Bozo criminal for today comes from Brevard, County, Florida where bozo Samuel Neely held up a bank, getting away with a small amount of cash and fleeing in his car. One of the bank employees got the license number and noticed the rear tire on the getaway car was flat. Officers began checking the tire shops nearby and, yep, there was our bozo, getting it fixed. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Bakersfield, California where bozo James Edwards robbed a 7-Eleven at gunpoint. After fleeing the store, our bozo jumped a wall into the backyard of a nearby house where he discarded the bandanna he had used to cover his face, his gloves, his .357 Magnum and the jacket he’d been wearing. Trouble is, the jacket still contained his county jail ID card in the pocket. He’s back in jail.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Covington, Georgia where bozo Alice Parker went shopping at the local Wal-Mart. She loaded her basket with over $1000 worth of stuff and when she was ready to check out she first tried to use two gift cards worth $2.32. When that didn’t work, she reached into her purse and handed the cashier a $1,000,000 bill. Yep, she had printed up the bill, complete with a picture of the Statue of Liberty on it. Guess she thought the Wal-Mart cashier would have $999,000 in change. She even had a couple of extra $1,000,000 in her purse, just in case. She won’t be needing them. She’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Petropolis, Brazil where an unidentified bozo broke into a bar through the roof, falling to the floor and accidentally shooting himself in the foot in the process. Thinking that the whole thing might not have been such a good idea, he left without stealing anything and headed home, not noticing that his foot left a bloody trail all the way to his house just a hundred yards from the bar. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dewitt Fields for sending in today’s report from the International File in Palma de Mallorca, Spain where an unidentified bozo walked into a bank, flashed a gun and demanded money. As the teller was getting the cash for him, our bozo took a look at the loot and decided that it would be too heavy for him to carry out. So, he asked her if instead she could just transfer the funds into his account. He said about 100 million euros would be fine and showed her his bank ID card so she’d be sure and get the account number right. She did. And so did the cops who showed up at our bozo’s house shortly after he returned home.
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Idaho Falls, Idaho, where bozo Ron Powell spotted a pack of cigarettes, a lighter and a candy bar inside an unlocked car. Unable to resist, our bozo reached in and grabbed the goodies. And, to cover his tracks, he then stepped back and wiped down the car with a towel to erase his fingerprints. Unfortunately for him, he was so focused on the things he wanted to steal that he failed to notice a couple of other important things about the car. Like the police radio inside and the light rack on the top. Yep, he robbed a police car. In broad daylight. With the officer standing nearby. He’s in jail.
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Maine, where bozo Lance Shafer was a wanted man. He was minding his own business, keeping a low profile and staying at the Holiday Inn when he was assaulted and robbed. Our bozo cooperated fully with the police and gave them a complete report, except for one minor detail. Since he was on the run, he claimed to be his brother Luke. He was pretty smooth, too. He even had Luke’s social security and driver’s license numbers memorized. The cops would have never been any the wiser, except when our bozo called the station to see how the investigation was going, he said to the detective, "Hi, this is Lance…I mean Luke!" This aroused the officer’s suspicions. He did some checking and arrested our bozo.
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal today comes from the International File in Drogheda, Ireland, where bozo Paul Fulham’s robbery skills still need a little work. Our bozo returned to his hometown on holiday and planned to rob a shop next door to his childhood home. He armed himself with a knife, put a mask over his face and headed next door to do the deed. But it seems our bozo is a friendly sort, and on his way to the shop, he kept running into old friends, and each time he would lift his mask to say hello. And to top it off, he was more than a little inebriated, and once he got into the shop, he couldn’t find his way out. The police were called and helped him find his way to jail.
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Annapolis, Maryland, where bozo Chad Wilson was in violation of his parole and was about to be taken into custody in the county courthouse when he broke free and ran from the courtroom. Our bozo, with deputies in hot pursuit, ran to the nearby Maryland Inn, where he hid in a closet. So far, so good. It’s when our bozo came out of the closet that he got into trouble. Inside that closet, for reasons unknown, was a full-size bunny suit, complete with floppy pink ears and big bunny feet. Yes, our bozo put it on. And yes, he was immediately spotted by the deputies and arrested.
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Sparks, Nevada, where bozo Donald Eiland robbed two women pedestrians and then made his getaway by stealing a beer truck. Not believing his luck, our bozo stopped a few blocks away to see if the truck was full. It was. He couldn’t resist the chance to sample the brew. One thing led to another and, before you know it, our bozo was drunk. So drunk that when the police brought the two women by to identify him, before they could say anything, our bozo identified them as his victims. He’s been arrested.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Rob Holahan for sending in today’s report. From the Going Home Empty Handed division in Taopi, Minnesota comes the story of an unidentified group of bozos that broke into a bar by kicking in the back door. Once inside they looked for anything of value. The most intriguing item they found was a safe mounted to the counter, which they ripped off and carried out. Don’t know if they’ve gotten it open yet, but they are sure going to be disappointed when they do. According to the owner of the bar, the safe was empty except for a tube of denture adhesive. Gives a whole new meaning to taking a "bite" out of crime.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregg Hanke for sending in today’s report. From Salem, Arkansas comes the story of bozo Jeremy Michaelson who had a court appearance to determine his parole status after being charged with criminal mischief. Obviously, this was a very stressful time for our bozo and when the first recess of the morning came at 10:30 our bozo headed outside for a smoke. Only he needed something a little stronger than tobacco. So, he pulled a marijuana cigarette out of his pocket and lit up, in plain view of cops and court officials who where also outside for a smoke. Marijuana possession has been added to his parole violations.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Romania where fugitive Iosif Irimescu was on the run from the authorities. He was just 50 yards from the Romanian-Hungarian border when he saw a man and asked him how far he had to go on foot to get out of the country. After the man told him that he was only 50 yards away, our bozo then bragged that he had outwitted the authorities and was about to make his escape. Not so fast. The man he was bragging to was an off duty police officer who then offered to take him to the border. He led him to several police officers instead. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in the Yangtze Province of China. A female bozo there shoplifted a pair of pants from the local department store. After getting home, she discovered the pants were too long. So, she did what any bozo would do. She returned to the store to ask for the free alterations. The store manager recognized her as the thief and stalled her until the police arrived.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregg Hanke for sending in today’s report. From Harrisburg, Oregon comes the story of bozo Robert Hinkle who violated Bozo Rule Number 0034: Watch where you step. The cops spotted our bozo at three in the morning with the back of his pickup filled with irrigation pipe. Thinking this was not the time most farmers did irrigation equipment maintenance, the officers checked and discovered our bozo had cut through a fence and stolen the pipe, planning to sell the metal for scrap. Our bozo was taken to jail and several other officers remembered a similar case of pipe theft that had gone unsolved. Our bozo initially denied any involvement in the case…until an officer whipped out a crucial piece of evidence. A boot print left in a cow pattie at the other crime scene, which exactly matched our bozo’s boots. Busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ralph Lundgren for sending in today’s report. From Colorado Springs, Colorado comes the story of bozo Marco Lopez who dropped his jacket off at the dry cleaners, telling them he needed rush service and would be back to pick it up at 6 that evening. As employees were preparing it for cleaning, they noticed something sticking from the pocket. Upon further investigation it was discovered that our bozo had left cocaine, heroin and methamphetamine valued at over $8000 in the pockets. The cops where waiting when our bozo stopped back by.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Dayton, Ohio where police were called to a local convenience store with a report of a break in. Upon arrival, the cops discovered the ATM machine had been taken. An eyewitness told them she had seen two men dragging the ATM out the back door. Taking a look down the alley, the cops were surprised to see a trail of ATM parts, including the sign, a light and a phone cord. The parts had fallen off as our bozos dragged the machine to their apartment nearby, giving the cops a perfect trail to follow. They’re under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Madrid, Spain where an unidentified bozo was watching a Spanish version of "America’s Most Wanted." Perhaps wanting his fifteen minutes of fame, our bozo made a crank call to the show where he pretended to provide information about a murder case. Cops following up on his call discovered our bozo was quite an expert on crime. He’d been arrested 44 times for robbery and was wanted in connection with six more. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. From Long Island, New York comes the story of lonely bozo LaShawn Brunson who asked a woman he had met in a bar out for a date. She tentatively agreed but decided to check out his name on Google before meeting him at a local restaurant. The search engine revealed there was an FBI warrant out for our Romeo in conjunction with fraud allegations in Ohio. She called the cops and he was arrested while waiting for her at the restaurant.
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 0222: Know your target. From Mesa, Arizona comes the story of bozo Tony Hall who broke into a store called Extreme Surveillance and walked out with some electronic equipment. Perhaps our bozo didn’t notice, but Extreme Surveillance is a store selling state of the art surveillance equipment and every square inch of the store was visible to at least one video camera. Once the store turned the tape over to the cops, it was only a matter of hours before our bozo was arrested.