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Bozo criminal for today comes from La Crosse, Wisconsin where a couple of bozos tried to trick a car wash change machine with a $10 bill on a string. They inserted the bill and the machine ate it, breaking the string, keeping the bill and refusing to give any change. Now, your ordinary crook would chalk it up to experience and let it go at that. A bozo criminal, however, would return the next day and demand a refund from the manager. When he found the bill with the string attached, the manager called the cops who charged our bozos with attempted theft.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Marysville, California where bozo Alben Brady held up a cigarette store. He ran out the back door and jumped into his getaway car. Officers later discovered the car abandoned but there was no sign of our bozo. However, inside the car, the cops found the wrapper for the ghost mask our bozo had used as his disguise. They traced the bar codes on the wrapper to the local Wal Mart and, wouldn’t you know it, the store’s surveillance cameras caught our bozo buying the mask. One of the cops recognized him and our bozo is now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tehran, Iran where an unidentified bozo was determined to become a successful thief. So determined, in fact, that he went to see a sorcerer who told our bozo that, for a fee, he could make him invisible, and therefore able to rob banks at will. Our bozo paid the sorcerer the money and he gave him some spells to tie to his arm, which he said would make him invisible. Our bozo knew something wasn’t right when he entered the bank and started snatching money from the hands of the customers and instead of being terrified of the invisible thief, they simply grabbed him and threw him to the floor. Invisible boy is under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Braceville, Illinois comes the story of bozo Lloyd Kendall who was running a little low on gas, and maybe a little low on brains, too. He pulled up to a well lighted booth and handed the man inside some money, telling him to "Fill ‘er up." Instead he soon found himself surrounded by cops and under arrest for DWI. The booth he had driven up to was not a gas station. It was the guard station at the Braidwood nuclear power plant. Oops.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bristol, England where bozo Daniel Jefferson burglarized an apartment. While he was making his getaway, he was spotted by a neighbor who whipped out her camera phone. Not being one to avoid the limelight, our bozo stopped and posed for his picture before continuing on his way. She provided the picture to the cops who used it to track down and arrest our bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from White Plains, New York. Bozo Oscar Alexander was taking his daughter trick or treating Tuesday night and he decided he would wear his old orange prison jumpsuit. A county corrections officer who was taking her kids out for Halloween confronted him about the outfit and he ran to his car. She got his license plate number and called authorities. Fearing an escaped con was loose among the local trick or treaters, the jail went into lockdown and local law enforcement officers went on high alert. Police officers tracked down our bozo and after determining he was not an escapee, charged him with petty theft of the jumpsuit and possession of stolen property.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Kevin Taft for sending in today’s report. From Belleville, Illinois comes the story of a couple of bozos who violated Bozo Rule Number 56723: Proper rest is important if you’re going to be a successful bozo. Our two unidentified bozos had just recently gotten out on parole when they stole a car. They hadn’t gotten very far before the car was involved in an accident. Police arriving on the scene found a 2001 Jeep Liberty with damage to the left front fender. Inside, the cops found our bozos, sound asleep with the seats laid back. Busted. They’ve been charged with theft and several traffic violations.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lac Du Flambeau, Wisconsin where bozo Freddie Sommers walked into a fireworks shop and announced it was a stickup. And to reinforce his point, he fired his shotgun into the air. Inside the shop. Bad idea. The blast set off a chain reaction explosion of fireworks which completely destroyed the store. He got away before the place burned down but not before employees got a description of his getaway vehicle. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Coralville, Iowa where bozo Adrian Haynes worked at the local pizza place. We say worked, because recently he put together the restaurant’s deposits for the evening, placed them in a night deposit bag and dropped them off at the bank. Only one problem…he had been using the night deposit bag as the hiding place for his marijuana stash. And he deposited it along with the cash. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Yantis, Texas where bozo Jesse Turner was burglarizing a home when the brother of the homeowner drove by and noticed the front door was open and an unfamiliar car was in the driveway. When he stopped, our bozo came to the door and pretended to be a friend of the family. Knowing that wasn’t true, the man acted like he thought our bozo was his sister’s new boyfriend and said he wanted to meet him, offering to shake his hand. When our bozo came over to him, he grabbed his hand, twisted it behind his back and held him down until a neighbor came over and helped out by giving him some rope to tie him up. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Smithtown, New York comes the story of bozo Joseph Brady who led cops on a high speed chase in a stolen car after robbing two liquor stores. When our bozo crashed his car, he jumped out and ran to a nearby wooded area. Cops followed but thought they had lost him, until they heard a rustling in a nearby tree. The rustling was followed by a scream and then a thud. Yep, our bozo had attempted to climb a tree to hide from the cops. Tree climbing ain’t as easy when you’re grown up. He lost his grip and fell to the ground. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Long Island, New York where bozo Patrick Conaway donned a ski mask and attempted to hold up a gas station. He made the mistake of not trying the mask on before pulling the heist, and in the middle of the crime he got so frustrated at not being able to see that he pulled the mask up to get a better view. Unfortunately, he also gave the clerk a better view. And even more unfortunately, the clerk recognized him as a former employee of the store. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Forrest City, Arkansas where bozo Dennis Ross tried to break into an apartment. He should have laid off the Twinkies for a few weeks before the heist as he got stuck between the window frame and an air conditioning unit as he tried to squeeze inside. And one other thing…he was totally naked. The cops had to call the fire department rescue team to extricate our bozo. It was after he was freed that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the police that he was forced at gunpoint to break into the apartment by a man he only knew by his first name. Sure. He had no explanation for why he was naked.

Bozo criminals for today come from Corvallis, Oregon, where police were in the process of arresting some drug dealers at their apartment. It must have been quite a popular place, because, while the cops were there, someone walked up, knocked on the door and asked to buy some pot. Followed by another someone, and another, and another, and finally 12 bozos had busted themselves by coming up and trying to make a drug deal with the investigating officers. It got so bad that a marked cruiser with lights flashing had to be parked in front of the place to discourage other potential buyers, just so the cops inside could finish their work.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Cincinnati, Ohio comes the story of bozo Danny McClain who went down to the local car dealer and asked to take an expensive model out for a spin. He must have really liked it as he never bothered to bring it back. Guess he must have forgotten that before the dealership would let him take the car for a drive, he had to let them make a copy of his drivers’ license. Police had no trouble tracking him down.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Oslo, Norway, where an unidentified bozo got it all wrong. After having way too much to drink and desperately trying to find his way home, our bozo encountered a large fence. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he thought beyond it might be a shortcut home. He climbed the fence only to find himself surrounded by police officers who were shining their flashlights in his face. He had climbed into the yard of the district prison. Yep, he had broken into jail. He’s been charged with public intoxication.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Sydney, Australia. Bozo Janet Reynolds attempted to carjack a vehicle while it was stopped at an intersection. She pulled the female driver from the car and jumped in, but she went nowhere. She had failed to check to be sure it was an automatic transmission car before she got in. It wasn’t. And she had no idea how to drive a stick shift. She jumped out and attempted to flee but was grabbed by bystanders. She’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Omaha, Nebraska where an unidentified bozo broke into a restaurant. Once inside, he found the safe locked, so he did what any bozo would do. He wrapped a chain around the safe, tied the chain to his car’s trailer hitch and proceeded to drag it away. Unfortunately, he drug the safe down several busy city streets, attracting attention from many people, including the cops. When they tried to pull him over, he ditched the car and ran away. The safe was returned intact to the restaurant. Police are still looking for our fleet footed bozo.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 54786: If the job requires acting, brush up on your skills before trying to pull off the crime. From the International File in Cairo, Egypt comes the story of an unidentified bozo who pretended to be suffering from labor pains in an attempt to avoid customs at the airport. But she gave such a poor performance that a customs agent called her over to the side to check her passport. And when he noticed she looked a little "lumpy" he asked a female colleague to frisk her. That’s when it was discovered that she might actually be in pain, but not from labor. She could have been suffering from the heavy load of 48 cell phones that she was trying to smuggle into the country underneath her clothing. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Alex Edwards for sending in today’s report. From Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Chad Roberts who donned a ski mask and held up the local bar. He got away with a little cash but as soon as he left the bartender picked up the phone and called the cops to identify him. It seems our bozo chose the wrong bar to rob. He held up the bar owned by his parents and where he also worked. The bartender recognized his voice in spite of the mask. He’s under arrest.