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Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland. Bozo Ricky Simon walked into a convenience store, flashed a revolver and demanded money. As the cashier was getting the money, she noticed the bozo was a little fidgety. And with good reason…She handed the bozo his cash and he asked her if the store had a restroom. She directed him to the back and as soon as he shut the door she called police, who happened to be in the neighborhood. Officers arrived just as the bozo was heading out the door.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denver, Colorado where bozo Stephen Burns was enjoying a pitcher of beer in a local bar. He had his back to the TV, which was tuned to America’s Most Wanted, when his picture came on. The bartender watched the story explaining how the bozo was a wanted bank robber. He checked the picture on the TV and checked the bozo and felt sure that they were one and the same. Bartender called police and they arrived just as the bozo was getting ready to order another round.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Charlotte, North Carolina. This bozo had obviously not yet perfected his craft. Bozo Richard Reeved planned on robbing a bank. To conceal his identity, the bozo put a paper bag over his head. Only problem, he put the bag on his head in his car while he was still several blocks away from the bank. Alert drivers in nearby cars called the police and alerted them of a suspicious man driving a car wearing a bag over his head. Once inside, our bozo could not be understood because he forgot to cut a mouth hole in the bag. After repeating himself several times, he finally got a handful of money and ran out of the bank and into the waiting arms of police officers.

Bozo criminals for today aren’t really criminals. They’re only kids. They’re not even really bozos, they’re just kids. But, here goes. From Kimmswick, Missouri come the story of two kids , brother and sister, both under five years of age who were watching a Barney video entitled "Barney’s Campfire Singalong". The video supposedly shows Barney the dinosaur making a fire by rubbing two sticks together. The kids decided to try this little trick for themselves. Only the sticks they rubbed together were matches. No one was hurt in the ensuing blaze, but the double wide trailer the kids and their parents lived in burned to the ground.

B Bozo criminals for today come from New York City where two bozos carjacked Bessie Cassaro’s car. The two men forced Bessie into the trunk and drove away. Instead of panicking, Bessie began unplugging the car’s taillights. Sure enough, it wasn’t very long before the bozo carjackers were pulled over by police, who heard Bessie banging on the trunk and arrested the bozos.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Reno, Nevada where bozo Chris Connally held up a gas station. As the attendant was emptying out the cash register, he told the bozo, "Remember, every victim is entitled to one phone call." The incredibly stupid bozo said OK and allowed the attendant to make a call. He called the cops and before you could say reach out and touch someone, the bozo was in custody.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City, where 19 year old bozo Lena (Last name withheld) had been flown in from California to do a tabloid tv show about people who use drugs on a regular basis. She told everyone on coast to coast tv that she used marijuana each day and had never been in trouble. Maybe she should have left the dope at home just this one time. She was busted at the airport by drug sniffing dogs.

Bozo criminals for this morning come from Boston, Mass. where police sent out 100 letters to known criminals with outstanding warrants inviting them to work as extras in a new movie being shot in the area. They were told that all they had to do to earn $200 a day was to show up at the bus station and they would be taken to where the movie was being filmed. 54 of the 100 bozos showed up and were loaded on a bus and driven directly to the police station.

Bozo criminal for today comes from North Bend Washington, where bozo Charlie Wilson called police to report a theft. When the officers arrived, they couldn’t believe the theft the bozo wanted to report. He told the cops six of his marijuana plants had been stolen. Unfortunately, three other marijuana plants were sitting out in plain view. Bozo was busted for possession.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Lauderdale, Florida where bozo David Hindmarsh attempted to rob a bank. When the bozo walked in, it was a very busy time at the bank and people were lined up at all the tellers windows. The bozo cut in line, handed the teller a note saying he would set off a pipe bomb if she didn’t hand over all the money. The teller said she would give him the cash, but that he would have to get back in line and wait his turn, which the bozo did. For 20 minutes he waited. He was still waiting patiently when the police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chattanooga, Tennessee where bozo Clint Wolford was only a month away from being released from jail. Now, he’s looking at at least another four years in the slammer. Why? The bozo was supposed to be in a work release program, where he held down a job during the day and returned to jail at night. Only instead of working, he was leaving jail and heading to the golf course. He was caught when his judge ran into him on the course.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Ann Arbor, Michigan where 18 year old bozo Randy Hogan stole a car containing a cellular phone. When the police arrived to investigate, a female officer asked for the phone number. She dialed it, and sure enough the bozo answered. The officer pretended to be a lonely acquaintance of the phone’s owner and before the bozo knew what was going on, he was arranging to meet his mystery caller for a date. Not only did the bozo show up at the appointed location ready for the date, he showed up in the stolen car, carrying the stolen phone. His next date is with the judge.

Bozo criminal for today thought she was finally having some good luck. Bozo Donna Sobb of California hit the state lottery for $100, and this qualified her for the big two million dollar jackpot. This was big news in her small town and her smiling face was printed in the local paper. Unfortunately, she didn’t need the publicity. A local cop read the story, recognized her name and face and realized the bozo was wanted by the cops on an eight month old shoplifting warrant. Police arrested the bozo. She didn’t win the big lottery prize, but the $100 was applied toward her bail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland, where bozo George White broke into a home with the intent of quickly finding anything of value and quickly getting out. Unfortunately his plan went awry when he came into the large video room of the house and found a big screen TV with a new Nintendo game system hooked up to it. Our bozo paused to play a quick game and before you knew it, he was totally enthralled in the game. So enthralled, he lost all track of time. In the meantime, the neighbors, who knew the homeowners were supposed to be on vacation, called police to report some suspicious activity. Bozo was still trying to conquer Super Mario World when police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Smith, Arkansas, where bozo Terry Mills walked into a convenience store to purchase a six pack of beer. After getting his beer, he pulled a gun and demanded that the clerk turn over all the cash in the register. Bozo then fled the scene but was quickly captured by the cops. Why? Remember that six pack he bought… The clerk asked him for his ID, which he gave to the clerk before robbing him. The bozo had left the ID laying on the counter.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Scottsbluff, Iowa, where 32 year old Leonard Chocker was awakened in his bed at the Comfort Inn by a strange sound. The Bozo sat up in bed and spied what he thought was the shadowy figure of an intruder. Thinking quickly, the Bozo grabbed his nearby 12 gauge shotgun and blasted away. Today the Bozo is in jail on $50,000 bond for blowing a hole in his hotel room window. That shadowy figure he saw in his room—his own reflection in the bedroom window!

The Bozo Criminal for today was foiled by his own desire for the high life. From Miami, Florida comes the story of Roger Washburn who planned on robbing a local bank. He was so confident that he would be successful that he rented a limousine– to take him to the heist! The limo driver thought the Bozo was acting kind of strange and when he noticed the Bozo pulling a gun out of his pants as he entered the bank, he called the cops. When the Bozo walked out of the bank with his cash, it was a police car and not a limousine that was waiting for him.

The Bozo Criminals for today come from Lafayette, Indiana where police were called to a fast food restaurant to check out a problem in the drive thru. It seems Bozos Michelle Phebus and her husband Tony had spent an evening partying heartily and had come down with a severe case of the munchies. So they drove to a burger joint, ordered a sack of burgers to go and proceeded to pull around. However, somehow, on the way to the pick up window, they fell asleep. Officers arrived to find two sleepy head bozos and a brick of marijuana that never quite made it to the pick-up window.

The Bozo criminals for today come from Key West, Florida, where three college students apparently left their brains back on campus. The three bozos, enjoying spring break activities, were desperate to smoke a joint, so they found some convenient bushes to hide in while they lit up. Turns out the bushes were up against the wall of the local police station. Right underneath the air intake for the air conditioning system. Several detectives were at their desks as the fumes began to drift thru the office. They went outside and found the bozos happily smoking away.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File. From Jaguapita, Brazil comes Bozo Carlos Gomes who was arrested for trying to steal a bank safe. The bozo decided the best way to open the save would be to blow it open. Since he had no dynamite, he tried a different, bozo approach. He poured gasoline over the safe and lit it. Some of the gasoline seeped inside the safe, and when the bozo stuck a match to it, the safe exploded, blowing the bozo across the room. Police, drawn by the explosion, caught the bozo as he was running away. The bozo denied he was trying to blow open the safe, instead saying the explosion happened while he was in the bank’s kitchen frying up a steak.