Well, I Knew This Was One Smelly Pond
He Then Replied, “Well, That Will Teach Me To Wear Pants”
Love Is In the Air
Put Down That, Uh, Sausage, And Step Away From the Counter
Well, It Was a Nice Drive While It Lasted
Please Note This Does Not Qualify As a Covid-19 Mask
Another Reason To Stay Home During These Times
Just Be Really Careful Climbing Up Onto That Seat
Well, Baked Beans Are a Very Popular English Dish
He Was Probably Going To Go Pick Up A BIG Load Of Toilet Paper
And After This, He Was Going To Hijack a Cheese Truck
This One Will Be Top Story at Six
Cracking the Cookie Caper
Bozo criminal for today comes from Sedgwick County, Kansas, where bozo Laura Foster had just been released from the county jail after being charged with robbing a cell phone store. And, usually after being released from jail you stay on the straight and narrow at least for a while, right?
Unless, of course you are a bozo with a real hankering for Girl Scout cookies.
Just hours after her release, courthouse security staff answered a fire alarm at 3 am. Inside, they found our bozo rummaging around offices on the second and third floors, munching on a package of Girl Scout cookies and grooving to the sound of rapper Cardi B. Hope she enjoyed her short lived freedom. She’s back in jail and this time the charge is felony breaking and entering.
Yet Another Danger Of Working From Home
Once again we present someone that is not a criminal but is truly 100 percent Bozo. As is the case in America, many news anchors around the world are doing their newscasts from home rather than the TV studio. And this was the case in Spain with bozo news anchor Alfonso Merlos who was doing a segment when a semi-nude woman was clearly seen in the background of the shot. Oops. And our bozo was known to have a celebrity girlfriend and this definitely wasn’t her. Double oops. He has since apologized. Gives an entirely new meaning to the term “raw footage.”
Whoosh! You’re Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Jefferson County, Colorado, where bozo David Pierce pulled up to the drive-thru at his neighborhood bank. He dropped his deposit in the tube and sent it to the teller. Unfortunately for him, he included two bags of cocaine along with the cash he was depositing. The teller quickly called the cops who found more drugs in his car. Busted! No withdrawals allowed on this account.
You Mean It’s Not Essential?
The Bozo Criminal Report has been compiling some of the Bozo Excuses for violating stay at home orders during the covid-19 outbreak. Today’s report came from one of the first countries to go on lockdown during the crisis, Italy. Police there stopped our bozo for violating curfew and that’s when he offered up the Bozo Coronavirus Excuse of the week. He told the cops that he had run out of wine at home and was trying to find someplace, anyplace, that was selling wine. When told that only stores deemed essential could be open, he stated that he thought wine WAS essential. We would agree.
Be Careful What You Ask For
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Palm Coast, Florida. The cops were conducting an investigation into illegal drug trafficking in the area when they arrived at our bozo’s residence. Before they knocked on the front door, they noticed the welcome mat wasn’t so welcoming. It said, “Come Back With A Warrant.” Always being good at following directions, that’s just what the cops did. When they returned, they found fentanyl and other drug paraphernalia inside. Busted!
And Yes, Technically He IS a Rocket Scientist
After being on Covid-19 hiatus we return with a story that doesn’t involve criminal activity, but seems appropriate for the times. Our bozo for today, one Daniel Reardon, is an astrophysicist in Australia. Like many of us, he became bored in isolation so he decided to try to invent something that might prove helpful during the epidemic. He came up with the idea of a device that would keep you from unnecessarily touching your face by setting off an alarm when your hands neared your face. Seems like a good plan. First, he came up with a magnetic bracelet that would trigger an alarm when it encountered another magnetic field. Now, where do you place the other magnets? How about up your nose? Sure. Give it a try. He placed two magnets inside his nostrils and two others on the outside. So far, so good. Things went downhill when he removed the magnets from the outside of his nostril. Click! The two inside his nostrils stuck together. Stuck so tightly that he couldn’t remove them. When he tried to place another magnet on the outside of his nostril to try to pull the other magnet back, he lost his grip and the magnet clipped onto the other one inside his nose. He now found himself with two magnets stuck in one nostril and on in the other. Next step, a trip to the hospital where doctors were able to remove the magnets without further problems. Mr. Rocket Scientist says he’s through with magnets for a while.
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