Bozo criminals for today come from Salem, Oregon where bozos Chelsi Green and Kristie Johnson made a couple of mistakes when they went to court this week to attend a court appearance for Chelsi’s boyfriend. Mistake number one: They parked their truck in the court parking lot, which wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that it was stolen and an alert officer spotted it. And second, inside that truck, 21 grams of methamphetamine and drug packaging material. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Yonkers, New York where bozo John Lang attempted to burglarize a home by climbing in through an open window. He took off his boots to avoid making any noise as he crept through the house. Sadly, he wasn’t quiet enough to avoid waking up the homeowner’s dog, who began barking loudly. Our bozo made a hasty retreat back through the window, leaving his boots behind. After hearing a report of the crime, a patrolman noticed a man walking in his sock feet outside a nearby apartment. Yep, it was our shoeless bozo. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Clifton Heights, Pennsylvania where, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, Jeffrey Maines decided to follow a police car as it made its rounds. He tailed the cops down one street and up another and when they pulled into a private drive, he was right behind them. Guess he didn’t notice that drive was actually the security entrance of the Hamilton County Jail. The cruiser got through but our bozo was stopped. And after he refused to take a blood alcohol test he was arrested and charged with DUI.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Moines, Iowa where two teenage bozos tried to break into a liquor store by drilling a hole through the roof. Unfortunately for them, they forgot to allow for the overhang over the front door and ended up drilling a hole that opened up to the sidewalk below. And even more unfortunately, a woman walking her dog saw what they were attempting and threatened to call the cops if they didn’t stop. And most unfortunately of all, when they jumped down from the roof they landed right in front of the store’s security camera, giving the cops a perfect mug shot. They’re under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Plaines, Illinois where bozo James Packer just didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. Police were called to our bozo’s residence on a report of fireworks being shot off illegally. When our bozo failed to answer the door, the cops drove down the street a block or so and waited for him to come out of the house. When he did, they swooped in and presented him with the illegal fireworks charge. And that’s when that bozo mouth just couldn’t stop. He told them, "I deal drugs but I don’t set off fireworks." Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Escatawpa, Mississippi where bozo Curtiss Collins wanted to call the local TV station to complain that he never got a FEMA trailer after the Hurricane Katrina disaster. In trying to get the number of the station’s consumer reporter, he accidentally dialed 911 instead of 411. And since he hung up on them without saying anything, the county sheriff’s department was sent over to check on him. When the cops arrived, our bozo didn’t answer the door. Fearing something was wrong, they broke in. And that’s when they discovered the meth lab set up in his living room. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Zinzhu, Taiwan where our unidentified bozo, a notorious drug dealer, had just escaped from the local prison. That evening the police department was holding a picnic to celebrate a local holiday, the Moon Festival. The public was invited, and our bozo must have assumed that included him, too. He was spotted sitting at a table in the corner wearing a bright yellow windbreaker and enjoying the free meal. Several officers recognized him and he was quickly placed under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Oley, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Scott Baxter who violated Bozo Rule Number 0005: In most circumstances it’s best to keep your mouth shut. Neighbors complained to the cops that our bozo was shouting obscenities in his back yard. When police arrived, they found him, just as the neighbors had described him, cursing in his back yard. What the neighbors didn’t tell the cops was that also in that back yard were about 100 marijuana plants, some of them nine feet tall. You should have heard him cuss when they busted him.
Bozo criminals for today come from Hendersonville, Tennessee where six bozos came up with a plan to rob a home. Four of them were dropped off at the targeted house and told to hide in the bushes until they received further instructions from the other two bozos, supposedly the brains of the operation. The four bozos waited patiently for four hours before coming out of hiding. Unfortunately, when they emerged from the bushes, they set off the home’s burglar alarm. The police quickly arrived and arrested the four and also found the "brains" asleep in their getaway car in a nearby parking lot.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Antioch, California where bozo Raymond Scott broke into an abandoned warehouse looking for copper wiring to steal. What he didn’t know was that the building was being used by the Antioch police K-9 unit for a training session, which was in progress at the time of the break in. As part of the training, a police officer hid in the building while a K-9 officer shouted out that a dog was about to be released and the suspect should surrender. Just as he was supposed to do, the police officer "suspect" came out of hiding, as did our bozo who thought the cops were looking for him. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo Roger Gates rented a storage locker to stash 35 pounds of marijuana. His first mistake was selecting a storage locker in the same building as the Drug Enforcement Administration. And his second mistake was not wrapping it tightly enough to prevent an agent from getting a whiff of it as he walked into work. He brought in a drug sniffing dog who immediately went to our bozo’s locker. Busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Fond du Lac, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Paul Jacobs who went out for a little spin the other evening. Unfortunately, he forgot to turn on his headlights, which caused the cops to pull him over. Even more unfortunately, he had made a poor fashion choice which aroused the cops suspicions. He was wearing a Batgirl costume…and it’s still over a month until Halloween. Not surprisingly, the officer also found our bozo to be in possession of marijuana. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Cincinnati, Ohio where a police officer noticed an interesting plant in bozo Bobby Sanders’ lawn. When the officer knocked on the door to inquire about the plant, our bozo was more than happy to give him too much information. He told him that it was a pot plant and it needed at least 12 hours of sunlight and plenty of water and fertilizer to grow. The officer thanked him for the information before informing him it was illegal to grow marijuana in Ohio and placing him under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Geneva, New York where our bozo’s heart was in the right place but his brain wasn’t. Vincent Ellis was scheduled to appear in court to turn himself in on robbery charges. Not having transportation, he did what any bozo would do. He stole a car and proceeded to drive himself to court. He never made it. He was pulled over by the cops after the vehicle was reported stolen. He’s now had car theft charges added to his rap sheet.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dan Kuras for sending in today’s report. From Jackson, Michigan comes the story of bozo Michael Hardy who was wanted for assault and failed to show for his scheduled appearance before the judge. Officers got an anonymous tip telling them that our bozo was planning to flee town, so they drove by his residence and noticed a big garage sale was in progress. Plainclothes officers struck up a conversation with the woman selling the items and negotiated a price for the freezer she had for sale. When the cop told her he’d need some help loading it into his truck, she went into the house and brought out her husband, our bozo. Busted! He’s under arrest.
Bozo Criminal for today comes from Englewood, Colorado where bozo Kelly Baxter was in need of some cash, so he used a check in a truly bozo fashion. He scratched out his name on the front of one of his checks and wrote a hold up note on the back, which he presented to a teller at the Bank of the West. The teller gave him his money but retained the check, which the police used to track down and arrest our bozo.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Hempstead, New York where bozo Barry Miller had been charged with drunken driving and possession of marijuana. He appeared before the judge and pled guilty in exchange for not having to serve time. As part of the deal, the judge asked our bozo to hand over his conditional drivers license. The judge took the folded up license and was shocked to find, inside its folds, some marijuana. Busted! He’s headed back to jail.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Michael Tooher for sending in today’s report. From Portland, Maine comes the story of bozo Daniel Carson who put on a hard hat and reflective vest and, after telling a security guard that he was here to take a Pepsi vending machine back to the plant for repairs, began an attempt to remove it from the Westgate Shopping Center. A few things aroused suspicion. Number one: He tried to remove the machine by dragging it out with a length of rope tied to his pickup. Number two: The pickup had become stuck in the the shopping center’s flower beds. And number three: It was 3:30 in the morning. The security guard called the cops who placed our bozo under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Frankfurt, Germany where a group of bozo drug dealers forgot something very important when they returned to their rental car. They left behind $60,000 worth of heroin that they had hidden in the car’s first aid kit. The crew that was making the car ready for another customer found the dope and called the cops who used the rental car records to track down and arrest our bozos.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report from the International File in Goerwihl, Germany. Our bozo for today was involved in an accident where he plowed into two parked cars. Unable to restart his car, our bozo fled on foot. Investigating officers were quickly able to determine at least part of the reason for the accident. They found a half eaten spaghetti carbonara dinner inside the car, which our bozo had apparently been chowing down upon at the time of the crash. Using vehicle records, the cops payed a visit to our bozo’s home. When he answered the door, the cops noticed stains from the meal on his shirt and there was even a stray piece of spaghetti still in his hair. Busted!