Bozo criminal for today comes from Biddeford, Maine, where bozo Mary Green went into a convenience store and threatened to blow her own head off if the clerk didn’t empty the register. He gave her several hundred dollars and then watched her walk across the street to a pizza restaurant, where she ordered herself a pepperoni pizza and calmly sat down to wait for her order. She was still waiting when the cops arrived.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Burlington, Vermont, where bozo Marcel French wanted a trophy deer really bad. So bad that he used epoxy glue and lag bolts to attach a 10-point rack to an antlerless deer. Guess he must not have tightened those lag bolts down enough. The game warden was tipped off and said, in addition to looking out of place on a small deer, the antlers wiggled like a loose tooth when you grabbed them. Oops. He’s been fined and jailed for game violations.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Seattle, Washington, comes the story of bozo James Green who was clocked by the cops doing 110 MPH on Interstate 90. It was when the cops asked him why he was in such a hurry that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told them that he was trying to get home before bidding closed on an e-Bay auction item that he wanted. Wonder if it was a radar detector? Anyway, the cops didn’t buy his excuse. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, where Bozo Kristopher Lane broke into the local tavern and stole four cases of beer. Police were able to track him down because he left one vital piece of evidence at the scene. Something that, if he had only used it, might have kept him from heading down the road to a life of crime. Police used the information on the library card that our bozo dropped to track him down and place him under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia, where bozo Thomas Baxter broke into a liquor store by climbing in through a hole in the roof. Unfortunately, he didn’t have an exit strategy. He couldn’t climb back up to the roof and burglar bars on the doors and windows kept him from getting out that way. So, he made himself at home until the police arrived. They found him with a bottle of gin in his hand and his pockets stuffed with playing cards and cigarette lighters. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacksonville, Florida, where police pulled over Bozo Ryan Smith after receiving a tip that he was hauling marijuana in his pickup truck. Upon inspection, the cops discovered that he was indeed transporting 17 pot plants. It was then that Ryan offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops that burglars had been active in his neighborhood and he was moving the plants to another location for safekeeping. The cops weren’t sympathetic. He’s busted!
Our bozo for today probably doesn’t deserve the title of "criminal." In fact, he did something that most likely we’ve all thought about doing after dealing with a government agency. From Swanzey, New Hampshire, comes the story of bozo Robert Yates who was upset because his Social Security check had not been deposited into his account as usual. So, he called the Social Security office to complain. After negotiating a complicated voice mail system, he was then shifted from one employee to another until he was put on hold for almost an hour. When someone finally came back on the line, he blew a gasket and said he was going to kill the first person he found at the Social Security office. They took his treat seriously and our bozo was arrested and charged with criminal threatening. And to add insult to injury, when he returned home, he found his Social Security check waiting for him in the mailbox. He had forgotten that he had cancelled his direct deposit.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where bozo Dan Bates was smitten with a co-worker, but he couldn’t get her to pay any attention to him. So, he hatched the ultimate bozo scheme. He put on a ski mask and a hood and went to her work area where he threatened to kill her before running away. Building security was then called and, who should show up to offer comfort and support, but our bozo, without the mask and hood. Unfortunately, he didn’t bring a change of clothes and she quickly identified him as her attacker. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Charleston, West Virginia, where bozo Shawn Lucas walked into a convenience store, told the clerk he had a gun and demanded that she empty the register. At that very moment, a customer walked in and our bozo got flustered. So flustered that he told the clerk to give him a soft drink, which he paid for with his debit card. Oops. Cops used the debit card to track down and arrest our bozo for attempted robbery.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Millington, Tennessee, where bozo Eric McDuff broke into a home and stole a big screen TV. While he was in the house, he took a little break and called the boyfriend of the victim on his cell phone, which he then proceeded to leave on the entertainment center. Our bozo was arrested when he called the victim and asked if he could have his cell phone back.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in today’s report from Chula Vista, California. Bozo Romeo Moreno was a suspect on the run from the local cops in connection with a December robbery. Police had no clues to his whereabouts until he sent in an application for a police officers’ exam that the local department was holding. Yep, he wanted to give up crime and become a cop. Detectives were waiting at the registration table for him when he arrived. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Canberra, Australia, where we have another example of a bozo foiled by modern technology. Police were called to a residence after the homeowners heard noises in their garage. Upon arrival, the cops were surprised to find our very nervous bozo inside the homeowner’s vehicle, frantically trying to get the door open. Apparently, he had locked himself inside the car and, for whatever reason, couldn’t find the button to unlock the door to let himself out. The cops unlocked the door and locked our bozo up.
Bozo criminals for today come from Palm Bay, Florida, where two teenage bozos broke into a residence and helped themselves to a number of items. While looking around, one of the investigating officers noticed a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup wrapper on the ground in the home’s back yard. Upon further investigation, he discovered another, and another, and another, with the wrapper trail leading to the front porch of a nearby house. Apparently, the teenagers had raided the candy dish on their way out. They’re busted.
Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo Raymond Green pulled a knife on a deli owner and escaped with two bottles of malt liquor. Officers followed our bozo back to his apartment building but accidentally grabbed a different man who answered the door. As the cops led the man down the street, our bozo opened the window and shouted, "It was me, you idiots, you arrested the wrong guy!" It didn’t take them long to correct their mistake. He’s now under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Cedarcrest, Delaware, where bozo Sean Klein broke into a residence and was surprised by the homeowner when he strolled into the den. Our bozo immediately made a beeline for the front door, dropping his cell phone on the way out. While officers were investigating, the cell phone began to ring with the display indicating that the incoming call was from "Mom." The officers answered and Mom gave them all the information they needed to place our bozo under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Camden, Arkansas, where bozo Troy Wade brought a bag containing $88 worth of nickels down to the local bank and asked the teller to change the coins into paper money. When she opened the bag, the teller discovered there was something else in there besides coins. It also contained a .44 caliber handgun. Our bozo hadn’t intended to rob the bank; he had simply forgotten about the gun in the bag. The teller told her supervisor who then called the cops. They searched our bozo’s house and found $16,000 worth of stolen property. He’s busted.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Barnstable, Massachusetts, where bozo Ahmad Mustafa showed up at the police station with a pair of handcuffs dangling from one wrist. He told the cops he couldn’t get them off after putting them on at a child’s birthday party. The officers were more than happy to help him remove them and while they were doing so, another officer ran our bozo’s name through their computer database. Turns out he had four outstanding warrants against him, including leaving the scene of an accident and making threats. Oops. They’ve placed a fresh new pair of cuffs on him.
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Charles Anderson went to the county jail to pick up his wife. Our bozo made a number of mistakes along the way. Number one, he drove a stolen truck to the jail to pick her up. Second, he parked it in a handicapped spot, which attracted the attention of one of the deputies. And, third, he left his crack cocaine and pipe in plain view inside the vehicle. Don’t know when his wife will get to come pick him up.
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 6789: When you’ve got it, don’t flaunt it. From Reno, Nevada, comes the story of bozo Ernest Dugan who stole a large amount of money while renovating a woman’s house. Flush with cash, he called his landlord, who also happened to be a police officer, and told him he had $50,000 and wanted to pay his rent several years in advance. Our cop smelled a rat and sent several officers to investigate. Our bozo was arrested when they found $90,000 in cash in his room.
Best of Bozo) From Stuart, Florida, comes the story of bozo Shawn Baker who tried to purchase a hot dog and a beer at a convenience store. When the clerk asked our bozo if he was old enough to buy the beer, he simply raised his shirt and showed her a gun tucked into his waistband. When she asked if the gun was real, he took it out and placed it, along with his ID, in the money tray under the protective glass. The alert clerk snatched the gun and called the cops while our bozo fled without paying for his hot dog and beer. To make the case even easier for the cops, our bozo called back about 30 minutes later and asked if he could stop by and pick up his gun and ID. Police officers were waiting for him when he arrived.