July 19, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Schwelm, Germany where bozo Rolf Becker came into a shoe shop and tried on several pair. He must have found some he liked because when no one was looking he walked out wearing them, without paying, of course. Investigating cops noticed our bozo had left his old worn out shoes behind. But inside those shoes was something interesting-his orthopedic inserts, marked with his health insurance number. He’s been arrested.

July 18, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from Union City, New Jersey where bozo Troy Harris needed to be in court to face sentencing for auto theft. When he couldn’t find anyone to take him, what did he do? Take a cab? Nope. Hop on a bus? Nah. Steal another car? Sure. He drove the stolen car to the courthouse but a tipster called the cops to alert them and he was arrested when he arrived. He won’t be stealing any more cars for a while-he got six months in jail for the first offense and is awaiting trial on the new charge.

July 17, 2002

  • Post author:

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk KC Chatfield for sending in today’s report. From Portsmouth, Ohio comes the story of an unidentified bozo for whom patience was not a virtue. Our bozo handed the teller of the Fifth Third Bank of Portsmouth a note saying "You have 15 seconds to hand over $15,000." The teller looked at the note and said she’d have to talk to her supervisor about this and left to go get him, leaving our bozo tapping her foot and shouting to her to hurry up. The supervisor came over and told our bozo that he’ll have to go get the keys to the vault, pressing the silent alarm as he left. Growing more impatient by the second, our bozo finally gave up, saying, "Give me my note back, this is stupid!" Not as stupid as you are, lady. The security camera got a great picture of you as you headed out the door.

July 16, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 9080: It’s best to leave the manufacture of fireworks to a professional. From Chicago, Illinois comes the story of bozos James Kowalski and Josh Fineman who wanted to celebrate the Fourth of July but just weren’t willing to pay the high prices for fireworks. So they decided to make some of their own. They filled 10 small balloons with explosive acetylene gas and planned to ignite them at a party later in the day. Loading up their car to head to the party they threw the balloons in the back and slammed the door. A spark ignited the balloons, blowing up the car and throwing our bozos several feet. They suffered only minor cuts and burns, can’t say the same for their car. Next time they’d probably better stick to Black Cats.

July 15, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from Gallup, New Mexico where an unidentified bozo did just about everything wrong in his attempt to rob the First Bank of Gallup. First, he picked a very poor disguise, a dirty old raincoat with the collar turned up and a pollen mask to cover his face. Then, he selected a rather poor container for the cash he hoped to take home, an empty, rolled up trash bag. Even with these things going against him he might have gotten away with at least a little money, except for one other thing. He waited until the bank was closed to try to hold it up. He was standing outside the bank in his robber getup, banging on the doors trying to get in when a bank manager inside heard the noise and called the cops.

July 12, 2002

  • Post author:

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mark Guthrie for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Springvale, Australia comes the story of bozo Walter Evans who hid inside a gift store at closing time, planning to clean out the place after everyone had gone home. The lights went out and our bozo went to work. He had collected quite a haul when he headed for the back door to let himself out only to discover that this store had no rear exit. No problem, he could always jimmy the front door, couldn’t he? Except for the fact that the shop had a rolling security gate on the front door that was locked up tight by the owner when he left. Trapped like a rat our bozo began to raise such a commotion that the shopkeeper next door called the cops. They gave him a helping hand with the aid of a ladder through a rooftop window. And then gave him a ride to jail.

July 11, 2002

  • Post author:

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Debbie Walters for sending in today’s report. From Melbourne, Florida comes the story of bozo Thomas Lopez who was passing through the metal detector at the Brevard County courthouse when the alarm went off. Guards asked him to please empty his pockets, which he did. Reaching into his right pocket, he pulled out some change and his keys. Reaching into his left pocket he pulled out a cigarette lighter and a bag of marijuana, which he placed on the table in front of the bailiff. Oops!! Realizing his big mistake, our bozo turned tail and dashed for the door. But being in a courthouse he was severely outnumbered and was quickly apprehended.

July 10, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 2486: You should always be suspicious when your victims are a little too helpful. From the International File in Tsu, Japan comes the story of an unidentified bozo who marched into a bank and demanded cash. The teller and several other employees said the really big money was in the vault and if he would just step this way…They led him to the bank’s main vault and when he went inside to grab his cash, they slammed the door shut on him, locking him inside. And that’s where he remained until the cops arrived.

July 9, 2002

  • Post author:

The heat is really getting to bozos around the country. For the second day in a row we present an overheated bozo story. From Glenwood Springs, Colorado comes the story of bozo Steven Harper who went into the air conditioned Wal-Mart store to get some relief from the heat. He did a little shopping before plopping down into a reclining chair in the yard and garden department to cool off. He promptly fell asleep and when associates had a tough time waking him up, the police were called. The cops did a quick check on his ID and wouldn’t you know it, he was wanted on an outstanding warrant for contempt of court. He’s cooling his heels in jail.

July 8, 2002

  • Post author:

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Detective Norman Bye for sending in today’s report. As you are no doubt aware, many portions of the country have been experiencing extremely hot weather in the past few weeks and that was what caused all the problems for bozo Lucius Harrigan of Wichita, Kansas. Our bozo threw a cinder block through a window to gain access to a house. While prowling around looking for loot, he worked up a sweat and removed his shirt in an effort to cool off. After a few minutes he left with the loot but without his shirt. And in his shirt pocket was a Kansas Department of Corrections ID card identifying him as a former guest of the state. Guess he’ll have another chance to find out how well the air conditioning works in jail.

July 5, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from Marshall County, Indiana where bozo Christopher Adams was pulled over for a minor traffic offense. While talking to him, the officer couldn’t help but notice his bright orange t-shirt which read, "Fugitive. You never saw me." Playing a hunch, he ran our bozo’s name through the computer and sure enough he was indeed a fugitive, wanted for failure to appear at a court hearing. He’s no longer a fugitive, but he’s still wearing orange, this time an outfit issued by the county jail.

July 4, 2002

  • Post author:

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Boise, Idaho where bozo Harlan Collingwood called the police to his house to report a number of items that had been stolen in a break in. He told the cops the thieves had taken a VCR, a bong and a marijuana pipe. But, he noted proudly, they had missed his stash, a film canister full of marijuana. Is that a fact, the cops asked. And could you perhaps show us this stash. With that, our bozo proudly whipped out the can of dope and when he did, the police arrested the dope for drug possession.

July 3, 2002

  • Post author:

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Bruno d’Asti, Italy comes the story of bozo Carlo Brunelli who held up a post office at gunpoint, fleeing with about $4300. Postal employees quickly locked the door after our bozo fled and watched in amazement as he got into his car, sat there for a moment and then ran back to the door of the post office. Finding it locked he began to shout for them to please let him in, as he’d left his car keys on the counter. Sorry, Carlo. He was still crying and begging to be let back in when the police arrived.

July 2, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from New Orleans, Louisiana where bozo Mitchell Lane was frustrated with his life. Our bozo was a cab driver but he felt unfulfilled. He had always wanted to be on TV and that’s what led him to become a bozo. In his quest for fame he called the cops and told them that he was on his way to New Orleans International Airport to "cause some trouble" in the name of Saddam Hussein. He then armed himself with a BB gun and a small knife and headed out. Don’t know if he really intended to cause any problems but he did get his wish…TV cameras filmed him as the FBI took him into custody.

July 1, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Petersburg, Florida where bozo Daniel Bryarly robbed a residence and then used a cab as his getaway car. This in itself is not new, bozos have tried it before. It was what our bozo brought with him when he climbed into the cab that aroused the driver’s suspicions. He had his loot, consisting of four snakes, a sword, two mobile phones and a purse he’d taken from the house. The cabbie called the cops after the bozo was dropped off at his residence. His next ride was free, courtesy of the police department.

June 28, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bath, England where two bozos snatched the purse of Pamela McCarthy and took off running down the street. What they didn’t know was that 40 year old Pamela was a marathon runner and she chased them for more than a mile before they finally ran into their apartment. She then called the cops who came over, retrieved her purse and arrested them.

June 27, 2002

  • Post author:

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Carlos Sebastian Leschhorn for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Owen Sound, Ontario, Canada comes the story of bozo Mary Simpson whose boyfriend was locked up in jail. Bozo Mary hatched a plan to free him. She would show up at the jail, pretending to be a police officer with instructions to escort him to another facility. Not the best plan. First, suspicions were aroused when she arrived by herself to transfer the prisoner. And second, and perhaps most important, she forgot Bozo Rule Number 6907: When impersonating a police officer, it’s a good idea to wear the uniform. She showed up in jeans and a shirt. She’s been arrested for impersonating, although not very well, an officer.

June 26, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from Conklin, New York where bozo Jean Hampton stole $4700 from the store where she worked and then took off for Las Vegas to get married. She was sure she had covered her tracks, she even remembered to turn off the surveillance camera after she had entered the store that evening. But she forgot that the camera was connected to a VCR. And that VCR contained a tape that showed her entering the store after hours. The money is long gone but our bozo is in custody.

June 25, 2002

  • Post author:

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Shannon Brown for sending in today’s report. From Canton, Ohio comes the story of bozo Daniel Fogelman who, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, went on a stroll carrying a marijuana plant. He walked up to another pedestrian and said, "Would you believe I’m walking down the street in the middle of the day with this pot plant?" The pedestrian answered, "Would you believe I’m a cop?" Oops. He’d chosen to strike up a conversation with a detective returning from court. He’s been arrested.

June 24, 2002

  • Post author:

Bozo criminal for today comes from Texas City, Texas where bozo Grady Donohue broke into a residence and began looking for valuables. He found quite a bit of good stuff and while loading it he worked up a powerful thirst. And that’s when he spotted the bottle of Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey sitting on the counter. Thinking he had earned a little break, he poured himself a drink and sat down. One thing led to another and to another and to another. He was still happily sitting in the chair when officers answering a disturbance call arrived.