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Bozo for today may not have committed any crime but there is no doubt he is a first rate bozo. From Buffalo, New York, a city not known its championship sports teams, comes the story of bozo Brian Armstrong whose frustrations finally got the better of him. Bozo Brian was watching the videotape of a 1999 NHL playoff game with his brother and got angry once again that his team had lost. To take out his frustrations, he picked up the TV and attempted to throw it off the balcony but apparently forgot to let go and fell 20 feet to the ground. He suffered only minor injuries. The TV was not so lucky.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Rome, Italy. Two Italian bozos had a plan to rip off their insurance company. They first met in a public place to discuss exactly how they would pull off the operation, first by crashing their cars into each other and then faking injuries. It sounded like such a foolproof plan that they went ahead and did it, smashing their cars into each other. This all would have been fine except for one small matter. Our bozos failed to notice a film crew nearby when they were discussing their plan. A crew from the Italian network Telepiu was there on another assignment and just happened to catch the whole thing on tape, including our bozos discussing how they planned to defraud the insurance company. After returning to the studio and discovering what they had, they TV crew turned the tape over to the cops and our bozos were arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Leonards, Scotland. An unidentified bozo walked into Della’s Chicken, pulled a handgun and demanded cash. But the employees at Della’s would have none of it and began pelting our bozo with hot deep fried chicken drumsticks. He found himself in the middle of a blizzard of drumsticks and those things, thrown with enough velocity, can hurt. Our bozo quickly thought better of things and fled the store empty handed.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Peter, Minnesota where bozo Olga Rodriguez was seen driving erratically. An officer attempted to pull her over by turning on his flashing lights. No response from our bozo. He then tried both the lights and his siren and still our bozo kept on driving. Finally he was forced to radio for help and after about four miles she was pinned in by several cruisers. When the officers approached her car, our bozo was quite indignant, saying she did not notice the flashing lights and had her stereo turned up so she could not hear the siren. And besides, if they really wanted her to stop, all they had to do was call her on her cell phone.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bucharest, Romania where two bozo burglars thought they were doing the right thing when they put socks on their hands to avoid leaving behind fingerprints when they robbed a cellular phone store. This could possibly have been a good idea if they had used clean socks. Instead they took their old, smelly socks off their feet and put them on their hands. They must have been some potent socks. A police dog was able to track them down from the smell of those socks and they were under arrest less than two hours later.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for alerting us to this one. From the International File in Grimsby, England comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into a residence and stole a purse containing several bank cards. Unfortunately they were the type that required a pin number to access the account. So he did what any bozo would do in a situation like this. He called the owner and asked if she would please give him the pin numbers. She declined. Cops are still looking for him.

Bozo criminal for today also supplies us with out Bozo Excuse of the Month. >From the International File in Santiago, Chile comes the story of a bozo who was growing himself a little marijuana crop. It was where he was growing it that got him into trouble. On his balcony in plain view of everyone, including the cops. It was when the cops began questioning him that he came up with his classic excuse. He told the police he was making a film about the life of reggae musician Bob Marley and needed the plants to provide a realistic set. He’ll have to put off his film career for a while. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Nottinghamshire, England where a bozo snatched a woman’s purse containing a little cash and a cell phone. A short time later her husband, Steve O’Brian, decided to call the cell number. Someone answered the phone but didn’t say anything. In the background Steve heard someone order a Big Mac. So he zipped over to the nearest McDonald’s and once inside called the phone again. The phone rang and this time Steve was close enough to see our bozo pick it up and answer. He walked over to her and she gave up the phone and the purse without a fight.

Bozo criminal for today come from our “When ya gotta go” file. From Tallahassee, Florida comes the story of bozo Carl Forrest who was answering the call of nature on the side of the road when he was spotted by a police patrol car. The cops pulled up, shouted at him and in his haste to get himself in order our bozo stuffed the cigarette he was smoking in his pants pocket and took off running. The police gave chase but our bozo was smokin’. Literally. The cigarette had caught his pants on fire. He tried to pull them off but got himself tripped up and arrested.

Bozo criminals for today come from Fairbanks, Alaska where bozos Roger Young and William Evans broke into the local Moose Lodge. All they found inside was an old safe. But it was so large our bozos figured it had to be valuable. It took some doing but they were able to wrestle the 500 pound monster to the side door. It was what to do with it once they got it outside that posed a major problem. It was a cinch they weren’t going to be able to cart it away on the two bicycles they rode to the lodge. The still hadn’t figured it out when the police arrived.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Orlando, Florida comes the story of an unidentified bozo from Columbia who perhaps misunderstood what “laundering” means in drug cases. Our bozo showed up at the Orlando International Airport wearing a very heavily starched shirt and jeans. When he walked there was a strong smell of vinegar in the air and a trail of white powder fell from his clothes. The clothes had been “starched” with heroin. He’s now wearing unstarched prison black and whites.

Bozo criminals for today come from Lebanon, Ohio. Bozos Warren Calder and Frankie Payne were inmates at the Lebanon Correctional Institution when they placed a collect call to two women and one man on the outside. During the course of the conversation they somehow convinced their three friends to pull two bank robberies in the Akron area and share the loot with them. One of our bozos even called the getaway driver’s cell phone during a holdup to check on how things were going. After all this careful planning our bozos forgot one thing. All prison telephone conversations are recorded. All five are now behind bars.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where bozo Charles Simmons was surprised by the homeowner while he was robbing a home. Our bozo and the homeowner then got into a scuffle with our bozo biting the man and escaping. Unfortunately, he left behind his false teeth when he fled. Investigating officers noticed a name and serial number etched on the dentures. The number turned out to be a California Department of Corrections ID. Our bozo was an ex-con and he had been given the dentures the last time he was in prison. Looks like he’ll get a chance to get another pair.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Avrig, Romania where bozo Ioan Stoica skipped out after being sentenced to prison for fraud. Fearing capture, our bozo took up residence in his parents’ basement, almost never coming out. There he stayed for eight years until the cops found him last week. And now comes the bozo part. He was a self-imposed prisoner in the basement for eight years. His original sentence was only for three and a half years.

All of us who are still struggling to lose that holiday weight may be able to relate to today’s bozo. From the International File in Cape Town, South Africa comes the story of bozo Calvin Smith who attempted to break into a home by squeezing between the burglar bars and the front door. Perhaps it was that extra slice of pie he’d enjoyed at Christmastime but our bozo was a little too big to get through and he got stuck between the bars and the door. Stuck tight. He couldn’t move in either direction. So he did what any bozo would do. He knocked on the door until the homeowner answered. Seeing our bozo’s plight, he quickly called the cops. He’s been arrested and put on a low fat diet.

Bozo criminal for today may not have been a good thief but at least he had class. From the International File in Bucharest, Romania comes the story of an unidentified 16 year old bozo who broke into a residence but could find nothing he wanted to steal. Then, realizing that he was behind on his piano practice, he sat down at the home’s piano and began to play. Neighbors heard the sounds and called the cops. Our bozo was still playing when the police arrived.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawks William F. Acor and Kevin McLaughlin who sent in today’s report. Our bozo for today learned the hard way that it pays to keep your mouth shut. From Ticonderoga, New York comes the story of extremely confident bozo Michael Lane who was a suspect in a hotel robbery case. Our bozo was so sure that he’d given the cops the slip that he called the Ticonderoga police to brag that they’d never catch him. If he’d been just a little smarter he’d have blocked his caller ID before he made the call. The police used that ID to track him down and arrest him while he was on the phone to yet another police department, bragging about how he’d never be found.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Louis, Missouri but it sounds more like it should have come from one of those old Cheech and Chong movies. Bozo Anthony Zoller was staying at a hotel and wandered up to the hot tub, which was full of a group of guys our bozo had never seen before in his life. He said to them, “Dudes, if I’d known you were here I’d have brought down the dynamite weed I have in my room.” And he went back to get it. What he didn’t know was that the guys in the hot tub were undercover drug officers in town for a meeting. While our bozo went to get his weed, one of the officers went to get his badge. Our bozo returned, climbed into the hot tub and upon lighting up was busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Seminole County, Florida where bozo Dwight Owens fled the county courthouse where he was being held on charges of assaulting his girlfriend. He was dressed very fashionably for his day in court, in baggy low slung jeans and tennis shoes that were untied. It was this outfit that proved to be his undoing. He lost his shoes as he was running down the courthouse steps and the baggy jeans fell off when he tried to leap over some shrubs. Police caught up with him in a nearby library, barefoot and in his grey boxer shorts.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mary Callahan for sending in today’s report. From Santa Rosa, California comes the story of bozo William LaRue who had big plans to burglarize a home. His plans didn’t take into account the rains of recent days and the very muddy driveway leading to the home. As a result our bozo found his car hopelessly stuck. Thinking quickly, he walked up to the house, broke in and stole the keys to the homeowners car, which he used to flee the scene, right? Wrong. He drove down to where his car was stuck and tried to push it free using the other car. He promptly got it stuck, too. And that’s where the cops found him, knee deep in mud.