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On this Tax Day 2002, we have a bozo story to remind you of what you shouldn’t do when filing your taxes today. From Queens, New York comes the story of bozo Michael Graham who was busted by the IRS after filing 1800 bogus tax returns, hoping to collect $1.6 million in fraudulent refunds. Instead he only received one refund, worth about $900. He slipped up when he cited employers that did not exist and used consecutive social security numbers on his returns. He’s now doing three to ten in federal prison.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tokyo, Japan where an unidentified bozo, armed with lock picking tools, gloves and a torch broke into a block of flats, hoping to find something valuable. What he found were several off duty police officers. The block of flats he’d chosen to break into were rented by the metropolitan police department to provide housing for officers and their families. Oops!!! He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report. From Cleveland, Ohio comes the story of bozo Jesus Ortega who had just pulled off a successful bank robbery. Now he was faced with the question of what to do with his cash. Three bags of it in small bills. He decided to go to another bank and open up a savings account. He slipped up when he told the teller he was homeless and unemployed and the cash was donated to him. The suspicious teller called the cops who identified him as the thief. He assured his place in the Bozo Hall of Fame when, as the cops were leading him out, he shouted back to the teller and asked her what interest rate he would be getting.

Bozo criminals for today come from Tyler, Texas where two bozos burglarized a residence and fled with their loot on foot. Officers investigating the crime noticed the burglarized home was surrounded by a field of tall grass. And in the middle of thatfield of grass was a recently beaten down path. A path that led directly to our bozo’s residence nearby. A quick check found the stolen goods inside, along with our busted bozos.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Paul Randall for sending in this one which goes a long way toward proving that at least some bozos have manners. From the International File in Hitachi, Japan comes the story of an unidentified bozo who burst into a shop armed with a knife and demanded cash. In the middle of the robbery our bozo realized he’d forgotten to wear his mask. Knowing that without it capture was almost certain, he put away his weapon and asked the shopkeeper to "Please call the police." He did and then handed the phone to our bozo who explained his predicament, asking the cops to come over and arrest him as soon as possible. They were glad to do so.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Healey for sending in today’s report. From Beverly, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Gregory Tarver who had printed up around $40,000 in counterfeit bills. He also had in his possession a device for cutting the sheets of cash into individual bills. Must be hard work, this counterfeiting, because our poor bozo was so tired that he fell asleep behind the wheel of his SUV while he was stopped at a red light. A police officer awakened Sleeping Beauty, noticed the bills and equipment in the back and our bozo was busted.

BOZO CRIMINALS FOR TODAY COME FROM SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, WHERE OUR BOZO BANK ROBBERS SPENT ALL NIGHT WAITING INSIDE A BANK AFTER ATTACKING A JANITOR AND FORCING THEIR WAY INSIDE. WHEN THE FIRST TELLER ARRIVED IN THE MORNING, THE BOZOS ORDERED HER TO OPEN THE VAULT. SHE TOLD THEM SHE COULDN’T, SINCE IT TOOK TWO EMPLOYEES TO UNLOCK IT. BUT, SHE SAID, SHE BELIEVED SHE HAD SEEN THE BANK MANAGER STANDING AROUND OUTSIDE, AND IF OUR BOZOS WOULD JUST LET HER GO OUT FOR A MOMENT, SHE WOULD GET HIM AND BRING HIM BACK INSIDE TO OPEN THE VAULT. OK, SAID THE BOZOS. THEY LET HER GO, AND SHE WENT STRAIGHT TO A PAY PHONE AND CALLED THE COPS WHO ARRIVED WHILE OUR BOZOS WERE STILL WAITING FOR THE MANAGER TO COME IN.

BOZO CRIMINALS FOR TODAY COME FROM THE International File. FROM RESISTENCIA, ARGENTINA, COMES THE STORY OF TWO BOZOS WHO STOPPED AT A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT AND ASKED FOR PERMISSION TO USE THE RESTROOM. THE BOZOS THEN WHEN INTO THE FACILITIES, YANKED OUT THE TOILET AND LOADED IT ONTO THE BACK OF THEIR MOTOR SCOOTER. OR, MAYBE TRIED TO LOAD IT ONTO THEIR MOTOR SCOOTER WOULD BE MORE CORRECT. THE BOZOS WERE STILL TRYING TO BALANCE TWO PEOPLE AND ONE TOILET ON THE BACK OF A MOTOR SCOOTER WHEN POLICE ARRIVED.

BOZO CRIMINALS FOR TODAY COME FROM THE International File. FROM GRANTHAM, ENGLAND, COME LINDA AND PETER GARNETT. THESE TWO BOZOS PRINTED UP A BOGUS 16.6 MILLION DOLLAR CHECK AND TRIED TO DEPOSIT IT INTO THEIR CHECKING ACCOUNT AT THE BANK WHERE MRS. GARNETT WORKS. TELLERS BECAME SUSPICIOUS WHEN THE BOZOS WENT IN TO DEPOSIT THE $16.6 MILLION CHECK, BECAUSE THEY ALSO TRIED TO CASH THEIR WELFARE CHECK.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Santiago, Chile comes the story of bozo Jose Moreno who held up a store. In the ensuing scuffle with the owner our bozo lost his gun. He fled the store only to return a few hours later, showered, shaved and in his best clothes. He apologized, said it was all a big mistake and asked if he could please have his gun back. Sorry, Jose, no deal. He was arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Chad Edwards for sending in today’s report. From Terre Haute, Indiana comes the story of a couple of teenage bozos who were going door to door offering to shovel snow off sidewalks. Our bozos came to the home of retired school teacher Eileen Prose who wasn’t at home. The door was unlocked and our bozos decided to go inside and nose around, looking for anything they might want. About that time Mrs. Prose returned home, saw the two shovels standing outside and the front door slightly ajar and quickly figured out what was going on. First, she used her cell phone to call the cops. Then, as she approached the house, our two bozos came walking out. Using her best school teacher voice she said, "You boys are going to stay right there until the police come." Our bozos must have had some sort of grade school flashback, because that’s just what they did. They followed their teacher’s instructions and waited quietly until the police arrived to arrest them.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Slidell, Louisiana where bozo Laquita Morgan spotted a truck with the keys in it and the doors unlocked. Thinking this was an opportunity too good to pass up, she jumped in and sped off, not noticing that the back door of the truck was open. And it was the cargo inside that truck that led to her arrest. It was a truck full of Krispy Kreme donuts and boxes of them tumbled out the back as she drove. The cops, drawn to donuts like bees to honey, were quickly on her trail and she was arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Sioux Lookout, Ontario, Canada comes the story of bozo Debra Lane who flagged down a police officer and demanded that he find her lost shoes. Don’t know what had happened to those shoes but from all reports she was quite upset. And quite intoxicated. And when the officer told her he had better things to do, the situation just got worse. She pulled off her pants and proceeded to hit the officer over the head with them. She’s now shoeless, pantless and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Tyler, Texas where bozo Burnesta Nolan was spotted inside a locked Dollar General store by an officer responding to a burglar alarm call. The officer noticed a broken window and a man wearing a ski mask rummaging around inside. He asked our bozo what he was doing there in the middle of the night, in the dark, wearing a ski mask. Our bozo told the officer he worked there. Fine, said the officer, then would you please let me in. The bozo answered that he didn’t have a key, his boss had the only one. Wrong move, Einstein. The store manager was called. He confirmed the masked man did not work for him and our bozo was arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Sabina Prioletta for sending in today’s report. From Everett, Washington comes the story of bozo Curtis Shaw who seemed to be determined to get himself arrested. First, he held up a bank, writing his holdup note on a piece of paper that had the name and phone number of his girlfriend on the back. He held up another bank the next day, before the cops could track him down, this time enlisting the help of a cab driver to find a bank open on Saturday. He also borrowed a pen and paper from the cabbie to write his holdup note, which was easily traced to the cab. And to top it off, he stiffed the cabbie. His little crime spree came to an end the next day when he was recognized while shoplifting in the same store where the second bank branch was located. He now faces 14 felony charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk C.E. Ruppel for sending in today’s report. From Franklinton, Louisiana comes the story of bozo William Donner who was caught on security cameras throwing a cement block through the window of a convenience store and stealing liquor, cigarettes and cigars. Our bozo stuffed the items into a duffel bag and headed into the nearby woods where the cops found him a short time later. It was then that he offered up our Bozo Excuse of the Month. He said that the man on the video tape was his evil twin brother who follows him around, dresses in identical clothing and commits crimes to get him into trouble. The cops aren’t buying that one. He’s been arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk KC Chatfield who sent in today’s report. From Franklin Furnace, Ohio comes the story of bozo Juanita Monroe who was at home with her boyfriend when he thought someone was trying to break into their house. He called the cops and told them that there were several men wearing ski masks and carrying weapons walking around outside the residence. No one was to be seen when the police arrived but one of the cops did spot bozo Juanita throwing a plastic garbage full of something out of one of the windows. Inside the bag was $2000 worth of marijuana. She’s been arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Nieuwerkerk, the Netherlands. It’s the story of an unidentified bozo who shoplifted a pair of pants only to get home and find they were a couple of sizes too small. So she called the store to see if she could come back in and exchange them for a larger size. It was a rather small store and the manager couldn’t remember selling those pants so he reviewed the store’s security cameras and sure enough he spotted our bozo stealing the pants. He called her back and told her to come on down. He also called the cops who came on down and arrested her.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. The best you can say about today’s bozo is that his intentions were good. From the International File in Christchurch, New Zealand comes the story of bozo Steven Rucker who needed to get someplace really, really bad. And since he had no transportation, he tried to push start a van he found unlocked in a motel parking lot. Suspicious guests called the cops who stopped by to pay our bozo a little visit. They found out why he needed transportation so badly. He had an appearance in court that day. He’s just added another one.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Munich, Germany where the crowds at the annual Oktoberfest celebration can get a little rowdy. Our bozo decided to help the police out by fining some of the more rowdy celebrants. He would flash an ID and demand payment of $25 on the spot, threatening arrest if they didn’t comply. When one of his "perps" refused to pay up, our bozo "arrested" him and hauled him to the nearest police station. Upon arrival, it was our bozo who was busted for impersonating an officer. And that ID he was flashing? Turned out to be a fake US drivers license with a photo of Elvis on it.