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The Bozo Criminal for this morning comes from Miami, Florida, where Bozo Robert Warner stole a $3200 dollar watch from an exhibitor’s booth at an antique show. He must have only been looking at the watch and not the person he snatched it from, because the very next day the Bozo walked into a jewelry store in Miami to try and sell the watch and there stood the antique watch’s former owner! The Bozo ignored her and walked right up to the jeweler. The woman screamed that he was the thief that stole her watch and with the help of other customers she was able to hold the Bozo at bay while the jeweler called the cops.

The Bozo Criminals for today come from the International File. From London, England comes the story of the Bozo gang who thought they had a foolproof plan to rob an armored car. Foolproof, perhaps, but not Bozoproof! One of the Bozos dressed up as a woman and was walking up to the armored car while pushing a stroller. His disguise was so good that some nearby construction workers started hooting and whistling at him. The Bozo got so mad he grabbed the shotgun hidden in the stroller and began to threaten the workers with it. The security guards saw what was going on and fled the scene in the armored car.

The Bozo Criminals for today come from the International File. From Nesistencia, Argentina comes the story of the two Bozos who stopped at a fast food restaurant and asked for permission to use the restroom. The Bozos went in, yanked out the toilet and loaded it on to the back of their motor scooter. Or, maybe tried to load it on to their motor scooter would be more accurate. The Bozos were still trying to balance two people, and one toilet on the back of a motor scooter when police arrived.

The Bozo Criminals for today come from the International File. From Grantham, England come Linda and Peter Garnett. These two Bozos decided to print up a bogus check on their new computer. A really big check-$16.6 million dollars–made out to them. Tellers at their bank became suspicious when the Bozos came in to deposit the $16.6 million dollar check and tried to cash their welfare check at the same time.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from San Francisco, California where our Bozo bank robbers spent all night waiting inside a bank after attacking a janitor and forcing their way inside. When the first teller arrived in the morning, the Bozos ordered her to open the vault. She told the Bozos she couldn’t, since it took two employees to open it. But, she said, she saw the bank manager outside and if the Bozos would just let her go, she would go outside, get the manager, bring him back in and open the vault. Ok, said the Bozos and they let her go. She went straight to a pay phone and called the cops who arrived while the Bozos were still waiting for the manager to come in.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia where 17 year old Bozo Jason Gordon robbed 74 year old Oran McGramery by pulling a 38 caliber pistol on him and demanding his wallet while Oran was working in his yard. The next day the Bozo got the bright idea to rob the same man again since it had worked so well the day before. This time, however, McGramery was in no mood for it. When the Bozo approached and asked for his wallet, McGramery reached for his weed whacker and turned it on the teenager. The Bozo tripped and was repeatedly whacked on his behind. Police arrived to rescue the Bozo and charge him with robbery.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Cheyenne, Wyoming where Bozo Walter Swain planned his bank robbery down to every last detail, or so he thought. He knew exactly where to hide the getaway car so no one would see it. He knew when the security guard took his break. He even knew which day the bank tellers had the most cash on hand for cashing checks. He had every detail covered–so why is he a Bozo? Because he forgot one small detail–he forgot to bring a slip of paper to write the hold up note on. So, he grabbed the first scrap of paper he found in his car, wrote the note on it, walked in and handed the note to the teller. She gave him the money, he walked out the door and drove away. He probably would have gotten away with it except for that small detail about the paper. You see, he wrote his hold up note on the back of one of his own checking account deposit slips!

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Kennesaw, Georgia where Bozo Robert Carter stole the cellular phone out of Jennifer Brown’s car. When Jennifer went to a pay phone to call her husband Bob to tell him of the theft, her husband told her that he was talking to the Bozo phone thief at that very moment on the other line. It seems the Bozo had just started hitting buttons on the phone and hit one of the speed dial buttons for Jennifer’s home. The Bozo told Bob he was holding the phone hostage and if he ever wanted to see his phone again, he should bring $80 dollars to a nearby park. Bob went to the park with the money and with the police. They found the Bozo right where he said he would be, sitting on a park bench and playing with the phone.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Cincinnati, Ohio where Bozo James Skinner held up a branch of the Kenwood Savings Bank. He flashed a gun at the teller and demanded cash. She gave him what she had and he turned to leave, but suddenly the Bozo walked back up to the teller. He asked the teller, "I’m not from around here, could you tell me how to get to Interstate 71?" She gave him instructions and then watched as he left in his car, taking note of his license plate number in the process. She then called the police, who were waiting for the Bozo when he found his way to the interstate.

The Bozo Criminals for this morning come from the International File. From Brussels, Belgium comes a group of Bozo bank robbers who thought they had it all figured out. They rented a bulldozer and used it to crash through the wall of a bank, planning on lifting up the cash machine inside and using the bulldozer to load the ATM onto a trailer, which they did. Only problem, the trailer collapsed under the weight of the cash machine. Also, a bulldozer crashing through the wall of a bank makes a lot of noise and attracts a lot of attention! The Bozo’s were trying to get the ATM off the crushed trailer when police arrived.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where Bozo Rasheed Walker was arrested for shoplifting. It seems our Bozo shoplifted several items from a Los Angeles department store, including fake gold chains and several other pieces of heavy jewelry. The Bozo, who was wearing the very baggy jeans which are so fashionable today, stuffed the items into the pockets of the jeans and headed for the door. He had barely stepped out the door when a security guard gave chase. And that’s when the Bozo’s problems really began. As he began to run, the combination of the heavy items in his pockets and gravity caused those baggy jeans to begin to slide down. The faster the Rasheed ran, the more the pants slid down until they finally dropped off completely, tangling up the Bozo’s feet and causing him to fall, allowing the security guard to apprehend him. The moral to the story for all Bozo shoplifters–try shoplifting lighter items or wearing tighter pants. ani_c

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Michigan City, Indiana where Bozo Freddy Painter had escaped from the jail there. Police officers and dogs were in hot pursuit when the bozo saw what he thought was a perfect hiding place–an old hog shed made out of rusting, corrugated metal. In fact, the Bozo spotted a rusted out hole in the corrugated wall that looked large enough for him to crawl through. Once inside, the Bozo thought, he would be safely hidden. And he might have been, if he could only have gotten inside. You see, the hole in the wall was not quite big enough for the bozo to squeeze through. He got his head and shoulders through, but his behind was just too big and he got stuck. Head inside the hog shed, rather large behind sticking out. In clear view. Police officers were able to get him unstuck and return him to his cell.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File. From Bayreuth, Germany comes the story of the Bozo drug dealer who dialed a number that he thought was for another dealer, hoping to order 25 grams of speed. Turns out to be a wrong number. A really wrong number. The Bozo dialed the cell phone of a police officer who had questioned him about his drug dealing less than a year before. Recognizing the Bozo’s name, the officer set up a time and place for the buy. When he showed up to get his speed, he was speedily arrested.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Eugene, Oregon, where Bozo Credit Union Manager Cathy Byers was charged with embezzling $630,000 over a six year period. The Bozo pleaded not guilty, saying that while her hands may have stolen the money, she was not responsible because one of her evil multiple personalities was in control of her brain at the time. The jury found all of Cathy’s Bozo personalities guilty.

The Bozo Criminals for today come from Clay, New York, where police busted two high school sophomores for allegedly making and selling fake raffle tickets. Police say the teen-aged Bozos wanted to make some extra money to buy cigarettes. The Bozos printed up yellow $2 raffle tickets on their home computer and sold 20 to 30 of them before police were tipped off that something was wrong with the raffle tickets. The word "raffle" was misspelled. A word of advise to all aspiring Bozo printers–use the spell checker!

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File. From Bosnia- Herzegovina comes the story of bus driver who was on his way to deliver 20 patients to a mental hospital when he decided to stop for a few drinks. And a few more drinks… And a few more drinks… When he returned to his bus, he was shocked to find that his patients had escaped. Desperate for a solution and wanting to keep his job, the bozo did some quick thinking. He pulled up to a bus stop and told people he was giving free rides. He then delivered the unsuspecting passengers to the mental hospital and told the guards to keep an eye on them as they were easily excitable. It took officials at the hospital three days to realize their newest inmates were not crazy. The 20 mental patients are still at large. The Bozo, however, is behind bars.

The Bozo Criminal for today is not a criminal in the strictest sense, but he did violate the law. From Tampa, Florida comes Bozo McCormick Jones who wanted to make sure his brother could find his house when he came to visit last saturday. The Bozo decided to put something out front to make his house immediately identifiable. His brilliant idea–put a fake bomb on the mailbox! Looked pretty good, too, orange tubes, flashing lights, a buzzer and the words "Acme TNT" on the side. Looked so real, the neighbors called the cops who notified the bomb squad. Before the Bozo knew what was going on, he was arrested for planting a hoax bomb device, which is a felony.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Brooklyn, NY where Bozo Jose Delgado had been robbing stores in the area by throwing a rock through the window and then reaching in, grabbing whatever he could and running away. One particular jewelry store had installed unbreakable plexiglass in their front window and when the Bozo threw a rock at it, it simply bounced off. Not to be discouraged, our Bozo searched around until he found a large cinder block which he threw at the window with all his might. The cinder block rebounded off the plexiglass, hitting the Bozo in the head and knocking him out cold. He was just coming to as police arrived.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File. Bozo Jeff Pearce of Perth, Australia was convicted of assaulting a police officer–with his breath. The Bozo testified that he deliberately chewed a whole clove of garlic as he was being pulled over by a traffic cop and then breathed into the officer’s face as he approached the window. Unfortunately for our Bozo the judge chose to impose a seldom used Australian law defining assault as "the direct or indirect application of force, including gas or odor, in such a manner as to cause personal discomfort." He was fined and ordered to never leave the house without a bottle of Scope.

The Bozo Criminal for today should have picked on someone his own age. 57 year old bozo Charles Hoelzer of St. Louis jumped into his intended victim’s car, pulled a knife on her and demanded money. "No way" said Maggie Frazer, who then punched the Bozo in the mouth, causing him to fall back and cut himself with his own knife, which he then dropped. Maggie then grabbed the knife and held the Bozo at bay until the police arrived. One thing we forgot to tell you about Maggie–she’s a 77 year old granny.