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Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Warsaw, Poland, where an unidentified bozo had robbed a cosmetics shop. He made it back home but got tipped off that the cops were coming to his aunt’s apartment, where he was staying, to look for him. It was then that he came up with our Bozo Hiding Place of the Year. He rolled himself up in a large Persian carpet, propping himself up against a balcony wall. The cops searched the place for two hours without finding him. Then, one of the cops went out on the balcony for a smoke. And that’s when he noticed that rolled up carpet was trembling. Our bozo was unrolled and arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Alford for sending in today’s report. From Milwaukee, Wisconsin, comes the story of bozo Jeff Franklin who snatched a woman’s purse in front of a clothing store, getting away with her money but not escaping the video surveillance cameras in front of the store. The cops knew just what our bozo looked like and were surprised when he showed up at the station house the next day to inquire about the arrest of his girlfriend on unrelated charges. Guess he didn’t realize what a big star he’d become. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Walnut Ridge, Arkansas, where bozo Robert Lasater thought he’d found the ideal place to set up his methamphetamine lab…in the basement of the local funeral home. Which might have been an OK idea except for one thing: The funeral home is across the street from the police station. Officers there noticed the lights on in the home after hours and walked over to check things out. The front door was unlocked and they walked right into his lab. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Worth, Texas, where bozo James Farmer was on trial on drug possession charges. He got a little nervous when he heard the prosecutor ask for life in prison during his closing arguments. During a break, he ran out of the courthouse and didn’t come back. Bad idea. When the trial resumed, the jury announced their decision: A $1000 fine and six years probation. Of course that was before they discovered he had fled. He now faces felony charges of evading arrest. Oops.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Nova Varos, Serbia, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who walked into the local bank wearing a ski mask and pointed a shotgun at the teller, demanding cash. He got away with quite a bit, around $60,000, but he didn’t stay away for long. He removed the ski mask and returned to the bank a few minutes later to use some of the cash he had just stolen to pay off an overdraft charge he had on his checking account. Several employees recognized him, even without the mask, and called the cops. He was arrested before he even got his overdraft problems straightened out.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Council Bluffs, Iowa, where an unidentified bozo walked into a cell phone store and demanded cash from the clerk. When she was only able to give him a few dollars, he became frustrated and whipped out a can of pepper spray, which he then proceeded to spray in his own face. Police are looking for a very bleary eyed bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Monterrey, Mexico. Bozo Ana Gomez was well known around town for begging from her wheelchair. Residents were shocked to hear that she and her husband had tried to rob the local furniture store. And they were even more surprised to learn that when the store’s security guard confronted the couple, she jumped out of her wheelchair and ran away on foot. They were arrested by the cops when they returned to the store to get her wheelchair.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon, where an unidentified bozo definitely picked the wrong place to try to rob. He walked up to a car wash, flashed a gun at the employee on duty and told him to empty the cash register. The employee didn’t even blink. He reached down and grabbed the high pressure car wash wand and blasted our bozo in the face with a mixture of hot water and soap, under 2000 pounds of pressure. The blast almost knocked our bozo off his feet but he recovered and was able to get away. Police are looking for a very clean crook.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, where it goes without saying that chewing tobacco is quite popular. And that rather nasty habit ultimately led to our bozo’s arrest. Bozo Randy Smith had pulled off a number of robberies at Oklahoma City businesses and police had no evidence against him until one officer noticed a tobacco stain on some papers at the scene of one of the burglaries. The spit was sent in for DNA testing (and you think you have a bad job). Sure enough the spit matched our bozo, who the police had pegged as a suspect but until then had nothing to link him to the crimes. He’s busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Longview, Texas, where bozo Samuel Calder was in dire need of some marijuana, so he sent a text message to his dealer and asked if he could deliver. Only one problem, instead of going to the dealer, the text went to the cell phone of a Longview police officer. Oops. He’s busted.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the out of the frying pan, into the fire department. From the Elmwood Correctional Facility in Milpitas, California, comes the story of bozo Arnold Abraham who busted out of the prison under cover of darkness by climbing over the fence surrounding the facility. Perhaps he should have planned his escape a little more thoroughly. When he climbed down from the fence he discovered that he was not on the outside. Instead, he had climbed down into the exercise yard of the neighboring women’s prison. Guards quickly captured him and took him back to his cell.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Raymond Green was charged with breaking and entering even though he didn’t steal anything. It seems our bozo had a friend who wanted to have his head shaved. Now, we don’t know why, but our bozo’s living room just didn’t seem to be the right place to do the job. For reasons known only to the bozo mind it was decided that his friend’s head could be better shaved on the front porch of a nearby house. Only one problem…it was dark. So our bozo simply let himself into the house to turn on the porch light. Unfortunately four our bozo, the residents were home at the time and they called the cops. No word on whether the bozo’s buddy ever got his head shaved.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Vallejo, California, where bozo Floyd Stanger stole a pickup truck but only got a short distance down the Interstate before the truck ran out of gas. You know how far it can be to the next service station on those Interstates and, not wanting to leave his newly stolen vehicle behind, he simply picked up his cell phone and called for help. He dialed up 911 and asked if the cops could come by and help him out. Sure they could. They helped him out of the truck and took him to jail.

Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bordeaux, France, where bozo Jean Galle pointed a gun at a bank teller and demanded $13,700. When the teller told him there wasn’t that much in the cash drawer, our bozo lowered his demand to $6800. Sorry, the teller told him, there’s not that much cash here, either. Frustrated, our bozo told the teller he would just withdraw a small amount from his own account. That’s right, he said he’d take some cash from his personal account. The teller said fine and our bozo handed over his ID card. He got his cash, she called the cops and he’s headed to jail.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 5001: When driving a stolen vehicle it’s usually a good idea to keep a low profile. From Tallahassee, Florida, comes the story of bozo Alonzo Murphy who pulled into a convenience store parking lot in his stolen car. He proceeded to park in a handicapped space with the stereo blasting and refused to move the vehicle for a police officer. Not a good idea. The officer ran a quick check of the license plate and discovered it was a stolen vehicle. Our bozo then put up a fight when the officer tied to arrest him. He’s now been charged with grand theft, battery on a police officer, cocaine and marijuana possession, resisting arrest and parking in a handicapped space. Maybe next time he’ll park in the designated area.

Bozo criminal for today comes from South Salt Lake City, Utah, where bozo Bill Hall wanted to go home to see his mother for Christmas. So, he took a plane, right? Wrong. Maybe hopped on a bus? Nope. Our bozo wanted to drive himself, but since he didn’t have a vehicle of his own, he decided to steal one. It was his choice of vehicle to steal that got him into trouble. Firefighters on an emergency call heard the sound of their $500,000 truck’s air horn blaring and rushed outside. There, they found our bozo in the driver’s seat of the fire truck, trying to get it into gear so he could drive away. He won’t be seeing mom this Christmas. He’s under arrest.

Merry Christmas!

Sometimes our bozos just make it too easy on the cops. Case in point, bozo Walter Hill from Galveston, Texas. The cops suspected our bozo of trafficking in cocaine and when a tipster gave them his cell phone number, they called and set up a buy. The cops requested that our bozo deliver the coke to them at a certain address, which he agreed to do. And they also asked him to give them a description of himself so they’d know who to look for. Must have been a pretty good description. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today must have forgotten that old adage about carrying a big stick. From Fort Worth, Texas, comes the story of bozo Michael Ramsey who walked into Eddie’s Fried Chicken, armed with a tree branch, and demanded cash. Not frightened by his choice of weapon, one of the store employees grabbed a broom and the two proceeded to engage in a wooden duel. When a second employee clobbered our stick wielding bozo with a chair, he thought better of things and fled. Police found him nursing his wounds in a nearby dumpster and placed him under arrest.

Bozo Criminal for today must have forgotten Bozo Rule Number 32098: If there’s a chance you might be robbing someone who knows you, it’s a good idea to use a note. From Lombard, Illinois, comes the story of bozo Terry Clark who put on a ski mask and held up the Dunkin’ Donuts where he used to work. Even with the disguise, the clerk immediately recognized him because of his distinctive stutter. She ID’ed him to the cops and he was quickly arrested.