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We can sympathize with today’s bozo but he went about things in the wrong way. From the International File in Tokyo, Japan comes the story of an unidentified bozo who walked up to a police booth with shotgun in hand and asked for directions to the office of a collection agency. The man told the cops he was tired of the constant harassing phone calls from them and wanted to "intimidate the staff". Not the best approach to solving his debt problems. The police charged him with illegal possession of a firearm.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who sent in this one from the International File in Amsterdam, Holland. It’s the story of an unidentified bozo who stole a Dutch cop’s cell phone right out of his parked patrol car. That in itself was stupid but it gets worse (or better). When the cop noticed his phone was missing, he used another officer’s cell to dial his own phone number. And much to his surprise, he heard it ringing in the pocket of our bozo who was still standing nearby. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Allentown, Pennsylvania where bozo Rico Carrera was stopped at a red light, chatting with a pedestrian on the corner. When the light turned green, the man in the car behind our bozo honked and shouted for him to either move on or pull over. This didn’t sit too well with bozo Rico and he shouted back and cursed before peeling out. Bad idea. The man in the car behind him was a police officer in an unmarked car. When he pulled Rico over, he discovered that our bozo was driving a stolen car. With a suspended license. With a large amount of cocaine in the car. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Terri Colburn for sending in today’s report. From Magnolia, Arkansas, comes the story of bozo Sam Toler who walked into a Wal-Mart and bought a pair of bolt cutters. Perfectly legal. But a few things aroused attention. First was the time of day, 4:30 in the morning. And second, the cashier noticed he was wearing handcuffs. And third, after buying the bolt cutters, he headed to the store’s restroom where he cut off the handcuffs. After checking him out, the clerk called the cops who arrested him in the parking lot. Turns out he’d been arrested in Louisiana the night before and was on the run after escaping from custody.

There’s a whole lot of bozo activity going on in today’s story, not all of it criminal, but a couple of folks did end up in jail, so here goes. From Centerville, Utah comes the story of an unidentified 20 year old bride who went shopping for makeup on her wedding day with her mom and her maid of honor. Sometime during the shopping trip, the maid of honor decided to tell the bride that she was "more than just friends" with the groom. And they’d been very friendly the night before. A big fight broke out in the parking lot and the bride was charged with assault. The bride then told the cops she’d like to have "a little chat" with the groom. The police thought it best that they accompany her on the visit. While they were chatting, the police ran a quick check on the groom and discovered he had several outstanding warrants. He’s now in jail, which might be the safest place for him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Campinas, Brazil where an unidentified bozo lost two bags at the bus station when he sat them down on the platform and went to get himself a beer. So he did what any upstanding citizen would do when finding their luggage missing, he reported his loss to the police on duty at the station. Which would have been fine except for one thing. Those bags didn’t have any clothes in them; they were jam packed full of marijuana, nearly 125 kilos worth. And they absolutely reeked of the stuff. Security guards had smelled it and the cops had picked up the bags while our bozo was enjoying his brew. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Greenville, South Carolina where bozo Clyde Hampton’s stupidity has gone off the bozo charts. Our bozo walked into a liquor store, formed his hand into a gun shape, and pointed it at the clerk, telling him to empty the register. Realizing that his head was the emptiest thing around, the clerk simply walked outside and flagged down a car for help. The cops captured our bozo while he was still wandering around outside the store. Don’t know if they made him give up his "weapon."

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil where our crook violated Bozo Rule Number 5101: When committing a crime, it’s usually better to rob a place where they don’t know you. Our bozo donned a black mask and was carrying a gun when he entered the restaurant where he worked. The restaurant manager immediately recognized his voice and simply jerked the mask off and grabbed the gun. Our embarrassed bozo tried to escape but was quickly captured.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bill Acor for sending in today’s report. From Clayton, Missouri comes the story of a bozo who was caught on surveillance camera breaking into a liquor store. And what the camera caught was better than anything on Candid Camera. Our bozo came in through a window and then began gathering up liquor, a magazine and some cigarettes, all of which he placed into a bag. He then headed for the door, which we guess he forgot was locked. Anyway, he slammed face first into it, knocking himself to the floor. He then decided to head out the way he came in, through a window. Unfortunately before exiting, he threw the bag containing the booze through the window. The liquor bottles hit the ground and shattered and the magazine and cigarettes were soaked, too. He went home empty handed…and empty headed.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Johnston, Rhode Island where bozo Troy Anderson held up a convenience store, getting away with some cash, coins and a few packs of cigarettes, all of which he dumped into a grocery bag. Our bozo left the scene on foot and the clerk quickly called the cops. It wasn’t quite like following the yellow brick road but it was easy enough for the officers to track down our bozo. They simply followed a trail of coins that had spilled from his sack as he walked to his apartment two blocks away. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ben Ball for sending in today’s report. From Lexington, North Carolina comes a story that goes a long way toward proving the old adage that bozos, like opposites, attract. It seems bozo Teresa Jackson’s boyfriend was in jail and Teresa hatched a bozo plan for getting him out. She went down to the jail with a mini blowtorch in her purse. While she was waiting for the guards to bring her boyfriend from the cell, she began melting a corner of the plexiglas that separates visitors from inmates. Unfortunately, this produced a large volume of noxious smoke, which attracted the attention of the other guards. She’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Ball for sending in today’s report. From Providence, Rhode Island comes the story of bozos Kenneth McKenzie and Earle Smith who abducted a man they accused of owing them money. They took their hostage over to their apartment and pointed a gun at him, telling him to pay up or else. It was at this point that our bozos realized the clip had fallen out of the gun. Unable to find it anywhere inside the apartment, our bozos decided to go outside and retrace their steps looking for it. Before leaving they gave their hostage a stern warning not to leave. He did. He also called the cops. Our bozos are under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Cannings’s Cove, Newfoundland, comes the story of bozo James Harper who was pulled over by the cops after they noticed his vehicle had a burned out headlight. The officers noticed a strong smell of alcohol coming from the vehicle and asked our bozo if he had been drinking. He insisted he had not, due to medications he had been taking which would not allow it. And to prove it, he reached into his pocket and pulled out two prescription bottles and handed them to the police. Unfortunately for him, one of the bottles contained not pills but his stash of marijuana. Busted! He’s been charged with possession as well as the traffic violation.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Martijn Baars for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Rotterdam, The Netherlands comes the story of a French "tourist" who got a little nervous when he spotted a couple of policemen taking a look at him as he waited inside a train station. He got nervous enough that he decided to light up a cigarette. Bad idea. He should have taken a look at the signs all around the place. Smoking is banned at train stations in Holland. When the cops came over to talk to him they couldn’t help but notice a suspicious bulge. A quick check revealed the bulge was 2.3 kilos of heroin which our bozo had strapped to his chest. Busted! Hopefully for him the jails aren’t smoke-free, too.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Andrew Neilson for sending in today’s report. Our bozo for today obviously wasn’t a boy scout because he certainly wasn’t prepared. From Dania Beach, Florida comes the story of bozo Wesley Moore who walked into a Seven Eleven with his shirt over his head and carrying a .22 caliber rifle. He pointed the rifle at the clerk and then a light bulb went on in his head. He’d forgotten to load the gun! So he lowered the gun and began rummaging through his pockets. Finally he found the ammo but had some problems loading the gun because he’d brought the wrong ammunition. By this time the clerk and the customers in the store realized they were dealing with a bozo and they jumped him, holding him down until the cops arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Uttoxeter, England where bozo Michael Watkins walked into a grocery store, flashed a knife and demanded money. The cashier would hear none of it and grabbed the nearest weapon, a big squeeze bottle of salad dressing, which she squirted all over him. She continued to spray him until our walking Caesar salad gave up and headed out the door. The cops were called and they were literally able to follow the trail of salad dressing along the pavement to a nearby side street where they found our bozo trying to clean himself up. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Parkersburg, West Virginia comes the story of bozo Eugene Greer who pulled up to the drive through of the local bank and taped a note on the outside of the teller’s window demanding cash. The note indicated he’d set off a bomb if he wasn’t given the money. The teller gave him $21,000 and he drove away. When our bozo arrived home, he realized he’d left the note taped to the window. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he decided to drive back down there to remove it. Bad, bad idea. The police who were there investigating recognized him and he was quickly arrested.

Bozo criminals for today may have had the worst timing ever. A team of seven bozos walked into a Long Island, New York jewelry store, flashed their weapons and announced a robbery. At that very moment, in the back of the store, the owner was on the phone with-guess who?-the police chief. He managed to tell the chief that something was up before our bozos entered his office and tied him up. They shouldn’t have wasted any time. The cops arrived while the robbery was still in progress.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Milwaukee, Wisconsin where 19 year old bozo Thomas Hood entered an 88 year old man’s home and demanded cash. After telling our bozo he had no money, the old man faked a heart attack, at which point his glasses fell to the floor. He asked ou

Bozo criminal for today comes from Milwaukee, Wisconsin where 19 year old bozo Thomas Hood entered an 88 year old man’s home and demanded cash. After telling our bozo he had no money, the old man faked a heart attack, at which point his glasses fell to the floor. He asked our bozo if he would please pick his glasses up for him. When he bent down to get them, the old man gave him a swift kick in the pants. He then ran to the door, shouting for help. The neighbors heard him, called the cops and our bozo was arrested.