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Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Mt. Ommaney, Australia, where our crooks broke into the offices of Fleetlink GPS and stole more than $13,000 worth of equipment including several in-car navigation systems. It took five days, but finally curiosity got the best of one of our bozos and he plugged one of the devices in. Bad idea. This immediately alerted the company as to the exact whereabouts of the device and also of our bozos, who are now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia, where bozo Mohammed Akbar needed change for a $100 bill. It was 4:30 in the morning and the only place open was a 24-hour drive-thru burger joint, so our bozo drove through and asked if they could break the big bill. Which might have been an OK idea except for the assault rifle that the clerk saw laying in his lap. When our bozo noticed the clerk had seen the gun, he tried to claim he was a cop. Which again might have been an OK idea except for the fact he was slurring his words and was obviously intoxicated. And right after stating he was an officer of the law, our bozo fell asleep. Right there in the drive-thru. The clerk called the cops who awakened and arrested our bozo.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 34098: The county jail probably isn’t the best place to attempt a heist. From Portage, Wisconsin, comes the story of bozo Aaron Mays who pulled his car up to a restricted area behind the jail. He got out and was attempting to load a large wooden pallet onto his truck when he was approached by officers. They didn’t buy his excuse that he worked for a pallet company and was picking it up for them. He’s been charged with attempted robbery and drug possession.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hebron, Connecticut, where bozo Brian Powell ran out of beer before his party ran out. So, he did what any bozo would do. He dialed 911 and told them it was an emergency; he needed them to bring him some beer. The dispatcher politely informed him that 911 was not running a beer delivery service and hung up. Not one to give up easily, our bozo called several more times, each time becoming more insistent in demanding that they deliver his beer. Finally, officers were dispatched to deliver him something, but it wasn’t beer. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bill Richards for sending in today’s report. From Danbury, Connecticut, comes the story of bozo Scott Smalley who walked into the police station, a non-smoking facility, puffing on a cigar. That’s mistake number one. He then leaned up to the thick glass partition separating the front desk officer from the public and blew smoke through the small opening in the glass and into the officer’s face. That’s mistake number two. He then ground the cigar out on the floor in front of the window. That’s mistake number three. His fourth and final mistake was his choice of smoking material. He had stuffed a large amount of marijuana inside the cigar and officers quickly recognized the aroma. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fairfield, Connecticut, where an unidentified bozo entered a Dunkin Donuts, claiming to be armed with a gun and a bomb. He gave the clerk a note announcing that this was a robbery and then proceeded to grab what he thought was the cash register. So far so good, right? Wrong. What he grabbed was the store’s adding machine, which has no money drawer. Oops.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Carlisle, England, where Bozo John Beckham broke into what he thought was an empty house and began rummaging around. As he made his way to the bedroom, he found the lady of the house enjoying an afternoon cup of tea. He quickly fled from the house with a few things he had picked up, but in the commotion he left something of his own behind. A bottle of prescription medication in his name. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Halifax, England where bozo Benjamin Wilcox stole a vehicle. And to throw the cops off his trail, he stole some license plates from another car and placed them on the hot one. Unfortunately, he forgot that English cars use different plates on the front and rear, with the one with yellow lettering going on the back and the one with the white lettering going on the front. And of course he put them on backwards, which attracted the attention of the police who figured out what was going on and placed him under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Donna Patillo for sending in today’s report. From McAllen, Texas comes the story of bozo Jose Lopez who told the police that two masked gunmen kicked down the door of his house and ransacked the place. He went on to tell them that the thieves stole 150 pounds of marijuana that he was wrapping for sale. And when the officers noticed more marijuana lying on the floor, he admitted that it was his. And he also admitted he was an illegal alien from Mexico. Not surprisingly, he’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Monroe, Ohio where bozo Richard Waymire made several mistakes. First, he picked an easily identifiable city vehicle as the one he wanted to steal. Second, he didn’t check the emergency brake before taking off. His third and final mistake was not noticing the flames coming from the rear tire which caught on fire because of the still engaged brake. The cops did notice the flames and they pulled over and arrested our bozo.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Daytona Beach, Florida comes the story of bozo Scott Rogers who wanted to take advantage of an offer a bank was having, where they would give you $50 for opening a savings account. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the required ID to open the account so he was denied. He then did what any bozo would do…since they wouldn’t give him $50, he wrote out a hold up note demanding they give him all the money in the bank. After the teller told him this wasn’t going to happen either, he left the bank and stood around outside a nearby gas station. He was spotted by the cops and placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia where Bozo Aw Cheng was pulled over by the cops on suspicion of drunken driving. When the officer asked our bozo to take a breath test, he offered the cop a bribe to let him go. Bad idea. The cop charged him with bribery. And it turned out to be an even worse idea after he was administered the breathalyzer test and he passed.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 33554: If you’re a wanted man, pay your tickets. From Bellevue, Washington, comes the story of bozo Ezequiel Zavala who had been on the run from the cops since 1988 on a murder charge. Our bozo had recently been pulled over for speeding but never bothered to pay the ticket. Last weekend he was pulled over again, this time for a broken license plate light. And when the unpaid ticket popped up, the officer decided to run a more complete check on him, including fingerprinting, which revealed his true identity. He’s now back in jail, facing murder charges, all because of that ticket.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cincinnati, Ohio where bozo Theresa Woods was pulled over for speeding. She became upset when she felt the cop was being anything but speedy in writing out her citation. The longer he took, the more upset she got until she finally got on her cell phone and called police headquarters to complain, telling the officer on duty she would shoot the patrolman if he didn’t write her ticket faster. Not the best idea. She’s now been arrested and charged with making threats against an officer.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Port Townsend, Washington comes the story of bozo Daniel Simpson who was a regular at the local bar. Customers there who were used to hearing him complain about being broke were shocked when he came in one evening, throwing cash around and buying drinks for everyone in the bar. One customer thought it was very strange and, after hearing that a nearby bank had been robbed that morning, called the cops. Officers found more cash and the holdup note in our bozo’s apartment. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Blackpool, England comes the story of bozo Alan Folkes who had been partying with his friends when the beer ran out. So, instead of going out to buy more, he decided to break into a place that he believed had a bar. A prison. Yep, he tried to break into the officer’s club at the deserted Kirkham Prison. There was no booze in there but there was still a functioning burglar alarm. The police arrived while our bozo was still searching for something to drink. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today forgot Bozo Rule Number 8904: Bozos and technology don’t mix. From St. Charles, Missouri comes the story of bozo Timothy Sloan who had big plans. He stole a printer used for printing driver’s licenses from the Missouri Department of Revenue. He obviously envisioned a thriving business printing fake ID’s. Only one problem…that printer required a software key to operate and he didn’t have it. So, he did what any bozo would do. He called the printer’s tech support hotline for help. Bad idea. They had already been alerted to be on the lookout for anyone asking about the printer. He left them a phone number for a call back and instead found the Secret Service calling on his door to place him under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Stockholm, Sweden where two bozos, armed with a handgun and a crowbar, attempted to rob a bank. Unfortunately, they failed to read the sign on the front door stating that this was a "cashless" bank and there was no cash on the premises. Undaunted, they left and headed to a nearby grocery store but were foiled by a quick thinking employee who saw them coming and locked the doors before they could get inside. The same employee also got the license plate number of their car as they attempted to escape. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springport, Michigan where two unidentified teenage bozos tried getting ready for Halloween by stealing several large blow-up Halloween ornaments from the front yard of a residence. And they might have gotten away with it if they had not decided to paint a few choice words on a nearby building. In the process, they spilled some paint and then stepped in it, giving the police a nice paint trail to follow right to their house. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 10909: Make sure your getaway vehicle is up to the task. From the International File in Limbach, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who shoplifted some cheese from the local market, only to be spotted by the store security guard. Our bozo managed to break free and made a dash for his getaway vehicle…a cement truck. That’s right, one of those huge cement mixer trucks. Needless to say, it’s not built for speed and the cops caught our "hardened" criminal at the next light.