arrested seven people believed responsible for three bank and three business robberies. A regular crime wave in Albany. Acting on a tip, the police knocked on the door of the residence housing all seven Bozos. When confronted with the evidence against them, the bozos had little choice but to confess. In this case a picture was literally worth a thousand words. During the robberies, it was the job of one of the Bozos to take pictures of the job. The bozos then had them enlarged and hanging on the wall when the police stopped by!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the great white north, where it sounds like our bozo might have been into the national beverage, beer. Bozo Shawn White enters a variety store in Guelph, Ontario and demands money. Since he is unarmed and obviously drunk, the cashier refuses and sends him on his way. Embarrassed, the Bozo leaves without further incident. A few minutes later, the bozo returns- armed and slightly dangerous. His weapon: a three foot long branch he had broken from a tree in front of the store. The cashier called the police; the bozo was apprehended and the officers took some firewood back to the station.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bozeman, Montana. Bozo Frank Spence had just been released from prison for robbing a bowling alley, where he had climbed into the ceiling in an attempt to break in. On his first day out of jail, he goes back to the same bowling alley and tells the manager that he thought he might have lost his wallet up in the ceiling the last time he was there. He asked if it would be ok if he went back up there and took a look around. The manager called police and the Bozo was sent packing.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Nashville, Tn, where Bozo Jonathan Parker thought he had it all figured out. He really wanted the leather jacket at the expensive department store, but of course there was no way he could afford it. So, he thought he’d do what any Bozo would do–steal it! Only problem, the jacket had one of those little magnetic tags, the kind that set off an alarm if you walk out the door with one of them. So, our Bozo goes into the dressing room and peels off the little tag, throws it on the floor and heads out with his stolen jacket. As soon as he gets to the door, the alarm goes off. A security guard who had been keeping an eye on the Bozo anyway, stopped him and retrieved the jacket. So why did the alarm go off? Remember the little tag the Bozo peeled off and threw on the floor? He stepped on it and it stuck to his shoe.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Lincoln, Nebraska. Bozo Robert Ford had been watching a house in a nice neighborhood for a couple of nights. Seeing no activity, he correctly assumed that the owners were out of town. He decided this would be a great time to break in and loot the house of all its valuables. The Bozo parked his pickup in the driveway and jimmyed the door open. He began loading his truck with a VCR, a TV, a computer, a microwave and just about anything that wasn’t bolted down. As you might expect, a Bozo can get quite tired doing such hard manual labor. And it seems that Robert got so tired he decided to take a little nap in the front seat of his truck. And that’s where the police found him, snoring away with all the stolen goods packed safely away in the back.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Pensacola, Florida. Bozo Rosie Lee Hill thought she had been ripped off, so she did what you or I would do, she called the police. The Bozo thought someone had sold her fake crack cocaine, so she called the police to complain. Police were only too happy to send an officer by. She showed him the two rocks in question. The officer checked them–it wasn’t very good crack, but it was very real. He arrested the Bozo for possession.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lawrence County, Tennessee where Bozo Rodney Atwell probably should give up drinking. While trying to find his way home, our Bozo accidently stumbled into the front door of the police station, where he was detained for public intoxication. The officers did a routine search of the Bozo and found two bags of marijuana. The Bozo then got talkative and just had to tell the police, "I’ve got some more marijuana in the trunk, and a shotgun, too." The officers took the Bozos advise, searched the truck and booked him.

Bozo criminals for today come to us courtesy of Bozo News Hawk Cassie Tatum of Arlington, Texas who e-mailed this report to Bozo headquarters. It seems a group of narcotics officers made a routine drug bust at a crack house in Dallas. Two officers were just standing around in front of the house in their regular uniforms–the black ones with the words "NARCOTICS" printed in bold letters on the back and front–when a couple of Bozos drove up. The Bozos parked in the driveway right next to a marked police car, hopped out and walked up to the narcotics officers and said, "Is Jimmy still sellin’?" Officers said sure and sent the Bozos around the back where they were promptly arrested. But the parade of Bozos did not end there. By the end of the day, 14 carloads of Bozos had been arrested in the same way!

The Bozo Criminals for today should have perhaps considered obtaining a larger vehicle before going on their crime spree. Bozo burglars in Sioux Falls, SD broke into a store and found a rather large safe which they were sure was full of cash. Being only bozo burglars and not bozo safe crackers, they decided to steal the entire safe, take it with them and figure out what to do with it after they got home. Only problem, the Bozos getaway car was a very small Honda. Bozos were pulled over when they passed a police car with the safe hanging half way out of their trunk.

Today’s Bozo Criminal comes from South Texas by way of honorary Bozo News Hawk Paul Harvey who reported this story. Bozo criminal walks into a bank, walks up to the teller and makes his demands. Bozo does not request money, he only asks for a Shrimp Cocktail and a glass of water. After determining that he is serious, bank officials send out for a Shrimp Cocktail and a glass of water. Upon receiving what he asked for, the bozo enjoys his shrimp and leaves without further incident.

BBozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, IL. Gary Michaels was a Bozo who had been spending a lot of time peering thru a jewelry store window and dreaming about all the wonderful things inside. He finally decided to quit dreaming and just steal the stuff. His idea: smash the window, grab the jewelry and run. A thick pane of glass covered the window, so it would take a lot of effort to break it. Gary had just the plan–he spotted a manhole cover just a couple of steps away from the window. He would pry the hundred pound disc from the sidewalk and heave it thru the window. So far, his plan was working. He grabbed all the rings, watches and diamonds he could carry and took off running down the sidewalk. Suddenly, our Bozo disappeared from sight…down the open manhole.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Bloomington, Indiana, where Bozo Reggie Clifton thought himself an expert safecracker. He targeted a small local business that kept more than seven thousand dollars in cash in their safe. There were no alarms and the safe was an older model. A piece of cake, the Reggie thought. As our bozo was in the process of trying to open the safe, he noticed a small red light up high on the ceiling. Sure enough, it was a video surveillance camera. Instead of trying to hide his face from the camera, our Bozo climbed up on a chair and stuck his face right in the camera as he took a screwdriver to its mounting brackets and removed it from the ceiling. You guessed it, the Bozo got away with the cash but the police came away with the best close up shot of a Bozo criminal you’ve ever seen. He was quickly recognized and apprehended. Smile, you’re on Bozo camera.

Today’s Bozo Criminal comes from Phoenix, Arizona where Bozo Randy Raines decided to hold up a convenience store in what he thought was a terrific disguise…full drag. Randy decked himself out in a long blonde wig, false eyelashes, lots of makeup and a skin tight red miniskirt with high heels. The cashier snickered a little at him, but gave him a small amount of cash and Randy dashed out the door. Well, dashed is not exactly the right word. Never having worn a skin tight miniskirt with high heels, the bozo did not know that it is rather difficult to run in such an outfit. He took off running down the street but could only run a few feet before falling down. He pulled off his shoes but still couldn’t run very well because of the tight dress. He was struggling, trying to pull it off over his head when the police arrived.

Hunger got the best of our Bozo Criminal from Knoxville, Tennessee this morning. Bozo Ed Lambert walked into a hamburger joint at closing time, flashed a pistol and told the guy working up front to give him all his cash, and while he was at it, make him a dozen hamburgers, to go. Attendant told him since it was closing time, the grill had already been turned off and it would take about ten minutes to heat back up. Fine, said the bozo, he’d be glad to wait. In the meantime, a passerby with a cell phone in the car noticed a Bozo with a gun in the burger joint and decided to call the cops. The Bozo was patiently waiting for his burgers to go when the police arrived.

A couple of Bozos this morning from Moses Lake, Washington! a pair of punks targeted a convenience store they thought would be "easy pickins" because an older lady worked the register. That was their first mistake. When they demanded money from granny, she quickly pushed over a large display of snack foods and chips near the register. In the ensuing confusion, she was able to grab a gun that she kept under the counter and knock one of the Bozos up the side of the head with it. She held the gun on the other Bozo and called police. A violation of Bozo Rule number 56–don’t mess with granny.

Today’s bozo criminal comes from Valdosta, Georgia. Bozo Jim Scott broke out of a south Georgia jail and fled to California where he was enjoying life as a free man. He was enjoying life a little too much, as a matter of fact. Jim was having a few drinks in a Sacramento bar and bragging to anyone who would listen that he was too smart for any jail to hold him and that he was a wanted man in Georgia. After a couple more drinks he nodded off at the bar. The bartender called the police, who came by, woke him up and took him to jail.