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The Bozo criminal for today comes from Lindenwold, New Jersey where Bozo Joseph Carter burglarized a home, getting away with a cell phone. The bozo, frustrated that the cell phone had been disconnected, returned to the vicitim’s home a couple of days later to ask the former owner if he could call the cell phone company and re-activate the service. The home owner slammed the door in the bozo’s face and contacted police who spotted the bozo a short time later. In the ensuing chase, the bozo dropped 15 bags of crack cocaine and led police to a drug house where his brother and two friends were inside dealing. All four were then arrested.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Kensington, Pennsylvania where Bozo Jacquette Warner was arrested for robbery. Our bozo held up a convenience store, shooting the clerk in the foot in the incident. As the bozo was rushing out the door, he stuffed his gun in his hip pocket, causing it to discharge and shooting himself in the rear end. When the bozo sought treatment for this rather painful injury, doctors removed the bullet and turned it over to police who were able to match the ballistics on the one in the clerk’s foot with the one taken from the bozo’s behind.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Bullskin Township, Pennsylvania where bozo Christopher Burgess wanted to visit a friend in the hospital. He had no money for cab fare nor any transportation, so he called 911 and requested an ambulance. When the emergency crew arrived, our bozo pretended to be sick and demanded to be taken to the hospital. When he arrived, the bozo jumped out of the ambulance and ran to the elevator to visit his girlfriend, a patient. The ambulance crew called the cops who arrested the bozo when he came back down and charged him with failure to pay the ambulance bill of $300.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Greg Denman of Lufkin, Texas who passed along today’s story via the internet. It seems a Lufkin police officer pulled a bozo over for a minor traffic violation and asked to see his drivers license. The man said he didn’t have it with him. The officer then asked the driver for his name and the date of his birth so he could run a check on him in the computer. The man replied that his name was "Sam Johnson." The police officer took a good luck at the bozo and said, "Hey, I remember you. We went to high school together, but I seem to remember your name as being Sam Jackson." The bozo thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, but I got married." He was ticketed for having no drivers license.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 5347: It’s not usually a good idea to take along your kids when you’re planning on committing a crime. From Monclair, New Jersey comes the story of Bozo John Clifford and his 5 year old son Mike. Police officers responding to a call of a suspicious man in a parking garage found our bozo and his son. The bozo told officers he was just passing through the garage and hadn’t seen anything unusual. His 5 year old son then said, "My daddy was trying to break a window on a car." The boy then led officers to the car, showing them the scratches the bozo had made while trying to break in. When his daddy denied doing anything wrong, the little boy said, "Yes you did, daddy. Don’t lie to the police." The bozo was taken into custody on attempted robbery charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Cooper who passed along today’s bozo report via the internet. Bozo Scott Nelson had been served a few too many drinks at the local bar and as he was weaving his way home he saw the dreaded red and blue police lights in his rear view mirror. The bozo quickly ditched his car and made a run for it. Police officers caught up with him a few blocks away, but our bozo said he was just out for a stroll and had not been driving that evening. So, the officers took him for a little ride back to the spot where he had ditched his car. One of the officers then asked the bozo why his car was parked there. The not so quick thinking bozo replied, "Oh, I just parked it there because I thought someone was chasing me."

The Bozo criminal for today is from the International File. From Perth, Australia comes the story of bozo Mark Hanson who really liked those 900 phone services. He loved them so much that when the phone company disconnected his phone for non-payment of his huge phone bill, he simply broke into his neighbor’s house and began using his phone. Police, responding to a report of a prowler, found our bozo still inside the house and still on the phone.

The Bozo criminal for today is from Minneapolis, Minnesota where bozo Florence Williams walked into a bar with a parrot in a box. She then began asking patrons of the bar if they would like to buy the bird. One of the men in the bar took a look at the parrot and said, "That’s a good looking bird. In fact, I’ve got one just like it at home." The man then left the bar and returned to his home to find it had been broken into and the bird stolen. He called the cops who stopped by the bar and found the woman still there, still trying to sell the bird.

The Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan who passed along today’s report. From Sylmar, California comes the story of Bozo Shawn Jefferson who escaped from a juvenile detention facility. He had kicked out a window in the infirmary and had been on the run for about seven hours when his appetite got the better of him. He was noticed standing in line at McDonalds while still wearing his bright orange prison jumpsuit with the words "Juvenile Hall" on the back. No word on whether he got his Big Mac before the cops arrived.

The Bozo News Hawk award for today goes to Sergeant Hardin of the Gregg County Sheriff’s department who passed along today’s story. From Liberty City, Texas comes the story of a bozo who had been hitting convenience stores, going in and grabbing expensive caps and t-shirts and quickly running out, making his getaway in his car. Saturday night the bozo’s luck ran out. He hit a convenience store earlier in the evening, getting away with several nice caps and shirts. He must have liked the store’s selection, because he returned later that same night, looking for more. One of the clerks recognized him as he was exiting his car and was able to quickly lock the door before he could get in. While she was locking the door, the other clerk called 911. The bozo was still shaking the door, cursing the clerk and demanding to be let in when Officer Hardin arrived. He arrested the bozo and recovered about $1000 worth of stolen merchandise from his car.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia where Bozo David Ferguson held up a bank and got away with some cash. He didn’t get far before the dye pack in the money exploded, nearly blowing his pants off in the process. Our bozo then ditched his pants in a nearby dumpster and covered himself by tieing his coat around his waist. He then headed for a movie theatre where he bought a ticket and some popcorn using two heavily stained fifty dollar bills. The theater manager got suspicious and called the cops who came by and hauled the bozo to jail.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 1013: It is not usually a good idea to use a taxi as your getaway vehicle. From Kansas City, Missouri comes the story of Bozo Mary Brewster who hailed a cab and told the cabbie to take her to the nearest NationsBank. When they got to the bank, our bozo told the cabbie to wait since she wouldn’t be long. She ran inside, handed the teller a holdup note and quickly got away with a small amount of cash. She returned to the cab and told the cabbie to take her to the nearest liquor store. In the meantime, bank employees were calling the cab company who then called the cops who arrested the bozo before she was able to pay for her beer.

The Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 9007: Always know the height of your getaway vehicle. From the International File in London, England comes the story of a band of drug smugglers who were being chased by the police. The bozos had about 170 pounds of heroin with a street value of over ten million dollars on board their truck when they entered the Blackwall Tunnel. They didn’t make it out of the Blackwall Tunnel. Their truck was too tall and became wedged tight. The police blocked both ends of the tunnel and hauled the bozos off to jail.

The Bozo criminals for today come from Davie, Florida where a group of bozos broke into the Rosciolo Yachting Center with the intention of stealing one of the expensive yachts docked there. The bozos picked out the one they wanted, a 70 foot beauty. They fired up its engines and then the trouble started. It seems none of the bozo knew how to drive a boat of this size. The yacht lurched forward at a high rate of speed, slamming into the other boats and setting off a chain reaction pile up, with one boat crashing into another, ending when the end boat crashed into a support column of the marina, causing the roof to cave in. The bozos made a clean getaway, leaving behind millions of dollars in damaged yachts.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Amsterdam, The Netherlands, comes the story of a bozo criminal who stole the hubcaps off a woman’s car. A week later the woman received a package at her home containing the hubcaps with an enclosed note which said, "You’re lucky. They didn’t fit." The bozo wasn’t so lucky. He put his return address on the outside of the package.

The Bozo criminal for today receives the Bozo Ultimate Double-Solid-Gold Bad Timing Award. From Winston-Salem, North Carolina comes the story of a bozo claiming to be Jerry Cain who walked into a bank and tried to open an account. He had a birth certificate, social security card, even a bottle of prescription medicine with the name Jerry Cain on it. Even with all this information, the teller refused to open an account for our bozo. What he didn’t know was that of all the banks in the city, the bozo had chosen the bank that Melinda Cain worked at — she is the late Jerry Cain’s widow. The bozo had used information from Mr. Cain’s obituary to obtain his social security number and birth certificate and then he had the unfortunate luck of walking up to Mrs. Cain’s window at the bank. Incredibly, Mrs. Cain stayed calm and stalled the bozo while another employee called the cops. The bozo was still arguing with Mrs. Cain claiming to be Mr. Cain when police arrived.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Christopher Lowell of Honolulu, Hawaii who passed along today’s story. Officer Lowell works as a traffic investigator with the Honolulu Police Department and related this from personal experience. It seems the officer contacted a bozo who was suspected of being involved in a hit and run accident. When the bozo called Officer Lowell back it was after hours, so the bozo left the following message on police department voice mail. "Hello, this is Mr. Yamamoto. I just want you to know that I wasn’t involved in any accident and I don’t know what this is all about. Besides, after I hit the guy I didn’t notice any damage to my car…and…I mean…oh, Hell, how do I erase this….aaaaarrrrgggghhhh….>click

The Bozo criminal for today should remember that, for bozos, honesty is not always the best policy. From Toronto, Canada comes the story of Bozo Mohammad Said who was being questioned by police on charges he had bilked several women out of their life savings. When the cops asked our bozo what his occupation was, he replied, "con artist."

The Bozo criminal for today picked the wrong place to hide and also probably picked the wrong woman for his girlfriend. From Indianapolis, Indiana comes the story of Bozo Brent Kerns who was wanted by the cops on drug charges. He decided he would lay low for a while and hide out at his girlfriend’s place. Only one problem — his girlfriend was the sheriff’s live in housekeeper. The house the bozo was staying in was the sheriff’s residence. The bozo was arrested and the housekeeper was fired.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Baton Rouge, Louisiana where Bozo Fred Phillips was described by his judge as "The World’s Most Inept Counterfeiter"… and we would have to agree. Did our bozo utilize some high tech printing plates to manufacture his money? No. Did our bozo use the latest color laser copier to print his money? Nope. Did our bozo cut the corners off a $20 bill and scotch tape them to the corners of a $1 bill. Yep. He was arrested after he tried to pass one of these beauties at a convenience store.