Recent Posts

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report. From Lackawanna, New York, comes the story of bozo Charles Parsons who picked the wrong time and the wrong place to peel out from a light and then make an illegal lane change. He did it in full view of a traffic cop who was right behind him. However, it was when he was pulled over that his troubles really began. First, the officer noticed an open container of alcohol in the front seat. Strike one. Second, when asked for his registration, he couldn’t produce it. Strike two. And when the officer wanted to see his driver’s license, our bozo handed him his water bill. Strike three! He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hinsdale, Illinois, where bozo Jason Carpenter held up a Dunkin’ Donuts, getting away with $167. Apparently, he slept on it and decided he really didn’t want to pursue a life of crime. The next morning he returned to the same Dunkin’ Donuts, approached the same clerk he had robbed the day before, and said he wanted to return the money. He handed her the cash along with a written apology and then asked for a hug. Awww….Unfortunately, there are no take-backs involved in robbery. Police identified our bozo from a security camera picture and he was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Adelaide, Australia, where bozo Tom Clark was showing off the power of his new car by peeling out from a red light. An officer spotted him and pulled him over, giving him a warning. But that apparently didn’t slow him down at all, as a few minutes later he was seen doing another burnout. It was where he peeled out this time that got him into trouble. He did it in front of the police academy during the graduation ceremony, which was attended by some of the area’s highest ranking officers. Ooops. He’s busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mesa, Arizona, where bozo Al Salas held up a bank, getting away with a bag full of cash. Unfortunately for him, a witness saw him run from the bank and into a nearby home. The police knocked on the door and who should answer but our bozo, who had made a quick change of clothes but still had shaving cream on his face from the beard he was trying to get rid of. Police took a look around and found the bank bag, three holdup notes and 26 pounds of marijuana. He’s busted.

Bozo criminals for today come from La Marque, Texas, where our bozos at least had good intentions. Bozo Michael Brown and his girlfriend Cheryl Higgs walked, or perhaps staggered would be a better term, into the police station. After the woman passed out in the lobby, our bozo told the cops that he thought they might need a ride home. Which would have been OK except for that little baggie of marijuana that was sticking out of one of his shoes. Oops. They’re busted.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 88765: In the Bozo World, if at first you don’t succeed, it’s best not to try again. From New York City comes the story of bozo Paul Rodriguez, who was being trailed by the cops after a botched bank holdup. Instead of laying low or just going home, our bozo headed to another bank, where he tried again to rob it. Bad idea. The cops arrived just as he was attempting the holdup. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Price Hill, Ohio, where bozo Joshua Nolan broke into a residence and stole a 42-inch flat screen TV. He made a couple of mistakes. Number one, he pulled the heist in broad daylight. Number two, his getaway vehicle was his bicycle. Number three, a neighborhood watch member used her cell phone to snap a picture of our bozo pedaling away, with one hand on the handlebars and the other balancing the TV on his bike. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Prescott, Arizona, where bozo Paul Cates hopped into a cab and, after arriving at his destination, told the driver he couldn’t pay the $32 fare. When the driver said he was going to call the police, our bozo then pulled a knife and threatened the cabbie. When the cabbie offered to take him to a bank to make a withdrawal, our bozo agreed and put away the knife. On the way to the bank, he changed his mind again and suggested that the driver just take him to jail instead, which the cabbie did. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from St. Louis, Missouri. Bozo Cheryl Higgs tried to walk out of a grocery store with $1200 in shoplifted merchandise but her exit was thwarted when she tried to leave through the "in" side of an automatic door. When the door wouldn’t budge, she pitched such a fit that customers and security personnel immediately realized something was amiss. She’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today goes a long way toward proving that bozo-ism may be hereditary. From Port Huron, Michigan, comes the story of bozo Matthew Clark who broke into a gas station, stole a pack of cigarettes and a six-pack of beer. He sat down and enjoyed the smokes and beer before calling 911 to turn himself in. And the reason he gave the cops? He told them his brother was in jail and he wanted to go and see him. He did go to jail, but wasn’t allowed to visit his brother.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reece for sending in today’s report. From Orlando, Florida, comes the story of bozo Tom Maloney who got into a dispute with his next door neighbor. We’re not sure what the argument was about but it got serious enough that our bozo put together a homemade Molotov cocktail and threw it at his neighbor’s trailer. Unfortunately, the wind shifted and three of our bozo’s own cars and his travel trailer were severely damaged in the ensuing blaze. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in today’s report from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Bozo Shawn Moore flashed a gun at a man in a convention center restroom and demanded that he hand over his cash. The man gave him his money and cell phone, but our bozo was apprehended almost as soon as he ran out of the men’s room. You see, the convention center was hosting a gathering of over 300 narcotics officers from across the state. Needless to say, he’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Kenny Perkey for sending in today’s report from Sacramento, California, where there had been a rash of broken windows reported in recent weeks, costing local businesses thousands of dollars to replace. Cops had no leads until surveillance cameras caught a white van near the scene of several of the crimes. And when the cops pulled over Bozo Arthur Cooke, they found a slingshot and a bunch of ball bearings inside the van. He had apparently been using a slingshot to shoot out the windows as he drove by. But what qualifies him as a true bozo is his profession. He owns a glass and mirror shop and was just drumming up a little business for himself. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today from Indian River County, Florida, made it really easy for the cops. He walked into a liquor store, picked up a bottle of vodka and told the clerk he wasn’t paying for it. As he was walking out, he told her he would be drinking it around the back of the store and if she wanted to call the cops, that’s where they’d find him. She did. They did…find him. They also arrested him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Moines, Iowa, where bozo David Welch walked into a Domino’s Pizza, told the clerk he had a gun and demanded money. He got away with $117 but was followed by two Domino’s managers who confronted him a short distance down the street and demanded he return the money. He told them he only needed $20 and gave them the rest back. He should have returned it all. $20 is still theft. The cops arrested him a few minutes later at his nearby apartment.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Springfield, Missouri. Most people know that when the traffic department places road cones across a roadway it means you should not enter. Apparently this fact was lost on bozo Jane Thomas who drove around the road cones and onto a closed exit ramp. She didn’t drive very far, however. The ramp was closed because fresh concrete had been poured on the road surface. A tow truck had to pull the stuck car out. Our "hardened" criminal has been arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Richard Boyle for sending in today’s report. From Chicago, Illinois, comes the story of bozo James Teel who would lure cash-laden victims by placing ads on Craig’s List for expensive cars and other items. When they showed up to view the items, he would rob them, taking cash, jewelry and expensive clothes. His plan might have worked except that he would then turn around and post pictures of himself wearing the stolen items on his My Space page. One of the victims spotted him there and he was quickly placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from El Cerrito, California, where bozo Anthony Carlson visited the Department of Motor Vehicles office to register his car. Which would have been OK except for one little thing. The car he wanted to register was one he had recently stolen. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Poplar Bluff, Missouri. Bozo Shannon Davis was in jail on burglary charges and since she didn’t have money for bail, she hatched our Bozo Scheme of the Week. She called her sister on the jailhouse phone and, ignoring the signs all around that said phone calls were monitored and recorded, came up with a plan to have her sister burglarize the store where she worked. The cops were in on the plan from the beginning and placed our bozo’s sister under arrest when she showed up to pay her bail with a fistful of stolen cash. They now have adjoining cells.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Portsmouth, England. We’re not sure, but it looks like allergies could be as big a problem in England this time of the year as they are around here…and that’s just what got our bozo arrested. Bozo Timothy McCain broke into a residence and got away with a television set and a jacket. He made a clean getaway except for one thing, a used handkerchief that he left at the scene. Cops were able to extract DNA from the hanky, which matched to our bozo, who already had several priors for burglary. He’s busted.