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The Bozo criminal for today picked the wrong time, the wrong place and the wrong item to offer up for a bribe. From Oelwin, Iowa comes the story of Bozo Roger Conner who was in jail for drunk driving. As the chief of police was walking by the his cell, the bozo made him an offer–if the chief would drop the drunk driving charges, the bozo would get the chief some really excellent marijuana. Instead of dropping the charges, the chief added charges of attempting to bribe an officer and pot possession–a subsequent search revealed our bozo had some marijuana hidden in his sock.

The Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Wayne Cox who sent us this Bozo Report via the internet. From Phoenix, Arizona comes the story of Bozo Shirley Crabtree who found a listing in the phone book for a company called "Guns For Hire." This company stages gunfights for western movies. Our bozo had quite another idea for their services. She called them and tried to hire them to have her husband shot. The Guns For Hire folks called the cops and she got 4 1/2 years in jail.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule number 9845: If you’re going to rob a place, try to pick somewhere that isn’t likely to be crawling with cops. Our bozo for today comes from New York City where Dennis Johnson picked the worst possible place to try to stick up…A Dunkin Donuts shop. Sure enough, in the middle of his attempt, a couple of cops stopped by to pick up a couple of cream filled and instead ended picking up a bozo.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule number 9845: If you’re going to rob a place, try to pick somewhere that isn’t likely to be crawling with cops. Our bozo for today comes from New York City where Dennis Johnson picked the worst possible place to try to stick up…A Dunkin Donuts shop. Sure enough, in the middle of his attempt, a couple of cops stopped by to pick up a couple of cream filled and instead ended picking up a bozo.

The Bozo criminals for today come from Reno, Nevada where bozo Randy Brown and several of his friends were arrested for vandalism. It seems the teenagers were at a state park in Nevada when they decided to trash the restrooms, breaking a mirror and damaging several sinks. So how were they caught? It seems our bozo originally planned to do a little fishing before he decided to trash the place. He left behind his father’s fishing tackle box in the bathroom, complete with his fishing license.

The Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Stephen Rowe who sent us this bozo story via the internet. From Atlanta, Georgia comes the story of bozo Jay Springs who was walking through a convenience store with his cell phone, talking to a friend, telling him that he was going to steal a six pack of beer from the store for a party later on at his house. A store employee overhead the conversation and was able to quickly call police, who were waiting at the front door when the bozo tried to make his getaway with his beer.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Coram, New York where Bozo James Prescott heard police knocking on his front door. He knew they were there to serve him with a warrant for petty larceny and assault. So, our bozo decides he will try to escape–through a roof vent. Once on the roof, with the house surrounded, the bozo realizes his only hope for getaway is to flee through a sump that leads to an underground sewer pipe. One problem, the sewer pipe is only 18 inches wide. Still, our bozo managed to squirm about 200 feet before getting stuck. And there he stayed, literally trying to keep his head above water and above everything else while praying no one in the house flushes a toilet. He waited for the cops to go away. They didn’t. Finally, after being stuck in the pipe for five hours, he called out for the cops to come rescue him, which they did, just before they hosed down and arrested him.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Roanoke, Virginia and should be placed in the "If at first you don’t get busted, try, try again" file. 26 year old Tracy Freeman was acquitted by a jury of possession of cocaine because a key piece of evidence , a bag of crack, was not found in his possession. Four hours after the bozo was released, a cop pulled him over because of expired license plates. A search of the car uncovered…a bag of crack! He was back in jail before sundown.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Sacramento, California where Bozo Jason Ellis pulled off two armed robberies. Police suspected our bozo in the robberies bur couldn’t prove anything. In fact he might have gotten away with it all if only he hadn’t decided to do that rap album. Yes, our bozo took some of his ill begotten money and formed his own rap group, the Romper Room Gang, putting out an album called The Rompalation. One track on the album described in detail a hold up that was remarkably similar to one of the hold ups the police suspected our bozo of pulling. Similar enough for the cops to arrest the bozo and 26 member of his "posse." They’re all singing a different tune now, from jail.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Rockford, Illinois where 22 year old bozo Michael Warren was having a couple of drinks at the local bar when a TV reporter asked if he could interview him for a story he was doing on underage drinking. Since he was above the legal age the bozo agreed. Sure enough the story ended up on the 10 o’clock news. All this would have been well and good except for the fact that our bozo was a wanted fugitive. A local detective saw the story, recognized him and now our bozo is cooling his heels in jail.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan via the internet. From Ipswich, Australia comes the story of bozo Nigel Gilliam who was pulled over for driving without a license. When the officer asked him for his ID, the bozo panicked and gave him the name of a friend instead of his own. Police checked the friend’s name in their computer and found he was wanted on more than a dozen traffic offenses. The cops cleared up the confusion and arrested not only our bozo but also his friend. The bozo was quoted as saying as he was being taken away, "I’ve got to get some new friends."

The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Montreal, Canada, comes the story of Bozo Marianne Reiser who was arrested and charged with assault of her husband. It was her method that gets her into the bozo hall of fame. It seems her victim is allergic to peanuts and breaks out in a rash whenever he comes incontact with them. Bozo wife decided the easiest way to get rid of him would be to smear peanut butter over his face while he was sleeping. The husband escaped injury when he woke up and took his allergy medicine–right after calling police.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan who reports in with today’s Bozo Criminal Story. From the Didn’t Know When to Leave Well Enough Alone File comes the story of bozo Randall Carlson who was doing time for arson in jail in Alabama. During his stint in jail, our bozo accumulated a collection of 150 boxes of matches which he fashioned together into a crude bomb and mailed to the federal appeals court. Fortunately, the bomb did not go off. Unfortunately for the bozo, he put his name and return address on the package.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Miamisburg, Ohio where Bozo Anthony Heath decided to break into the Captain D’s Seafood Restaurant. Our bozo used what is known in the bozo trade as the Santa Claus approach. He tried to slide into the building by climbing down an exhaust vent over the deep fat fryers. He made it about halfway down before getting stuck. Employees arrived the next morning to find the bozo’s feet hanging from the vent and muffled cries for help coming from inside. Our bozo was promptly cut out and arrested.

The Bozo criminal for today doesn’t really qualify as a criminal but he is such a bozo that we couldn’t let the story slip by without honoring him. From Hornell, New York, comes the story of Heath Hess who decided to walk along the railroad tracks to get away from the noisy street so he could talk on his cell phone. Our bozo stuck a finger in his other ear to cut out all outside noise while he talked–and we do mean all outside noise. Including that of an approaching train. The bozo was so wrapped up in his conversation that he didn’t even hear the train’s horn. The engineer on the train saw the bozo on the tracks and tried everything he could think of to warn him. In a last ditch effort, the engineer threw a water bottle at the bozo, finally getting his attention. He was able to leap from the tracks just as the train passed by. The bozo was treated at the hospital for bruises, abrasions and extreme stupidity.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where bozo Robert Townes was arrested by police for burglary of several homes in a well-to-do section of town. Police rousted him while he wassleeping in the front seat of his pickup truck in front of a home that had been burglarized. Loot from several other burglaries was in the back of the truck. It seems the bozo raided the refrigerator at his last stop and the combination of food, beer and a hard day’s work put him to sleep–and put him into jail.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where bozo Robert Townes was arrested by police for burglary of several homes in a well-to-do section of town. Police rousted him while he was sleeping in the front seat of his pickup truck in front of a home that had been burglarized. Loot from several other burglaries was in the back of the truck. It seems the bozo raided the refrigerator at his last stop and the combination of food, beer and a hard day’s work put him to sleep–and put him into jail.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Petersberg, Florida where Bozo William Higgins was found guilty of defrauding the government by claiming total disability for a military injury. For 22 years, our bozo put on an arm brace, got in a wheelchair and reported to the local federal building to pick up his disability check. All the while he had been working full time as a house painter. He was discovered when someone recoginized him working on a house a few blocks down from the federal building.

The Bozo criminals for today come from the International File. From Resistencia, Argentina comes the story of the two bozos who stopped at a fast food restauarant and asked for permission to use the restroom. The store manager gave them the key and the bozos proceeded to yank the toilet out and load it on the back of their getaway vehicle, a small motor scooter. At least they tried to load it on their motor scooter. The bozos were still trying to balance two people and a toilet on the back of the scooter when police arrived.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 6468: If you’re going to do the crime, at least try to be inconspicuous while doing it. From Massapequa, Long Island comes the story of bozo Lynn Reeves who walked into the Sunrise Mall topless with her naked two year old daughter in tow. She headed for the T.J. Maxx clothing store and proceeded to try on some clothes. Finding some she liked, she tried to walk out without paying. She was met at the door by the police.