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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Cambridge, England comes the story of a bozo mugger who grabbed the night’s receipts from a local bowling alley as the manager was heading to her car. She screamed for help, attracting the attention of some of her co-workers who took off after our bozo in the parking lot. The chase continued until he ran up to what he thought was his waiting getaway car. He opened the door and jumped in. And that’s when he got the surprise of his life. He had climbed into an unmarked police car which was patrolling the area. They placed him under arrest and drove him to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Lee, New Jersey where bozo Nathaniel Jackson and his girlfriend were putting 17 pounds of marijuana into smaller bags to sell on the streets of Brooklyn. They must have been so busy stuffing pot into the bags that they forgot to pay their motel bill. The manager sent a police officer by the room to see why they hadn’t paid or checked out. When he knocked on the door, our bozo immediately opened it, thinking it was a friend who was going to give him a ride to Brooklyn. It wasn’t. The officer saw the pot spread out all over the room and placed our bozo and his girlfriend under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from North Fort Myers, Florida where bozo Anthony Andrews decided to break into the local post office. Armed with a sledge hammer, he broke through the drywall into the office area. After prowling around for a while, he decided to leave, but for some reason couldn’t go out the same hole he came in through. And he must have tired himself out so much that he couldn’t sledgehammer his way through another hole. So, he called 911 and asked the cops if they could come rescue him. They were glad to. He’s been charged with burglary and criminal mischief.

Bozo criminal for today comes from De Queen Arkansas, where bozo Morgan Caldwell tried to walk out of a music store with an item he had shoplifted and stuffed down his pants. He didn’t’ make it, though. It’s kind of hard to inconspicuously walk out the door with a guitar in your pants. Yep, that’s what he did…the neck down one leg and the back of the guitar almost up to his chin. Hope he didn’t ask anyone to tune it. He’s been charged with theft.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bridgeport, Connecticut where bozo Perry Quarry was driving a stolen vehicle. When he tried to pay for gas with a stolen credit card, the cops were called and our bozo took off on foot, abandoning the car. With the cops hot on his trail, our bozo climbed over a fence and then stopped to take a little break to smoke some crack cocaine. Before the police could catch up, he ran toward the docks where he hopped into a boat and then took himself another crack break. He shouldn’t have had that second one. He was still standing in the boat smoking crack when the cops arrested him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Vereeniging, South Africa where bozo Robert Sibnidana needed a few days off from work. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any vacation days left so he formulated a bozo plan. He stole a medical leave certificate from a health center, filled his name out on the form and presented it to his boss, who immediately identified it as a forgery and called the cops. Our bozo has been fined $180 for forgery. And exactly how did his boss know the certificate was a fake? Our bozo had stolen a certificate from a gynecologist’s office that said he was pregnant and needed a week off.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Oak Park, Michigan where bozo Shirley Thompson was concerned that her marijuana was laced with a potentially dangerous substance. So, she called the cops and asked if they could come over and inspect her pot and make sure it was pure. While that’s not a service the police usually provide, in this case they were glad to help. The marijuana was confiscated and sent to a lab for further testing. And our bozo was sent to court, charged with possession.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Shreveport, Louisiana where bozo Derek Peterson walked into a gas station, flashed a handgun and demanded that the clerk empty the cash register. Guess he didn’t notice the uniformed police officer of the Shreveport police department standing in line inside the store. The officer disarmed our bozo and placed him under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Sremska Mitrovica, Serbia comes the story of a bozo prisoner who was out for the weekend on a work release program. And while out, he robbed a residence, getting away with a nice watch and a cell phone. When he returned to prison on Monday morning, he was showing off his new watch to his fellow inmates when the warden noticed it looked awfully familiar. Yep, he had broken into the warden’s house and stolen his wristwatch. His work release privileges have been terminated.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in New Delhi, India where bozo Divesh Borse pulled off a big jewelry heist, getting away with more than a million dollars worth of gemstones. And to celebrate he went to a local bar where he proceeded to get drunk and request that the same song be played over and over again. The bar staff was willing to put up with it because he was throwing around 1000 rupee notes as tips. And they were even willing to take it when he returned the second night and pulled the same stunt again. It was when he showed up drunk the third night and continued to request the same song over and over that someone got fed up and called the cops. Officers discovered he was carrying over $67,000 worth of the stolen jewels on him. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Berlin, Germany where off duty police officers spotted our unidentified bozo apparently steal something from a jewelry store window. But, when they searched him, they found nothing but an empty box. Even though the store owner said a ring was missing our bozo continued to deny that he had taken anything. He was being interrogated at the police station when his stomach betrayed him. He doubled over, complaining of severe abdominal pains. Suspecting appendicitis, he was rushed to the hospital where X-rays showed his appendix was fine. The X-rays also showed a clear picture of the swallowed ring. Busted!

(Best of Bozo) On this Thanksgiving Day, we thought it would be appropriate to have a bozo whose crime was foiled by food. From the International File in London, England comes the story of bozo Colin Smythe who was attempting to rob a shopkeeper at knifepoint. A quick thinking customer rushed up to our bozo and walloped him on the head with the only weapon he had available. An extra crunchy loaf of bread. The loaf of bread got the job done, temporarily stunning our bozo, giving the shopkeeper and the customer a chance to wrestle him to the ground. They held him there until the police arrived.

Bozo Criminals for today comes from Richmond, Virginia where we once again have the story of bozos foiled by modern technology. Bozo Randolph Perkins and three of his friends held up the local Pizza Hut, getting away with about $300 in cash. The store manager got the license plate number of their getaway vehicle and gave it to the cops. They quickly determined that our bozos had rented their getaway vehicle from a car rental agency just a few blocks away. The owner of the agency was able to tell the cops the location of the vehicle using its GPS system. And he could tell them exactly where they were since he could also send a signal to disable the vehicle. When the cops arrived our bozos were still trying to figure out whey their car wouldn’t go. Busted!

Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 57098: If you’re doing something illegal, keep your door shut. From Bethany, Oregon comes the story of two bozo marijuana entrepreneurs who had a booming business going, growing, processing and selling marijuana. We say "had" because one afternoon our bozos were in their garage sorting and packing the stuff, with a large amount spread out on the floor, and packaging materials and a scale close by. Maybe it got a little stuffy in there, because our bozos opened the garage door and continued working. Guess they didn’t notice the police cruiser roll by. The cops definitely notice them, though. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Neville Hiatt for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Mussiday, France comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into a residence and stole some hunting rifles and a TV set. Upon returning home, our bozo noticed that he had failed to also pick up the remote control for the TV. And what good’s a TV without the remote? So, he headed back over to get it. The homeowner happened to be at the police station reporting the crime when alert neighbors noticed our bozo rummaging around again at the home and called the cops. They got there quickly and found our bozo still searching for the remote.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wichita, Kansas where bozo Tom Hanson and two of his friends tried to kidnap a teenager in a dispute over a stereo. This dispute quickly escalated into a full scale fight and our bozo pulled out a gun and fired a shot at the teenager. He missed…and when he jammed the gun back into his pants, it went off, hitting him where it hurts. The gun then went off a second time, this time striking him in the calf. Knowing he needed treatment immediately, he gingerly walked to the nearby hospital, where he received treatment before being arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tim Hutchison for sending in today’s report. From College Station, Texas comes the story of bozo Jeffrey Davis who stopped into Boston’s Gourmet Pizza. He hadn’t been there very long when he decided to take a couple of bottles of wine from behind the bar, without paying, of course. After a brief scuffle with restaurant employees, our bozo fled. Police had no trouble tracking him down, however. Before he stole the wine, he had struck up a conversation with the bartender. And in the course of that conversation, he had given the bartender his business card. Busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from Richmond, Indiana where three female bozos were driving around at 2:30 the other morning when a heated argument broke out. We don’t know what it was over, but it was serious. So serious that they pulled over in the next parking lot they passed to settle it right then and there. Unfortunately, they pulled into the parking lot of the Richmond municipal building, right down from police headquarters. An officer on duty heard the commotion and came out to try to calm things down. Our bozos weren’t in the mood for mediation and the fight raged on until the officer finally had to arrest all three. They’ve been charged with public intoxication.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Brenda Helgerson for sending in today’s report. From Sheboygan, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Leah Jaworski who tried to pass a fake $20 bill at a convenience store to buy chips and cigarettes. Only one problem, the bill was only printed on one side. The back was completely blank. Our bozo tried to say it was an accident, but the alert clerk took down her license plate number as she drove away. The police are taking it seriously…she could face three years in prison.

Thanks to Cynthia Kindler Thomas for sending in today’s report. From East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Edward Oliver who perhaps should have invested in some Band Aids before setting out to break into a garage near the police station. Officers at the station house heard the alarm go off at around 3 AM and rushed over to check things out. Our bozo wasn’t still there but they did find a broken window and a trail of blood leading from the garage to a home across the street. Our bozo was bandaged up and arrested, charged with attempted robbery.