Bozo criminal for today comes from Santa Fe, New Mexico where bozo Victor Gonzalez was on probation for theft. When he made his regularly scheduled visit to see his probation officer, the officer noticed something different about him. It was that flashy gold Rolex watch that he was wearing. On a hunch, the officer decided to check and, sure enough, it was the same Rolex that had been reported as stolen that week. Busted. Our bozo now has another charge added to his rap sheet.
Bozo criminals for today from the International File in Soweto, South Africa made several mistakes on their evening out on the town. Their first mistake was their choice of vehicle…a hearse that they stole when the driver left it unattended,with a dead body inside. Second, they forgot to check the gas gauge in the hearse and it ran out of fuel just as they were leaving the bar after enjoying several drinks. And their third and final mistake was asking three of the women they had met inside the bar to help them push the hearse. Thinking something was up, the women declined and instead called the cops who came by and placed our bozos under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Ligonier, Pennsylvania where bozo Robert Dixon decided he wanted a day off from his job at an amusement park. So, he used one of his vacation days, right? Wrong. Maybe called in sick? Nope. Called in a bomb threat to shut down the park for a day? Yep, that’s what he did. Unfortunately for him he called from his cell phone, which was easily traced. And, he made on effort to disguise his voice, which was recognized by park employees. He’s spending his time off in jail.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Jeannette Harrison who wasn’t a criminal but certainly qualifies as a bozo. Bozo Jeannette was sure that her husband was cheating on her so she went to spy on him by crawling underneath his SUV while it was parked outside the residence of a woman she thought might be his girlfriend. Spying on cheating husbands can be boring work and, as the night drug on, our bozo fell asleep. And it was while she was sleeping that someone came by and let the air out of the SUV’s tires, trapping her underneath. A neighbor heard her cries for help and called the cops, who freed our bozo and took her in for evaluation.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia where an unidentified bozo stole several items from a residence, including a cell phone. When the victim called her missing phone, our bozo surprisingly answered. And when she asked if she could have the ID chip from the phone back, he even more surprisingly agreed, and said he’d meet her at a nearby restaurant to return it. Bad idea. She called the cops who instead met him there and placed him under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Greenburgh, New York where bozo James Marshall saw a man walking out of a store with an artificial rose he had just purchased. Our bozo pulled a knife on him and told him he wanted the rose, and $4. When the man told him he only had a $10 bill, our bozo ordered him into a nearby pizza parlor to get change. While he was inside, the young man’s mother, who was across the street, called the cops who arrived quickly and placed our bozo under arrest. No word on why he only wanted $4.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Duluth, Minnesota where bozo thief Dwayne Holden made a number of mistakes. First, he broke into a home where the homeowners were next door having dinner and they returned home early, catching him in the act. His second mistake was when he told the homeowner, "I’m with the FBI. You’re blowing my cover." That lame excuse didn’t fool our homeowner, a former boxer who grabbed our bozo in a headlock. Our bozo’s third mistake was wearing loose fitting clothes to the heist. In the struggle, he slipped completely out of his shirt and pants and fled the scene totally nude. Since a naked man running down the street is a rare sight in Duluth, the police were quickly able to track him down and place him under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 90807: Always make sure your getaway vehicle is up to the job. From the International File in Ilkeston, England comes the story of metal thief Clive Hudson who broke into a warehouse and loaded several pallets of copper and other metals into his truck. He then proceeded to attempt his getaway. Didn’t make it very far before the suspension broke, causing the back of the vehicle to drag on the ground. He was creeping along, throwing sparks everywhere, when he attracted the attention of the cops. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Slough, England comes the story of bozo Jason Richards who just couldn’t believe his luck. He noticed a house where there was no one at home and the front window was wide open, a temptation he just couldn’t resist. He crawled in and rummaged through the house, taking a few items. It was the reason the window was open in the first place that led to our bozo’s downfall. The room had just been repainted and the window had been left open to allow the paint to dry. Unfortunately, it hadn’t dried before our bozo let himself in. He left a perfect fingerprint in the wet paint which the cops used to identify him.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Jerusalem where an unidentified bozo stole a pair of the popular Crocks shoes from a store. And since she was stealing them for her son, she had to guess what size he would wear. When she got the stolen shoes home and they didn’t fit, she did what any bozo would do. She marched down to the store and tried to exchange them for another pair. Bad idea. The store clerk recognized her from the security camera footage and stalled her while the cops were called. She’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Rick Harrison for sending in today’s report. From Boulder, Colorado comes the story of bozo Jan White who was upset over a traffic ticket. So upset that she went down to the police station to complain. And it was while she was giving the officer on duty a piece of her mind that he noticed a familiar aroma emanating from our bozo, and it wasn’t Chanel No. 5. When the officer asked her about it, she told him, yes she had some marijuana on her and she had been selling it at the mall. Busted!
Bozo criminals for today come from Salem, Oregon where bozos Chelsi Green and Kristie Johnson made a couple of mistakes when they went to court this week to attend a court appearance for Chelsi’s boyfriend. Mistake number one: They parked their truck in the court parking lot, which wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that it was stolen and an alert officer spotted it. And second, inside that truck, 21 grams of methamphetamine and drug packaging material. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Yonkers, New York where bozo John Lang attempted to burglarize a home by climbing in through an open window. He took off his boots to avoid making any noise as he crept through the house. Sadly, he wasn’t quiet enough to avoid waking up the homeowner’s dog, who began barking loudly. Our bozo made a hasty retreat back through the window, leaving his boots behind. After hearing a report of the crime, a patrolman noticed a man walking in his sock feet outside a nearby apartment. Yep, it was our shoeless bozo. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Clifton Heights, Pennsylvania where, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, Jeffrey Maines decided to follow a police car as it made its rounds. He tailed the cops down one street and up another and when they pulled into a private drive, he was right behind them. Guess he didn’t notice that drive was actually the security entrance of the Hamilton County Jail. The cruiser got through but our bozo was stopped. And after he refused to take a blood alcohol test he was arrested and charged with DUI.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Moines, Iowa where two teenage bozos tried to break into a liquor store by drilling a hole through the roof. Unfortunately for them, they forgot to allow for the overhang over the front door and ended up drilling a hole that opened up to the sidewalk below. And even more unfortunately, a woman walking her dog saw what they were attempting and threatened to call the cops if they didn’t stop. And most unfortunately of all, when they jumped down from the roof they landed right in front of the store’s security camera, giving the cops a perfect mug shot. They’re under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Plaines, Illinois where bozo James Packer just didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. Police were called to our bozo’s residence on a report of fireworks being shot off illegally. When our bozo failed to answer the door, the cops drove down the street a block or so and waited for him to come out of the house. When he did, they swooped in and presented him with the illegal fireworks charge. And that’s when that bozo mouth just couldn’t stop. He told them, "I deal drugs but I don’t set off fireworks." Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Escatawpa, Mississippi where bozo Curtiss Collins wanted to call the local TV station to complain that he never got a FEMA trailer after the Hurricane Katrina disaster. In trying to get the number of the station’s consumer reporter, he accidentally dialed 911 instead of 411. And since he hung up on them without saying anything, the county sheriff’s department was sent over to check on him. When the cops arrived, our bozo didn’t answer the door. Fearing something was wrong, they broke in. And that’s when they discovered the meth lab set up in his living room. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Zinzhu, Taiwan where our unidentified bozo, a notorious drug dealer, had just escaped from the local prison. That evening the police department was holding a picnic to celebrate a local holiday, the Moon Festival. The public was invited, and our bozo must have assumed that included him, too. He was spotted sitting at a table in the corner wearing a bright yellow windbreaker and enjoying the free meal. Several officers recognized him and he was quickly placed under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Oley, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Scott Baxter who violated Bozo Rule Number 0005: In most circumstances it’s best to keep your mouth shut. Neighbors complained to the cops that our bozo was shouting obscenities in his back yard. When police arrived, they found him, just as the neighbors had described him, cursing in his back yard. What the neighbors didn’t tell the cops was that also in that back yard were about 100 marijuana plants, some of them nine feet tall. You should have heard him cuss when they busted him.
Bozo criminals for today come from Hendersonville, Tennessee where six bozos came up with a plan to rob a home. Four of them were dropped off at the targeted house and told to hide in the bushes until they received further instructions from the other two bozos, supposedly the brains of the operation. The four bozos waited patiently for four hours before coming out of hiding. Unfortunately, when they emerged from the bushes, they set off the home’s burglar alarm. The police quickly arrived and arrested the four and also found the "brains" asleep in their getaway car in a nearby parking lot.