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Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Colombia comes the story of bozo Jose Gomez who was a "mule" for a Colombian drug dealer. He would swallow cocaine filled balloons and then board an international flight, thus sneaking the drug undetected through customs. Our bozo slipped up upon arrival in Melbourne, Australia. While filling out the customs form, he checked the "yes" box on whether he was carrying any illegal substances. That led to a quick arrest and confession.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Roberta Craig for contributing today’s story. From Turtle Lake, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo John Bridges who had a rough day at the casino. After losing a lot of money at the gambling tables and not wanting to go home broke without an excuse, our bozo walked into the casino parking lot and hit his head against a light pole. He then reached down, picked up a handful of dirt and smudged it on his cheeks. After checking himself in his car mirror he repeated the process until he got just the "I’ve been robbed" look he wanted. He then headed back inside to report the mugging to the proper authorities. One problem, however. Security guards had been watching everything that happened on parking lot surveillance cameras. He’s healing his wounds in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk D.D. Stewart who contributed today’s report. From Atlanta, Georgia comes the story of bozo Juanita Morris who had some counterfeit bills she wanted to pass. She went to a grocery store and tried to wire some money, mixing in the counterfeit bills with some real cash. A sharp eyed clerk spotted the fake bills and called the cops, which prompted our bozo to flee the store, leaving all the cash behind. Upon returning home, she and her boyfriend thought things over and decided to call the police and ask if they could come by the station and pick up the money that wasn’t counterfeit. Sure, said the cops, come on down! They did. They were arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denver, Colorado where bozo Katie Chandler was arrested for violating her parole by posting nude pictures of herself on the internet. Well, that’s not exactly the reason she was arrested, if you’ll allow me to explain. Our bozo is a felon who was on parole for distribution of a controlled substance and theft. Being a felon, she was banned from coming into contact with firearms. And in those pictures she posted on her website, she was totally nude, except for the guns she was holding. She’s back in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jeanette Keith for contributing today’s report. It appears postal service is pretty much the same around the world. From the International File in Hamburg, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who walked into a post office waving a gun and threatening to rob the place. Unfortunately, the only other person there was a customer waiting to be helped. There were no postal employees manning the service counters at all. So our bozo waited. And waited. And waited. And after more than 20 minutes of standing at the counter the furious bozo left, making his getaway on his bicycle.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Suzanne Williams for contributing today’s report. From Oxnard, California comes the story of bozo former police officer Edward Lucas. Officer Lucas has been accused of putting on makeup, a phony mustache and sunglasses and putting a fake bomb in the restroom of a bank. He then allegedly tried to hold up that bank. He didn’t succeed, but it was what he said after he was in police custody that secured his place in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the officers that he never intended to rob the bank. He just wanted to get a feel of what it was like to be a bank robber for a police training video that he planned to produce.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Eddie Forgey for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Athens, Greece comes the story of a bozo Greek executive who was running late for a plane flight and came up with a rather unusual way to delay the takeoff. He called in a bomb threat. Being a busy executive, he had his secretary call the airline first before putting him through. Our bozo wasn’t aware that his very efficient secretary had already identified the executive before he came on the line and told the very surprised airline operator there was a bomb on the plane. Police checked the plane for explosives and, finding none, arrested our late arriving bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the rapper file. You may be familiar with the rap group Wu Tang Clan. The leader of the group who goes by the name of "ODB" has been on the run from the cops for the last five weeks on drug related charges. Bozo rapper Mr. ODB stopped by a McDonalds in Philadelphia this week where he was quickly surrounded by a mob of autograph seekers. The crowd grew so large that the manager of the McDonalds, fearing a gang riot, called the cops. When the police arrived, our bozo rapper automatically assumed they were fans and walked toward them, offering them his autograph. They took his signature, all right, when he he was arrested and signed into custody.

Bozo criminals for today learned the hard way that if you’re gonna get caught by the border patrol in Juarez, Mexico, you need to have a better excuse than this. Bozo brother and sister Nancy Lee and Terry Lee Alexander were stopped by the guards as they tried to pass over the border between El Paso, Texas and Ciudad Juarez, Mexico. During a routine inspection border guards discovered 550,000 rounds of ammuniton in their trunk. Our bozos then complained that they had no idea how they had ended up in Mexico. They said they were traveling from their home in Arkansas to Montana and must have made a wrong turn somewhere. (Didn’t Bugs Bunny always talk about taking a wrong turn in Albuquerque?) The cops detained them and their ammunition.

Bozo criminals for today come from Bellingham, Washington where an armed bozo wearing a ski mask burst through the front door of a home while his bozo accomplice, also wearing a ski mask, waited just outside. Once inside, our bozo took a look around and noticed that the occupants, a husband, wife and a baby were sitting in the living room watching TV. Not at all what he had expected to find. Our bozo thought he was breaking into the home of a drug dealer, hoping to find drugs and cash. When the family told the bozo he had the wrong house, he apologized and left, along with his partner. Police are looking for them.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denver, Colorado where bozo Mark Haley served on a grand jury which handed down secret indictments against a major drug dealer. Our bozo then got the bright idea of going to the drug dealer and offering to sell him information on the case for $50,000. Guess he must not have been paying very close attention to all of the grand jury proceedings. If he had been, our bozo would have known that an FBI agent had testifed that the drug dealer’s house was bugged. He was arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New Jersey where Bozo Larry Pryor was arrested for trying to help out his girlfriend. Here’s how his little plan worked. His girlfriend worked for one of those psychic hotline companies and apparently those companies pay their psychics based on how long the customers are kept on the line. Our bozo would dial up his girlfriend’s psychic line when he got to the bank where he worked and then would leave the phone off the hook and connected to her line for hours. Many, many hours. 546 hours over a five month span. The calls cost $163,000 in charges before someone got suspicious. Our question is–if his girlfriend is psychic, why didn’t she see this coming?

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. Bozo Luis Moreno was wanted on drug charges in Boston and fled to Puerto Rico. Now most people on the lam would adopt a low profile and try not to draw any attention to themselves, right? But not if you’re a bozo. Bozo Luis entered the Mr. Puerto Rico bodybuilding contest and won. He won’t be around to defend his title, though. He was arrested after authorities recognized his picture in the paper.

Bozo criminals for today come from Hackensack, New Jersey where police pulled over a weaving van, anticipating finding a drunk driver inside. What they actually found were two bozos. When the officer approached the car he saw an obviously drunk 20 year old bozo in the drivers seat with an even drunker 22 year old bozo sitting in his lap, facing the wrong way. The two men were apparently trying to switch seats after pulling over in the mistaken belief that the passenger was less drunk than the driver. He wasn’t. They were both arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chardon, Ohio where bozo David Taber was waiting to check out a few books at the local library when something came over him. Or came off of him to be more exact. While standing in line, our bozo dropped his pants. He then retrieved them, checked out his books and went on his merry way. The cops were called and had no problem tracking him down using his address on the library card. When confronted, he offered up the excuse of the month. He told the police he didn’t mean to drop his pants, he was just lowering them to show off his washboard abs and they slipped down.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Santa Rosa, California where bozo Tyrone Brown stole a Chrysler PT Cruiser from a car dealership. Our bozo hadn’t driven very far when he noticed that the car was low on fuel. Thinking he could bring it back and exchange it for one with more gas, our bozo drove back by the dealership. Unfortunately the police were there investigating the crime and spotted our bozo as he drove by. A brief chase ensued with the police catching up to our bozo when his stolen car ran out of gas.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in London, England where bozo Auburn Mason, a native of Trinidad and Tobago, attempted to hijack a British airliner. Our bozo threatened the flight attendant with a mini tape recorder he was carrying, claiming it was a bomb. He then demanded that the captain take the plane to London’s Gatwick Airport. Fine, said the captain, who then continued on course. You see, our bozo had attempted to hijack a plane that was already enroute to London’s Gatwick Airport…and was only about 15 minutes from its destination. He was arrested upon arrival.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk "Cheryl" in New York for sending in today’s report. From St. Charles, Missouri comes the story of bozo Harvey Clampitt who was in the process of robbing a home when the phone rang. He then did what any bozo would, he answered the phone. The homeowner, who was calling home to check his messages, asked our bozo what he was doing there and he answered that he was just sitting in the house and wasn’t going to steal anything. Still not convinced that he had actually called his own home, the man asked our bozo if he could tell him the number of the house. Our bozo put down the phone, checked the number on the outside of the house and returned with the information. The man quickly hung up and called neighbors who rushed over and detained the bozo until the cops arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Boston, Massachusetts where bozo Ronnie Harrell stole a pickup truck from a downtown parking lot. That was his first mistake. And it wasn’t from just any parking lot, either. It was from the police station parking lot. That’s mistake two. Even though it was dark, our bozo proceeded to drive around town with his lights off. His third mistake. A cop noticed the light-less truck and flashed his lights at him. Instead of flipping on his lights, our bozo flipped the cop the peace sign (at least we think that’s what he flipped him) and kept on truckin’. That’s four strikes and that’s more than enough. Our bozo was arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sonoma County, California where bozo Howard Jones had a foolproof plan for breaking out of jail. Or so he thought. Our bozo switched identities with another inmate who was scheduled to be released on bail. He had airport shuttle bus schedules and even a hotel pamphlet for a Chicago hotel. At about 3 A.M., the bail had been posted and our bozo began what he thought would be a short walk to freedom. It turned out to be a shorter walk than he expected. Our bozo hadn’t been quite as thorough on his identity switch with the other inmate as he should have been. A guard on duty checked his prison ID and noticed that the picture and the bozo weren’t the same person. He had forgotten to change the photos in the ID. He’s back in jail.