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Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland where bozo Bernardo Gomez was arrested and charged with distributing drugs. He was looking at ten years in prison if convicted. However, the prosecutors offered to shorten his prison term to two years if he would just plead guilty and save the state the expense of a trial. Most criminals would probably consult with their lawyer and accept what sounded like a pretty good deal. But what would a bozo do? Instead of calling his lawyer, he called a psychic hotline. The psychic told him not to worry; he would never spend a day behind bars. So, our bozo decided to go to trial. You’ve probably guessed the rest…he’s now facing ten years in prison.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Coalinga, California where bozo Shawn Alexander worked up a terrific thirst while robbing a home, so he decided to pour himself a drink. While he had the refrigerator door open, he realized he was hungry. So, he put a pot of water on to boil, helped himself to some chicken wings and proceeded to cook some shrimp. While waiting for the shrimp to boil, he found a Polaroid camera and decided to take a picture of himself. At this time, a neighbor who was checking on the house surprised our bozo and he bolted out the back door, leaving a developing Polaroid picture of himself on the kitchen counter. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Waukesha, Wisconsin where bozo Roderick Wilson was a budding arsonist. He staked out the old building he wanted to torch and got together the items he would need: Gasoline, matches, birth certificate. Yep, he took his birth certificate along. And left it at the scene of the crime. Since it was not completely destroyed, the cops were able to track down and arrest our firebug.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in yet another story of a bozo foiled by fashion. From Salinas, California comes the story of bozo Johnny Corley who was pulled over by the cops for a traffic violation. Our bozo, who was out on parole, didn’t want to have anything to do with the cops, so he jumped out of the car and made a run for it. Unfortunately, he was wearing those fashionable loose fitting jeans, and the faster he ran, the quicker they dropped. And if you’ve ever tried to run and pull your pants up at the same time, you know it’s a losing proposition. The pants won. They fell down and so did out bozo. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International file in Berlin, Germany where an unidentified bozo broke into a clothing store and stole a sports jacket and a pair of shoes. It was only after he got home that he realized that the shoes he had stolen were of two different sizes. So, he did what any bozo would to, he put on the stolen jacket and marched back down to the store to demand that they switch out the wrong sized shoe. Not the best idea. The shop owner recognized the stolen jacket and called the cops while a sales clerk stalled our bozo. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Alexander City, Alabama where a couple of enterprising bozos had a large amount of marijuana to sell. They decided the best way to do this would be to throw a big party and sell the pot to the folks attending. But, how do you get the word out? You print up flyers promoting the party and telling everyone that marijuana will be available. Then you print your names on the flyers and post them on telephone poles around town. Bad, bad idea. They’re under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From New York City comes the story of Bozo Stephan Kountze who really wanted to be a cop, but just couldn’t cut it. So he did the next best thing. He customized his van with a large police decal on the rear door, as well as red and blue strobe lights on the dashboard. A police officer noticed the van didn’t look legit and pulled our bozo over. Not to be deterred, our bozo pulled out a Homeland Security Badge and said he was on duty. His story might have worked except for one little thing. His badge was imprinted with the words, “Copshop.com. Collectible badge not for official use.” Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Moscow, Russia comes the story of a bozo car thief who didn’t get very far before his stolen vehicle ran out of gas. A couple of helpful police officers pulled over and pushed the car out of the roadway. They were just about to leave when one of them noticed something strange…a screwdriver sticking out of the car’s ignition. A quick check found not only was this car stolen but out bozo was wanted for a string of other thefts. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Brenda Helgerson for sending in today’s report. From Broken Arrow, Oklahoma comes the story of another bozo foiled by modern technology. Bozo Elizabeth Butler had just purchased some high quality pot and she wanted to share it with a friend. So, she sent a text message wanting to know when and where they could get together for a smoke. Unfortunately, her friend never got the message. Somehow, our bozo got the numbers messed up and instead the text message went to the cell phone of Broken Bow police officer Phillip Short. He responded with an offer to meet her at a local business. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ed Hart for sending in today’s report. From San Diego, California comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was really having a bad day. He donned a cape and a Ronald Reagan mask and entered the Bank of America, shouting for everyone to get down. Obviously having trouble seeing out of the mask, our bozo fumbled for his gun and got it tangled in his cape, dropping it to the floor. He picked it up and got a small amount of cash from the teller. He ran out the door and, much to his dismay, found that his getaway vehicle was blocked by a couple of delivery trucks. He spent precious time, and attracted a lot of attention to himself, while he was ramming the two trucks. Finally, he created enough space to free himself. Just as he pulled away, the dye pack in the money exploded, sending ink and smoke throughout the vehicle. He finally gave up, ditched the mask, much of his money, the getaway car and fled on foot.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Vienna, Austria where an unidentified bozo had big plans to rob a bank. He staked out the building and, armed with an air gun, went inside. He pointed the gun at a woman behind a counter and demanded cash. When she seemed surprised, he repeated his demand, telling her he was robbing the bank. She told him he’d have to head further on down the street…this was the municipal building, not the bank. He’d seen an ATM in the lobby and made the false assumption. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Kansas City, Missouri where five bozos ransacked a home and crammed their small Geo Metro car full of loot. It was that last thing that they just had to have that sealed their fate. The big 27 inch TV wouldn’t fit inside the car, and instead of leaving it behind, they strapped it on the roof. As you might expect, a Geo Metro with five bozos inside and a big TV on top attracted the attention of the cops. They’ve been charged with burglary.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 83109: Put a little thought into what type of store you plan to rob. From Midvale, Utah comes the story of an unidentified bozo who walked into a pawn shop just after the store opened, pointed a gun at the man behind the counter and demanded cash. As luck would have it, the clerk was just pulling his guns out of the safe and putting them into the gun case. He simply picked up one of his biggest guns and said "I don’t think so." Our bozo turned tail and ran out of the store.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kochi, Japan where an unidentified bozo was out of a job and in dire need of money. He wanted to rob a bank but wasn’t sure exactly how to do it. So, he did what any bozo would do. He dropped by the local police station and asked an officer how to go about robbing a bank. Instead he got a lecture from the officer on how to go about getting yourself arrested.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Sao Luiz Do Maranhao, Brazil, where a gang of bozos robbed a store, stealing bread, milk, sodas, cookies, chocolate and a small amount of cash. As soon as our bozos fled, the store owner called the cops, who arrived quickly. Fast enough, in fact, to run into our bozos when they returned to the store to steal one more item. They had forgotten to get butter. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 8980: When driving a stolen car, it’s not usually a good idea to ask police for help if it breaks down. That’s what happened to bozo Renee Hughes of Billings, Montana, who was cruising around in a stolen car when she had a flat tire. A police officer stopped to offer help and before changing the tire did a routine check of the license plate. When he discovered the vehicle was stolen, he changed the tire while waiting for backup to arrive and arrest our bozo.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Beverly, Massachusetts, where bozo Gregory Tarver had printed up around $40,000 in counterfeit bills. He also had in his possession a device for cutting the individual bills off the sheets he had printed them on. Must be hard work, this counterfeiting, because our poor bozo was so tired that he fell asleep behind the wheel of his SUV while he was stopped at a red light. A police officer awakened him, noticed the bills in the truck, and he arrested him.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Franklinton, Louisiana, where bozo William Donner was caught on security cameras throwing a cement block through the window of a convenience store and stealing liquor, cigarettes and cigars. Our bozo stuffed all the items into a duffel bag and headed to the nearby woods, where the cops found him a short time later. It was then that he offered up our Bozo Excuse of the Month. He said that the man on the video was his evil twin brother who follows him around, dresses in identical clothes and commits crimes just to get him into trouble. The cops aren’t buying that story. He’s under arrest.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Amsterdam, Holland. It’s the story of an unidentified bozo who shoplifted a pair of pants, only to get home and find they were a couple of sizes too small. So she called the store to see if she could come back in and exchange them for a larger size. The shopkeeper couldn’t remember selling the pants, so he reviewed the store’s security cameras and, sure enough, he spotted the pants being stolen. He called our bozo back and told her to come back in to exchange the pants. He also called the cops, who were waiting for our bozo when she arrived.

Our bozo for today definitely picked the wrong place and the wrong time to do the crime. From Arlington, Virginia comes the story of bozo Charles Hendry who had gone down to the county courthouse to recover his vehicle, which had been impounded earlier in the day. It while standing in line that the uncontrollable urge to commit a crime came over our bozo. He reached into the purse of the woman in front of him, looking for cash. He grabbed a few dollars and also her car keys. The rattling of the keys alerted the woman to what was going on. He tried to hand the stuff back to her, but it was too late. He’s been charged with attempted robbery.