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(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Raymond Green was charged with breaking and entering even though he didn’t steal anything. It seems our bozo had a friend who wanted to have his head shaved. Now, we don’t know why, but our bozo’s living room just didn’t seem to be the right place to do the job. For reasons known only to the bozo mind it was decided that his friend’s head could be better shaved on the front porch of a nearby house. Only one problem…it was dark. So our bozo simply let himself into the house to turn on the porch light. Unfortunately four our bozo, the residents were home at the time and they called the cops. No word on whether the bozo’s buddy ever got his head shaved.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Vallejo, California, where bozo Floyd Stanger stole a pickup truck but only got a short distance down the Interstate before the truck ran out of gas. You know how far it can be to the next service station on those Interstates and, not wanting to leave his newly stolen vehicle behind, he simply picked up his cell phone and called for help. He dialed up 911 and asked if the cops could come by and help him out. Sure they could. They helped him out of the truck and took him to jail.

Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bordeaux, France, where bozo Jean Galle pointed a gun at a bank teller and demanded $13,700. When the teller told him there wasn’t that much in the cash drawer, our bozo lowered his demand to $6800. Sorry, the teller told him, there’s not that much cash here, either. Frustrated, our bozo told the teller he would just withdraw a small amount from his own account. That’s right, he said he’d take some cash from his personal account. The teller said fine and our bozo handed over his ID card. He got his cash, she called the cops and he’s headed to jail.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 5001: When driving a stolen vehicle it’s usually a good idea to keep a low profile. From Tallahassee, Florida, comes the story of bozo Alonzo Murphy who pulled into a convenience store parking lot in his stolen car. He proceeded to park in a handicapped space with the stereo blasting and refused to move the vehicle for a police officer. Not a good idea. The officer ran a quick check of the license plate and discovered it was a stolen vehicle. Our bozo then put up a fight when the officer tied to arrest him. He’s now been charged with grand theft, battery on a police officer, cocaine and marijuana possession, resisting arrest and parking in a handicapped space. Maybe next time he’ll park in the designated area.

Bozo criminal for today comes from South Salt Lake City, Utah, where bozo Bill Hall wanted to go home to see his mother for Christmas. So, he took a plane, right? Wrong. Maybe hopped on a bus? Nope. Our bozo wanted to drive himself, but since he didn’t have a vehicle of his own, he decided to steal one. It was his choice of vehicle to steal that got him into trouble. Firefighters on an emergency call heard the sound of their $500,000 truck’s air horn blaring and rushed outside. There, they found our bozo in the driver’s seat of the fire truck, trying to get it into gear so he could drive away. He won’t be seeing mom this Christmas. He’s under arrest.

Merry Christmas!

Sometimes our bozos just make it too easy on the cops. Case in point, bozo Walter Hill from Galveston, Texas. The cops suspected our bozo of trafficking in cocaine and when a tipster gave them his cell phone number, they called and set up a buy. The cops requested that our bozo deliver the coke to them at a certain address, which he agreed to do. And they also asked him to give them a description of himself so they’d know who to look for. Must have been a pretty good description. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today must have forgotten that old adage about carrying a big stick. From Fort Worth, Texas, comes the story of bozo Michael Ramsey who walked into Eddie’s Fried Chicken, armed with a tree branch, and demanded cash. Not frightened by his choice of weapon, one of the store employees grabbed a broom and the two proceeded to engage in a wooden duel. When a second employee clobbered our stick wielding bozo with a chair, he thought better of things and fled. Police found him nursing his wounds in a nearby dumpster and placed him under arrest.

Bozo Criminal for today must have forgotten Bozo Rule Number 32098: If there’s a chance you might be robbing someone who knows you, it’s a good idea to use a note. From Lombard, Illinois, comes the story of bozo Terry Clark who put on a ski mask and held up the Dunkin’ Donuts where he used to work. Even with the disguise, the clerk immediately recognized him because of his distinctive stutter. She ID’ed him to the cops and he was quickly arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hallandale Beach, Florida, where bozo Johnny Slattery was walking by a funeral home while a service was in progress. Outside was a hearse, with the keys in the ignition and the engine running. The temptation was just too much for our bozo. He hopped in and drove off, making a stop at his home to ask if any of his relatives wanted to go for a ride. Guess he didn’t realize a hearse is a pretty easy vehicle for the cops to spot. After a brief chase, he was placed under arrest and given a ride to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Grapevine, Texas where police were alerted to a man impersonating a police officer. Bozo Juan Rodriguez had his truck all tricked out with red and blue flashing lights that looked quite realistic. He must have spent all his money on the lights and had nothing left to spend on his fake police ID. He was using a Chipolte Mexican restaurant gift card, with the restaurant name scratched out and the word "Police" written in magic marker. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Bronx, New York, where two men mugged a 71-year-old woman in the elevator of her apartment building. Her neighbors noticed what was going on and called 911. Our two bozos were running out of the building when they spotted a light blue Ford Crown Victoria, a car often used as a taxi. Thinking it was a cab, they tried to flag it down. It turned out to be an unmarked police car answering the 911 call. They’re busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. The current trend of multiple body tattoos has caused unforeseen problems for a number of bozos. Case in point today is bozo Darnell Foster from St. Paul, Minnesota, who was stopped by the cops after an officer noticed him driving erratically. When the officer asked him for his license and registration, our bozo couldn’t produce either. When asked if he had any sort of photo ID, he replied that he’d never had one. When the officer asked our bozo his name, he told him it was "Darnell Lewis." When the officer asked him why he had the name "Darnell Foster" tattooed on his neck, he couldn’t come up with an answer. A quick check of the name tattooed on our bozo’s neck revealed he was wanted on at least two felony warrants. He’s busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Queensland, Australia, where bozo Benjamin Alexander submitted claims to the Australian Medicare Department, saying he was owed over $2700 for medical services. His problems began when he told an auditor that the gynecological and obstetrics services he was asking payment for were performed on him. Yes, he is a man. Maybe he needs to brush up on medical procedures before he files any more false claims. He’s under arrest.

As Christmas approaches, this cautionary reminder from the Bozo Files. Rochester, New Hampshire is the home of bozo Adam Graham who got a little carried away with his holiday celebrations. He lit up a Roman candle and began firing it at passing vehicles. Unfortunately for him, one of the passing vehicles was an unmarked police car. Oops. He’s been charged with reckless conduct.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cleveland, Ohio, where bozo attorney Phillip Bates was representing himself in a civil case before a judge known for his firm hand in the courtroom. At one point in the proceedings, our bozo accused the other attorney of being a "bleeping liar." The astonished judge asked our bozo to please repeat what he had said. And, in a case of not knowing when to keep your mouth shut, our bozo repeated the profane phrase, a little louder this time. Bad idea. The judge sentenced him to six months in jail right there on the spot for contempt of court.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From Muncie, Indiana, comes the story of bozo Heather Clark who was a passenger in a car that was pulled over for a traffic violation. While the officer was talking to the driver, our bozo asked him if he would mind if she smoked. The officer gave his OK and our bozo lit up. It was what she lit up that got her into trouble. Right there in front of the officer, she lit up a marijuana cigarette. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from New Port Richey, Florida. Bozo Lori Carter was not satisfied with the service she received at the local McDonalds, so she called 911 to complain. Police officers quickly arrived at the restaurant, but not for the reason our bozo had hoped for. After explaining to her that 911 is not a complaint line, they also informed her that she was under arrest for driving under the influence.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stockton, California, where our bozo at least gets bonus points for finding an original hiding place. Bozo Joseph Washington broke into a residence and was prowling around when the homeowner returned. After taking a quick look around, the homeowner could see that the house had been ransacked but our bozo was nowhere to be found. The police were called and were taking a look around when an officer noticed a large 3 foot by 2 foot Rubbermaid storage container with the lid slightly ajar. When he lifted the lid, he discovered…a Bozo in a Box. Our very flexible bozo is now under arrest.

If there’s one constant among bozos, it’s just that they never know when to leave well enough alone. Such is the case with bozo Maggie Baxter from Ocala, Florida, who was arrested and charged with DUI when an officer noticed her driving erratically. While in the holding area at the police station, an officer asked her to remove her shoes, which she did. But she didn’t stop there. She also took off her top and her pants before an officer stepped in to stop her, thus saving her from having indecent exposure charges added to her rap sheet.