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Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Oslo, Norway, where an unidentified bozo got it all wrong. After having way too much to drink and desperately trying to find his way home, our bozo encountered a large fence. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he thought beyond it might be a shortcut home. He climbed the fence only to find himself surrounded by police officers who were shining their flashlights in his face. He had climbed into the yard of the district prison. Yep, he had broken into jail. He’s been charged with public intoxication.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Sydney, Australia. Bozo Janet Reynolds attempted to carjack a vehicle while it was stopped at an intersection. She pulled the female driver from the car and jumped in, but she went nowhere. She had failed to check to be sure it was an automatic transmission car before she got in. It wasn’t. And she had no idea how to drive a stick shift. She jumped out and attempted to flee but was grabbed by bystanders. She’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Omaha, Nebraska where an unidentified bozo broke into a restaurant. Once inside, he found the safe locked, so he did what any bozo would do. He wrapped a chain around the safe, tied the chain to his car’s trailer hitch and proceeded to drag it away. Unfortunately, he drug the safe down several busy city streets, attracting attention from many people, including the cops. When they tried to pull him over, he ditched the car and ran away. The safe was returned intact to the restaurant. Police are still looking for our fleet footed bozo.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 54786: If the job requires acting, brush up on your skills before trying to pull off the crime. From the International File in Cairo, Egypt comes the story of an unidentified bozo who pretended to be suffering from labor pains in an attempt to avoid customs at the airport. But she gave such a poor performance that a customs agent called her over to the side to check her passport. And when he noticed she looked a little "lumpy" he asked a female colleague to frisk her. That’s when it was discovered that she might actually be in pain, but not from labor. She could have been suffering from the heavy load of 48 cell phones that she was trying to smuggle into the country underneath her clothing. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Alex Edwards for sending in today’s report. From Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Chad Roberts who donned a ski mask and held up the local bar. He got away with a little cash but as soon as he left the bartender picked up the phone and called the cops to identify him. It seems our bozo chose the wrong bar to rob. He held up the bar owned by his parents and where he also worked. The bartender recognized his voice in spite of the mask. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland where an unidentified bozo took a ride in a cab. After he reached his destination, he grabbed the cabbie and started hitting him on the head, demanding that he turn over his cash. After getting the money and a pack of cigarettes, our bozo ran away. He left one big problem behind. In the back of the cab he left his coin purse containing his drivers license, social security card and latest paycheck. Within 12 minutes, he was under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Calgary, Alberta, Canada comes the story of bozo Charles Monk who stole a fully loaded beer truck. He soon wrecked the truck and police officers found it abandoned in a parking lot. And apparently the truck wasn’t the only thing that was fully loaded. A police dog was able to follow a trail of discarded beer cans, a cooler, a hand cart and pieces of clothing to a nearby apartment building, where our bozo was seen climbing out of a second story window, and heading for the roof. He’s been charged with theft and hit and run.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Crawfordsville, Indiana where bozo Paul Starnes was arrested on a public intoxication charge and was placed in a holding cell. Obviously thinking this always works in the movies, our bozo climbed up into the ceiling, hoping to make his getaway through the crawlspace. He didn’t get very far before the ceiling gave way, sending him crashing to the floor, in the station house lobby, only a few feet away from the jailers. He now faces an additional charge of attempted escape.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Phyllis Schifler for sending in today’s report. From Avon, Ohio comes the story of bozos Mark Harper and Robert Lynch who robbed a jewelry store, taking several items. Our bozos might have gotten away with their crime except for one small thing. As they were driving home, they began going through their loot, saving the valuable stuff and throwing jewelry boxes and other assorted items out the car window. Police received several calls about a vehicle driving erratically and tossing items out on the highway. Our bozos were stopped by the cops and charged with armed robbery. And littering.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Alex Edwards for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Cordoba, Argentina comes the story of an unidentified bozo who donned a mask and robbed a man in his home. While ordering the man to turn over his jewelry and cash, our bozo became so agitated he spit out his dentures. And in his haste to make his getaway, he left his choppers behind. Two days after the robbery, the homeowner noticed something suspicious…his own nephew seemed to have lost his teeth. He informed the cops and upon further investigation they discovered the missing teeth were a perfect fit for the man’s nephew. He’s been arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lynnwood, Washington where bozo Louis West was determined to break into a house. So, he tried the door, right? Wrong. Maybe tried to break a window? Nope. Came down the chimney like Santa Claus? No way. Instead our would be burglar went to the back of the house and tried to crawl in through the doggie door. Guess he forgot that doggie doors are doggie size not bozo size. He proceeded to get himself stuck tight in the door and was still there when the police arrived. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mesa, Arizona where fourteen year old Shawn Perkins was having trouble driving his car. It was a manual transmission and he just couldn’t get the hang of it. He must have looked rather pitiful because a total of fifteen people stopped to help. Some pushed the car, others helped him when he got it stuck in reverse and finally one woman offered to give the boy a driving lesson. And that’s when things really started to go bad. Police noticed the car being driven erratically and pulled them over. Then the cops started to figure that he wasn’t such an innocent little boy after all. Our boy bozo had stolen the car, or had at least tried to steal it before he discovered he couldn’t drive it. He’s been charged with theft.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Terra Linda, California where bozo Jon Ellis liked computers, really, really liked computers. And his love for the machines led him to break into a business with the intention of stealing a couple of them. However, he tripped a burglar alarm and was caught in the act by the cops. He got into more trouble when, during his trial for computer theft, he hid in the courthouse until everyone went home for the day and then tried to steal six more computers by wheeling them out the back door. A maintenance man spotted him and called the cops. Thanks to his new caper, he now faces up to four years in prison.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Nitro, West Virginia where bozo Dennis Foley was pulled over by the cops on a routine traffic stop. While talking to the officer, our bozo pulled out a small bag of marijuana and handed it to the cop, telling him he didn’t need it. The officer took pity on our bozo, only issuing him a possession citation and letting him go. But our bozo still wasn’t done. He showed up at police headquarters a couple of hours later with two more bags of marijuana to hand over. This time the cops weren’t so lenient. He was arrested on public intoxication and drug possession charges.

Bozo criminals for today come from Stallings, North Carolina where bozos Alex Strickland and Andrew Worthy broke into the local Domino’s. But not for the reason you might think. They had no intention of stealing any money from the place. It’s just that they were hungry. And those Domino’s Brownie Squares are mighty tasty. That’s exactly what they were doing when the cops arrived, baking a fresh batch of brownies. They’ve been charged with breaking and entering and with possession of a marijuana pipe.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Rogersville, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Daniel Starkey who was standing in the middle of the road when he flagged down a passing police car. When the officer approached, our bozo asked him to take him to “a house on the hill.” When the officer asked him which house, he again replied, “A house on the hill.” Suspecting something might be wrong; the officer then asked our bozo if he was taking any medication. “Just some marijuana,” our bozo replied. When the officer found our bozo to be in possession of an ounce of weed, he was arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada where there had been a rash of car thefts in recent weeks. Acting on a tip that a shirtless bozo had been seen acting suspiciously in the area, police staked out the scene and sure enough our bozo showed up, attempting to break into a vehicle. He was arrested and charged with attempted robbery. And just what was it that caused our bozo to be classified as “suspicious”? Guess it could have been the large tattoo across his shoulders that read “Grand Theft Auto”. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today must have forgotten that it’s not the Wild West anymore. From the International File in Geseke, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who rode his horse into several bars looking for a nightcap. Once inside, our bozo would shout, “Just one for the road, and an apple for Hendrik.” The cops were called and Marshall Dillon was arrested. He slept it off in jail and Hendrik bedded down for the night in a stable.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Lawrence, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Nicole Perry who forgot something rather important when she returned her rented van to the agency. $1,000,000 in cocaine. Workers at the agency called the cops. An officer posed as a car rental employee and called our bozo, telling her she’d left something behind in the van. When she came down to pick it up, she was arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cleveland, Ohio where bozo Jesus Ramirez walked into the Firstar Bank carrying two grocery bags, large ones, filled with cash, which he said he wanted to deposit. The teller told him that since he had more than $10,000 in cash, the transaction will have to be reported to the IRS. She gave him the necessary forms, which he filled out and gave back to her. The teller noticed something suspicious when she was looking over the forms. On the line asking what he does for a living, our bozo wrote in “Unemployed.” Needless to say, this sent up a few red flags and when the cops went by his apartment to investigate, they found an additional $156,000 in cash, which they allege came from Ramirez’ sale of 22 kilos of cocaine. Busted!