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Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 0034: First be sure you know exactly what it is you’re stealing. From Irvine, California comes the story of a team of three bozos who stole some Chihuahua puppies from the local animal shelter. A few days later they brought the pups into the local Petsmart for vaccinations and an examination. They attracted some attention to themselves when they asked the manager what type of dog the puppies were. When she told them they were Chihuahuas they were rather insulted and told her no they weren’t. These puppies were Pit Bulls, according to our bozos. After they left, the manager did some checking and found the puppies had been reported stolen from the animal shelter. When our bozos brought their pit bulls back for a second round of shots they were arrested.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to today’s bozo from Covington, Louisiana. It’s the story of bozo Eugene Carlisle who was casing a house to burglarize. When he peeked through a window, he spotted his image on a video surveillance monitor. Thinking quickly, he broke into the house and stole the monitor, throwing it away in the woods nearby. He wasn’t thinking quickly enough, however, to remember to also steal the camera and VCR, which contained the recording of his crime. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Fitchburg, Massachusetts where bozos Octavio Salas and Jose Cortez had smuggled about $100,000 worth of cocaine into town in the gas tank of their car. With visions of quick profits dancing in their heads, our bozos didn’t even drain the tank before trying to get at the dope. Instead they used a power saw to cut open the tank. And of course a spark ignited the tank, the dope and our bozos. The cocaine was destroyed. Our bozos are recovering in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Scranton, Pennsylvania where bozo Ernest Vega had been charged with theft but was offered the opportunity to wipe his record clean by taking part in a rehabilitation program. When he arrived at the courthouse to enroll, he discovered he did not have the $700 fee. And that’s when the Bozo mind went to work. He stole a court stenographer’s laptop to pawn, but the pawnshop refused it because the power cord was missing. So he returned to the courthouse to retrieve it. He was arrested after a stenographer spotted him with a power cord dangling from his pocket.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Perugia, Italy where a couple of bozos perhaps thought the holiday season would be a good time of the year to rob a perfumery. They managed to shoplift about $600 worth of perfume before being spotted by the manager, who called the cops. In their haste to escape, they smashed a bottle of jasmine perfume. Officers on the scene only had to follow their noses to find the crooks. The sweet scent of jasmine led them to a nearby alley where they arrested our bozos.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Johannesburg, South Africa. Michael Martin robbed a woman on her way to church, snatching her purse. Two police officers saw the whole thing and quickly captured our bozo. When they returned the purse to the woman, her cell phone was missing. Thinking perhaps he had ditched the phone during the chase one of the officers decided to call the number. Much to their surprise they heard the muffled sound of the phone ringing. From our bozo’s underpants. He had stashed the phone there and the officers had missed it when they searched him. Our embarrassed bozo turned over the phone and was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Austin, Texas where bozo Jamie O’Donnell stole a car and headed North. Somewhere between Austin and Arkansas he picked up a hitchhiker. When he reached Virginia, our bozo stopped at a rest area to use the bathroom. When he came back out the car was gone. That’s right, our bozo’s stolen car was stolen again, this time by the hitchhiker. His problems were further complicated when he called the cops to report the heist. It didn’t take them long to figure out our bozo was the first thief. And it didn’t take them long to find the second thief, either. They’re both under arrest for stealing the same car.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Donald Stephens for sending in today’s report. From Arlington, Virgina comes the story of Bozo Javier Ortega who was prowling around a parking lot looking for a car to steal the license plates off of. In typical Bozo fashion, he chose the worst possible car to go to work on. First, it was an unmarked police car. Second, it was occupied–by a plain clothed cop. Third, the cop in car number one was talking to another officer in the car next door. And fourth, our bozo didn’t even notice when the cop leaned out of the window to get a better look at what was going on. He was arrested as he headed back to his car to get a larger screwdriver.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Saronno, Italy comes the story of bozo Carmine Leone who entered a grocery store to pick up a couple of items. While there he made an impulse shoplifting decision. He decided to swipe a frozen chicken drumstick. He dropped it inside his pants and headed to the checkout to pay for the other items. He hadn’t accounted for the effect the frozen drumstick would have on his body. While standing in line he began to wiggle and hop around as the drumstick froze tender parts of his anatomy. Finally, the checker called security. Our bozo quickly admitted his mistake. The frozen drumstick was removed from his pants and he was taken to a nice warm jail.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today definitely picked the wrong profession. From Memphis, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Ken Chitty who decided to rob a bank. Only one problem, Ken is blind. Our bozo walks into the First Tennessee Bank, white cane and dark glasses in place. A security guard asks our bozo if he can be of assistance and guides him to a teller’s window where he watches him hand her a holdup note. The teller looked at the guard, mouthed the words "It’s a robbery" and handed him some money. He was then arrested by the guard and escorted to jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Paul Maxwell for sending in today’s report. From Minneapolis, Minnesota comes the story of Bozo Delon Wilson who was standing in a police lineup so a 76 year old victim could try to identify who snatched her purse. When an officer instructed our bozo to put his baseball cap on with the bill facing out, he protested, saying, "No. I’m going to put it on backwards. That’s the way I had it on when I took the purse." Oops.

It has not been a good week so far for bozo pot smokers. Our story for today comes from Gainesville, Florida where bozo Mike Hanford was pulled over by the cops for driving with expired tags. Our bozo was very cooperative and spent some time chatting with the officer after he had written him a ticket. Perhaps he should have just kept his mouth shut and gone on his way. It was while they were talking that the officer noticed something behind our bozo’s ear. A rolled up marijuana cigarette. When the officer asked him about it, he replied, "Man, I forgot it was back there." Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Brevard, North Carolina where bozo Ronnie Jamieson drove his car through a parking lot and right past a row of police cars where several officers were standing around talking. The next thing our bozo knew a couple of the officers hopped in their squad car and came after him with lights flashing. "What’s the problem, officer?" our bozo asked. The problem was a big green one in the back seat. That huge marijuana plant that our bozo had obviously forgotten about. Busted!!!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wilmington, Delaware where bozo Margie Shafer was on the run from the cops for a parole violation. Driving a rented van, she led the police on a chase that ended near the Christiana River. Our bozo leaped out of the van and ran toward the bridge, planning to leap to safety in the river below. She never made it that far, however. When she jumped out of her van, she failed to put it into park and the van rolled along behind her, eventually knocking her down. After receiving treatment for her bumps and bruises, she was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Coventry, England where bozo William Hunt escaped from police custody when two officers removed his handcuffs so he could be examined by a doctor. Police searching the area a while later were asked by a passing taxi driver what was going on. When they told him the situation, he replied that a man with that same name had just called for a cab. The officers climbed into the back of the cab and hid, arresting our bozo when he opened the door to get in.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in this one from the International File in Hereford, England. Bozo Shaun Martin shoplifted a battery powered toy of cartoon superhero Buzz Lightyear. With the police hot on his trail our bozo found an excellent hiding place underneath a bridge. As luck would have it, just as the cops were walking by the toy switched on and the voice of Buzz himself was heard saying, "Buzz Lightyear, permission to engage." This attracted the attention of the cops and once again, thanks to Buzz, justice was served.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Taunton, Massachusetts where bozo Joe Glover held up a bank, escaping on foot with an undetermined amount of cash. As we all know, bank robbery is hot, dirty work and crooks can work up a powerful thirst. That must be what happened to our bozo as he only went two blocks before stopping into the American Legion hall for a beer. Hope it was a good one. His little break enabled the cops to catch up with him.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Swansea, Wales. A group of bozos slashed their way into a warehouse, carting off a load of televisions, VCRs and DVD players. And it was a big haul, a whole truck full. There’s only one small problem. These weren’t new TVs. They were defective units that were in temporary storage before being returned to the manufacturer. Whoops…..

Bozo criminal for today comes from Brooksville, Florida where Jimmy Batten returned home from work early to find a strange car sitting in the driveway. He went inside and that’s where he found bozo Sean Davis, shirtless and shoeless, sitting on the floor with a Winchester rifle nearby. Here’s the story. Bozo Sean had broken in with the intent of stealing some of Mr. Batten’s guns. The first rifle he grabbed went off and our bozo literally shot himself in the foot, taking off his toe. He faces burglary and theft charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Steven B. Williams for first alerting us to this one. From Adrian, Michigan comes the story of a couple of bozo teens who fitted their car with flashing blue and white lights and were having all kinds of fun pretending to be cops, pulling over unsuspecting motorists. Their fun came to a screeching halt when they pulled over a van driven by the chief of police. They began to back up as soon as they saw the chief, still in uniform, get out of his van. The chief arrested them and turned out their lights permanently.