Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From Vero Beach, Florida, comes the story of bozo Shawn Palmer who pulled up to the drive thru window at the local McDonalds and tried to pay for his food with marijuana. Yep, he tried to exchange pot for a couple of Big Macs. The cashier turned down his offer and called the cops who placed our bozo under arrest. Guess this gives a whole new meaning to "Happy Meal."
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joe Haig for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Manchester, England, comes the story of bozo Trevor Arthur who stole several ATM cards. He had the cards, but he didn’t have the PIN numbers. So, he did what any bozo would do. He marched down to his local bank and started randomly entering PIN numbers into the ATM, hoping to hit the jackpot. After returning several days in a row to try his hand at the ATM, bank officials became suspicious and called the cops. He’s now under arrest.
Bozo criminals for today come from Chalmette, Louisiana, where bozo Troy McLain and his aunt, Lisa Snyder, burglarized a home and got away with several items, including a distinctive blanket with a dog pattern on it. Our bozos put the blanket to good use, hanging it in their front window so peering eyes couldn’t see all the other loot they had stolen and had stashed there. Which might have been a good idea except for the fact that they were next door neighbors of the people they robbed. And the victims spotted that distinctive blanket in the window immediately and called the cops. They’re under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report. From Detroit, Michigan, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who approached a man on the street and demanded that he turn over his cash. The man gave him $50, but when our bozo turned to flee, the man jumped on him, threw him to the ground and placed him in a chokehold. And that’s when our bozo offered up the Bozo Deal of the Week. If he would let him go, not only would he give him back the $50, but he would also throw in and extra $30 he had on him. Yep, our bozo lost $30 in the robbery. The cops are looking for him but he can’t exactly be charged with theft, can he?
Bozo criminal for today comes from Fargo, North Dakota where bozo Joseph West noticed a bicycle sitting unattended in a parking lot. So, he grabbed it and was just beginning to pedal off when he was confronted by a police officer. Our bozo tried to pass off the story that it was his bike. Didn’t work. You see, the parking lot he stole the bike from was the police impound lot. And the bicycle was one that the cops had tagged and were holding after its owner had been arrested. And that cop, he was sitting in his patrol car in the parking lot and saw the whole thing. Busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bristol, England, where bozo Aaron Easley broke into a police surveillance car that had been placed in a high crime neighborhood as bait for car thieves. Our bozo didn’t take the car but he did steal the vehicle’s satellite navigation system. Unfortunately, he didn’t notice the surveillance camera that caught a nice picture of his neck, complete with a tattoo that contained his name and birthdate. Cops used this information to place our bozo under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Crestview, Florida, comes the story of bozo Charles Dowler who showed up at his girlfriend’s house just as the cops arrived to serve a search warrant for suspected illegal drugs. Our bozo took a look at what was going on and, pointing at a bag of marijuana in the bedroom, said, "That weed’s mine!" The cops thanked him for the help and placed him under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Newark, New Jersey, where bozo Shawn Joslin led the cops on a wild chase after they tried to pull him over for driving erratically. He hit several signs before veering off the road, nearly striking a utility pole and then swerving back across the road again. This left his truck with four flat tires so he finally gave up and pulled over. It was the excuse he gave the officers for his erratic driving that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He said he was swerving all over the road because he was trying to roll a marijuana cigarette while he was driving. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where at least Bozo Robert Bradley’s heart was in the right place. Our bozo was a guard for an armored car company and he held up another company employee as she was leaving a bank with a cash delivery, getting away with $330,000. He didn’t get very far, however, as he was concerned about his co-worker and sent her a text message after the heist asking if she was OK. Bad idea the cops used that and the six pictures taken by surveillance cameras to identify and arrest our bozo.
Bozo criminal for today comes from our Bozos Never Learn file. From Mukwonago, Wisconsin, comes the story of bozo Paul Carpenter who was running a little low on gas. And, with the cost of fuel these days, he thought rather than buying any, he’d just siphon what he needed from a nearby van. It was late, there wasn’t much light and he couldn’t tell how much gas he had in the container. So, he did what any bozo would do. He used his lighter to check. After being treated for burns, he was arrested.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Inyokern, California, where bozo Donald Drake stole about $8000 in cash from a local restaurant. Police had no leads until he showed up in court to pay a fine…in cash…using those stolen bills. Which wouldn’t have been a problem except that the money he stole had been used as decorations on the restaurant’s wall and there was a tradition where the customers would write the name of the restaurant on the bills before pinning them to the wall. The clerk immediately recognized them and our bozo was placed under arrest.
Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, where it looks like the high cost of gasoline is causing everyone, even our bozos, to try to conserve. Two bozos hijacked a security van with $1.3 million inside. So far, so good. It was when they tried to transfer the money into their gas saving compact car that they ran into trouble. There simply wasn’t enough room in there and they had to leave behind almost $800,000. Police recovered the cash and hopefully will arrest our bozos before they buy a bigger car and try again.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Lincoln, Nebraska, comes the story of bozo Wesley Lamar who called the cops to report that someone was trying to break into his apartment. When the police arrived, they discovered the person trying to get in was the manager who said it was supposed to be a vacant apartment. Upon further investigation, the cops discovered that our bozo had somehow managed to change the locks on the place and was staying there rent free. Not surprisingly, they also found him in possession of three pounds of marijuana. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dave Benoit for sending in today’s report from Boscawen, New Hampshire. Bozo Hollie Carpenter was a wanted woman after walking away from a halfway house. Instead of keeping a low profile, she decided to provide moral support to a friend who was also wanted by the cops. She accompanied her friend to jail when she turned herself in. Good friend…bad idea. The cop behind the desk recognized our bozo and she was also placed under arrest.
Bozo criminals for today once again prove that modern technology and bozos just don’t mix. From Washington, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozos Steven Lange and Michael Norris who were charged with stealing two monkeys from a Wild World of Animals park. Bozo Michael pleaded guilty and was sentenced to two years in jail. Bozo Steven failed to show up for his court date and was considered to be a fugitive. The cops didn’t have any trouble tracking him down, however. They just entered his name on the MySpace website and found all his information, including his phone number and home address. He’s under arrest.
Bozo Criminal for today from the International File in Norf, Germany, proves that sometimes even the best disguise can’t hide everything. Wearing a ski mask, bozo Sandra Morse pulled off a successful bank robbery, getting away with around $24,000 in cash. However, the urge to return to the scene of the crime was just too much for her and only a few weeks later she was back in the same bank branch. Only this time she was quickly identified by a bank employee who called the cops. And since she had worn a ski mask the last time she was in the bank, it wasn’t her face that gave her away. It seems our bozo has an "unusually large backside and powerful thighs." In fact, the employee said he’d never seen anything quite like it and there was no doubt in his mind it was her. The cops found a ski mask and a handgun in her jacket pocket and placed her under arrest.
Bozo criminals for today come from Kansas City, Missouri, where three bozos decided to steal an ATM machine. They somehow managed to load the heavy device onto a trailer that was hitched to their pickup truck, but transporting it was another matter entirely, as the police discovered when they responded to the alarm set off by our bozos. A short distance down the road, they found an overturned pickup truck and trailer and, lying nearby, the still intact ATM machine. It seems in their haste to getaway, they lost control of the truck and its cargo. Cops used the license tag on the truck to track down and arrest our bozos.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today’s report from Iowa City, Iowa. Bozo Mark Brown was pulled over by the cops for driving with his headlights off. It didn’t take the cops long to determine our bozo was intoxicated and after he failed the Breathalyzer test, he was loaded into the squad car. And that’s when he made the officer an offer that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the cop that if he would let him go, he would get him a couple of free sandwiches. Maybe he should have offered donuts. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Wichita, Kansas, where bozo Thomas Hall was carrying a gun in his pocket when it discharged, shooting him in the leg. Then, when he tried to take it out, it went off again, hitting him in the leg a second time. He went to the hospital where he was immediately taken into surgery. When the hospital released him the cops placed him under arrest. It seems he is a convicted felon and is prohibited by law from carrying a firearm. Guess you could say he shot himself in the foot as well as in the leg.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Boston, Massachusetts, where bozo Anthony Perry had a dispute with a neighbor who he claimed owed him money. It was his rather unusual approach to gaining restitution that insured his place in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He went to his neighbor’s house, grabbed the man’s goat, and rode away on his bicycle while holding the goat. Needless to say, this attracted the attention of the cops who pulled him and the goat over and charged him with larceny.