Recent Posts

Bozo criminal for today comes from Salt Lake City, Utah where bozo Jeff Harper stole a bag of golf clubs from outside the Mountain Dell Golf Course Clubhouse. The cops learned that, in addition to the clubs, there was also a $25 gift card to a local restaurant inside the bag. A quick check found that our bozo had used the gift card that very evening, treating himself to an $18 dollar meal. The staff was asked that, if he returned use the rest of the credit on the card, to please call. He did, two days later. The cops were there before his meal arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denton, Texas where bozo Paul Thompson tried to break into a residence. A homeowner alerted the cops and the chase was on. Our bozo, fleeing on foot, ducked into what looked like a good hiding place, a large drain pipe. Either it wasn’t large enough or he was too large…either was he quickly found himself stuck in the pipe. It took rescue crews 10 hours to get him out. Jail may look pretty good to him now.

Bozo criminal for today learned the hard way not to be a litterbug. From Leon County, Florida comes the story of an unidentified man who was cruising around in his pickup while enjoying a cold brewski. And when he finished, he did what most any bozo would do, he tossed the can out the window. Maybe he should have checked the mirror first. A deputy sheriff was driving right behind him and the can hit the deputy’s squad car. Oops. He was immediately arrested and charged with DUI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Largo, Florida where bozo Dana Steiner had a little too much to drink and got involved in a quarrel outside a bar. The police arrived, began questioning him and after a couple of minutes told him he was free to go. And that’s when he went into Full Bozo Mode. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911, telling the operator he was surrounded by cops with their guns drawn and needed help. They helped him all right, into the back of the squad car.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, Arizona where bozo Charles Lane held up a local bank. He got some cash and fled. As he ran across the street, he dropped his wallet and some of the money, but was in too big of a hurry to stop and retrieve it. Bad idea. Several witness who saw him drop it told the police and gave them a good description. While the cops were still interviewing witnesses, guess who came wandering up? Yep, our bozo, looking for his wallet. He was quickly arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Monheim, Germany where an unidentified bozo was having car problems. He had a blowout late one evening while driving his girlfriend’s car. And, wouldn’t you know it, it had no spare. So, he called what he thought was the German equivalent of the AAA and told them his sad story. He said he was a little drunk, his license was expired and he had a flat tire…could they please come and help him. Which would have been a smart move except for one thing. Somehow he had dialed the wrong number and instead of the auto club he called the local police department. No matter. They were more than happy to come pick him up and take him to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada where bozo Eric Snyder tried to use a counterfeit credit card at the local mall. When the clerk noticed something was wrong with the card, he asked our bozo to show his ID. When he did, the clerk noticed he was carrying a handful of other cards, all of which also appeared to be bogus. The quick thinking clerk grabbed the cards and called the cops. Our bozo left and went to a nearby police station to issue a complaint that the clerk had stolen his counterfeit credit cards. Bad idea. When the police discovered that the cards were indeed fake, our bozo was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Cheshire, Connecticut where bozos George Darby and Anthony Walker stole some cash and a laptop computer from a guest at a local hotel. The police were called and were soon in hot pursuit. To try to lose them, our bozos made a quick turn off the main road, hoping to find a shortcut. Maybe they should have invested in a map. The shortcut turned out to be the entrance to the Cheshire Police Department’s dead-end parking lot. Oops. They’re under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk C.F. O’Brien for sending in today’s report. From Syracuse, New York comes the story of bozo Morgan Watson who noticed his car was getting low on gas. It must have been running on fumes because our bozo pulled into the first station he came to, ignoring the fact that police had blocked off the station because of a disturbance. He drove over the curb and across the sidewalk, bypassing the police barricade and ignoring the officers’ flashing lights and sirens. He pulled up to the pump and began filling up his car, telling the approaching officers he couldn’t hear their sirens over his stereo. He never got to finish gassing up, as the officers discovered he had a suspended driver’s license and was carrying a loaded 45 caliber pistol under the seat. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to today’s bozo from Manchester, New Hampshire. Bozo James Campbell came up with one of the all time unique bozo disguises. Using duct tape, he taped tree branches to his head and body and entered the local bank disguised as a tree. Not wanting to mess with someone dressed as an elm, the cashier handed over some cash to our bozo who then walked out of the building. Unfortunately, the tree disguise was not fully leafed out and security cameras got a good picture of his face through the branches. When the photo was shown on TV, the police received an anonymous tip identifying our bozo who was promptly pruned and placed under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Niagara Falls, New York comes the story of bozo Joel Haynes who walked into the local Walgreen’s and asked the cashier for a carton of cigarettes. The clerk requested an ID and our bozo handed over his driver’s license. While she entered his birth date into the register, a major nicotine urge must have kicked in as our bozo grabbed the carton and ran out of the store without paying. Unfortunately, he left his driver’s license behind. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from La Porte Indiana where bozo Michael Hardy broke into an auto parts shop by kicking a hole through a wall. A neighbor called the cops, who arrived to find our bozo half in and half out of the hole. And all that kicking must have really tired him out, as he was sound asleep when the cops found him. When they tried to awaken him, he told them to leave him alone, as he lived in the building. After our bozo was extracted from the hole he was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Moines, Iowa where three bozos encountered a number of problems in their quest to rob a pawn shop. The robbery itself went OK, with our bozos smashing a display case and getting away with several guns. Mistake number one was parking their getaway car a block and a half away from the store. And when they were seen running down the street wearing red bandannas over their faces and carrying armloads of guns, several witnesses called the cops. That’s mistake two. Mistake three was failing to account for one of the pawn shop employees who gave chase. And it was while they were being pursued that they encountered mistake number four. A large landscaping boulder which they crashed their getaway car into. Four mistakes equal one arrest for three bozos.

(Best of Bozo)From Glenwood Springs, Colorado comes the story of bozo Steven Harper who went into the air conditioned Wal-Mart store to get some relief from the heat. After doing a little shopping, he plopped down in a display chair to cool off. He promptly fell asleep and when associates had a tough time waking him up, the police were called. The cops did a quick check on his ID and, wouldn’t you know it, he was wanted on an outstanding warrant for contempt of court. He’s cooling his heels in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Hoboken, New Jersey comes the story of bozo Danny Clark who stole a credit card that had been left laying in a pile of clothes while the victim played a pickup game of street basketball. The card’s owner did a quick check to see where his card had been used recently and noticed several charges at a video game store nearby. When he went to check, the clerk confirmed our bozo had purchased an Xbox using the card. And to go with the game, he had also treated himself to a subscription to a video game magazine, which he paid for using the stolen card. And of course the magazine subscription contained his name and address. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kolkata, India where bozo Raju Gaji was jailed on charges of burglary and theft when he made his escape from prison. Police set off alarms and began to search for him, but for 24 hours where unable to track him down. Then, one of the guards heard the sound of loud snoring coming from the prison roof. Yep, it was our bozo, who had only made it as far as the top of the prison building before falling asleep. He’s back behind bars.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Hilton Head Island, South Carolina comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was trying to do the right thing, just on the wrong "person." He called the cops and told the officer on duty that he had just tried to perform CPR on a woman that was apparently dead. Officers rushed to the scene but didn’t see a body. When they asked our bozo where the dead woman was, he pointed to a large bale of pine straw. Yep, he had confused a straw bale with a woman. Deputies believe the man had been drinking.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Manila, the Philippines comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into a house and stole a couple of cell phones. Screams from inside the residence alerted the local police patrol who gave chase after he was seen running from the house. After about 500 yards our bozo began to run out of steam. So he did what only a bozo would do. He made the "T" sign with his hands and asked for a time out. Sorry, no time outs in the police business. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Fort St. Lucie, Florida. Bozo Maurice Starnes was lost, so he pulled into a convenience store parking lot and walked inside. It was there that he spotted a police officer in uniform and he walked up and asked him for directions. Which would have been a fine idea except for one little thing. That marijuana joint he had tucked behind his ear. Officers also found a plastic baggie of pot in our bozo’s car. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cookeville, Tennessee where an unidentified bozo went to the local grocery store and stuffed a family pack of steaks down his pants. He walked out of the store without paying and, as store employees watched, placed the package of steaks underneath a car parked outside. He then ran to the south side of the building, took off his shirt and hat and ran all the way around the building, coming back out on the opposite side. Guess all of this running drained the blood from his brain, as he then jumped into his vehicle and drove off, leaving the steaks behind. Police are still looking for him.