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Bozo criminals for today come from Northlake, Texas, where three bozos robbed a house, making off with a laptop computer, a couple of guitars and several thousand dollars in U.S. Savings Bonds. They might have gotten away with it, too, except for one thing. The family had one of those "nanny cams" that keep track of their newborn. And the nanny cam had recorded the whole robbery, getting good pictures of each of our bozos. They turned themselves in after the tape was shown on a local television station.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Eugene, Oregon where bozo Dwayne Ellis was spotted by the cops pedaling down the street on his bicycle with what was described as a big grin on his face. It was what he was carrying under his arm that may have caused that big goofy grin. Three marijuana plants that he had pulled up by the roots. He’s not grinning anymore…he’s been charged with possession.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Hanover, Germany where an unidentified bozo was wanted by the cops for a string of burglaries. When the officers came to his house to arrest him, he bolted out the back door and hid in a neighbor’s garden nearby. Unfortunately for him, in his haste to flee, he left behind his Staffordshire bull terrier, Lumpi. When the cops let Lumpi out, he headed straight for the garden where he stood wagging his tail near the bushes where our bozo was hiding. He’s been arrested. Lumpi now lives with relatives.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Budapest, Hungary, where an unidentified bozo escaped from prison, where he must have been really lonely. Because one of the first things he did upon breaking out was to post an ad with his name and picture on one of those online dating sites. He didn’t exactly make the love connection he was hoping for. The cops recognized him and set up a date at a local pastry shop where he got his just desserts and was arrested.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Mapunapuna, Hawaii where bozo John Inoki walked into the bank and handed the teller a holdup note. He got away with his cash and ran out the front door. Once outside, however, he thought better of his actions and returned to the front door to try to give back the money. When the guard recognized him and wouldn’t let him back in, he walked away, only to turn around and come back for a second try. This time, he started shoving the money back under the door. He then got into his car to try to make his getaway. Too late. By this time, the cops had arrived.

Bozo criminal for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 14243: Don’t hide out in the residence of another crook. Bozo Tony Carrillo was laying low in the apartment of a friend when the police came knocking on the door. The cops were looking for our bozo’s friend, who wasn’t at home, on suspicion of being involved in a recent burglary. Our bozo panicked when he saw them approaching, since he was wanted on several theft warrants himself. When no one answered the door, the officers were preparing to leave when they heard a thud. Yep, it was our bozo, who had tried to escape the second floor apartment by going out a rear window. Bad move. He broke his leg when he crash landed and was arrested by the cops to boot.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cottonwood, Arizona, where bozo Nick Kostas is accused of robbing a residence. For reasons known only to our bozo, he committed the crime naked. When the homeowner returned home unexpectedly, our naked bozo fled, only to pause just outside the front door to ask the homeowner if he could loan him a pair of shorts. The homeowner complied, but this still didn’t help our bozo make his getaway. Police found him next door, trying to hot wire a car…and wearing those borrowed shorts.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cross Lanes, West Virginia where bozo David Greene was arrested on robbery charges. As deputies were leading him to a waiting squad car, our bozo broke free and jumped into the Kanawha River, hoping to swim to freedom. Officers watched in amazement as our bozo turned around and headed back toward them, after discovering that he wasn’t going to get very far swimming with his hands cuffed behind his back. They loaded him back into the squad car and took him to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Painesville, Ohio, where bozo Malcolm Curtis led the police on a car chase after an officer tried to arrest him on a probation violation. He jumped out of his car and ran into a stranger’s house where he tried to cool his heels. Literally. Police found him hiding inside a chest freezer along with three bags of ice and a frozen turkey. Maybe that should be two turkeys! They thawed him out and arrested him.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Czestochowa, Poland comes the story of a man who wanted to get a new hairdo for his girlfriend. Lacking the money to get it done, he took her down to the shop and held a gun to the stylist’s head, demanding he give her a free hair cut. The stylist complied, but didn’t do his best work under pressure. In fact, our bozo was so dissatisfied with the job that he brought her back the very next day demanding they do a better job, even asking for a dye job and extensions to fix the length. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Shibuya-Ku, Japan, where bozo Tomoyasu Shinkawa was looking for help in pulling off a big burglary. So, he posted a help wanted ad on the internet. He hired one of the would-be crooks who applied and together they did pull off the robbery, getting away with 2.6 million yen. But our wanna be robber just didn’t have what it takes. A short time later he turned himself in and gave up our bozo who was also arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Stockholm, Sweden comes the story of an unidentified bozo who robbed a bank, making away with a small amount of cash. After driving a short distance, he ditched his car and took off on foot, hoping to slip away unnoticed. That would have been a good plan except for one small detail. He abandoned his car across the street from the police K-9 compound with about 70 trained dogs in residence. After officers found the vehicle, they released a canine unit that quickly tracked down our bozo.

The ever rising price of gasoline continues to give our bozos problems. Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Alana Cooper for sending in today’s report from Muncie, Indiana where bozo Charles Haynes came up with an ambitious plan. He drove his van to a gas station that was closed for the night, inserted a hose into the station’s underground tank, connected his battery operated pump and began siphoning the gas from the tank into a 55 gallon container he had installed in the back of his van. It was a rather slow process and it had been a long day, so our bozo decided to take himself a little nap. It must have been a pretty big nap, since the manager found him asleep in front of the station when he reported to work the following morning. He’s now catching up on his sleep in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pensacola, Florida where bozo Artemio Cruz stole a car from the parking lot of a gas station. After less than an hour our bozo noticed the car was low on gas, so, he did what any bozo would do, he returned to the very same station to fill ‘er up. Not the best plan. Employees recognized it as the stolen car and called the cops. Our bozo must have suspected something was up, as he tried to flee but was quickly captured.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Escanaba, Michigan where bozo Paul Harris called the cops to report that his safe had been stolen. He told them that it was a very valuable one, too, weighing about 200 pounds and containing a rifle, a muzzleloader, two knives, a rangefinder and a collection of silver dollars. After receiving a tip, the police were able to recover the safe, which was still locked. They asked our bozo to come down to the station house with the combination and open it up, which he did. One small problem, he forgot to tell the cops about the pound of marijuana which was also inside. Oops…he’s under arrest.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in this one from the International File in Tokyo, Japan, where an unidentified bozo hired a hit man to kill her lover’s wife. She paid him 15 million yen to do the job and when the woman turned up alive our bozo was understandably upset. So upset that she called the cops to complain that the hit man she hired didn’t get the job done. Bad idea. Both she and the would-be hit man are now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Huntington, West Virginia, where Marshall University was having its season opener football game and parking places were at a premium. In fact, a cottage industry had sprung up where folks would let football fans park in their vacant lots or front yards. One rather industrious woman had about 20 cars on her lot, charging $5 each. Only one problem, it wasn’t her property. She had just set up shop on a vacant lot and was taking money from anyone who needed a place to park. Everything was going well until the real owner of the lot got wind of what was going on and called the cops.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo Daniel Carnes filed a police brutality charge against the New York cops, claiming they roughed him up and smashed his head against a wall. His case made it all the way to trial before the police played their ace card. Everything in the station house is videotaped, including this alleged assault. The tape showed him banging his own head against the wall, even while officers tried to stop him. And the tape also caught him saying, "I want to knock myself out and blame it on you guys!" Case closed.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Berlin, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who stole the in-car navigation system from an auto. Now, the big question…what to do with it? Our bozo decided to post it for sale on an internet auction site. Probably not the best idea. The owner spotted it up for sale and called the cops, who went to our bozo’s house posing as potential buyers before arresting him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Christchurch, New Zealand, where an unidentified bozo signed up as a new recruit at the Royal Police Academy, hoping for a career in law enforcement. Unfortunately for him, a standard fingerprinting exercise is part of the training procedure. And, when our bozo’s fingerprints were run, what should show up but…the fact that he was wanted on an outstanding assault warrant. He won’t get to finish his training as he’s now in lock-up.