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(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today provides us with our Bozo Excuse of the Month. From Wellington, New Zealand comes the story of bozo Peter Sanders who was arrested for dangerous driving after he switched his headlights off and swerved to the wrong side of the road. When a police officer asked him why he did that, he replied that he was an amateur astronomer, searching the sky for a black hole, and he could see better with his headlights off. His attorney said he hadn’t been taking his medication.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminals for today come from Huntsville, Texas where three very bored bozos noticed a large smoothing machine had been left in the apartment parking lot overnight by the crew that was resurfacing the lot. Thinking it might be fun to take it for a drive, our bozos fired it up at 1:45 in the morning at took it for a little spin. And to record the event for posterity, one bozo videotaped the whole thing. Of course this caused quit a bit of racket and the neighbors called the cops, but by the time the officers arrived the machine had been parked and our bozos had returned safely to their apartment. They might have gotten away with it except that they left their apartment door open and were watching the videotape and laughing and whooping it up as the officers happened to pass by.

(Best of Bozo)Bozo criminal for today comes from Newburgh, New York where bozo Wayne Hamilton fled from the cops during a drug raid. He was rather fleet of foot and was putting some distance between himself and the police when he decided the best thing for him to do would be to find a safe place to hide. So he ducked into the foyer of a large building. The place he found was safe, all right, but not the best place to hide. He had stumbled into the foyer of the city’s northeast community police station. He’s been arrested.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Manchester, New Hampshire where bozo Joshua Adams had plans to rob the local Osco Drug Store. And since he wanted to make sure they had plenty of oxycontin, his drug of choice, in stock, he called ahead and told the pharmacist he was on his way over to rob the place. Instead of checking his stock, the pharmacist called the cops who were waiting for our bozo when he arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where James Watson had vandalized more than 40 locations in the past month, spray painting graffiti on them. Police had no leads until our bozo slipped up and wrote one bit of graffiti that should never have seen the light of day. It was so bad that almost immediately after he wrote it his own ex-girlfriend called the cops and turned him in. And just what was it that our bozo wrote? He revealed the one thing that every woman wants to keep private. He wrote her name and beside it wrote her weight. And a note from your bozo webmaster to those of you expecting a comment on the current situation. Larry Lujack said it best, "The eagle does not hunt flies."

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Van Buren, Arkansas where bozo Mark Thompson stole a car stereo and an amplifier from a car parked in front of a tire store. And our bozo just couldn’t leave well enough alone. After stealing the stereo he broke a few bottles in the parking lot, tore up a few things and then, for his crowning achievement, he decided to moon the empty store. And how did the cops know he did this? Because of that rather large print he left on the store window. He left one other thing behind, also. His wallet which fell out when he dropped his pants. He’s under arrest.

(Best of Bozo)Bozo criminal for today comes from Charlotte, North Carolina where bozo Greg Worthy broke into a 65 year old woman’s home and demanded money. The woman convinced our bozo that she had no money in the house but she would be glad to write him a check. But before she could do that, she would have to see some identification. He showed her his drivers license. After copying the information from it, she gave him a check and showed him the door. She then called the cops who went to the address she gave them and there they found our bozo, check in hand. He’s been arrested.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Memphis, Tennessee, where bozo Allen Glazier was caught driving a stolen Greyhound bus. Our bozo stole his first bus in Kansas, drove it to Jackson, Mississippi, where he stole another bus, drove it to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and stole yet another Greyhound and drove it to Memphis. Don’t know what he’s been doing for gas on the other buses, but it was a little stop at a truck stop that got him in trouble this time. After filling up the bus, our bozo told the attendant to "Bill it to Greyhound." While our bozo was waiting for his receipt, the cops were called.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Slidell, Louisiana, where bozo Darryl Evans called the 911 operator and told her he needed help from the police in getting his mother to cook him a pork chop dinner. When the operator told him 911 was for emergencies only, he told her this was an emergency, he really wanted that pork chop dinner. The operator again politely tried to get off the line. Our bozo refused to shut up and finally became abusive to the operator. So the police were sent to his home, and he was arrested for disorderly conduct. Maybe they’re serving pork chops in jail this week.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Missouri, where bozo Lawrence Kimbrough was a night clerk at a convenience store. It was while working the late shift that our bozo hatched his plan. (And after hearing the details, you may think he was half asleep when he came up with it!) He put tape over the lenses of the store’s security cameras, took the money from the cash registers, stashed it in a trash bin behind the store, and called the cops to report an armed robbery. Officers investigating the robbery quickly figured out what our bozo had done…He placed tape over the lenses of the security cameras, that’s true. Unfortunately, he used transparent tape. Everything he did was caught on video.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Blaine, Washington, where bozo James Barker made his first mistake when he accepted a job from a marijuana farmer to haul off 38 bags full of marijuana leaves, stems and potting soil. Instead of hauling the stuff to the dump about six miles away from the farm, our bozo headed toward the U.S./Canadian border. That’s mistake two. He then got into the express lane for frequent border crossers, where vehicles without a special sticker are automatically pulled over for inspections. And that’s strike three, as the agents searched our bozo’s truck and found the dope. Do you think maybe he smoked a little of the stuff before he headed to the dump?

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregg Hanke for sending in today’s report. From Plainville, Connecticut comes the story of bozo Jack Painter who was planning to hold up the local Dairy Mart. And as part of his plan, just before pulling the holdup, he called 911 to report a robbery in progress at another Dairy Mart across town, thinking the cops would go to that location and he would have clear sailing to pull off his heist. And the plan might have worked, too, except for one thing. Instead of giving them the address of the Dairy Mart across town, he messed up and gave them the address of the one he was going to rob. The cops showed up just as he was pulling the heist and arrested him on the spot.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Paterson, New Jersey where bozo Ernest Costello held up a bank but it seems he didn’t have a clear exit strategy. In fact, he was so desperate, he asked a bank employee to call him a cab. She did. But she also called the cops. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Chris Blake for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Newbridge, Ireland comes the story of bozo Thomas Sheerin who broke into a house by climbing in through a bedroom window. This woke up the homeowner who shouted, "Who’s there?" to which our bozo replied, "It’s me, Tommy," before fleeing. And since the owner recognized the voice as that of his neighbor, the cops were able to make a quick arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Hamburg, Germany, where an unidentified bozo tried to shoplift some wine, some candy and an energy drink from a convenience store. Unknown to him, a 100 man police unit was outside the store taking a break on their way from Southern Germany to Hamburg for a major assignment. And through the glass wall of the store, they saw everything that was going on. When our bozo walked out of the store, he was surrounded by policemen.

Bozo criminal for today might have been able to get away with this in Italy, but not in the good old USA. From Indianapolis, Indiana comes the story of bozo Alan Robertson who was riding his bicycle in the downtown area. He approached a woman, also on a bicycle and as he passed by he pinched her on the behind. Bad idea. The woman was a deputy probation officer. A police officer nearby saw what had happened and our bozo was quickly corralled and placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes form Naples, Florida where bozo Duane Harrigan worked at a convenience store. He was caught by the store manager, scratching off a stack of not yet purchased lottery tickets. When confronted, our bozo calmly took his stack of tickets and left the store. The manager called the cops and as they were there writing up the incident, our bozo returned, to ask for his paycheck. He didn’t get it. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Mile High Club. Bozo Lee Richards downed nearly a bottle of vodka before boarding an easyJet flight from Alicante, Spain to Bristol, England. Once onboard, he got into a disagreement with another passenger. As the argument got more heated, our bozo, forgetting where he was, challenged the other man to "step outside" to settle things…at 25,000 feet. Flight attendants were able to subdue him before he made it to the door. He’s facing disorderly conduct charges.

Bozo criminals for today come from Springfield, Massachusetts where two bozos stole a 1995 Honda from in front of a residence. Guess it must not have been kept in a garage because instead of heading home with the car, our bozos took it down to the neighborhood car wash. Not the best idea. The owner of the car happened to be passing by when he noticed his car waiting in line to be washed. He called the cops who were there when the car emerged from the wash and wax. Guess you could say they didn’t make a "clean" getaway.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Solingen, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who forced a man in a train station to hand over his wallet. After taking the cash, our bozo meant to hand the empty wallet back to the victim. But, somehow, in all the commotion, our bozo got mixed up and handed him his own wallet. And of course it contained his name and address. The victim turned the wallet over to the cops who quickly arrested our bozo.