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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Michelle Burchfield-Campbell who contributed today’s report. From Noblesville, Indiana comes the story of bozo Robert Perry who is no doubt thinking, "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" Our bozo received a call from a man identifying himself as a member of the sheriff’s department. The man told our bozo that officers had seen an eight foot tall marijuana plant growing in his back yard and if he would bring the plant into the sheriff’s department, no charges would be filed. Following instructions, our bozo uprooted the plant, stuffed it into a plastic bag and headed to the sheriff’s office. One big problem…the call was a prank. When our bozo arrived at the police station with a giant marijuana plant in a trash bag, officers were only too happy to arrest him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Missouri where bozo Lawrence Kimbrough was a night clerk at a convenience store. It was while working the late shift that he hatched his plan (and from the looks of it he must have been half asleep when he came up with it). He put tape over the lenses of the store’s security cameras, took the money from the cash registers, stashed it in a trash bin behind the store and called the cops. When they arrived he told them that an armed robber had taped over the security cameras and robbed him at gunpoint. Investigating officers quickly figured out that our bozo was lying. He had placed tape over the lenses of the cameras, but unfortunately he used transparent tape. Everything he did was caught on video.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Blaine, Washington where bozo James Barker made his first mistake when he accepted a job from a marijuana farmer to haul off 38 bags full of marijuana leaves, stems and potting soil. Instead of hauling the stuff to the dump about six miles away from the farm, our bozo made a wrong turn and headed toward the US/Canadian border. That’s mistake two. He then got himself into the express lane for frequent border crossers, where vehicles without a special sticker are automatically pulled over for inspections. And that’s strike three as the agents searched our bozo’s truck and found the dope. Do you think maybe he smoked a little of the "trash" before he headed to the dump?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Inman, South Carolina where bozo Donald Monroe held up the CCB bank. Our bozo forgot to bring along a sack or anything to put his loot in, so he was forced to stuff the cash into his pants pockets as he fled. The result was that the bills periodically fell out as he ran down the street and the faster he ran the more they fell out. Every few minutes the police would get a call from a resident to report a crazy man running down the street with cash falling from his pants. The police simply followed the green trail and our bozo was arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hartford, Connecticut where bozo Dean Sims stole a $500 air compressor from a local hospital. As our bozo was making his getaway, he ran a red light and smashed into another car, suffering lacerations and other minor injuries. The insult to injury came when he was taken for treatment back to the same hospital he had ripped off. Just as the cops arrived to investigate his theft.

Bozo criminal for today learned the hard way that when you’re living under Mom and Dad’s roof, you’ve gotta abide by Mom and Dad’s rules. From Denver Colorado comes the story of 19 year old bozo David Abrams who held up a video store. The day after the crime a picture of our bozo taken by the store’s surveillance camera ended up in the Denver Post. Our bozo’s parents were so shocked by the photo that they marched upstairs to our bozo’s bedroom, woke him up and demanded that he turn himself in. Knowing better than to argue with his parents, he did just that. In the process he offered the Bozo Excuse of the Week, "I’m just drunk and stupid."

Bozo criminal for today comes from Milwaukee, Wisconsin where bozo Mark Alexander was accused of stealing a bright red Mercedes Benz. After being charged our bozo came before the judge where he presented him with a rather unique plan for making bail. Could he use the allegedly stolen car as collateral? No. He’s still in jail.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where bozo Kerri Goode robbed a branch of the Texas Commerce Bank. She got away cleanly but was stopped a short time later for speeding. After asking our bozo for her drivers license and registration, the officer noticed a bank envelope with a large amount of cash sticking out of it lying on the front seat of the car. When he asked our bozo about it, she replied, "It’s mine. I just robbed a bank." Needless to say, she was quickly arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Glendale, California where Christopher Adams held up a restaurant, getting away with a small amount of cash. Our bozo then hopped into his Honda Civic and sped away. Well, maybe sped is not the right word, sputtered might be more like it. Our bozo drove less than half a mile before his car broke down. Police responding to the robbery call spotted the broken down Honda and quickly caught up with our bozo who had walked to a nearby house and asked the homeowner to call him a cab.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Celebrity File. From Ft. Lauderdale, Florida comes the story of bozo actor Brad Renfro, best known for his co-starring role in the movie "The Client". The 18 year old actor and a buddy allegedly tried to steal a 45 foot yacht from its berth at a Ft. Lauderdale marina. Our bozos got the big boat started and were on their way…almost. They forgot to untie the dock lines and when they tried to pull away, the ropes tightened and yanked the $175,000 boat back to the dock. Nearby boaters were awakened by the ruckus and held our bozo actor and his friend until the police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Haven, Connecticut where bozo Kenneth James walked into a convenience store and offered the clerk a dollar bill for a pack of gum. When the clerk opened the register, our bozo grabbed about $40 in cash and fled. After awhile, our bozo started feeling a little guilty and walked back into the store, asking the clerk, "Did I pay for the gum?" Unfortunately for our bozo he returned at about the same time the cops arrived to investigate the robbery. He was quickly arrested.

Bozo criminal for today proves that sometimes the biggest bozos of them all are the lawyers. From Detroit, Michigan comes the story of bozo Dwayne Nolan who was scheduled to meet his lawyer at the police station to pick up his car, which had been impounded in an alleged drug deal. As he walked through the station house, an officer thought he recognized our bozo from a wanted poster in a local murder case. The officer stopped the bozo and his attorney and, showing them the wanted poster, asked the attorney if he could identify the man in the poster. When the lawyer identified him as his client, our bozo was was arrested. Needless to say, he didn’t get his car back that day.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who called this one to our attention. From East Peoria, Illinois comes the story of bozos Ricky Brown and Steven Gaines who held up a filling station, getting away with a small amount of cash. Our bozos made a quick getaway but only made it about four blocks before they were apprehended by the police. The bozos who had robbed the filling station ran out of gas!

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami, Florida where bozo Jaime Velasquez left behind his stash of marijuana when he got out of a cab. A few miles down the road, the cabbie noticed the dope and turned it in to the dispatcher, who called the cops. Sure enough, a little later the bozo called the cab company to ask if anyone had turned in some "tobacco" that he had left in the cab. The dispatcher told him yes, but that he would have to come down and identify it as his to get it back. He did. Cops busted him afer he made the positive ID.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today just didn’t know when to leave well enough alone. From London, England comes the story of bozo Freddie Smyth who was arrested and charged with shoplifting. When he was brought in to be booked, the police couldn’t believe their eyes when the bozo began stealing the little magnetic letters off the board he was holding for his mug shot.

(Best of Bozo)Bozo criminal for today comes from Topeka, Kansas where bozo Raymond Fletcher held up a convenience store. When the bozo discovered there was not much money in the register, he decided to wait on customers for a while to build up a little more cash. His plan failed when one of the clerk’s friends came in, became suspicious and called the cops.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today is from the International File. From Porsgrunn, Norway comes the story of a bozo car thief who stole a car from the front yard of its owner. The owner happened to see what was going on and as the bozo sped away, he jumped in his other car and gave chase. The bozo led the owner on a chase that lasted fifteen minutes. During this time the owner was right on the bozo’s tail, so close that the bozo could see his enraged face in the rear view mirror. Finally, the bozo decided to do the right thing. He picked up the cell phone in the car and called the cops to come arrest him, figuring he would be better off in the custody of the police than in the grips of the car’s owner.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlantic City, New Jersey where bozo Ron Middleton stuck a piece of paper in the lock at an office building so he could sneak in later and rob it, which he did. He would probably have gotten away with his crime if it had not been for his choice of paper to stuff in the lock. It was a parking ticket with his name and address on it!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Suzanne Williams of Tyler, Texas who gave us today’s report. From College Station, Texas comes the story of Bozo Natalie Copeland who held up the Bank of America there. While Natalie was waiting for the teller to get her money she made the mistake of mentioning a used car dealer in town that had a car she had been eyeing for the last couple of months. After our bozo left with the cash the teller told the cops about the car dealer the bozo had mentioned. The police checked, and, yep, our bozo had just left in her new car after coming in with a cash down payment. The cops went to the address she had given on her credit application, found the car and arrested our bozo.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Neal Tooni for sending in today’s report. From Bartlett, New Hampshire comes the story of bozo Daniel Williams who broke into a home, ransacked it and stacked his loot outside the door. It must have been hard work, because after placing all his stuff outside, our bozo went back inside and crawled into a bed for a little cat nap. Unfortunately, his internal alarm clock didn’t go off and a neighbor who noticed all the stuff outside and a strange vehicle in the driveway called the cops who came over and awakened and arrested our bozo.