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Bozo criminal for today comes from our hometown of Tyler, Texas once again. An unidentified bozo walked into a pawn shop and for a few moments just stood in the front of the store, perhaps formulating his plan at the last minute. Then, suddenly he grabbed the cash register off the counter and tried to run out the door. Unfortunately he got tangled up in the cash register’s electric cord and tripped, hitting the floor along with the cash register. Thinking this plan needed more work, our bozo fled, leaving the machine behind. Store employees gave chase but he disappeared into a nearby mobile home park. Police are investigating.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Scott Pinkstaff for sending in today’s report. From Lewiston, Maine comes the story of Bozo Kenneth Rodgers who was captured by the cops with a little help from Mother Nature. Bozo Kenneth was pulled over by the cops after a traffic violation. Knowing he was wanted on an assault charge, our bozo bolted from the vehicle into the nearby woods as the officer approached. It was in those woods that our bozo came face to face with another officer…Officer Le Pew. A skunk who scored a direct hit at close range. The stink was so strong that our bozo fell to his knees, temporarily dazed. The officers held their noses and loaded him into the squad car.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Harry Childs for sending in today’s report. From the International File in London, England comes the story of bozo Junior Adams who went into a liquor store along with three accomplices with a plan for pulling off a robbery. First step in the plan, our bozo picked up a can of beer and presented it to the shopkeeper in a ploy to get him to open the register. Things started to go downhill from there, as his accomplices ransacked the shop, grabbing cash, phone cards and booze. In the confusion, our bozo lost his focus, fleeing the store and leaving behind his wallet, his cell phone and his can of beer with his fingerprints on it. He’s been arrested.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Woomera, Australia where two unidentified bozos escaped from the detention center there. Our bozos fled on foot and after awhile they became tired so they headed over to the highway where they flagged down a bus. Not the best plan. It was an unmarked police bus. They got a free ride back to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clay, New York where cops were looking for the boyfriend of bozo Roxann Lawrence. So the cops paid a little visit to Roxann’s apartment. When asked about her boyfriend, Willard Franks, Roxann said, nope, never heard of him and got up to show the cops to the door. As she walked in front of them, one of the officers noticed a tattoo on her back that read, "Willard". The officers figured she didn’t get that tattoo because she was a fan of TV weatherman Willard Scott and our bozo’s boyfriend was soon arrested.

On this Tax Day 2002, we have a bozo story to remind you of what you shouldn’t do when filing your taxes today. From Queens, New York comes the story of bozo Michael Graham who was busted by the IRS after filing 1800 bogus tax returns, hoping to collect $1.6 million in fraudulent refunds. Instead he only received one refund, worth about $900. He slipped up when he cited employers that did not exist and used consecutive social security numbers on his returns. He’s now doing three to ten in federal prison.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tokyo, Japan where an unidentified bozo, armed with lock picking tools, gloves and a torch broke into a block of flats, hoping to find something valuable. What he found were several off duty police officers. The block of flats he’d chosen to break into were rented by the metropolitan police department to provide housing for officers and their families. Oops!!! He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report. From Cleveland, Ohio comes the story of bozo Jesus Ortega who had just pulled off a successful bank robbery. Now he was faced with the question of what to do with his cash. Three bags of it in small bills. He decided to go to another bank and open up a savings account. He slipped up when he told the teller he was homeless and unemployed and the cash was donated to him. The suspicious teller called the cops who identified him as the thief. He assured his place in the Bozo Hall of Fame when, as the cops were leading him out, he shouted back to the teller and asked her what interest rate he would be getting.

Bozo criminals for today come from Tyler, Texas where two bozos burglarized a residence and fled with their loot on foot. Officers investigating the crime noticed the burglarized home was surrounded by a field of tall grass. And in the middle of thatfield of grass was a recently beaten down path. A path that led directly to our bozo’s residence nearby. A quick check found the stolen goods inside, along with our busted bozos.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Paul Randall for sending in this one which goes a long way toward proving that at least some bozos have manners. From the International File in Hitachi, Japan comes the story of an unidentified bozo who burst into a shop armed with a knife and demanded cash. In the middle of the robbery our bozo realized he’d forgotten to wear his mask. Knowing that without it capture was almost certain, he put away his weapon and asked the shopkeeper to "Please call the police." He did and then handed the phone to our bozo who explained his predicament, asking the cops to come over and arrest him as soon as possible. They were glad to do so.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Healey for sending in today’s report. From Beverly, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Gregory Tarver who had printed up around $40,000 in counterfeit bills. He also had in his possession a device for cutting the sheets of cash into individual bills. Must be hard work, this counterfeiting, because our poor bozo was so tired that he fell asleep behind the wheel of his SUV while he was stopped at a red light. A police officer awakened Sleeping Beauty, noticed the bills and equipment in the back and our bozo was busted.

BOZO CRIMINALS FOR TODAY COME FROM SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, WHERE OUR BOZO BANK ROBBERS SPENT ALL NIGHT WAITING INSIDE A BANK AFTER ATTACKING A JANITOR AND FORCING THEIR WAY INSIDE. WHEN THE FIRST TELLER ARRIVED IN THE MORNING, THE BOZOS ORDERED HER TO OPEN THE VAULT. SHE TOLD THEM SHE COULDN’T, SINCE IT TOOK TWO EMPLOYEES TO UNLOCK IT. BUT, SHE SAID, SHE BELIEVED SHE HAD SEEN THE BANK MANAGER STANDING AROUND OUTSIDE, AND IF OUR BOZOS WOULD JUST LET HER GO OUT FOR A MOMENT, SHE WOULD GET HIM AND BRING HIM BACK INSIDE TO OPEN THE VAULT. OK, SAID THE BOZOS. THEY LET HER GO, AND SHE WENT STRAIGHT TO A PAY PHONE AND CALLED THE COPS WHO ARRIVED WHILE OUR BOZOS WERE STILL WAITING FOR THE MANAGER TO COME IN.

BOZO CRIMINALS FOR TODAY COME FROM THE International File. FROM RESISTENCIA, ARGENTINA, COMES THE STORY OF TWO BOZOS WHO STOPPED AT A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT AND ASKED FOR PERMISSION TO USE THE RESTROOM. THE BOZOS THEN WHEN INTO THE FACILITIES, YANKED OUT THE TOILET AND LOADED IT ONTO THE BACK OF THEIR MOTOR SCOOTER. OR, MAYBE TRIED TO LOAD IT ONTO THEIR MOTOR SCOOTER WOULD BE MORE CORRECT. THE BOZOS WERE STILL TRYING TO BALANCE TWO PEOPLE AND ONE TOILET ON THE BACK OF A MOTOR SCOOTER WHEN POLICE ARRIVED.

BOZO CRIMINALS FOR TODAY COME FROM THE International File. FROM GRANTHAM, ENGLAND, COME LINDA AND PETER GARNETT. THESE TWO BOZOS PRINTED UP A BOGUS 16.6 MILLION DOLLAR CHECK AND TRIED TO DEPOSIT IT INTO THEIR CHECKING ACCOUNT AT THE BANK WHERE MRS. GARNETT WORKS. TELLERS BECAME SUSPICIOUS WHEN THE BOZOS WENT IN TO DEPOSIT THE $16.6 MILLION CHECK, BECAUSE THEY ALSO TRIED TO CASH THEIR WELFARE CHECK.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Santiago, Chile comes the story of bozo Jose Moreno who held up a store. In the ensuing scuffle with the owner our bozo lost his gun. He fled the store only to return a few hours later, showered, shaved and in his best clothes. He apologized, said it was all a big mistake and asked if he could please have his gun back. Sorry, Jose, no deal. He was arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Chad Edwards for sending in today’s report. From Terre Haute, Indiana comes the story of a couple of teenage bozos who were going door to door offering to shovel snow off sidewalks. Our bozos came to the home of retired school teacher Eileen Prose who wasn’t at home. The door was unlocked and our bozos decided to go inside and nose around, looking for anything they might want. About that time Mrs. Prose returned home, saw the two shovels standing outside and the front door slightly ajar and quickly figured out what was going on. First, she used her cell phone to call the cops. Then, as she approached the house, our two bozos came walking out. Using her best school teacher voice she said, "You boys are going to stay right there until the police come." Our bozos must have had some sort of grade school flashback, because that’s just what they did. They followed their teacher’s instructions and waited quietly until the police arrived to arrest them.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Slidell, Louisiana where bozo Laquita Morgan spotted a truck with the keys in it and the doors unlocked. Thinking this was an opportunity too good to pass up, she jumped in and sped off, not noticing that the back door of the truck was open. And it was the cargo inside that truck that led to her arrest. It was a truck full of Krispy Kreme donuts and boxes of them tumbled out the back as she drove. The cops, drawn to donuts like bees to honey, were quickly on her trail and she was arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Sioux Lookout, Ontario, Canada comes the story of bozo Debra Lane who flagged down a police officer and demanded that he find her lost shoes. Don’t know what had happened to those shoes but from all reports she was quite upset. And quite intoxicated. And when the officer told her he had better things to do, the situation just got worse. She pulled off her pants and proceeded to hit the officer over the head with them. She’s now shoeless, pantless and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Tyler, Texas where bozo Burnesta Nolan was spotted inside a locked Dollar General store by an officer responding to a burglar alarm call. The officer noticed a broken window and a man wearing a ski mask rummaging around inside. He asked our bozo what he was doing there in the middle of the night, in the dark, wearing a ski mask. Our bozo told the officer he worked there. Fine, said the officer, then would you please let me in. The bozo answered that he didn’t have a key, his boss had the only one. Wrong move, Einstein. The store manager was called. He confirmed the masked man did not work for him and our bozo was arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Sabina Prioletta for sending in today’s report. From Everett, Washington comes the story of bozo Curtis Shaw who seemed to be determined to get himself arrested. First, he held up a bank, writing his holdup note on a piece of paper that had the name and phone number of his girlfriend on the back. He held up another bank the next day, before the cops could track him down, this time enlisting the help of a cab driver to find a bank open on Saturday. He also borrowed a pen and paper from the cabbie to write his holdup note, which was easily traced to the cab. And to top it off, he stiffed the cabbie. His little crime spree came to an end the next day when he was recognized while shoplifting in the same store where the second bank branch was located. He now faces 14 felony charges.