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Bozo criminal for today forgot Bozo Rule Number 88765: The old saying, "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again" doesn’t apply in the bozo world. From Hampton, Virginia comes the story of bozo Eric Moore who had stolen a Honda Accord from a dealership back in August. The cops recovered the car and a surveillance photo of our bozo was posted at the dealership. The car had only been on the lot for one day when one of the employees noticed a very familiar face nosing around the Honda. Yep, it was our bozo who returned to the scene of the crime, apparently planning to steal the car again. All he succeeded in doing this time was getting himself arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Copenhagen, Denmark, where our unidentified bozo was on trial for bank robbery when he escaped during a lunch recess. After escaping, he went into hiding, right? Wrong. Maybe he adopted a new look and identity? Nah. Fled the country? Nope. Went back to his old employer and asked for his job back? Yep, that’s what he did. He didn’t get his job back but he is back under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Salina, Kansas, where police officers conducted a raid at a local trailer park, serving a warrant for suspected possession of illegal drugs to the resident at lot number 18. As the police announced their presence at the trailer on lot 18, the folks in the neighboring trailer, lot 17, apparently thought it was their house that was being raided and they started throwing packets of drugs and paraphernalia out the back door in plain view of one of the officers. Turns out the occupants of the trailer on lot 18 weren’t at home, so the cops just moved over one trailer and placed the bozos on lot 17 under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Salt Lake City, Utah, where bozo Ruth Foster isn’t technically a criminal, but the explanation she gave to the cop who pulled her over for speeding certainly landed her in the Bozo Hall of Fame. As the officer was talking to her about why she was driving over the speed limit, he noticed that the woman had a small portable vacuum on the dashboard. When he asked her why, she said her son had told her that she needed to buy a Dustbuster for her car to warn her about speed traps. We think maybe he meant Fuzzbuster…

Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Thomas Harper was pulled over by the cops for driving erratically. That in itself is not news. It was the excuse he gave for his poor driving that sent him directly to the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the police officer he swerved because his passenger spilled his beer. He’s been charged with drunken driving.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in London, England, where bozo Robert Peterson tried to break into a residence by climbing through a window. As he snaked his way inside, somehow one of his shoelaces got tangled up in the window latch and he soon found himself hanging upside down, halfway inside the house and halfway out. The more he struggled, the more tangled up the shoelace became and the tighter it held the shoe on his foot. And that’s how the hoemowner found him when he returned home. He’s now under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today from Oldsmar, Florida once again prove the adage that bozos and modern technology are a dangerous combination. Police report that three bozos forced a man into their car and ordered him to drive to the residence of someone the man knew and they had a dispute with. On the way there, our number one bozo, the one with the gun, received a text message on his cell phone. Not wanting to let it go unanswered, he laid the gun down on the car seat and began texting. Bad idea. The hostage grabbed the gun, shot him, escaped, and called 911.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Arlington, Texas, where bozo Dexter Whitaker perhaps needs to go back to thief academy. Our bozo passed a note to a teller at a local bank demanding cash. The note was written on the back of one of his personal checks, his first mistake. In spite of this boo-boo, our bozo got away with an undisclosed amount of cash. Well, he didn’t exactly get away. When he got to his car, he discovered he had left the keys inside the bank. And when he tried to go back inside to retrieve them, he discovered the teller had locked the doors. Oops. Police found him hiding in a trash bin about a block from the bank.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Iowa City, Iowa, where bozo Kody Munson stole a credit card and used it to buy some coffee and a carton of cigarettes. There was one small flaw in his plan…when he used the stolen card, he signed his own name to the receipts. And when the card came up as stolen when he tried to use it later at another store, he presented his own ID in an attempt to make the purchase. Busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from Springfield, Massachusetts, where two unidentified bozos broke into Mr. Lee’s clothing store and walked out carrying a number of boxes and bags. Two things tripped them up. Number one, a local resident saw what was going on and called the cops. And, number two, when the cops caught up with our bozos, they were wearing several items of the stolen clothing…with the price tags still attached. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Gloucester, England. Bozo Ahmed Akbar got a fake death certificate from Afghanistan and forged it, claiming he had died of brain trauma after an accident in his home country. His wife then submitted a claim to his insurance carrier for a $600,000 life insurance policy. From this point on, our bozo made a number of mistakes. First, he continued to live and work openly in Gloucester, making no effort to appear "dead". When the insurance investigator tracked him down, our bozo denied any knowledge of his "death." Just one small thing sealed his fate…his fingerprints on his own death certificate. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Sean Linthicum for sending in today’s report. From Fort Madison, Iowa, comes the story of bozo Jason Slagel who apparently got into an argument with five of his friends and ended up holding them hostage at knifepoint at a local hotel. After a couple of hours our bozo got thirsty so he sent two of his hostages out on a beer run. Bad idea. Instead of picking up beer, they called the cops who quickly placed our bozo under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report. From Tampa, Florida, comes the story of bozo Lorenzo Cook who broke into a vehicle at the mall and grabbed a $500 digital camera before being spotted by the car’s owner. Our bozo then took off, leaving behind a shoe and the screwdriver he used to break into the vehicle, but his biggest problem was his choice of a hiding place. He sought refuge in a portable toilet on a nearby construction site. Unfortunately, the car’s owner and a friend were hot on his heels and they simply tipped over the port-a-potty, effectively locking him inside until the police arrived. After a quick hose down, he was placed under arrest.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Bucharest, Romania, where two bozo burglars thought they were doing the right thing when they put socks on their hands to avoid leaving behind fingerprints when they robbed a cellular phone store. This could possibly have been a good idea if they had used clean socks. Instead, they took their old, smelly socks off their feet and put them on their hands. A police dog was able to track them down from the smell of those socks and they were placed under arrest less than two hours later.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Seville, Spain, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who thought he had the perfect alibi. He was being questioned by the police about the robbery of a taxi driver. Our bozo responded that he could not have committed the crime since he was "out picking pockets" that night. Oops. He’s looking at ten years in jail for theft.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule number 8787 which clearly states that you should always obtain a getaway vehicle that will go faster than five miles per hour. From Gastonia, North Carolina, comes the story of bozo John Wilbanks who drove up to a gas station, filled up, and left without paying. The attendant was on the lookout for gas thieves and called the cops who arrived and busted our bozo before he got more than 100 yards down the road. Did we mention our bozo was driving a stolen vehicle? A riding lawn mower. He’s been charged with theft.

From Las Cruces, New Mexico, comes the story of bozo Gregory Randall who broke into the local library through a window. For unknown reasons, our bozo was not able to get out of the library the same way he came in, so he instead tried the front door. Unfortunately for our bozo, it was only after he had walked through the first set of doors and they had locked behind them that he noticed the front door leading outside was locked. Now, finding himself trapped like a rat in the entryway of the library, our bozo did the only thing he knew to do. He called 911 for help. The police were nice enough to come by and free him before locking him up.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon, where bozo former police officer Edward Lucas has been accused of covering his face in makeup, putting on a phony mustache and sunglasses, and placing a fake explosive device in the bathroom of a bank. He then demanded money from a teller, escaping with a small amount of cash. But it was after he was captured that he assured his place in the Bozo Hall of Fame. The former police officer told investigators that he never intended to rob the bank. He just wanted to get the feel of what it was like to be a bank robber for a police training video that he planned to produce.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today wasn’t aware of Bozo Rule #3254: Duct tape isn’t good for every job. From Albuquerque, New Mexico, comes the story of bozo Larry Simpson who held up a dry cleaning establishment and then made what he thought was a "clean" getaway. Only problem, he had placed a single piece of duct tape over his license plate and he probably should have used two or three. The tape wasn’t wide enough to cover the numbers, with the tops and bottoms still being visible. The clerk was able to decipher the plate and the cops tracked down our bozo less than two hours later.

Bozo criminals for today come from Alexandria, Louisiana, where bozos Charles Hampton and Debbie Alberts got into an argument over whether a friend should be allowed to stay at their house overnight. The argument escalated until bozo Debbie finally resorted to using the most unusual bozo weapon ever. She picked up a barbeque pit and hit bozo Charles over the head with it. Charles was able to shake it off and retaliated by hitting Debbie over the head with the same barbeque pit. She then took the pit and threw it through the back window of the prospective guest’s car. It was then that the cops were called. Both bozos are now under arrest, which is the pits.