Bozo criminals for today come from Two Rivers, Wisconsin where two teenage Bozos were trying to steal some gas from a riding lawn mower. It was dark and things weren’t going so well, so you can guess what they did. They lit a torch and held it close to the gas tank. Too close. After the explosion, our bozos were treated for burns and arrested.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Laohekou, China where an unidentified woman and her dog had gone into the local bank to withdraw some money. Like all banks everywhere, it took a little longer than expected and her poor dog had an accident right there in the lobby. The woman politely asked for some paper to clean up the mess, which she did. While the teller was still working on getting her money, she stepped outside to dispose of the neatly wrapped package. And that was when our bozo thief roared up on his motorcycle, grabbing Fido’s present and vanishing into traffic. Police are not sure exactly what they’ll charge him with should they catch him.
Our bozo criminal for today apparently thought the concept of "Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back" had spread to the drug world. From Atlanta, Georgia comes the story of bozo Juanita Jackson who called the cops to report that she was unhappy with the crack cocaine she had purchased and wanted help in getting her money back. Always looking to serve, the cops showed up at her residence and she asked them to take a look at the dope. After determining that it was indeed cocaine, they placed her under arrest for possession.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Ashland, Kentucky where bozo Kasey Koonce believed that duct tape was good for just about anything, even as a mask for a burglary. He wrapped his head in duct tape, leaving a slit for his eyes and nose and walked into a liquor store, demanding money. Unfortunately, the duct tape didn’t turn out to be frightening to the clerk, who waved a bat that he had also wrapped in duct tape at our bozo, sending him scurrying into the parking lot where another employee held him down until the cops arrived. Maybe the duct tape did succeed in cutting off the oxygen to our bozo’s brain. Even though the cops took pictures of him before and after the tape was removed, at last report he’s insisting they’ve got the wrong man.
Bozo criminals for today come from Fairfield, Maine where a couple of teenage bozos tried to rob a tattoo parlor. Knowing the shop had a burglar alarm, they tried to disarm it by using a trick they had seen on an old episode of Charlie’s Angels. They sprayed hairspray into the room, hoping to reveal the path of the laser beam. Instead, the spray triggered the alarm. Oops. The cops quickly arrived and placed our wannabe angels under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Albany, New York where bozo Justin Alexander walked into a convenience store armed with a shotgun. After demanding cash, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, he placed the shotgun on the counter. The quick thinking clerk grabbed it and turned it on our bozo, who quickly fled the store. Then, in another brilliant move, he came back into the store to try to get the gun back from the clerk. During the scuffle, it went off, not injuring anyone, and this time our bozo left for good. But not before a truck driver wrote down his license plate number. He’s now under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Hudson, Michigan where an unidentified bozo obviously forgot to go over his Bozo Check List before leaving the house. Our bozo put on a hooded sweat shirt, dark glasses and gloves and walked into a bank. He handed the teller a note demanding cash. So far so good. She then asked him if he had a bag to put the money into. Oops!!! Forgot! Our bozo was so flustered by his oversight that he fled empty handed.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kent, England where bozo Terence Carter thought he had pulled off the perfect crime. He had just successfully gotten himself a bag of cash from the local bank and was about to make his getaway. In a final fit of bravado, he turned back to the teller, pointed his finger at her and said, "You had better not lock me in!" She didn’t, and he was able to run out of the building. Unfortunately, when he pointed his finger at her, he left one perfect fingerprint on the security glass. The cops were able to identify him by this print and he is now serving 9 1/2 years for bank robbery.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Culpeper, Virginia where the cops were called to a convenience store with a report of someone causing a disturbance. When they arrived, they found our bozo, intoxicated and raising a ruckus on horseback. And soon the chase was on, with cops in cruisers pursuing a drunken bozo on a horse. The chase didn’t last long as our bozo failed to see a utility pole guy wire, which knocked him off his horse and onto the ground, where he was promptly arrested.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From Palmyra, Missouri comes the story of bozo Jerry Baxter who had some drugs to sell, so he set up shop in the lobby of a local building. This in itself is a bad idea but it was made even worse by his choice of building to sell the illegal drugs in. He was hawking his wares in the lobby of the Marion County Jail. Needless to say, he’s been placed under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Masterton, New Zealand. Bozo Darryl Clark got a hold of some stolen checks and decided to try to cash a few of them. He was successful, buying over $150 worth of liquor and pocketing $900 in cash before his little spending spree came to an end. The cops caught up with him because, even though he knew the checks were stolen, he still wrote his name, address and phone number on the back of every check. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from San Bernardino, California where bozo Armando Garcia was on probation for car theft and burglary. And as part of his probation, he was fitted with a high tech Global Positioning System ankle bracelet that would help the cops keep track of his whereabouts. Guess he didn’t think it would also place him at the scene of the crime in the five armed robberies he pulled off. It did. He’s back in jail.
Bozo criminals for today come form Gainesville, Georgia where bozos Pamela Payne and Marc Baxter broke into an abandoned nursing home hoping to steal copper pipes and wiring. They were hard at work when they heard the sound of barking dogs. Lots of angry sounding barking dogs, heading in their direction. And following right behind those dogs, several police officers. Our bozos quickly surrendered. Guess they didn’t notice the sign out front stating that the former nursing home had been turned into a training facility for the Gainesville Police Department’s K-9 Unit.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Goochland, Virginia comes the story of bozo Thomas Lang who was missing his fourteen year old girlfriend while she took summer school. So, he hatched a bozo plan to get her out of class. He headed down to the school and told the administrators that he was a police officer conducting a drug investigation and he needed to talk to the young lady. A couple of things caused his plan to go awry. First, he didn’t bother to try to dress like a police officer and second, he looked his age, seventeen. The administrator called the cops and our bozo was charged with trespassing.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Len Ward for sending in today’s report. From Bowie County, Texas comes the story of bozo Charles Whitaker who panicked when the cops came to his house with a warrant to look for drugs. He let them in and as they were checking out the place, excused himself to go to the bathroom. He then tried to flush some pot and methamphetamines down the toilet. Which might have been a good idea except for one thing. The utility company had just shut off his water for failure to pay his bill. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today from Independence, Missouri proves this whole "You Tube" thing may be getting out of hand. It all started when an officer noticed our bozos drive by in a car with expired tags. When he tried to pull them over, they took off and the chase was on. It was then that the officer noticed another car following closely behind him, with the driver holding a video camera. It seems our bozos had purposely set up a car chase for the sole purpose of trying to get it on videotape. Bad idea. The driver was arrested for outstanding warrants and the amateur photographer was ticketed for reckless driving, with the tape confiscated for evidence.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, Arizona where bozo Charles Hampton robbed a bank but quickly found himself being pursued by the cops. At stressful times such as these, what a bozo really needs is a cigarette and, since our bozo was without any, he made a quick stop at a convenience store where he ran in and bought himself a pack. Hope he enjoyed the smokes. The quick pit stop slowed him down enough that the cops were able to catch up to him.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Prescott, Arizona where bozo Terence Kennedy stole a woman’s purse and used the credit card inside to purchase some videos. The next day the victim went to the local video store to alert them that someone had been using her credit card to buy DVDs. And while she was there complaining to the manager, who should show up to try to exchange eight DVDs for cash but our bozo. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Palm Bay, Florida where bozo Joseph Saunders was walking down a road at 5 AM when a police car passed by. He flagged down the officer and asked him for a ride home. The cop said sure, but before he could get in he would have to pat him down. And that’s when our bozo’s troubles began. The officer found marijuana on him and our bozo blurted out that he had lots more of it growing at home. Busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Little Ferry, New Jersey comes the story of bozo Anthony Marzetta who attempted to break into a residence before being frightened away by the homeowner. Police were called and they discovered that in his haste to get away, our bozo had left his getaway car parked out front. The cops had the car towed and were completing their investigation when who should show back up looking for his car but our bozo. Busted!