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Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in this one from the International File. From Berlin, Germany comes the story of bozo Hans Braun who walked into a bank with a burlap bag covering his head. Since he had forgotten to cut eye slits in the bag, just getting to the teller’s window was a struggle. He bumped into customers and furniture on the way. When he finally did reach the window, he pulled out a plastic knife and a toy pistol. And to make sure the teller could understand him, he lifted the bag from his head giving her a good look at his face. Sorry, said the teller, the safe couldn’t be opened. Our bozo then fled, looking straight into the security camera on his way out. Police had no trouble tracking him down.

Bozo criminal for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 9901: Be sure before telling someone to "Give you the dough" that you really mean it. From the International File in Munich, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who attempted to hold up a bakery. He was caught by surprise when baker Ingrid Schwarz literally handed him the dough. In the form of heavy loaves of black bread, which she threw at him. And we’re not talking poppin’ fresh rolls here, either, these things were like big bricks. After dodging a few of these missiles, our bozo thought better of his plan and fled out the door.

Bozo criminal for today definitely had a flawed business plan. From Vienna, Austria comes the story of bozo Wolfgang Ziegler who sold hot chestnuts on the street corner. Business had been a little slow so Wolfgang decided to drum up a little business. It was how he went about it that secured his status as a bozo. He called in a bomb threat to a nearby building, thinking that if police cordoned off the area, a large crowd would gather in the cold and would be tempted to buy his hot chestnuts. His plan worked until the cops traced the call to his cell phone and arrested him. He’s got three months in jail to come up with a better way of increasing sales.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jamie Axthelm for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Tehran, Iran comes the story of an unidentified bozo who walked into a bank and started snatching banknotes from the hands of tellers and customers. Much to our bozo’s surprise he was quickly overpowered by security guards. We say much to his surprise because our bozo firmly believed he was invisible. He told the cops he’d paid $625 to a sorcerer who cast spells on him that were supposed to have made him totally invisible. (These people have been reading too many Harry Potter books!) Our bozo’s under arrest and the cops are on the lookout for a phony sorcerer.

Bozo criminals for today come from Erie, Pennsylvania were bozos John Slovak and Jennifer Green were setting up a pot growing operation in their apartment. Since there was no electric service in their apartment, the marijuana plants were very scrawny. So they did what any bozo would do. The tapped into the juice at their neighbor’s circuit breaker box. The jig was up when the neighbor got a $518 electric bill. The cops came by and simply followed the long extension cord running to our bozo’s apartment. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today aren’t crooks in the purest sense, but they certainly qualify as bozos. From the International File in Naples, Italy comes the story of Giovanni Capriello and Francesco Meilo who walked into a bank, one carrying a rifle and the other toting a large sack. Of course this attracted the attention of security guards and when our bozos refused to give up their weapon, police were called. Upon further investigation, it was found that the sack contained a large amount of cash. Our bozos explained that they armed themselves to make sure that the money, the day’s take from their shop, got deposited into the bank safely. Haven’t they heard of Brinks Armored in Italy? They were arrested for entering a bank with a firearm.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wasatch County, Utah where bozo Kent Clark planned to write a "kiss up" letter to his judge hoping to sweet talk him into a lighter sentence on his drug charges. Not a bad idea. But our bozo also wrote a letter to his girlfriend detailing his letter to the judge and talking about what a sham it was. And he also used a few choice adjectives to describe the judge. Then, in true bozo fashion, he put the letters into the wrong envelopes. His girlfriend got the letter intended for the judge and the judge got the other one. Oops. Our bozo’s now serving 70 months in federal prison.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Las Cruces, New Mexico where bozo Vivek Duarte found himself in a bit of a jam. It was after midnight, he was at the Whataburger and he was drunk. He needed a ride home, so he did what any bozo would do. He called in a bomb threat, thinking when the police arrived he could talk them into giving him a ride. They gave him a ride, all right, straight to jail.

Thanks to several Bozo news hawks for alerting us to this story from Green Bay, Wisconsin, where our bozo criminal did the police a favor but got arrested anyway. Bozo Josh Hamilton was spotted a little after 1 a.m. after cops noticed his truck ignoring stop signs and going the wrong way on a one-way street. Attempts to pull our bozo over failed, and he led the cops on a chase with speeds seldom exceeding 20 mph. Finally, our bozo signaled for a turn and pulled right into the jail parking lot. He then smoked a cigarette and got out of the truck and lay face down, waiting to be handcuffed. He told the cops he knew he was drunk and was going to be arrested, so he just drove himself to the jail. And that was one thing he was right about–he was arrested.

Bozo criminal for this Halloween morning comes from the International File in Lincolnshire, England, where an unidentified bozo wanted to make a dramatic entrance at a fancy Halloween party. He arrived at the door carrying a roaring chain saw and wearing ski goggles and overalls. Perhaps the entrance was a bit more dramatic than he had planned, for the person answering the door ran away screaming and called the police. The cops decided not to charge our bozo after it was discovered the party he wanted to go to was next door.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. From the International File in Livorno, Italy comes the story of a 19 year old bozo who felt the spark had gone out of his relationship with his 18 year old girlfriend. To try to rekindle the flame, he decided to recreate a scene from Romeo and Juliet. With his girlfriend waiting for him on the balcony, he began to climb up the side of the building. Sad to say, the lovers did not let the neighbors in on their little plan and one of them was awakened by the noise. Noticing a strange man climbing up the side of an apartment building, he called the cops. The police awakened the girl’s parents and that’s when Romeo decided to fess up. The cops took pity on him and decided not to press charges.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to this one. From Chattanooga, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Rudy Roberts who along with one of his bozo friends had a couple of sacks of marijuana that needed to be dried out. Not having a microwave of their own, our bozos decided to use the one at the neighborhood convenience store. Leaving his friend asleep in the car, bozo Rudy walked in, right past the police car out front. On his way to the microwave, he spoke to the police officer in the store. He then put his stash in the oven, turned on the heat and immediately the store was filled with the aroma of pot. When the officer asked him what he was doing, he told him, "Drying out my marijuana." He’s now drying out in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Worthing, England comes the story of a bumbling bozo who did something so silly it sounds like it should have been in a movie. Bozo Michael Wilson along with three of his buddies held up a post office, getting away with a couple thousand dollars in cash. One of the bozos was captured when he was found hiding in a shed, a second was found in a nearby garage and a third was captured when he was spotted wandering around asking for the nearest railway station. But it was Michael who goes into the Bozo Hall of Fame. He called attention to himself when he sought to hide in a hotel lobby. He sat down and pretended to read the newspaper. Only he was holding it upside down. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico where bozo Linda Sanchez was having several of her friends over for a little party. When Linda and her group got to the front door, Linda discovered she’d forgotten her key. No problem, one member of the party forced the door open and the group proceeded to enjoy themselves by having a few drinks and smoking some of Linda’s marijuana. Unfortunately, Linda had also forgotten about her burglar alarm. The forced entry into the house set off the alarm and when the security firm got no answer on Linda’s phone (she had turned off the ringer), sheriff’s deputies were dispatched. As the officers approached, they could smell the marijuana through the open front door. The whole group was busted.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Bogota, Columbia. Our bozos were drug smugglers and they knew the Columbian Navy was hot on their trail. So they cooked up a plan-they would burn the $75 million in cocaine on board their boat, destroying the evidence before the Navy could reach them. Somewhere along the way, however, things got crossed up. When the authorities arrived, they found the speedboat aflame and our bozos in the water, surrounded by bags of unburned cocaine. "Uh, did you say to light the boat or the dope?" The Navy rescued the five bozos and then placed them under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Nashville, Arkansas where bozo attorney Rusty Duncan was allegedly in the habit of allowing his clients to pay him with drugs instead of money. This plan works fine until you have a customer dissatisfied with your legal services and that’s just what happened last week. A disgruntled client tipped off the Arkansas drug task force to our bozo’s payment plan. A sting was set up and our bozo was busted.

Last week we had the story of a bozo who got himself into trouble when he was out taking his parrot for a walk. Today we have a story that tops even that one. From Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada comes the story of bozo Chynne Krause who was on probation for DUI and was prohibited from possessing alcohol. Police were called when residents noticed him pushing a baby stroller down the street. Only there was no baby in the stroller. In place of the baby, a small keg of beer. Don’t know if it had a little bonnet on or not. He’s been charged with violating his probation.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Berlin, Germany. Our unidentified bozo should perhaps have done a little research before breaking into a jewelry store. While the store contained more than $3 million worth of precious jewels, our bozo left with only $59 worth of zirconium, glass and iron pyrite, leaving all the valuable stuff behind. Cops are looking for a bozo with very poor taste in jewelry.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jack Decker for sending in today’s report. From Muskegon, Michigan comes the story of a couple of bozos who should have remembered their mother’s advise to "clean your plates." Bozos Darnell Rogers and Freddie Robinson robbed a Papa John’s pizza delivery guy, getting away with three pizzas and two soft drinks. Police were called and in checking out the area found a half eaten pizza that appeared "fresh" and empty soda bottles of the kind reported stolen in the garbage outside a residence. In the backyard, they also discovered pizza boxes containing fresh, half eaten pizzas. Inside they found more pizza and two very full and very busted bozos.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for alerting us to this one. Not sure exactly what’s going on here but today’s story definitely contains the Bozo Excuse of the Month. From Evansville, Indiana comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was found stuck inside the chimney of a grocery store at around 10:30 Monday morning. Employees heard his calls for help and summoned the police. It was when the officers arrived that our bozo came up with the excuse that may land him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told them that he was out "walking his parrot" Jojo the night before when the bird got loose, climbed up on the roof and went down the chimney. He climbed up and while trying to rescue the bird, got himself stuck. At this point, Jojo is nowhere to be found and the police are still trying to decide what charges to bring against our bozo.