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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Shad Bickering for sending in today’s report. From Athens, Georgia, comes the story of bozo Demetrius Russell who wanted to hold up a convenience store, but when he got there it was very busy with customers. So, to kill time while the store emptied, he asked for a job application, which he filled out with his real name and turned in to the clerk. He then threatened the clerk with a knife, getting away with a small amount of cash. He may need to update his resume now, as he’s currently residing in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report. From Viera, Florida, comes the story of bozo Heather Anders who was involved in a two-car accident that injured four other people but left her unhurt. When the police arrived on the scene, she jumped from her car, leaving her six year old behind, and tried to climb over a nearby fence. The cops quickly corralled her and, when asked why she tried to flee, she gave an answer that confirmed her status as a bozo. She told the officers she ran because, "That’s what they do on ‘Cops’". If she’s such a big fan of the show, she should also know that someone usually goes to jail. Which she did.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kalispell, Montana, where bozo Shane Rucker flashed a gun and demanded free food from a local taco restaurant. Noting his weapon looked a lot like a BB gun, the clerk refused. Our bozo told him he was serious and this time demanded cash. Again, the clerk refused his demands. Knowing when it was time to quit, our bozo put the gun back into his pocket and ordered a meal for himself, which he paid for. He had just sat down to eat it when the police arrived. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Waterloo, Iowa, where bozo Cash Brown broke into a Ford Explorer, with plans to steal it. Only one problem, he couldn’t get it to start. Not one to give up easily, he kept trying and trying until finally he ran the battery down. And that’s when his problems really began. The Explorer has a feature that automatically locks the doors whenever the battery goes dead. It worked perfectly, locking our bozo inside. At about this same time, the owner of the Explorer returned, saw our trapped bozo and called the cops. He was still struggling to get out when the police arrived.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joe Miller for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Madrid, Spain, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into a funeral home. Neighbors noticed something suspicious going on and called the cops. The funeral home’s owner arrived at about the same time the police did and once inside he noticed something strange. In one of the display caskets was our bozo, playing dead and hoping no one would notice. His breathing was a "dead" giveaway. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City, where bozo Cory Blakely held up a bank, getting away with $3900. To throw the cops off his trail, he peeled off his clothes and left them by a tree near the bank. Unfortunately, he forgot all about his wallet, with his birth certificate and social security card, which he left in his pants pocket. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in London, England. Bozo Kenneth Curtis made a couple of crucial errors in his attempt to steal some cash. First, his target for mugging was the British Justice Minister, who had her own personal bodyguard with her. When our bozo tried to grab her purse, her bodyguard immediately gave chase. Thinking the best plan was to get out of there as quickly as possible, our bozo jumped on a bus. That was his second big mistake. The bus was full of police officers who where on an exercise to ensure safer neighborhoods. This neighborhood just got safer. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Palm Beach, Florida, where bozo Frank Sampson was released from county jail after being locked up on a misdemeanor trespassing charge. And it was when he was released that his troubles really began. He immediately ran out to the court parking lot and, apparently wanting to get away from there as quickly as possible, tried to carjack a vehicle by forcing the driver out of the car. It was only once inside that he discovered it was a manual transmission and, you guessed it, he couldn’t drive stick. He was still trying to get it into gear when several officers arrived and escorted him back to jail.

Bozo criminals for today come from Vermilion, Ohio where two teenage boys broke into a house with the intention of robbing it. Apparently a barking dog inside the house panicked the teens and they ran away. To try to throw the cops off their trail, they contacted the police to report the break-in. When the officer asked them for a description of the alleged robbers, the two teens gave a perfect description…of themselves. And then one of the cops noticed the teens’ shoes matched muddy footprints outside the house. Busted!

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where Bozo Antonio Lara walked into a muffler shop, waved a gun around and announced a robbery. When he was told the money was locked in a safe and the manager who knew the combination was not there, he came up with the ultimate bozo solution. He gave the store employees his cell phone number and told them to give him a call when the manager arrived. The employees did just that, but before they called him back, they called the cops who arrested him when he arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, where bozo Robert Hayes was just trying to simplify things. He called a convenience store at 2 o’clock in the morning and asked the clerk how much money was in the register. When the clerk told him, he said he had a gun and the clerk should put the money in bag, place it outside the front door and he would be by to pick it up. True to his word, he stopped by a few minutes later and grabbed the sack. Unfortunately for him, the clerk had also called the cops who were nearby waiting for him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Salisbury, Connecticut where bozo Justin Vess was pulled over for speeding and driving erratically by the local cop. This ordinarily would not qualify him as a bozo; it was the excuse he gave the cops that secured his place in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the officer the reason he was speeding was that the Oreo cookie he was dunking in his cup of milk had slipped from his fingers and he was trying to fish it out when he lost control of the car. He’s been charged with speeding and driving with a suspended license.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Mitchell, Kentucky, where bozo Rodney McCullough broke into a residence wearing only a pair of skimpy thong underwear. Guess he must have been pretty proud of himself, too, as he set up a video camera and recorded himself rummaging through the house. Things took a bad turn when he encountered the homeowner who put up a fight and sent our bozo running away, leaving behind a couple of problems. First, he forgot to grab his video camera, which contained the recording of him burglarizing the house. And second, he had forgotten to use a new tape. On the end of the tape in the camera were scenes from a family get together, and one of the officers recognized several members of our bozo’s family. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Peterborough, Ontario, Canada, where bozo Archie Baxter was due to appear in court. Since he was prone to oversleep, he took precautions. And it didn’t involve buying an alarm clock. Instead, he called 911 and told them he had to be in court and needed a wake up call. The 911 operator politely told him they didn’t provide that service. Undeterred, our bozo then called the local police station and asked that they please call him early in the morning so he could make his court date. The officer on duty decided to do a little investigating and, wouldn’t you know it, our bozo was also wanted on an outstanding warrant. He didn’t get his wake up call but he did get a late night visit from the cops who placed him under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From Pinetops, North Carolina comes the story of bozo Devin Harper who walked into the local convenience store with the intention of robbing it. Not having a suitable disguise, he simply placed his football helmet on his head before entering. Which might have worked out OK, except for a couple of things. First, Pinetops is a small town and the odds are that the clerk would have recognized him, even wearing the helmet. But he made it even easier for him. He also wore his high school football jersey, with his name on the back. The cops caught up with him less than a block from the store.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wichita, Kansas, where bozo Charles White broke into the back of a smoke shop by knocking a hole in the wall. In the process, he also set off an alarm which summoned the cops. When they arrived, they noticed the hole and also several cartons of cigarettes, which our bozo had tossed out of the opening. So, they decided to wait and simply let him come to them. And eventually he did just that, snagging his pants on a nail as he crawled out. When he emerged he was pantless, embarrassed and arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Springfield, Ohio, comes the story of bozo James Ward who went on a burglary spree, robbing a number of homes in the area. Police were able to quickly link him to the crimes. He must have forgotten he was wearing a GPS monitoring bracelet because of a previous arrest. The bracelet did its job and placed him at the scene of several of the burglaries. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Wroclaw, Poland, where plans were made for a big bank robbery. Our bozos stormed in and one of them ordered the teller to open the cash drawer. Our other bozo the used pepper spray to put her out of action so they could grab the cash. Only one thing was unaccounted for. The heating duct that was directly behind the teller, which blew the spray back into our bozos faces. Oops. They fled empty handed.

Bozo criminals for today come from Port St. Lucie, Florida where two teenage boys needed money. So, they picked out a location and stormed the building’s lobby, with one of them holding his hand inside his jacket as though it were a gun. The other bozo demanded cash from the person behind the glass enclosure. The next thing they knew, they were surrounded by a half dozen police officers, with guns drawn. It seems they had mistaken the local police station for a bank. Busted!

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Tulsa, Oklahoma, where bozo Terence Morgan broke into the local Chinese restaurant, cleaning out the cash register and setting off the burglar alarm in the process. Police arrived quickly and spotted our bozo walking down the street nearby. Upon questioning him, they noticed he seemed rather nervous and when they checked his pockets they found a wad of money and several other items that sealed his fate. He had stuffed a bunch of the restaurant’s fortune cookies in his pocket as he left. His fortune: You’re going to jail.