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(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Stanberry, Missouri, where bozo Michael Massey was caught trying to steal six 350 pound commercial electrical tansformers from the local power company. It was his reason for stealing them that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the cops he needed the transformers to power his home-built time machine. He said he wanted to travel a few days into the future, learn the winning lottery numbers and return to buy the winning ticket.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Canton, Ohio. Bozo Daniel Fogelman, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, was walking down the street, carrying a marijuana plant. He walked up to another pedestrian and said, "Would you believe I’m walking down the street in the middle of the day with this pot plant?" The pedestrian answered, "Would you believe I’m a cop?" Oops. He’d chosen to speak to a plainclothes detective returning from court. He’s been arrested.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Marshall County, Indiana, where bozo Christopher Adams was pulled over for a minor traffic offense. While talking to our bozo, the officer couldn’t help but notice his bright orange T-shirt, which read, "Fugitive. You never saw me." Playing a hunch, the officer ran our bozo’s name through his computer and, sure enough, he was a fugitive, wanted for failure to appear at a court hearing. He’s now wearing a completely different orange outfit, this one provided by the county jail.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bruno d’ Asti, Italy, where Carlo Brunelli held up a post office at gunpoint, fleeing with about $5,000. Postal employees quickly locked the door after our bozo fled and watched in amazement as he got into his car, sat there for a moment and then ran back to the door. Finding it locked, he began to shout for them to please let him in, as he’d left his car keys inside. Sorry, Carlo. He was still crying and begging to be let back in when the police arrived.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 2346: You should always be suspicious when your victims are a little too helpful. From the International File in Tsu, Japan, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who marched into a bank and demanded cash. The teller and several other employees said the really big money was in the vault, and if he would just step this way … They led him to the bank’s main vault, and when he went inside to grab his cash, they slammed the door shut on him, locking him inside. And that’s where he remained until the police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Titusville, Florida where bozo Garrett Norman broke into a residence, getting away with a few items and leaving one item of his own behind. The police were called and were investigating when our bozo returned…to retrieve his cell phone which he had left inside the house. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Troutdale, Oregon comes the story of a couple of bozos who decided they needed some beer. So, they contacted each other on their nifty little walkie talkies and agreed to meet at a local convenience store. This wouldn’t have been a problem except for one thing. Those little walkie talkies were actually police two way radios that our bozos had stolen. And since they were still using the police frequency, their get together plans were overheard by police officers who were waiting for our bozos at the store when they arrived. Busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from Brandon, Florida where three bozos were trying for a late night break in of a residence. As they were fumbling with the door, trying to jimmy it open with a pocket knife, one of them rang the doorbell. Oops. The suspicious homeowner called the cops and our bozos were quickly arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chandler, Arizona where bozo Jonathan Wilson had himself a little meth lab in his condo, cooking up the stuff in his closet using a toaster oven. This probably wasn’t the safest setup as the toaster caught fire and the condo was soon engulfed in flames. Our bozo first tried to put the fire out with water and then window cleaner with no success. So, with his house on fire, he did what any bozo would do. He drove down to Wal Mart to buy a fire extinguisher. While he was away, the fire department arrived and, upon discovering the lab, called the cops. Our bozo didn’t even get to try out the fire extinguisher. He was arrested when he returned home.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mount Clemens, Michigan where another bozo was foiled by technology. Sixteen year old Jordan Duffner escaped from the juvenile detention center where he was held on assault charges. And shortly after his escape, he posted this on his My Space page: "Catch me if you can. 2 fast for the feds, to cocky for the cops." It’s probably not the best idea to challenge the authorities in such a public forum. He’s now back under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Alex Digger for sending in today’s report. From Ormond Beach Florida comes the story of three bozos who thought they had the perfect plan for robbing a bank. They had their getaway car ready. They had their guns drawn and their masks on. What they didn’t count on was that at this particular bank you have to be buzzed in at the front door by bank employees. And a bank usually won’t unlock the door for three bozos wearing ski masks with guns drawn. Instead the cops were called and our bozos were arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stevens Point, Wisconsin where an unidentified bozo wanted to get married in church. For some reason however, he didn’t go through the proper channels to set it up. Instead, he showed up in the middle of the night (without his bride, we assume) and attempted to break through the doors using a metal shovel. After several unsuccessful attempts, he called for help. He dialed up the police and told them what he was trying to do and asked could they please help him. They helped him to jail after finding him in possession of pot and stolen prescription drugs.

Bozo criminal for today forgot one of the things he should have learned in kindergarten: Don’t forget to zip up your pants. From Sheboygan, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo James Stapleton who ran off the road and got his car stuck in a ditch. When police officers arrived to help him, one of them noticed that our bozo’s pants were unzipped. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that he had stashed his pipe and marijuana in his underwear. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today from Pawtucket, Rhode Island is the first ever bozo who literally tried to fly the coop. Bozo Stephen Landers set off the burglar alarm when he tried to break into the local laundromat. Seeing the cops rapidly approaching, our bozo took off, leaping from the roof of the laundromat and landing atop a nearby building, which just happened to be a large chicken coop. This caused enough of a commotion among the chickens that our bozo decided it was no place to hide, so he flew the coop and landed right in the arms of the arriving police officers. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clarence Township, Ontario, Canada where an unidentified bozo spotted a snowmobile he liked. Unfortunately, the snowmobile was chained to the front porch of a house. Undeterred, our bozo hooked an even larger chain to the snowmobile and to his truck. This must have been an extra heavy duty chain and truck as our bozo was able to drag the snowmobile, along with the the porch of the house, out into a nearby field. Seeing what he had done, our bozo panicked and fled, leaving behind the porch, the snowmobile and the truck. He’s been arrested.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to this one from Hobart, Indiana where bozo Kevin Raymond needed some cash. So he went to his bank and presented them with a check for $50,000, signed by "King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant." After the teller determined that God didn’t have an account in the bank, the cops were called and our bozo was charged with check fraud.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Clearwater, Florida comes the story of bozo Anthony Rowley who held up a bank, leaving behind fingerprints and a good image of himself on the video camera. A description was sent out to all the police departments in the area to be on the lookout. In what can only be considered to be a tactical error, our bozo failed to change clothes before making his scheduled meeting with his parole officer who recognized him. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Fircrest, Washington comes the story of an unidentified bozo in a stolen vehicle who led police on a high speed chase before crashing the truck into a tree. Our bozo fled the scene. We don’t know for sure, but perhaps the accident left him with sore muscles. In any event, the cops found him totally naked, soaking in a hot tub in the back yard of a nearby house. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Moara Vlasiei, Romania where an unidentified bozo was on the run from the cops after allegedly robbing a teenage girl. Seeking a place to hide, our bozo came upon what appeared to be a small shed and ducked inside. Only it wasn’t a shed. It was an outhouse, and when he tried to get out, the floor gave way, sending him plummeting into the cesspit below. Officers fished him out, deodorized him and placed him under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon where bozo Edgar Gonzales really, really likes to dance. In fact, his Saturday night just wasn’t complete without a trip to his favorite club. And when the doorman at that club wouldn’t let him inside, he did what any bozo would do. He called 911 to tell the operator they wouldn’t let him dance. After confirming that was his emergency, the operator dispatched officers who charged our bozo with improper use of 911 and possession of drugs.