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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. Our bozo for today violated Bozo Rule Number 23567, which is specifically for forgers: Use spellchecker. From Van Buren, Arkansas comes the story of bozo Julie Roman who tried to pass a forged payroll check at the local convenience store. The clerk became suspicious when she noticed that the name of the business was misspelled on the check. She called the cops who caught up with our bozo and found 30 other forged, and misspelled, checks in her car. She’s under arrest.

We are only now getting word of a couple of bozos in Sheridan, Colorado who had big plans to celebrate the Super Bowl. After the game was over, they planned to set off their own pyrotechnics display by lighting some balloons filled with an explosive gas. They never got to enjoy their big plan. After filling a large balloon with acetylene gas, they drove over to where the big party was being held. As they were driving, the balloon rolled back and forth across the back seat, building up a static electricity charge. Eventually the charge sparked, setting off an explosion that broke the windows of the car and pushed the roof up about a foot. Our bozos miraculously weren’t seriously injured. They’ve been charged (no pun intended) with felony possession of an explosive device.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to this one from Orlando, Florida. Michael Griffin is 100 per cent bozo, and must also be a little nearsighted. He walked up to a car at a gas station and asked the man inside if he wanted to buy some cocaine. When the man inside the car was a bit hesitant, he asked him again. This time the man agreed. Our bozo handed over a bag of rock cocaine and the man then arrested him. What we didn’t tell you was that the man in the car was a police officer in full uniform and the car was a standard issue black and white cruiser. Oops.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to this one from Fargo, North Dakota. Bozo Grace Simon was in need of some marijuana. Really in need of some marijuana. She needed it so bad, in fact, that she called the police dispatcher to ask him if he knew where she could buy some pot. The dispatcher politely told her that the drug was illegal, but that they did have some stored in a locker at the station house. She was arrested after she showed up at the station house with $3 to buy her pot.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Bend, Wisconsin where an unidentified bozo broke into a residence and made himself at home. He brewed some coffee, cooked a meal, took a shower, picked out a change of clothes, watched TV and checked his e-mail before leaving. It was that last item that sealed his fate. He left his Yahoo account open after checking his personal e-mail, making it easy for the cops to track him down.

Our bozo for today is not exactly a criminal but she is definitely a bozo. From Cordova, Tennessee comes the story of an unidentified flight attendant for Northwest Airlines. During a stopover in Milwaukee, she found what she thought was an ideal gift for her son at an army surplus store and she stuffed it into her carry-on bag. Screeners were understandably alarmed when they identified the "gift" in her bag…a real but inactive hand grenade. Disorderly conduct charges and a hefty fine are pending.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Olympia, Washington where bozo Lance Griffin broke out of the minimum security prison where he was serving time for theft. Guess he hadn’t done his homework, as he had no sooner escaped than he found himself sliding down a steep embankment behind the jail. He then got stuck and, with the temperatures in the low 30’s, he was forced to call for help when he heard officers searching for him. And, worst of all, he only had 10 days left on his sentence when he broke out. He’s now had three more months tacked on…at a more secure prison.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springfield, Missouri where bozo Clayton Thomas didn’t realize it’s not always polite to ask for seconds. Our bozo held up a diner on Monday and then returned to the same diner and attempted to rob the same clerk two days later. Only this time, things didn’t work out so well. As he was running through the restaurant parking lot, he pulled his gun…and shot himself in the foot. He was taken to jail after receiving treatment.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminals for today come from Springfield, Massachusetts where two bozos stole a 1995 Honda from in front of a residence. Guess it must not have been kept in a garage because instead of heading home with the car, our bozos headed down to the neighborhood car was to spruce it up a bit. Not the best idea. The owner of the car happened to be passing by when he noticed his car waiting in line to be washed. He called the cops, who were waiting for our bozos when the car emerged from the wash and wax. You could say they didn’t make a clean getaway.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jane McCormick for sending in today’s report. From Williamsport, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Michael Deaton who broke into an apartment but before he could take anything found himself face to beak with Sunshine the parrot. And apparently Sunshine doesn’t take to burglars, as before our bozo knew what was happening, Sunshine bit a couple of chunks out of his hand. Sunshine’s squaking also alerted the neighbors who called the cops. When blood on Sunshine’s beak was matched up to our bozo, he was placed under arrest, a classic case of taking a bite out of crime.

We all know that jury duty can be a boring task, but our bozo for today went a little too far in trying to lighten things up. Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Alford for sending in this one from Elyria, Ohio. Bozo Patrick Gulley was on his way to jury duty when he had to empty his pockets at the courthouse’s security checkpoint. Deputies noticed one of the items he took out of his pocket was a small tin box containing a green leafy substance. Yep, he had brought some marijuana to the courthouse. Instead of serving on a jury, he’ll be going before the judge. He’s been charged with possession.

Thanks to many Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to this story from Orem, Utah. It seems someone stole bozo Kory Tarver’s marijuana. So, he did what any bozo would do, he called the cops to report the theft. Officers did some investigating and quickly tracked down the robber, recovering our bozo’s pot. It was then that Kory earned his spot in the Bozo Hall of Fame. The police called him to inform him that they believed they had recovered his marijuana. All he had to do was come down to the station house and identify it as his. Which he did. Busted on pot possession charges!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ed Hart for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Melbourne, Australia comes the story of bozo Reg White who robbed a man in the carport of his home. It was his choice of victim that got him in trouble. He had robbed one of the best known cartoonists in the country. Our bozo was arrested shortly after the victim provided the police with a very detailed sketch of the robber.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ray Rusnak for sending in today’s report. From Fort Bragg, California comes the story of bozo Enrique Valdez who was staying at the local Best Western Inn. When he discovered there was no one in the hotel office, he helped himself to $200 in cash, a computer hard drive and a satellite television device. And for some reason, he couldn’t stop there. He just had to leave the manager a nasty note, berating him for not being in the office, and signing it with his name and room number. Investigating officers found him, and the loot, in his hotel room. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Boston, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Tyrone Brown, who obviously believes that you can sell anything on the internet, including illegal drugs. Our bozo posted an online advertisement, offering cocaine for sale. He included his phone number. Boston cops called the number, set up a purchase and busted our online bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Leavenworth, Kansas where bozo Thomas Haynes was an enterprising young drug dearler. So enterprising that he had some business cards made up to advertise himself as the town’s "boss" drug dealer. Police officers got one of the cards, called the number, set up the buy and when he showed up to make the delivery…Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clermont, Florida where bozo Richard Sawyer was hungry, so he pulled into the Wendy’s drive-thru and ordered five double cheeseburgers and a Frosty. Unfortunately, in addition to being hungry, he was also sleepy and he fell asleep in the drive-thru lane before pulling up to get his order. And even more unfortunately, when the police came to check on him, they found cocaine and marijuana inside his car. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ed Hart for sending in today’s report. From Winchester, Indiana comes the story of a bozo husband and wife team who were burglarizing a home and in the process got their car stuck in the driveway. A neighbor noticed the suspicious activity and called the cops. While waiting for the police, the neighbor walked over and asked our bozos what they were up to. They told him they were robbing the place, but since they had gotten stuck they were going to try to take all the stuff back inside so they wouldn’t be charged with theft. Didn’t work out. The cops arrived a few moments later and made the arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ray Rusnak for sending in today’s report. From Lowell, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo George Martinez who held up a local bank by threatening the teller with a bomb which he claimed to have in a bag he was carrying. After getting his money, our bozo quickly fled, leaving the bag behind. Police officers inspecting the bag found it contained no bomb. Instead it was filled with tangled wires and books. Ando one of the books was a Lowell area phone book with the recipient’s name and address listed on the label. Yep, he had left his own phone book in the bag. Officers went to the address on the label and made the arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Athens, Greece where an unidentified bozo broke into a restaurant and stole some money from the cash register. He then had a bright idea…he would also steal some of the restaurant’s prime steaks. He probably should have quit while he was ahead. He entered the walk-in cooler only to have the large door slam shut behind him, locking him inside. The police found him a while later, shivering and clutching the bag of cash. He’s cooling his heels in jail now.