Recent Posts

Bozo criminal for today violated seldom seen Bozo Rule Number 9432: When you’re wanted by the law, it’s a good idea to keep your fingers to yourself. From the International File in Toronto, Canada comes the story of bozo Gene Francis who was driving without a seatbelt. When a passing motorist noticed and motioned to him to buckle up, our bozo was none too pleased and flashed an obscene gesture back at him. Bad idea. Turns out the good samaritan was an off duty police officer. He pulled him over, told him who he was and ran a quick check on our bozo’s license. When he found that his license had been suspended since 1999, he placed him under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Demetrius Morgan who was in jail on murder charges. While he was there he came up with what he thought would be the perfect alibi. He wrote a letter to a friend on the outside and asked him for an alibi on the evening of the murder. His little plan might have worked except that he didn’t have his friend’s correct address and he forgot to put enough postage on the letter. It was returned to the prison where it was read by jail guards. Our bozo has now confessed.

Thanks to several bozo news hawks for alerting us to this one. From the International File in Phnom Penh, Cambodia comes the story of bozo Khim Sakhorn who went to a home in the city to demand money and pills from an amphetamine dealer. Our bozo pulled the pin on a hand grenade and used it to threaten the dealer. Figuring he meant business, the dealer handed over the cash and drugs. Our bozo grabbed them, put the grenade in his pocket and headed back to his motorcycle to make his getaway. He never made it. He forgot to put the pin back into the grenade.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Carter for sending in today’s report. From Austin, Minnesota comes the story of a couple of teenage bozos who were trying to call their pot dealer. Somehow, they dialed the wrong number and, boy, was it the wrong number, they got the cell phone of the Mower County sheriff. After one of our bozos asked for a bag of marijuana, the sheriff identified himself. Our bozo simply said, "I’m sorry," and hung up. They must have really needed that pot as a few minutes later they called back and again asked for a bag of pot. This time the sheriff played along and set up a meeting at a nearby convenience store where our bozos were arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Alford for sending in today’s report. From Tampa, Florida comes the story of three unidentified bozos who were speeding down the freeway, carrying cocaine, drug paraphernalia and $1000 in cash in their car. Suddenly they came upon what they thought was a toll booth. They slowed down and then decided to speed on through. Bad idea. What they thought was a toll booth was actually the guard house at the entrance of MacDill Air Force Base. They were quickly swarmed by military vehicles and uniformed guards carrying machine guns. They’ve been turned over to Tampa police.

Bozo criminal for today was very full of himself–maybe too full. From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania comes the story of Bozo David Vance who boarded a plane bound for North Carolina. Our bozo plopped down into his seat and immediately began bragging to his seat mate that he was an undercover federal sky marshall and that there was nothing to worry about on the flight. The other passenger was very interested in what our bozo had to say because he was in fact the federal sky marshall on that plane. When the flight landed he identified himself and arrested our bozo.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to this one. From Decatur, Georgia comes the story of bozo Ben Kaminsky who was in a group of about a dozen inmates who were awaiting their hearing and were taken into an adjoining room to speak with their attorneys. Our bozo asked permission to go to the rest room and that’s when he hatched his plan. He climbed into the crawl space in the ceiling and crept ever so carefully on his way to freedom. He didn’t quite make it, though. The ceiling gave way at the worst possible time, sending him falling into the judge’s chambers, landing right in front of the judge’s desk. He’s back behind bars.

We know being a Bozo Criminal is hard work but this is ridiculous. From Largo, Florida comes the story of bozo Don Walters who walked into a bank, perhaps with the intention of robbing it, we don’t know. What we do know is his plan got a little sidetracked. After entering the bank he walked into the men’s restroom. While inside, he removed his pants, underwear and socks. This rigorous activity obviously tired him out as he then walked through the bank and into a private kitchen area where he proceeded to lie down on a couch and fall sound asleep. When police officers arrived to arrest him, he told them, "This is the bar. Go away!" He’s seeing other bars now. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Berlin, Germany where an unidentified bozo attempted to steal some items from a convenience store. This was one of those "smash and grab" robberies where the thief breaks in and quickly grabs as much merchandise as he can before fleeing. Our bozo was in the process of grabbing his goodies when his little finger became lodged in a wooden rack. It was stuck tight and try as he might, he couldn’t free it. And the rack was bolted down, so it wasn’t going anywhere, either. Someone called the cops who had to call the fire department to come down and free his pinky before he could be arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Cape Town, South Africa where police on a late night patrol came across a bozo struggling to push a wheelbarrow up the street. And the reason he was struggling so much was that there was a refrigerator loaded into the wheelbarrow. And at 3 o’clock in the morning a bozo pushing a refrigerator in a wheelbarrow down the street is going to attract a little attention. And when the officers opened the door, the fridge was still cold inside. He’s under arrest for theft. And one other thing, when they loaded him and his fridge into the van to take him downtown, he thought they were giving him a lift home and complained they were driving in the wrong direction.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to this one. From Janesville, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Chuck Alexander who spotted a high tech gizmo sitting on the front porch of a home. He wasn’t sure what it was but it looked kind of cool and he was sure it was very expensive. So he scooped it up and headed on his way, probably planning to take it to the pawn shop to see what it would bring. Before he had a chance to do that, however, the cops came knocking at his door with an arrest warrant for theft. You see, the high tech gizmo our bozo stole was a $2500 computerized tracking device used to keep track of jail prisoners on home detention. It also led the cops straight to our bozo’s door.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Tampa, Florida where bozo Gary Lambert had an elaborate plan for robbing a sporting goods store. He and his accomplices spent at least a week digging a tunnel underneath the store. Using chisels and sledgehammers they dug a five foot wide, forty foot long tunnel, reinforced with wooden pallets. Finally, they burst through the floor of the store. Our bozo was in the process of gathering up an armful of Tampa Bay football jerseys when the police pulled up. After all that careful preparation and all that work digging the tunnel, our bozo had failed to notice that the store had a motion detecting burglar alarm.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Sao Paulo, Brazil where bozo Luis San Pedro was wanted for escaping from prison after he failed to return from an authorized day out. Being fresh out of prison, our bozo needed a job and he found one, driving a mini bus which takes friends and relatives to visit prisoners at another facility in town. He was arrested on his first day on his new job when one of the guards recognized him.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Moscow, Russia. It seems our bozos were planning a big party. They’d invited all their friends, hired a disco DJ and brought in lots of food and drink (maybe too much drink). Now all they needed were some disco lights to set the mood. But in the former Soviet Union disco lights are hard to come by. So our enterprising bozos headed down to the nearest traffic light and stole it. They were headed back to their party when they were stopped by the cops. Have you ever tried to explain why you have a traffic in the back seat? They were arrested.

(Best of Bozo) From the International File in Rothsay, Scotland, comes the story of three bozos who had big plans to rob the local branch of the Bank of Scotland. Their plan went awry early on when they had trouble negotiating the front door. Somehow, the three managed to get stuck in the revolving doors, and they had to be freed by the bank staff. At this point, they sheepishly left the building to regroup. They entered the bank a second time, getting past the doors and going straight to the teller, who recognized them as the dopes who had just gotten stuck in the door. The teller only laughed when they demanded money. To prove he was serious, one of our bozos jumped onto the counter but slipped and fell to the floor, clutching has badly-sprained ankle. Seeing that things were going downhill fast, the other two bozos headed for the door. Yes, that door. And yes, they got stuck in it again. This time, they succeeded in remaining stuck there until the police arrived.

(Best of Bozo) From Woodbridge, New Jersey, comes the story of bozo Ariche Taylor and three of his bozo buddies who went looking for a car to steal late one evening. And of all the places to steal a car in New Jersey, our bozos picked perhaps the worst place of them all…the parking lot of the East Jersey State Prison. Our bozos were still searching the lot for the perfect car when they were surrounded by guards. And it’s not like our bozo didn’t know where he was…he’s spent 15 years of his life locked up in that very prison.

(Best of Bozo) Our bozo for today from Santa Clara, California, comes from the When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go File. Bozo Frank Simmons and one of his buddies had been driving around all afternoon, drinking beer. And right now, they needed to find a restroom, and quick. And on this stretch of highway, there were no service stations in sight. Suddenly, they spotted a large bus. Thinking it was a Greyhound, our bozos began following it, hoping the driver would lead them to the depot and the much needed facilities. It looked like our bozos were in luck. The bus was slowing down and pulling into a large compound. And our bozos were right behind. Only this compound didn’t look much like a bus station. It had tall walls all around it and a security gate in front. Our bozos had followed a department of corrections bus transporting prisoners straight into the Elmwood Correctional Facility. They were arrested for DWI.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo William Vines rushed into a New York police station and told the officer on duty that two men in a BMW had tried to cut him off in traffic and had waved a gun at him. And, in fact, he thought they were still waiting for him. When the police went outside to check, they found the two men trying to break into the trunk of our bozo’s Malibu. After arresting them, the cops decided to take a little look into our bozo’s trunk to see what the guys were after. In there they found almost half a million dollars worth of cocaine. Our bozo’s joined them in jail.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Worth, Texas, where bozo Charles Haney rode his bicycle to the Taco Bell window and demanded they give him all their money. And, our bozo added, while you’re at it, make me a chalupa! One employee handed him the money and went to work on his order while another employee called the cops. He was waiting for his chalupa when the police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from our own hometown of Tyler, Texas where an unidentified bozo was stopped by the Tyler Police on suspicion of burglary. When the officer approached the car, our bozo just sat there, casually looking around and ignoring the officer. He didn’t say a word until after he was taken into custody. And that’s when he gave his reason for acting so nonchalant when the officer approached. He thought he was invisible. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. He’s under arrest.