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The Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where bozo Robert Townes was arrested by police for burglary of several homes in a well-to-do section of town. Police rousted him while he was sleeping in the front seat of his pickup truck in front of a home that had been burglarized. Loot from several other burglaries was in the back of the truck. It seems the bozo raided the refrigerator at his last stop and the combination of food, beer and a hard day’s work put him to sleep–and put him into jail.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Petersberg, Florida where Bozo William Higgins was found guilty of defrauding the government by claiming total disability for a military injury. For 22 years, our bozo put on an arm brace, got in a wheelchair and reported to the local federal building to pick up his disability check. All the while he had been working full time as a house painter. He was discovered when someone recoginized him working on a house a few blocks down from the federal building.

The Bozo criminals for today come from the International File. From Resistencia, Argentina comes the story of the two bozos who stopped at a fast food restauarant and asked for permission to use the restroom. The store manager gave them the key and the bozos proceeded to yank the toilet out and load it on the back of their getaway vehicle, a small motor scooter. At least they tried to load it on their motor scooter. The bozos were still trying to balance two people and a toilet on the back of the scooter when police arrived.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 6468: If you’re going to do the crime, at least try to be inconspicuous while doing it. From Massapequa, Long Island comes the story of bozo Lynn Reeves who walked into the Sunrise Mall topless with her naked two year old daughter in tow. She headed for the T.J. Maxx clothing store and proceeded to try on some clothes. Finding some she liked, she tried to walk out without paying. She was met at the door by the police.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from our Road Rage file. From Tampa, Florida comes the story of Bozos Cecille Herbert and LaTonya Wright. It seems Cecille cut off LaTonya in traffic. Angered by this, LaTonya pulled up by Cecille and a passenger in her car mooned her. Well, this really set Cecille off since she had her children in the car. So what does she do? She reaches under the seat and pulls out a gun, threatening the other car with it. At the next light, LaTonya pulls up beside Cecille and hurls a burrito at her. Fortunately for both bozos, all this activity has attracted a nearby patrollman who arrests them both.

The We have a new category for today: Bozo Criminal–hopeless romantic division. Our bozo for today didn’t have criminal intent, but ended up arrested anyway. From Lawrenceville, Georgia comes the story of Bozo Arnold Kaye who had a very special date lined up. He was going to take his girlfriend to the new Robert Redford movie, "The Horse Whisperer." To impress her, our bozo thought it would be romantic to take her to the movie in a horse drawn carriage. So, he got a pony, hitched it up to a carriage, picked up his girlfriend and the two headed to the movies. He parked his carriage in the movie parking lot and went inside with his date to enjoy the flick. When they emerged from the movie, the police were waiting for him. It seems you have to have a license to drive a horse drawn carriage in Lawrenceville. The cops took the pony to the animal shelter and charged our bozo with cruelty to animals and animal abandonment. To make matters worse, his soon to be ex-girlfriend! isn’t speaking to him.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacksonville Beach, Florida where bozo Diana Sparks was arrested for trying to sell her two year old daughter for ten bucks. Obviously needing the money to buy drugs, our bozo was caught when she called the police, asking them to run a background check on the couple, telling them the whole story. She stayed on the phone with the cops long enough that they were able to trace the call, come down and arrest the bozo and to see to it that the child was taken care of.

From the International File comes our story of bozo criminal and Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet who mailed a letter bomb to an opposing faction’s leader. Unfortunately, our bozo did not put enough postage on the letter and it came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting exactly what it was, our unfortunate bozo opened the letter, blowing himself up.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Santa Cruz, California where bozo Eumelio Garcia was in jail on theft charges. Bozo broke out of jail and went to visit his girlfriend. Within an hour he and his girlfriend were having a yelling, screaming fight. Pretty soon, the jail doesn’t look so bad to our bozo. So he heads back to jail and literally tries tries to break back in. This wasn’t quite as easy as breaking out. Our bozo has now had assault and jailbreak charges added to his sentence.

The Bozo criminal for today is somewhat unique in that he’s not a criminal, just a politician. It’ll be up to you to decide who the real bozo is. From Ontario, California comes the story of 62 year old Hale McGee who is running for congress there. During a TV appearance in Ontario, Mr. McGee flatly declared that crime was absolutely, positively without a doubt not a problem in his city. Less than an hour later, as Mr. McGee was heading home, he was robbed of 80 bucks and his cell phone.

The

The Bozo criminal for this morning is from Dallas, Texas. Bozo Vashon Rhymes stole an inner city passenger bus from the Greyhound terminal downtown. It seems our bozo knew how to start the bus and get it going but unfortunately he didn’t know how to release the parking brake. Consequently the back of the bus caught fire not too far down the road. Police arrested the bozo when he left his smoldering bus to go into a nearby Waffle House to call for help.

The Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan for passing along this Bozo Report. From the International File in Brasilia, Brazil comes the story of Bozo Eduardo Sanchez who tried to break into a house by crawling through the iron grillwork covering the windows. The bozo got partially through when his pants got caught in the grillwork. Not wanting to give up, the bozo removed his pants and kept trying to squeeze through. This time he made it about halfway in when he got stuck. The homeowner returned home to find our bozo, wearing only a pair of white underpants, stuck tight between the burglar bars. Police had to call the fire department rescue team to come and cut down our very embarassed bozo.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Las Vegas, Nevada where Bozo Edward Baker was arrested for shoplifting. He apparently found a shirt he liked at a local department store, took it into the dressing room, put it on and walked out of the store. So, how was he caught? The bozo left behind his old shirt–and in the front pocket of that shirt was his paycheck stub, complete with his name and address.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule number 5554: Be very careful who you take your road rage out on. From Murray City, Ohio comes the story of Steven Frees who became irritated at the way another motorist was driving. He pulled alongside and motioned for the motorist to pull over, which he did. Our bozo then walked up to the car and punched the offending motorist in the mouth. Bad idea. The man he punched was the Murray City assistant chief of police who arrested him on the spot for assault.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from San Bernadino, California where Bozo Frank Flores led the California Highway patrol on a high speed freeway chase until his car ran out of gas. At this time, most criminals would either give themselves up or jump from the car and run. Not gonna happen when you’re dealing with a bozo. Instead, the bozo jumps out of his car, runs to the back and begins pushing it. Cops pulled up and called him a tow truck after arresting him.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Sioux Falls, Soputh Dakota where a homeowner came home and caught Bozo Lewis Anderson rummaging thru his house. Our bozo was so frightened by the homeowner that he jumped out of a second story window. Miraculously, he was uninjured and was able to hop in his car and speed away. Unfortunately, he sped right by a patrolling police car, which gave chase. The bozo then crashed into a light pole, but was again uninjured and took off on foot, with the police in hot pursuit. Running down the street, out bozo passed a couple of joggers. For reasons known only to the bozo he told the joggers that he was running from the cops. The joggers, hearing this, kicked it into high gear, catching up to the bozo and holding him until the police caught up.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 6549: Be sure you are well rested before committing a crime. From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Walter Mitchell who broke into a home, ransacked it, grabbing some jewelry and a few other items. The bozo then headed downstairs where he spotted what appeared to be a comfy chair. The bozo decided to try out the comfy chair and promptly fell asleep. The homeowner arrived home, found the bozo and called the cops who came by and rousted sleeping beauty, charging him with burglary.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Farmingdale, New York where bozo Raymond Lerner walked up to a restaurant cashier and demanded money. The nervous cashier, while handing the gun-toting bozo his cash, dropped some of it on the floor underneath the counter. The bozo placed his gun on the counter and bent down to pick up the fallen money. The cashier then grabbed the bozo’s gun, firing a shot at the flustered thief as he rushed out the door. The bozo hopped in his car, peeled out and promptly ran into another car in the parking lot. The cops came by and arrested the bozo, who now had no money, no gun and a wrecked car.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Buenos Aires, Argentina comes the story of Marcos Guerro, who for three years had been a wanted man, managing to elude authorities on drug charges. Then our bozo decided to change careers. Perhaps he should have chosen a less visible line of work. Our bozo took up boxing and last Saturday night was featured in a live match on TV. Cops watching the fight recognized the guy and when his fight was over, police were waiting ringside with a warrant and a pair of handcuffs.