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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Christopher Lowell of Honolulu, Hawaii who passed along today’s story. Officer Lowell works as a traffic investigator with the Honolulu Police Department and related this from personal experience. It seems the officer contacted a bozo who was suspected of being involved in a hit and run accident. When the bozo called Officer Lowell back it was after hours, so the bozo left the following message on police department voice mail. "Hello, this is Mr. Yamamoto. I just want you to know that I wasn’t involved in any accident and I don’t know what this is all about. Besides, after I hit the guy I didn’t notice any damage to my car…and…I mean…oh, Hell, how do I erase this….aaaaarrrrgggghhhh….>click

The Bozo criminal for today should remember that, for bozos, honesty is not always the best policy. From Toronto, Canada comes the story of Bozo Mohammad Said who was being questioned by police on charges he had bilked several women out of their life savings. When the cops asked our bozo what his occupation was, he replied, "con artist."

The Bozo criminal for today picked the wrong place to hide and also probably picked the wrong woman for his girlfriend. From Indianapolis, Indiana comes the story of Bozo Brent Kerns who was wanted by the cops on drug charges. He decided he would lay low for a while and hide out at his girlfriend’s place. Only one problem — his girlfriend was the sheriff’s live in housekeeper. The house the bozo was staying in was the sheriff’s residence. The bozo was arrested and the housekeeper was fired.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Baton Rouge, Louisiana where Bozo Fred Phillips was described by his judge as "The World’s Most Inept Counterfeiter"… and we would have to agree. Did our bozo utilize some high tech printing plates to manufacture his money? No. Did our bozo use the latest color laser copier to print his money? Nope. Did our bozo cut the corners off a $20 bill and scotch tape them to the corners of a $1 bill. Yep. He was arrested after he tried to pass one of these beauties at a convenience store.

The Bozo criminals for today come from the International File. From Winnipeg, Canada comes ths story of Bozo pot growers Brian Raines and James Fleet who were arrested for growing marijuana after their crop caught on fire and they called the fire department to come by and put it out.

The Bozo criminals for today come from Pruntytown, West Virginia where bozos Frank Bertrand and Timothy Nottingham broke out of minimum security prison and immediately headed to the nearest convenience store in search of beer. Their plan was foiled, however, when the clerk asked our bozos for an ID and neither one of them could produce one. Faced with the prospect of living free without beer, the bozos decided they would rather be in jail. They returned to the jail where they hadn’t yet been missed. They were charged with jailbreak and were transferred to a maximum security prison.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from New City, New Jersey where Bozo Patrick Kelly pulled up to the police station and told the officers there that he wanted to report a traffic accident which had slightly damaged his car. When the troopers went out to take a look at the damage, they found something a lot more interesting–ten pounds of marijuana, three grams of cocaine and 100 illegal pills. He was charged with seven counts of possession and intent to sell drugs.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where Bozo Justin Crawford was arrested for robbing a donut shop. It seems our bozo walked into the store and simply grabbed the cash register and ran out, stuffing it in the trunk of his car and making what he thought was a clean getaway. He didn’t get very far, though. The donut shop employees gave the cops a good description of his car and the arresting officer noticed something suspicious when he pulled our bozo over. The bozo had slammed the trunk on the cash register’s power cord, leaving it hanging out of the trunk.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Miami Beach, Florida where Bozo Jose Arego was arrested by police for burglary. Officers answering a residential alarm found our bozo passed out in the home he was trying to rob. The house was being fumigated for termites at the time and the bozo stayed inside a little too long and passed out from the fumes. You know Terminix does guarantee they’ll rid your home of pests.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Ebensberg, Pennsylvania where Bozo Travis Cherry reported to court to be sentenced for marijuana possession. As the rules require, deputies searched the bozo before allowing him to enter the courtroom. While searching him, they found a roach clip in his pocket. The astonished judge then changed the bozo’s sentence from probation to a year in jail.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from San Antonio, Texas where bozo Rafael Lopez pulled a drive-by shooting at a residence that he thought was the home of a rival gang member. Our bozo made two mistakes. He shot at the wrong house — this one was vacant. He didn’t notice the police officers performing a routine traffic stop directly across from the house. The officers stopped writing the traffic ticket and caught up with our drive-by bozo in a couple of blocks.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan for passing along today’s report. From San Jose, California comes the story of Bozo Jason Foxx who held up a bank near his home, getting away with a large amount of cash. Acting on a tip, police stopped by the bozo’s residence to question him. As the officers stepped into the bozo’s front yard, it started to rain money–cash was falling from the skies and onto the officers heads. Upon further investigation, the cops discovered that our bozo had hidden the loot in the rain gutter of his house and as luck would have it, the wind picked up just as the officers were approaching. Needless to say, he’s now in jail.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who pointed out this bozo story in a recent Ann Landers column. From Cleveland, Ohio comes the story of a hapless bozo ho made a couple of crucial errors in his attempt to hold up a bank. First of all, he made a big scene demanding that the teller give him his money in $1000 bills. The poor teller finally convinced him that the government no longer prints $1000 bills and the bozo accepted his cash in smaller denomonations. The bozo then rushed out of the bank, hopped on a bicycle and sped away. One problem–he left behind his wallet–complete with ID and address.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland where Bozo Gary Lester was serving on a jury in a murder trial. As he was entering the courthouse he was asked to empty his pockets before passing thru the metal detector. He was arrested after he removed 30 packets of cocaine from his pockets.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jon Marsh who passed along today’s story via the internet. From Winsted, Connecticut comes the story of bozos Deborah Bourey and Jason Hathaway who were arrested for growing marijuana. It was the location they chose to grow their dope that got them in trouble. They grew their marijuana in pots on their back porch. The only problem is the back porch is less than one hundred yards from the parking lot of police headquarters.

The Bozo criminals for today come from Lanagan, Missouri where Bozos Fred Chamberalin and Joey Burns both had outstanding warrants against them. The two bozos were sitting in their living room enjoying a marijuana cigarette when they heard a knock at the door. Outside was a former policeman who was campaigning door to door in his bid to become mayor. The two bozos invited the ex cop in. They also offered him some marijuana. The ex cop excused himself, went to the house next door and called the police who came by and busted our two bozos.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 1054: When committing a crime, it’s usually a good idea not to target the wife of the local chief of police. From Moscow, Idaho comes the story of Bozo Sherry Stevens who stole a prescription pad from her doctor and decided to write herself a prescription for some painkillers. She made two mistakes: First she misspelled the name of the medication. And second, the pharmacist was the wife of the city’s chief of police who happened to be in the pharmacy at the time. Those two mistakes are a sure prescription for getting arrested.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Doylestown, Pennsylvania where Bozo Christopher Brown held up the local pizza shop. Our bozo locked the store’s only employee in the bathroom and went hunting for the cash. He forgot to take away the woman’s purse before he locked her in the bathroom and she used her cell phone to call the cops, who arrived while the bozo was still in the store. At his arraignment, our bozo said, "I really don’t know what was going through my mind." Nothing, and that’s the problem.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jim Dickson of Tyler, Texas who passed along today’s report. From Myrtle Beach, South Carolina comes the story of Bozo Howard Davis who wanted to open up a little restaurant of his own. Unfortunately he didn’t have enough cash to buy the equipment to furnish his place. So he did what any bozo would do– he stole the stuff he needed from a restaurant down the street. And how was he caught? One of the items he stole was a refrigerator, which had pictures of the owner’s grandkids stuck to the door. He made it easy for the police to identify when he didn’t bother to remove the pictures.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tim Woodruff of Diana, Texas who passed along today’s report. From Lynwood, Washington, comes the story of Bozo Ben Wright who robbed a bank in Lynwood. The bozo grabbed his cash and made a quick break for it in his getaway vehicle which was an extremely large motor home. His getaway was considerably less quick than he had hoped, however, as the motor home soon became ensnarled in heavy noontime traffic. Police officers on foot were able to overtake and arrest him.