October 16, 2002

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From time to time we’ve had bozo criminals who broke out of jail. We’ve even had a couple that broke into jail. Today’s bozo is the first ever to do both. From the International File in Podgorica, Montenegro comes the story of Bozo Savo Radovanovic who had been waiting for quite some time to be transferred from one of his country’s jails to another. Thinking things had to be better in the new place, and getting tired of waiting to be moved, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He broke out of jail and while police were conducting a nationwide manhunt for him, he turned up at the front gates of the other prison, trying to break in. Authorities are still trying to decide which prison he belongs in.

October 14, 2002

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(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today probably should have just used his weapon for lunch. From Nashville, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Leonard Feldman who walked into a bank and pointed a small silver object at the teller and told her to hand over all the cash. If she didn’t, he told her, he would set off the bomb he was carrying. While he got away with a small amount of money the police quickly caught up with out bozo and his "bomb" which turned out to be a hot dog wrapped in aluminum foil.

October 11, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Bozo Eduardo Gonzales broke into a glue factory there and stole several large cans of the stuff. On his way out, he stopped to sniff some of the glue and was overcome by fumes, dropping the cans and falling to the ground. By the time he had come to his senses, the glue had done its job. He was stuck fast to the floor. The fire department had to be called to come by and get him unstuck so he could be arrested.

October 10, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Paw Paw Township, Michigan where bozo Duane Brougher worked at a convenience store. Deciding one evening that he was overworked and underpaid, our bozo decided to grab all the cash from the register and walk out. Fine. But maybe he should have waited until the place closed down for the night. He didn’t and a customer called the cops when he found the store open but deserted. And maybe he should have turned off the security cameras before cleaning out the till. But he didn’t. He’s now under arrest.

October 9, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Kendall, Florida where bozo John Perez held up a bank a couple of weeks ago, making a clean getaway with a small amount of cash. Guess he ran out of money because he returned to the same bank last week and tried to pull another heist. Only problem, he wore the same getup he wore when he robbed them the first time. Same sunglasses, same ugly sports coat. An alert teller recognized him in line and set off the silent alarm. The police arrived before he even made it to the front of the line and found a weapon and a holdup note in his pocket.

October 8, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today may set an all time record for stupidity, but at least he’s persistent. From the International File in Stockholm, Sweden comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was stopped for speeding and DUI and was taken in. After posting bail, parking lot security cameras caught him again getting behind the wheel of his car. Officers rushed out and arrested him a second time. He posted bail again and this time a friend came down and promised to drive him home. A half an hour later the cops pulled over a speeder. Guess who? This time, the police promise he won’t be going anywhere for a long time.

October 7, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from the "I told you never to call me at work" file. From Orem, Utah comes the story of bozo Paul Dodd who held up a woman at gunpoint, getting away with her purse but leaving his cell phone behind at the crime scene. Officers were in the middle of their investigation when the cell phone rang. It was our bozo’s girlfriend. When the officer answered, she asked, "Are you with Paul Dodd?" The officer replied, "We will be shortly." Armed with this information, it wasn’t long before our bozo was tracked down and arrested.

October 4, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami, Florida where our bozo was having a really bad day. This unidentified chap walked into a Miami bank, pulled out his gun and demanded money. After the teller filled his bag with loot, our bozo turned to flee and stuffed the gun back into his pocket. The gun discharged, shooting our bozo in the leg. He was able to limp out of the bank and that’s when things got even worse. He shuffled into the street and was promptly hit by a van. He must have nine lives, though, because he was still able to stagger to his getaway car. But not before spitting out two gold teeth that were knocked loose in the accident. The FBI is checking emergency rooms and dentists offices.

October 3, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Vancouver, British Columbia Canada where aspiring stuntman and full time bozo William Sanders had a most impressive entrance planned. He hoped to bungee jump from a bridge to the deck of a passing cruise ship. Unfortunately he miscalculated the ship’s speed and the length of his bungee cord. Instead of making a perfect landing, he hit head first on the tennis court, bounced off a rail and a volleyball net and was left dangling in mid air as the ship sailed away. Receiving only minor injuries, he was able to rappel down to the water where he was picked up by a passing water taxi, which turned him over to the cops.

October 2, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Barberton, Ohio where bozo Larry Edmonds was taken in on suspicion of burglary of a residence. Police had little evidence against him other than a description given by the woman who had caught him going through items in her bedroom. As he was being booked, one of the officers noticed something sparkling just above his drooping waistband. Upon further investigation it was discovered that he was wearing a pair of sequined panties. And beneath them a red string bikini and a navy blue thong and white lace bikinis, eight pair of panties in all. And tucked inside the last pair of panties was a pair of white lace top stockings, all items which had been reported stolen in the burglary. He’s now wearing something orange, the standard issue jailhouse jumpsuit.

October 1, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Belo Horizonte, Brazil where an unidentified bozo escaped on foot from the city’s police station. He had not gone very far when he saw a bus approaching. Thinking this was his ticket for a sure fire getaway, he hailed the bus down. Imagine his disappointment when he discovered that inside the bus were several city policemen who were looking for him. He’s back in jail.

September 30, 2002

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Al McBride for alerting us to this one from LaSalle, Illinois where bozo John Plyler just couldn’t wait to start living the high life. Bozo John held up a bank and then safely returned to his hotel. It was here, while counting his loot, that he decided that Chicago was the place he needed to be, and he wanted to go in style. So he ordered a limousine to pick him up outside his hotel. Unfortunately for him, the limo driver was a retired cop who thought our bozo seemed to be acting a little odd. Playing a hunch, he called the cops who identified him as the bank robber and asked the limo driver to just drop him off at police headquarters.

September 27, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Topeka, Kansas where bozo Michael Rogers was breaking into cars in the neighborhood and stealing their stereos when a group of residents discovered him and gave chase. He got away only to return a few minutes later. This time he walked up to one of the very residents that had caught him earlier and asked for a ride to the local pawnshop. Sure, he told our bozo, but instead delivered him to the police station. He’s under arrest.

September 26, 2002

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Brenda Helgerson for sending in today’s report from the International File in Graz, Austria. There are many ways to prepare for robbing a bank. Did our bozo "case the joint" to make sure he would not be caught? No. Did he do some research to discover the best way to break into the bank? Nope. Did he pay off someone on the inside to help him out? Of course not. Did he guzzle a bottle of schnapps to calm down his nerves before pulling the job? Yep. And before he could make it to the bank he passed out in his car with his gun in the seat beside him. He’s under arrest.

September 25, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Melbourne, Australia where bozo Thomas Tedder pulled off a big robbery at a casino, getting away with several hundred thousand dollars worth of cash. How he thought he’d get away with it we’ll never understand. He pulled the heist from the Crown Casino’s high roller room that is open to members only. Before he was even able to enter, he had to use his special key card and pass an elaborate security check, including a retinal scan. Plus, of course, every inch of the place is covered by security cameras. Casino officials simply turned our bozos membership card over to the cops who had no trouble finding and arresting him.

September 24, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today must have gotten his signals crossed somewhere. From Mill Valley, California comes the story of bozo Carlos Alavarez who worked at the local KFC and sold a little marijuana on the side, using "code words" given by customers at the drive-thru window. When one of his customers ordered his meal with extra biscuits he instead received a baggie of marijuana. The disgruntled customer returned the weed to the cashier and, after getting his biscuits, called the cops. They stopped at the drive-thru and arrested our bozo. Which brings us to a new Bozo Rule: If you’re going to sell pot at the drive-thru window, don’t make your code words items on the menu.

September 23, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tomso, Norway. Our unidentified bozo was truly in the wrong place at the wrong time when he was involved in a minor car accident. As he was exchanging information with the other driver, our bozo told him that he wanted to hurry up and get things done before the police arrived because he was afraid he was over the legal limit for intoxication. And that’s when the other driver told him, "I must tell you something bad. I am the police." He had literally run into a plain clothes officer driving his private car. Busted!

September 20, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Milwaukee, Wisconsin where bozo Janet Porter was due in court. As she was approaching the bench a sheriff’s deputy noticed a plastic bag protruding from her braided hair. Upon further investigation the bag was found to contain 28 rocks of cocaine. It was then that she came up with the excuse of the week. She said she found the baggie in the courthouse bathroom and must have accidentally gotten it caught in her hair when she was putting it up. Another Bozo busted.

September 19, 2002

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Largo, Florida where bozo Steve Taylor worked as a shift manager for a group of McDonalds. Perhaps deciding he wanted to pattern himself after the hamburglar, he put his inside knowledge to use in an attempted robbery at one of the restaurants. Things started to go sour when his mask slipped and one of his victims recognized him as one of the store’s managers. She kept her mouth shut until the cops arrived and then she identified our bozo. He was arrested when he showed up for his regular shift at another McDonalds.

September 18, 2002

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Eddie Forgey for sending in today’s report. From Santa Fe, New Mexico comes the story of bozo Eddie Taylor who learned the hard way that it doesn’t always pay to be a good samaritan. Police officers were on the scene of a traffic accident when bozo Eddie stopped by and did his best Barney Fife impersonation, offering them free advise about how they could better do their jobs. This is probably not the best thing to do under any circumstance and it’s certainly not advised if you’re staggering and slurring your words. The officers stopped what they were doing just long enough to arrest our not so helpful bozo on public intoxication charges.