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Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkart, County Indiana where bozo James Huffman was sick and tired of being in jail. So he came up with a plan to escape. He thought it out thoroughly until he was sure the plan was perfect. Then he put his plan into action. He loosened the window of his jail cell and started to climb through. Freedom was so near he could almost taste it. And then it happened. He got stuck. He couldn’t get out and worst of all he couldn’t back himself back in. So there he was, stuck, for everyone to see, half in and half out of the jailhouse window. The guards couldn’t get him out, either. Firefighters had to be called, our bozo was freed and moved to a cell without a window.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kassel, Germany where bozo Otto Schmidt was picked up by police for questioning on theft charges. It was when they took him to his residence to look for evidence that our bozo noticed the investigating officer’s glasses. A really nice designer pair laying behind the front seat. When he thought no one was looking our bozo snatched them. Right out of the police car. He got away with them, too. For a little while at least, until the officer needed them and noticed they were missing. A quick trip back to our bozo’s house turned them up. He was only under suspicion for theft, now he’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tom Naras for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Dalry, Scotland comes the story of Bozo John Cole, who was just trying to help out a friend. Knowing that his friend had had a little too much to drink, our good samaritan bozo offered to drive him home. When they were pulled over for a traffic violation, our bozo decided to give the officer a false name. And that’s when his drunk friend came to, shouting, "That’s not his name!" The policeman had already figured that out, since our bozo had his name "John" written on his knuckles. He was fined for giving false information to the police and for driving without insurance.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Adam Mair for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Waterford, Ontario, Canada comes the story of bozo Andre Passot who had a little too much to drink and lost control of his car, sending it crashing into a residence. The car wasn’t damaged too badly and our bozo wasn’t injured, so he just put the thing in reverse and headed home, thinking no one had seen a thing. Things would perhaps have worked out for him except for one minor detail. The impact of the crash knocked off the car’s license plate, which was left behind at the accident scene. He’s facing charges.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Alexandria, Louisiana where bozo Sandra Hampton should learn she can’t believe everything she sees on TV. When the cops tried to pull our bozo over on a traffic violation, she led them on a high speed chase across the city until she finally pulled into the driveway of her home. She jumped out of her car thinking she was safe because she had once seen something on TV that led her to believe she couldn’t be arrested at home. She was wrong. Maybe she can hire Matlock as her attorney.

Bozo criminal for today comes form Grants Pass, Oregon where bozo Tom Harrigan burglarized a store. The police had no trouble tracking him down, however. When our bozo stepped out of the store, he stepped right into some wet paint. He left a trail of footprints all the way back to his room at a nearby hotel.

Our bozo for today isn’t technically a criminal but there’s no doubt he’s a certified bozo. From the International File in Shenzhen, China comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was flying for the first time in his life. A short time into the flight he felt the need to spit. Noticing that the windows wouldn’t roll down, he got up and headed to the door at the back of the plane. He managed to open an inner cover plate before he was corralled by flight attendants. Don’t know if he ever got to spit. We do know he was arrested upon arrival.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregg Hanke for sending in today’s report. From Nay-Tah-Waush, Minnesota comes the story of bozo Shawn Tucker who had some marijuana he needed to sell. He was cruising around town one evening when he noticed a dude on a motorcycle. He motioned for him to pull over, making a smoking motion with his thumb and fingers at his mouth. The biker pulled over but not to make the buy. The man underneath the motorcycle helmet was the town sheriff. Uh-oh. Our bozo is under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the seldom seen thespian file. From Bogota, Colombia comes the story of bozo soap opera actor Gregorio Parra who wanted a part in director Emilio Marlle’s new film. So he had his agent set up an audition, right? Wrong. Instead our bozo grabbed a prop gun, put on a mask and sneaked onto the director’s film set. He grabbed the director and ordered him to go with him. Thinking it was a kidnapping, the director didn’t resist. When they arrived at the "getaway car" our bozo whipped off his mask and said something about how he’d be perfect for a role in the director’s new movie. Don’t bet on it. The director called the cops.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregg Hanke for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Maldon, Australia comes the story of a couple of bozo would be Romeos who spent a little too long in the local bar. After a few too many beers they decided that they were just what the women in a nearby prison needed. In what must have sounded like a good idea at the time they formulated a plan whereby they would break into the prison so the love starved women inside could take full advantage of them. Not gonna happen. They never got past the front gate.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Bogota, Colombia where five Colombian bozos stowed away on a ship they thought was bound for Miami. When the ship pulled into dock five days later, our bozos burst jubilantly from hiding, celebrating their newly found freedom only to discover that the ship had encountered mechanical problems and hadn’t yet made it out of Colombia. Oops. They were paraded in front of local media before being put on a bus headed back to their hometown.

Bozo criminals for today come from Dearborn, Michigan where a couple of unidentified bozos ran up almost a $100 tab at the local TGI Friday’s before walking out without paying. Cops had no trouble tracking them down as before they walked out they filled out two separate applications for Friday’s frequent diner awards program. And of course those applications had their name and home address on them.

Bozo criminals for today come from Berkeley, California where bozos John Wright and Phillip Tucker held up two armored car guards as they approached an ATM machine, grabbing a couple of bank deposit bags and fleeing on foot. Maybe they didn’t notice the bags seemed a little light. The guards were not there to stock the machine with cash. They were there to collect the day’s deposits. The bags were just like our bozos brains, empty.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Daniel Kuras for sending in today’s report. From Parma, Michigan comes the story of bozos Ron Holland and Ken Sloan who broke into a farmhouse and stole several items, including cash, power tools and a couple of handheld two way radios. But they failed to steal the farmer’s scanner radio and that proved to be their downfall. On the evening of the break in the farmer had his scanner tuned to the two way radios’ frequency and he heard our bozos talking about their successful robbery on those stolen radios. And they also mentioned names, which were familiar ones to the local police chief. They’ll learn to keep their mouths shut. They’re now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Helsinki, Finland where an unidentified bozo had been on a crime spree, holding up several convenience stores, taking cash, beer and cigarettes. His little life of crime came to an abrupt halt when he pulled off a robbery and then jumped into a parked car in front of the store, apparently planning to use it as a getaway vehicle. Unfortunately for him, an off duty police officer was sitting in the car at the time. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Upper Darby, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Allen Hardy who walked into the local convenience store dressed in a Tigger costume. That’s right. Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. A complete costume including head and tail. This getup didn’t exactly strike fear in the heart of the sales clerk. And when he tossed a note her way that said, "$25,000 please, I have a bomb," she knew she was dealing with a bozo. She told him she didn’t have quite that much in the register and proceeded to ignore him (as much as you can ignore someone in a Tigger suit). He finally got discouraged and left. Cops later spotted Tigger strolling through the neighborhood and arrested him.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Terri Colburn for sending in today’s report. From Grand Junction, Colorado comes the story of eight teenage bozos who thought it might be fun to vandalize a police car. They smeared butter and mustard all over the vehicle and wrote a couple of offensive messages on the car in mustard. And then they left behind a trail of used butter pads and mustard packets leading to an nearby house. Investigating officers found one of the suspects passed out on a trampoline outside and the others inside. Along with several cases of condiments. They were ticketed.

Our story for today comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. From the International File in Jesi, Italy comes the story of a lovesick bozo who stole an ambulance. No, it was not to take his sick lover to the hospital. Instead Romeo drove the ambulance to his lover’s flat, turned on the siren and began singing romantic love songs. Neighbors called the cops who came over and arrested our bozo for disturbing the peace but not before asking him why he used the siren to serenade his girlfriend. He said he couldn’t play any musical instrument and he wanted a memorable way to romance his girl. It was memorable all right, but for all the wrong reasons.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Eddie Stair for alerting us to this one. From Knoxville, Tennessee comes the story of bozo David Hughes who perhaps should have invested in a map before embarking on a life of crime. Our bozo held up a bank near Cedar Bluff Road in Knoxville. After getting his money, he fled in his car. But he soon became confused by the labyrinth of roads in the area and spent some time driving around in circles. About 45 minutes later, as the police were investigating, who should pull into the bank’s back parking lot but our hopelessly lost bozo. Talk about returning to the scene of the crime. He’s under arrest.

Our bozos for today aren’t criminals but they were certainly lucky they didn’t get arrested. From the International File in Jerusalem comes the story of an Israeli policeman who was responding to neighbors complaints of a rowdy party next door. When the officer arrived he found a room full of partying women who were happy to see him. Too happy, in fact. The women rushed up to the officer, touching and grabbing him and trying to get him to dance. It was a "girls only" party and they had called a service requesting a male exotic dancer in a policeman’s uniform and they thought he had arrived. Oops. The "ladies" had ripped off the officer’s shirt and untied his shoelaces before his partner came in and helped to straighten out the whole situation. No charges were filed.