Bozo criminal for today comes from Mount Clemens, Michigan where another bozo was foiled by technology. Sixteen year old Jordan Duffner escaped from the juvenile detention center where he was held on assault charges. And shortly after his escape, he posted this on his My Space page: "Catch me if you can. 2 fast for the feds, to cocky for the cops." It’s probably not the best idea to challenge the authorities in such a public forum. He’s now back under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Alex Digger for sending in today’s report. From Ormond Beach Florida comes the story of three bozos who thought they had the perfect plan for robbing a bank. They had their getaway car ready. They had their guns drawn and their masks on. What they didn’t count on was that at this particular bank you have to be buzzed in at the front door by bank employees. And a bank usually won’t unlock the door for three bozos wearing ski masks with guns drawn. Instead the cops were called and our bozos were arrested.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Stevens Point, Wisconsin where an unidentified bozo wanted to get married in church. For some reason however, he didn’t go through the proper channels to set it up. Instead, he showed up in the middle of the night (without his bride, we assume) and attempted to break through the doors using a metal shovel. After several unsuccessful attempts, he called for help. He dialed up the police and told them what he was trying to do and asked could they please help him. They helped him to jail after finding him in possession of pot and stolen prescription drugs.
Bozo criminal for today forgot one of the things he should have learned in kindergarten: Don’t forget to zip up your pants. From Sheboygan, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo James Stapleton who ran off the road and got his car stuck in a ditch. When police officers arrived to help him, one of them noticed that our bozo’s pants were unzipped. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that he had stashed his pipe and marijuana in his underwear. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today from Pawtucket, Rhode Island is the first ever bozo who literally tried to fly the coop. Bozo Stephen Landers set off the burglar alarm when he tried to break into the local laundromat. Seeing the cops rapidly approaching, our bozo took off, leaping from the roof of the laundromat and landing atop a nearby building, which just happened to be a large chicken coop. This caused enough of a commotion among the chickens that our bozo decided it was no place to hide, so he flew the coop and landed right in the arms of the arriving police officers. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Clarence Township, Ontario, Canada where an unidentified bozo spotted a snowmobile he liked. Unfortunately, the snowmobile was chained to the front porch of a house. Undeterred, our bozo hooked an even larger chain to the snowmobile and to his truck. This must have been an extra heavy duty chain and truck as our bozo was able to drag the snowmobile, along with the the porch of the house, out into a nearby field. Seeing what he had done, our bozo panicked and fled, leaving behind the porch, the snowmobile and the truck. He’s been arrested.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to this one from Hobart, Indiana where bozo Kevin Raymond needed some cash. So he went to his bank and presented them with a check for $50,000, signed by "King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant." After the teller determined that God didn’t have an account in the bank, the cops were called and our bozo was charged with check fraud.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Clearwater, Florida comes the story of bozo Anthony Rowley who held up a bank, leaving behind fingerprints and a good image of himself on the video camera. A description was sent out to all the police departments in the area to be on the lookout. In what can only be considered to be a tactical error, our bozo failed to change clothes before making his scheduled meeting with his parole officer who recognized him. Oops. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Fircrest, Washington comes the story of an unidentified bozo in a stolen vehicle who led police on a high speed chase before crashing the truck into a tree. Our bozo fled the scene. We don’t know for sure, but perhaps the accident left him with sore muscles. In any event, the cops found him totally naked, soaking in a hot tub in the back yard of a nearby house. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Moara Vlasiei, Romania where an unidentified bozo was on the run from the cops after allegedly robbing a teenage girl. Seeking a place to hide, our bozo came upon what appeared to be a small shed and ducked inside. Only it wasn’t a shed. It was an outhouse, and when he tried to get out, the floor gave way, sending him plummeting into the cesspit below. Officers fished him out, deodorized him and placed him under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon where bozo Edgar Gonzales really, really likes to dance. In fact, his Saturday night just wasn’t complete without a trip to his favorite club. And when the doorman at that club wouldn’t let him inside, he did what any bozo would do. He called 911 to tell the operator they wouldn’t let him dance. After confirming that was his emergency, the operator dispatched officers who charged our bozo with improper use of 911 and possession of drugs.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in today’s report. From St. Paul, Minnesota comes the story of a couple of bozos who were having problems with the fuel system in their truck. So they pulled into the local Midas shop to have the mechanic take a look at it. He noticed some unusual weld marks on the gas tank and told them it needed to be replaced. When our bozos were very adamant that even if the tank were to be taken out, it must be saved intact and returned to them, he became a little suspicious and called the cops. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the tank had a secret compartment to hide marijuana and some of the pot had come loose and clogged up the fuel line. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Corsicana, Texas where bozo Brandon Perry snatched two bags of money from a man servicing a vending machine at the local hospital. Our bozo ran out of the facility, hoping to hide in a wooded area close by. What he didn’t realize was that a large number of police canine officers and their dogs were at the nearby Navarro College Police Academy for a training seminar. The dogs and their handlers gladly volunteered to join in the search. Both money and bozo were soon found.
Bozo Criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 34675: When fleeing, it’s best to head away from the crime scene. From Orange County, Florida comes the story of a couple of unidentified bozos who thought they had their bank robbery plan well thought out. They stashed their getaway car a block away from the bank and walked over. Upon entering, one of them handed the teller a note stating that they had a hand grenade and she should hand over the cash. She did, and they ran out of the bank toward their getaway car. On the way, the dye pack exploded, sending money flying everywhere. When they reached their waiting vehicle, they sped away…in the wrong direction, heading back toward the bank. By this time the cops had arrived were easily able to hem them in and make the arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Alford for sending in today’s report. From Orem, Utah comes the story of bozo Casey Hardy who just didn’t know when to say when. Our bozo broke into a grocery store and started helping himself to cash from the ATM machine. After he had too much money to hold in his hands, he started stuffing it into his pockets. Finally, his pants were so overloaded that they fell down. Twice. He then got himself a shopping bag to carry all the money. He got away, but the police got a great view of his escapades from the store’s surveillance camera. He apparently only got as far as the nearest liquor store, as he was soon arrested for drunken driving and was promptly recognized as the thief when he was hauled in.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jenny Michael for sending in today’s report from Bismarck, North Dakota where police were investigating several incidents of vandalism involving spray painting of graffiti. At the scene of one of the incidents, an officer noticed a store receipt for…what else…spray paint. After viewing store surveillance video from the date and time the paint was purchased, our bozo was identified and charged.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Danbury, Connecticut comes the story of bozo Nakia Dawson who was under arrest for possession of marijuana and cocaine. He used his one phone call to call his aunt and asked her to please bring his safe from home so he could get cash to pay his bail. Auntie brought the safe to the jail and when our bozo opened it in front of a police officer, out fell the cash, along with drug paraphernalia and 16 grams of cocaine. Oops. His bond was raised to $125,000 and there wasn’t enough cash in there to cover the new amount.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in today’s report. Our bozo for today violated Bozo Rule Number 99781: If your car is in the police impound lot it’s best to reclaim it legally. Bozo Andre Carter knew his car was locked up and took the bozo approach to getting it out. He broke through the gate, going right past the "No Trespassing" sign and went straight to his car. It was jammed in there tight, so he had to ram a few other vehicles to get it out, damaging his car and attracting the attention of the lot’s neighbors who called the cops. Both car and bozo are once again locked up.
It’s Valentine’s Day, when most every girl hopes to be taken out to a nice restaurant. Of course, since this is a Bozo story, the trip to the restaurant wasn’t exactly what she’d hoped it would be. Bozo Larry Baker and his girlfriend Sheila began squabbling in a Nashville, Tennessee motel room. And after taking a hit of cocaine, our bozo started trashing the room and attempted to choke her. She ran out of the room, totally nude and went to the nearby Waffle House, where she locked herself in the bathroom. Our bozo, also naked, followed her to the restaurant and continued to argue with her through the door before deciding to leave in his car. In the meantime, the cops were called and our bozo was arrested for driving under the influence, evading arrest and indecent exposure. His girlfriend has not been charged.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. On this Valentine’s Day Eve, we have a chocolate loving bozo. From St. Louis, Missouri comes the story of bozo Colin Jones who broke into an apartment just a few doors down from his own. Once inside, our bozo stole some clothes, a wallet, a camera and a few other items. On his way out the door, he also grabbed some chocolate candies. And you know how it is with chocolate. Sometimes you just can’t wait to eat it. That was the case with our bozo. Investigating officers simply followed the trail of candy wrappers to our bozo’s apartment nearby. He’s under arrest.