Recent Posts

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule number 4678: It’s best to keep a low profile when you’re a wanted man. Our story comes from Lewiston, Idaho where Bozo Allen Strebeck was set to get married at the county courthouse when a jail sergeant recognized him as a man named in an arrest warrant for failure to pay a fine. After the magistrate performed the ceremony, the officer confronted the bozo with the arrest warrant and was preparing to arrest him when members of the wedding party passed the hat and came up with enough money to pay the bozo’s fine.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File where our bozo was foiled by modern technology. The Dominion Bank in St. Catherine’s Ontario has set up a new type of branch bank which basically consists of rows of ATM machines attended by only one employee. Our bozo walked into the bank of ATM machines and shouted, "This is a stickup!" When none of the ATMs responded, he shouted again, and again. Finally realizing that he was getting nowhere with the machines, the bozo became discouraged and walked out.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Hartford, Connecticut where Bozo Michael Carter was arrested for robbery. When being questioned by police, our bozo stated that there was no way any of the witnesses could identify him as the robber. Why? "Because," the bozo said to the officer, "I was was wearing a mask."

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Las Vegas, Nevada where Bozo Richard Trent was concerned that the description that the police were circulating of a person wanted for assault sounded a lot like him. So, he called the cops to try to clear things up. And clear things up he did, for while he was not responsible for the crimes in Vegas, when police ran a routine check on his name, they found that he was a fugitive from California, wanted for several crimes there, including assault. Since he was kind enough to give his real name and address, the police stopped by and arrested him.

The Bozo criminal for today is from the International File. These bozos had a pretty good idea, they just chose the wrong time to try to pull it off. Police in Medellin, Columbia were on routine patrol when they noticed a hearse and another car moving slowly along the highway, a two car funeral procession. The cops pulled them over and noticing that the driver of the hearse seemed rather nervous, decided to check things out. Looking in the back of the hearse, the police found not a casket but instead a large crate filled with 1300 pounds of marijuana. The passengers and the driver, all dressed in funeral black, were arrested. And just what was it that aroused the cops suspicions in the first place? It was because our bozos decided to stage their fake funeral at two in the morning.

Thanks to several bozo news hawks who pointed out this story in Ann Landers’ column. From Montreal, Canada comes the story of a couple making a good living stealing high quality designer clothing and then selling it out of their house. Their troubles began when their house was robbed, with the thief getting away with several of the items of clothing that the bozos themselves had stolen. So, the bozos did just what you would expect them to do. They called the cops to report that their stolen clothing had been stolen. Whne the police arrived to investigate, the couple asked them to wait in the hall while they rushed around the house, stuffing clothing into closets. While they were racing around, the police noticed several people sitting in the living room. When questioned, they told them that they were at the house to buy clothing, which they presumed to be stolen. A search of the house turned up $75,000 in stolen clothing and a book of clients and their phone numbers. The only clothing these bozos will be dealing with for a while has black and white stripes.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan for providing us with this gem. From Hood River, Oregon, comes the story of Bozo Lee Nance who was arrested on suspicion of public indecency after police found him running around naked in a parking lot. What really won this guy his Bozo award was his excuse for being nude. He said he was working on his tan because he was on a church softball team and was afraid that if he didn’t have a good base tan he would get sunburned. He’s gonna really be disappointed when he finds out they don’t have tanning beds in jail.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Rochester, New York where bozo Sam Savine was arrested for reckless driving. It seems our bozo was somewhat intoxicated when he lost control of his car, ran off the road and crashed into a house. The car was still drivable, so the bozo slammed it into reverse and would have made a clean getaway except for one thing–he left behind the license plate of his car imbedded in the wall of the house.

Bozo Criminal for today obviously never attended the diesel driving academy. From Philadelphia comes the story of bozo Michael Stone who boarded a city bus at around five in the morning and then refused to pay his fare. An argument with the driver then ensued with the bozo eventually throwing the driver off the bus. Bozo the proceeded to drive off, but he didn’t get very far. He failed to negotiate the first curve he came to and crashed the bus into a guard rail, doing about $4 million in damage to the bus and conveniently pinning himself inside until the police could come by and free him and take him to jail.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Ceres, California where bozo Jesse Kramer, just released from jail, went right back to his old ways and burglarized a store. Must have been hard work because while committing the crime our bozo got a little hot and took off his jacket. His first mistake was leaving the jacket behind at the scene of the crime. his second mistake was leaving his jail release papers in the pocket of the jacket he left behind.

Bozo Criminal for this morning comes from Raleigh, North Carolina where Bozo Ronnie Carver held up a gas station. Bozo walks in with a pair of women’s underwear over his head, using them for a mask. During the course of the robbery, the bozo became frustrated with his disguise since it was rather difficult to see out of. So, the bozo pokes his face through one of the leg holes for a better view. When he did, the clerk recognized him as a regular customer and was able to identify him to the cops.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File. Bozo Hector Cortez of Monterrey, Mexico has been arrested for attempted extortion. His method was a little bizarre. It seems our bozo sent 30 letters to U.S. citizens threatening to kill Bill Clinton and George Bush unless he received $3000 by return mail. And he included a stamped, self addressed envelope with his real name and address on it.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Marietta, Ohio where police went to an apartment in response to a call from a senior citizen who said he’d been ripped off. When the cops got there, they were surprised an 69 year old Bozo Louis Straight’s complaint. He told the police that he’d just spent $50 bucks on a bag of marijuana and that his dealer had shorted him on his pot, selling him a bag that was only half full(kind of like his brain). Police busted him for possession.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Lexington, Kentucky where Bozo Danny Bell walked into the Federal Reserve Bank with a note that said, "Give me the money, please." When he couldn’t get a teller to serve him, the bozo handed the note, which he had signed with his real name, to a security guard. The officer read the note, politely asked the bozo to wait and then went behind the counter and pushed the silent alarm button. The bozo was still waiting patiently when the cops arrived.

T Our bozo criminal for today learned the hard way that you just can’t pull off an airline hijacking without the proper tools for the job. From the International File in Ankara, Turkey comes the story of our bozo who, while on board a flight on Turkish Cypriot Airlines, burst into the cockpit holding a hand grenade and threatening to set it off if the plane wasn’t diverted to Germany. The pilot looked up from the controls and kept on flying, having noticed that the alleged hand grenade was in fact quite obviously a cigarette lighter shaped like a hand grenade. The bozo was grabbed by the flight crew and taken into custody upon arrival in Ankara.

The One thing you learn from Bozo Criminals is that you should never try to figure out what they are thinking, because they usually aren’t thinking. Such is the case in our Bozo story for today from the International File in Prague, the Czech Republic. Our bozo is either too honest for his own good or maybe he just needs to hire a proofreader. The bozo was arrested after he tried to pass a counterfeit note at the bank. Bank employees said the fake note was of high quality but there was one glaring problem with it. At the very bottom of the note, in small but bold print were the words, "This note is fake." When they take his mug shot, they should write "This is a bozo" under the picture.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Key West, Florida where bozo Lenny Whittaker learned the hard way that you can’t always believe everything the police tell you. It seems Key West Police were called to the Ocean Key Marina early Sunday morning with a report of a prowler among the large boats docked there. Police spotted a suspicious man, our bozo, on the bridge of one of the vessels and when the bozo saw the cops he dove into the water. Thinking quickly, one of the cops, instead of yelling "Freeze" or "Halt" instead yelled, "Shark!" Taking the cop at his word, the bozo turned around and in a panic swam to shore and into the custody of the cops. By the way, there were no sharks in the area.

Bozo Criminal for this morning comes from the International File. From Berne, Switzerland comes the story of a bozo kidnapping gone terribly wrong. Seems our bozos snatched their victim off the street in Berne, threw him in the trunk of his own car and sped away. Everything would have gone along much more smoothly if the bozos had seen fit to frisk their victim before throwing him in the trunk. Then maybe he wouldn’t have been able to call the police from the cell phone which he had in his pocket.

Bozo Criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 606: Before you do the crime, be sure you have the correct weapon. From the International File in Rio de Janerio, Brazil comes the story of two bozos who stormed a city bus in an attempt to hold up the driver and his passengers. One big problem, however, was the bozos weapon of choice: hand held hair dryers. The two men pointed the hair dryers at the passengers, demanding all their money. Unfortunately for the bozos one of the passengers had a real gun and shot them both.

Bozo Criminal for this morning forgot Bozo Rule Number 127: When committing a crime, its always a good idea to try and be inconspicuous. From New York City comes Bozo Zarko Simonovich who was walking down one of the city’s busiest streets, Madison Avenue, in broad daylight, carrying a sledge hammer. Bozo walks up to the tony Ralph Lauren store, swings the sledge and breaks the window. He then proceeds to go inside and use the sledge on various display cabinets. He made so much noise that the construction crew nearby noticed and called the cops who came by and arrested him.