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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Sam Whitaker for sending in today’s report. From Ft. Wayne, Indiana comes the story of bozo Fred Baldwin who was involved in a hit and run accident. Our bozo left the scene and headed over to what he thought was a hotel. He pulled in, parked and got out to look at the damage to his car. A police officer walked by and asked if he needed help. Our bozo said no, he was just looking for a hotel room. The officer noticed the damage and did a quick check, discovering that the vehicle had been involved in a hit and run. Our bozo was arrested while he was still looking for the entrance to the hotel. He never would have found it. Instead of pulling into a hotel, he had turned into the Indiana State Police Department parking lot.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo James Slayton broke into a grocery store by crawling in through the casing of an air conditioner that had been removed. Don’t know if he partook of a little snack before trying to leave or what, but on his way out he got stuck. His head and arms were dangling outside the store while his lower body and legs remained inside. Police responding to calls for help found his pockets stuffed with cash. He was freed and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Czarna Dabrowka, Poland where bozo Wojtek Lebowski broke into a car and stole the stereo. He was frightened when the car alarm went off and he had to make a hasty exit. Unfortunately, in his hurry to get away, he somehow spit out his false teeth, leaving them behind in the car. Police were able to trace him down through dental records. He’s been reunited with his teeth in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Valley, Utah, where bozo Brook Alston kept calling the 911 operator, insisting that he had an emergency. He dialed 911 twelve times in the space of five hours to complain about his toothache. He refused an ambulance, didn’t want a visit from the police and just seemed like he enjoyed complaining. Then things got a little weird. He started griping about the drug dealers, saying he wanted them off the street. And then he told the operator he was going to tell president George Bush if he didn’t get the help he needed. Finally, he pulled out the big guns. He told the operator he could tell CNN’s Nancy Grace what was going on. That may have pushed the operator over the edge. Police paid our bozo a little visit and charged him with 911 abuse.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Tualatin, Oregon comes the story of one hungry bozo. Davis Kearney drove up to the Arby’s and attempted to go through the drive-thru backwards, crashing into the building in the process. Employees called the cops but before they could arrive he had driven away. He tried to flee the scene, right? Wrong. He just changed his mind about what he wanted to eat. He drove across the street to the Taco Bell where police arrested him in the parking lot.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 32345: It’s not usually a good idea to let your victim do the dirty work for you. From Atlanta, Georgia comes the story of an unidentified bozo who took a woman captive. Next, he drove her to her bank and instructed her to go inside and draw out all her money while he went next door and enjoyed a Chic-Fil-A sandwich. Hope it was a good one. She alerted bank employees about what was going on and they called the cops who arrested our bozo while he was still inside the restaurant.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Gresham, Oregon comes the story of a couple of bozos who violated Bozo Rule Number 0055: Don’t brag about your crime until after you’ve successfully pulled it off. Our bozos were planning on holding up a deli and were checking the place out. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, one of them decided it would be a good idea to tell a customer of their plans. It wasn’t. The customer called the cops who arrived and arrested our bozos before they were able to pull off their little heist.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Sheboygan, Wisconsin where the recent cold weather left Bozo Troy Humphrey longing for a snowmobile. So, he broke into a dealership and stole a $9000 snowmobile and a $1000 trailer. But, when he got the snowmobile home, he noticed it wasn’t perfect, so he took it back to the dealer for repairs. To the same dealer he had stolen it from the night before. Bad idea. He’s been charged with theft.

Bozo criminal for today proves that the old "Practice makes perfect" theory doesn’t work in the Bozo World. From Brooklyn, New York comes the story of bozo Clenzo Turner who held up a bank and got $2300 in cash only to have the dye pack explode in his face. He escaped, only to return to the same bank just two days later. Going to a different teller this time, he again demanded cash. He received $1700 and made it to a waiting taxi cab before the dye pack exploded. He should have quit while he was ahead. This time, he left behind a fingerprint which led to his arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Tracy, California comes the story of bozo John Forman who stole a car, drove it around for a while, trashed it out and ditched it. Inside he left some Cheetos and a letter he had intended to send his mother telling her what to do with his personal belongings when he went to jail. Oops. Cops got in touch with mom and promptly arrested our thief. That in itself probably wouldn’t qualify as a bozo tale, but here’s the rest of the story. The car our bozo stole belonged to a California bail bondsman. And when our bozo was arrested, that just happened to be the very bail bondsman he called to get out of jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in South Shields, England where bozo Stephen Brown tried to break into a bar. First, he jimmyed a lock on a room directly above the business. Then, he sawed through the floorboards into the ceiling of the bar, creating a hole just large enough for him to squeeze through. As he was slithering his way inside, the burglar alarm went off. Panicking, our bozo stopped in mid slither and tried to back out. But reverse slithering isn’t as easy as it sounds and he soon found himself stuck tight. The police discovered him, half in and half out, hanging from the ceiling. The fire department rescue crew had to be called and after about 30 minutes he was freed and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bremen, Germany, where police were conducting a spot check, looking for drunk drivers. They had pulled over one car and were talking to the driver when our bozo drove by. Thinking perhaps there was a problem, he stopped and asked the officer if there was anything he could do to help. Now, that would have been fine except for one thing. He was drunk. He’s been arrested and charged with drunk driving.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report. From Jackson, Michigan comes the story of bozo Jerry Renfro who the cops suspected for a murder but couldn’t prove anything. That is, until they were talking to his girlfriend and she told them that the other night they were playing a little game with friends and when someone asked our bozo what was the stupidest thing he had ever done, he answered, "Shot a guy in the head." Well, maybe that’s now the second stupidest thing he’s ever done. He’s now under arrest, charged with murder.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Milwaukee, Wisconsin comes the story of a bozo who was a little too greedy for his own good. Our bozo rear-ended another car and when the driver stopped, he jumped into the car and forced the man to drive to an ATM machine. After the man withdrew $200 from the machine, our bozo wasn’t satisfied. So, he instructed the man to drive to another ATM. He again withdrew $200, and again our bozo wasn’t satisfied. Under orders to drive to another ATM, the man drove up to a large building and went inside, only this time the man had no intention of drawing out any money. The building was the District 3 Police Station. Our bozo was still waiting for his money when he was arrested.

Bozo criminals for today come from Lindenhurst, New York where three bozos stole several electronic devices from the public works garage. Thinking they were cell phones, our bozos took them home and turned them on. Bad idea. They weren’t cell phones. They were global positioning devices. And when they turned them on, the GPS units directed the cops straight to their house. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joseph Haig for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Edinburgh, Scotland comes the story of a gang of teenage bozos who went on a rampage at a fast food restaurant, throwing chairs around and terrifying patrons. Apparently, they did this for their own amusement as nothing was stolen from the store and our bozos dispersed just before the cops arrived. They probably would have gotten off scot-free except for one thing. One member of the gang recorded the melee and posted it for everyone to see on the internet. Bad idea. Cops were able to identify and arrest three bozos after viewing the video.

Bozo criminal for today fell victim to seldom used Bozo Rule Number 54876: When you need to capture a bozo, beer is good bait. From New Smyrna Beach, Florida comes the story of two bozos who were spotted attempting to break into a van. When the cops arrived, our bozos fled into the nearby woods. Police were still searching the woods while an eyewitness to the crime was driving down a road not far from the scene. Much to his amazement, he recognized one of our bozos standing on the side of the road. He pulled over and offered him a beer and a lift to the highway. Not wanting to pass up a brewski, our bozo got in. Instead he got a ride back to where the cops were and was promptly placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Winnipeg, Canada where bozo Charles White thought he was doing a good deed when he drove his friend down to the police station. When his buddy went inside, our bozo came along to wait for him and that’s when his troubles started. The officer at the desk noticed out bozo reeked of alcohol and demanded he take a breathalyser test. He flunked. Guess his friend had to walk home as our bozo was locked up and charged with DWI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tulse Hill, England where an unidentified bozo robbed a woman’s apartment, cleaning out the place. He took absolutely everything in the flat, right down to her kitchen mop and doormat, leaving only her engagement ring. Police called to investigate noticed a man asleep next door in what used to be a vacant apartment. Only it wasn’t vacant now. Our bozo had moved everything from her apartment into the empty one next door and was now taking a well deserved nap on her couch. His next nap will be in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Syracuse, New York, where bozo Brian Valenti was being transported to the county jail when he kicked out the back window of the police car and dove headfirst out of the opening. Even though he was handcuffed, he managed to run away from the vehicle and ducked into a nearby building. Don’t know if he’s really nearsighted or maybe he was just in a hurry, but he apparently didn’t notice the big gold star on the front door of the building. Yep, he ran into the headquarters of the county sheriff’s department where he was promptly placed back under arrest, with the additional charge of attempted escape added to his rap sheet.